"Wait wait wait wait," Fionna said, her white-blond bush of hair bouncing back and forth as she shook her head. "Start over and explain it again, 'cause I'm pretty sure my brain just flushed whatever you were talkin' about right down the toilet."
Ice Queen sighed dramatically. "Again? Fionna, we're never going to make ANY progress at this rate."
"Aww, gimme a break, it's really distracting out here," she whined, sitting up cross-legged. The grass below tickled her bare feet, and the setting sun was casting glaring orange light into her eyes.
"No excuses bunny-buns, YOU'RE the one who suggested this spot," the queen reminded her as she cupped her hand around a nearby pool of magic and watched the energy waves saunter between her fingers.
"Yeah, and you very specifically told me, YOU SAID, to pick a place with absolutely no snow on the ground," Fionna retorted, plucking a handful of grass and tossing it. "I don't see no stinkin' snow here, d'you? At least gimme some points for my primo location-pickin' skills!"
"I suppose you were just following my orders after all," the queen conceded, stretching out on her side. "I don't think I've ever even seen this little oasis, anyway."
"It's a secret picnic spot of mine!" Fionna said with a toothy smile. "Sure, it may only be just a tiny pocket on the side of a tangly old mountain, and the only way to get here is by crawlin' on your belly and squishin' your bags through that bottlenecky tunnel part...but you'll never find grass more pillow soft, a lake more mirror calm, or a moonrise viewpoint more epic than right here, out over that ledge."
"Ooh, romantic to a fault," the queen crooned.
"Yeah, well...y'know, whatever puffs your floaties," Fionna said, turning away to force back the oncoming rush of blood to her cheeks. "Now shush up and go back to what you were saying."
"What WAS I saying?"
"You don't remember?"
"No, I remember. Did YOU forget?"
"Noooooo…".
"Fionna…".
"...yesssss."
With a loud sigh, the queen sat up again, pushed the hair from her face and held up her pointer. "Eyes on the finger."
Said finger rolled around, then plunged down slowly into the pool. Fionna batted the long tuft of hair away from her face again, genuinely trying to pay attention. Ever since she'd taken the tiara off, her hair had tried to revert back toward its original yellow hue, but got stuck halfway, and now remained significantly longer and paler than before, and this required some getting used to.
The queen glanced back up her expectantly. Fionna pursed her lips.
"...what are you gonna do with that finger, give me a wet willy?"
"Look at what I'm doing with the water," the queen said, a bit impatiently. "Or rather, look at what's NOT happening to the water when I touch it using magic from the tiara."
Fionna tilted her head. "...it's...not freezing?"
"Bingo. Why do you suppose it's not freezing?"
Her nose twitched slightly as she flipped through a few possible responses in her head. "...because it's too hot out here?"
"Because I'm FOCUSING my energy and I'm holding the crystallization process back," the queen said, taking notice of the sweat beads forming on Fionna's forehead. "I'm forcing the crystals to NOT form in their own natural pattern. This will be a very good focus exercise for you to start with."
"Pff...learning to make ice by NOT making ice?" Fionna said, with a roll of the eyes and another handful of grass.
"Learning how to control where the ice gets made and where it doesn't," the queen replied, struggling to dumb down her explanation. "I'm trying to explain how your crystal sword came out shoddy and misshapen. It's because while the crystals were still hot, they were still moving around and fell out of shape before I could cool them down and freeze them correctly."
Fionna considered this for a moment. "...oh, so maybe like when an ice cream cone starts melting and you have to do some careful tongue-fu action to keep it in shape so it doesn't dribble down onto your fingers?"
Ice Queen watched intently as a single bead of sweat rolled off the end of Fionna's nose and dripped onto her thigh. "...yes, actually. That's quite an astute comparison."
"Yiss!" Fionna cheered, clapping her hands together. "I think I'm finally getting the hang of your hybergobble science language...can I try it with the tiara now?"
"If you think you're ready to put it on again…".
Fionna inhaled slowly and glanced up at the tiara. She could already hear the raspy whispering calling out to her, begging even, for her to snatch it off the queen's head and crown herself with it again. Her body instantly recalled the sensations of its magic, from the tips of her toes to the brain in her head. Cavorting lights, the sharp smell of winter, the electric hum of the energies in the air. The feelings were all still fresh and frightening, but at the same time, they excited and enticed her. That excitement was not entirely unlike the first time Ice Queen had kissed her...
