Some days you get the bear Chapter 2: Shake it off, a janet evanovich fanfic

This one goes out to MnGrammaX3. :-) She asked for a one shot based on Taylor Swift's song, Shake it off. I hope I've done it justice... Song lyrics are in bold.

Any characters you recognize belong to JE, Shake it off belongs to Taylor Swift. I don't make anything from this other than mistakes... (bummer)

I need to get out and dance. That's the best way to find a new man. Hopefully I can find someone with more money than brains, they're the best. Of course, I know what people will say about me, but do I care?

I stay out too late

Got nothing in my brain

That's what people say, mm-hmm

Sometimes I hate the Burg Grapevine. Those old hags don't know the first thing about how to have fun. At least I'm not usually the talk of the town. I'll leave that to Stephanie, thank you very much. Little Miss Perfectly Plum can't go a week without blowing up a car or rolling in garbage, and that's just fine with me. What's up with her, anyway? I mean who divorces a lawyer without taking him to the cleaners first? I did her a favor by boinking her husband, and does she thank me? Does she ever stop to think about what would have happened if she had squeezed out a few puppies before she found out what a jerk he was? Of course not. Instead, I'm the disease riddled skank that stole her man.

I go on too many dates,

but I can't make 'em stay

At least that's what people say, mm-hmm

that's what people say, mm-hmm

But I keep cruising

Can't stop, won't stop moving

It's like I got this music in my mind

saying, "It's gonna be alright"

Now she's got two of the hottest men in Trenton following her around like lovesick puppies. She should send me a Thank You note every year on the anniversary of her divorce. That's why I still love to get under her skin. Whenever I get bored, I go visit her cousin Vinnie and spend an hour playing petting zoo with him. He's fun, and every time I do that, he gives me her job. She really hates it when I bring in skips that she can't catch.

Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate
Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off
Heart-breakers gonna break, break, break, break, break
And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake
Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off

Aah, I can hear the music pounding through the club as I walk up to the door. The people in line watch with obvious envy as I bypass the line and walk in the door, giving the bouncer a kiss on my way in. That's right, bitches, nobody keeps Joyce Barnhardt waiting in line. I slink up to the bar, and within a minute, I hear the words I've been waiting all day for. "Can I buy you a drink?" I look over to see Mr. Short, Pale, and, well, you get the idea. At least his suit looks expensive. I'll let him buy me some booze and drool over the girls for a few minutes. I spent good money on them, and they've returned the investment many times over. Once I finish the drink, though, I'm going to feel the need to shake this loser off and dance.

I never miss a beat
I'm lightning on my feet
And that's what they don't see, mmm-mmm
that's what they don't see, mmm-mmm

I'm dancing on my own (dancing on my own)
I make the moves up as I go (moves up as I go)
And that's what they don't know, mmm-mmm
that's what they don't know, mmm-mmm

Oh, yes. This is exactly what I needed. The dance floor has been calling my name and it was long past time since I answered.

But I keep cruising
Can't stop, won't stop grooving
It's like I got this music
In my mind
Saying, "It's gonna be alright."

'Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate
Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off
Heart-breakers gonna break, break, break, break, break
And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake
Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off

Shake it off, I shake it off,
I, I, I shake it off, I shake it off,
I, I, I shake it off, I shake it off,
I, I, I shake it off, I shake it off

Ooh, over in the corner I can see Detective Morelli sitting at a table with Terri. She must have dragged him here, because that boy can't dance. Either that, or he figured there wouldn't be anyone here that would recognize them. I guess he and Stephanie are in another one of their famous "off" stages. Everyone knows that they break it off any time they get too close to having a mature relationship. I wonder if he even realizes that he's just keeping her sheets warm until she can finally land the mother of all single men. Of course, he's not exactly innocent, is he? She can't honestly think that Terri mysteriously just appears every time they need a break. He would have married Terri years ago if he wasn't a cop and she wasn't a mob princess. I wonder if either of those women would be surprised to learn that I know exactly how good the Itlaian Stallion is at strip searches, if you know what I mean...

Hey, hey, hey
Just think while you've been getting down and out about the liars and the dirty, dirty cheats of the world,
You could've been getting down to this sick beat.

My ex-man brought his new girlfriend
She's like "Oh, my god!" but I'm just gonna shake.
And to the fella over there with the hella good hair
Won't you come on over, baby? We can shake, shake, shake

I'm just going to keep dancing. I love feeling the press of bodies. Male, female, it doesn't matter, as long as they can keep up with me. This is the best form of foreplay, if you ask me. Speaking of foreplay, someone new is pressed against my back, getting very familiar. I dance with him for a while, not even bothering to look behind me and see who it is.

'Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate (haters gonna hate)
I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off
Heart-breakers gonna break, break, break, break, break (mmmm)
And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake (and fake, and fake, and fake)
Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off

I decided to turn and thank the guy behind me. If he's good looking, maybe I'll invite him outside for a quick round of 'up against the wall'. That's the least I can do after what he did for me right out here on the dance floor. Imagine my surprise when I find out that it's Vinnie. I know what he can do behind closed doors in his office, but I didn't realize he could dance, too. Too bad his wife has all the money in that relationship. Just as I was about to offer him a more personal thank you, I feel my eyes roll up in my head, and the lights go out.

When I open my eyes, I'm still on the dance floor, only now I'm looking up at a ring of faces looking down at me. The same song is playing, so I couldn't have been out long. Some guy offers me a hand up, which I gratefully accept. He pulls me to my feet, and I come face to face with Lucille. She gives me an evil little smirk and says, "Shake that off, bitch."