And she exhaled, opening her eyes slowly. "Yeah, I'm ready."
The queen pulled the tiara from her head with a deliberate, heavy motion and passed it to her. Its smooth frame was still cold to the touch. Fionna placed it gently atop her head, tucking the ends under the lip of her hat.
And all at once, the entire world lit up in sparks and bright flashes once again. Arcs of raw magical energy pulsed in her palms, leaving a frantic, prickling sensation, eager to be put to use. Her fingers started wrapping around the ball of light...
Wait, no! she told herself. I'm here to focus…
With a firm, concentrated effort, she raised a hand outward, extended one finger and plunged it hard into the pool. Immediately, the surface of the water began freezing, ice crystals spreading out in dedicated, concentric circles. She flexed her finger a bit, watching as the ice slowed down, eventually coming to a stop.
"Good," the queen said, watching intently. "Now you need to focus on the ice crystals themselves, and break them apart with your brain."
Fionna bit her lip and kept her finger taut while glaring hard at the ice. Sparkling pinpoints of light glittered back at her, piercing her eyeballs. She tried to shake it away and brought her face in closer.
"You have to focus hard, Fionna," the queen urged, sitting forward and clutching patches of grass between her fingers. "Keep your eyes on the edges of each crystal. Don't lose sight of them behind the lights!"
"I'm trying!" Fionna replied, a sleek new harmonic circling around her voice. The magic was bubbling deep inside her body, making more and more changes the longer she wore the tiara. She wasn't even aware that her hair had grown thicker and whiter than ever, her skin was glowing a pale blue like it had back in the dust cavern, and now even her voice was transforming.
Thoughts and memories of snow and flurries and blizzards passed by in a blinking instant as she grit her teeth and channeled all of her attention back into the ice in front of her. A white roar of rushing wind had formed inside her ears as she tried again to pull the ice crystals back into themselves.
"Concentrate, Fionna!" the queen shouted, louder than she had meant to. Fionna could hardly hear her anyway.
"I'm trying, shut up!" The crystals weren't trying along with her.
"Focus on the cleavage, Fionna!" Ice Queen shouted, lunging forward and pointing to a sheared rift in a single crystal of the ice. "That's the weak spot, start right there!"
She watched with even heavier breathing as Fionna's fingertip moved slowly into the correct place, and bit into her lip with a burning impatience. Easy now, Ice Queen, she told herself. Fionna's still completely new to this sort of thing. She hasn't mastered the element like you have. No one ever has. She's still new. She's still learning. She's...she's taking too long. I have to show her how to do it.
"Here, let me just show you…".
"No, hang on, I got this," Fionna replied in a voice that sounded like a wet finger on the rim of a wineglass.
"Let me do it, Fionna!" the queen shouted, pushing her way over, reaching out for the tiara. "You need to let me show you!"
"SHUT UP, JUST GIVE ME A FREAKIN' SECOND!" she screamed, dodging and casting a pair of ice shackles around the queen's wrists.
"FIONNA!"
"LET ME BE, YOU CRUSTY HAG!"
Enraged, Ice Queen pushed herself up on her shackled hands and swung her legs around in a wide kick, catching Fionna's midsection and throwing her to the ground. With another forward thrust, she broke free of the cuffs and threw herself on top of Fionna, snarling and shouting as she reached frantically for the tiara. But Fionna struggled beneath her, blasting out a cold wind into the queen's face and trying unsuccessfully to kick her off. She stopped when the magic lights all froze abruptly and fell to the ground as she felt the sharp sting on her cheek from where the queen slapped her. The roaring wind disappeared and the world returned to its normal hue.
With another swipe, the queen reclaimed her tiara and quickly settled it back on her head. Her breathing steadied, her heart calmed, her fingers relaxed their grip around Fionna's wrists. The feeling of lights dancing inside of Fionna's body faded away and winter's fury was replaced with the serenity of the springtime sunset. Her own chest stopped heaving. The stinging feeling on her cheek was the only sensation remaining.
And an awkward silence filled the air.
Ice Queen finally broke the eye contact, glancing down. "...good thing we're alone out here. People might see this and get some very strange ideas about our relationship."
Fionna groaned and rolled her eyes. "That's all you can say? Ugh, get your giganto butt offa me...".
"Sorry, it's an automatic response," she said, not sorry at all. She took a minute to sort out all the legs and slid off of Fionna's body to one side. "I probably shouldn't have gotten physical...but I got impatient."
"Ya think?" Fionna grumbled, pushing herself up into a sitting position. "And I woulda figured it out too, if you'd just given me like another meddlin' minute."
"Another minute and I might have passed out, Fionna…" the queen said pointedly. "You're forgetting that my life is directly tied to this tiara."
Fionna sighed. "Yeah, guess that's true...man, but I was so INTO it! I'm finally starting to see all those weird, super complicatey things you've been jabbering about, and I think it's kinda making sense now? I never even thought ice was anything more than hard water before I heard you talk about it. And now that I know you're not full of poop, I gotta say...you were right. Ice magic is pretty top-shelf!"
The queen couldn't hold back a smile as she looked away. How long now had she never even dared to hope that she'd find someone who would even acknowledge her passions, to care about and validate her life's achievements. She felt as though Destiny had finally given her a position to pass down her research and wisdom to a new generation, to be the respected teacher instead of the feared witch. To give instead of take. The feeling was almost completely alien...
"Now if only you could keep your focus long enough for me to teach you more," she said, pulling herself back into the moment.
"I knowwwww," Fionna replied, stretching out the word as she stretched her limbs. "It's just really hard to focus on what I'm doing when the crystals are so freakin' pretty though...not even to mention all these really distracting distractions out here, what with the heat and the grass and the...okay, I guess it's just all nature. I think I love nature too much."
The queen tossed her hair back and wiped her brow. "Are you really hot today?"
"Well, YOU seem to think so," Fionna replied with a sly smile.
"I MEANT why are you sweating so much?...though both are correct."
"I dunno, why are YOU sweating so much? Is it because YOU'RE super hot too?"
"You're on fire today, Fionna…" the queen said, rather impressed. "Wish you could've been that on fire with your training."
"Now that you mention it, I AM sweating an awful lot today," Fionna said, flapping the hem of the crazy makeshift outfit she still hadn't given a name to. "Gross. What's up with that?"
"Hmm...it's probably got something to do with you wearing the tiara," Ice Queen mused. "One side effect of wearing it is that your body becomes super-cooled, instead of the usual warmth you're used to. You should actually see your skin right now, it's a lovely pale blue."
"Heh, so now we're wearing matching outfits AND matching skin?" Fionna again pushed the oversized tuft of hair from her face and wiped the sweat from her forehead. "How do you even manage the heat, queenie?"
"I don't manage," she said flatly. "I surround myself with ice and snow, freeze my bumps off so I never have to deal with it. A queen who sweats in front of her subjects? Please."
"So what then, I gotta go live with you in the Ice Palace forever, versus sweatin' my face off out here and melting into a puddle of goop?"
The queen paused in thought for a moment, absent-mindedly picking up a clump of grass and tossing it aside. New thoughts had been unleashed and started running around inside her head. Thoughts that, in hindsight, she should really have prepared for. The look on her face slowly morphed from "mild confusion" into "oncoming train".
"...Fionna, this may be more complicated than I anticipated," she said hesitantly.
"Whatsa matter, you gettin' cold feet now?" Fionna asked, playfully jabbing at her arm.
"No, I really should have thought this through," she continued, brushing Fionna away and putting a hand to her forehead. "What are we going to do now that I've skipped ahead and gotten you started on the tiara?"
"Incomplete sentences, Miss Powder Puff. Lighten up and spell it out for me."
The queen shot her a glance, locking eyes. "Fionna...you're becoming an ice queen, just like me."
A silent moment passed before Fionna followed up. "Yeah, and? We talked about that already. You teach me wizardy ice magic biz and I keep you outta trouble and go on adventures and tell you how pretty your hair is and stuff."
"You're missing my point, Fionna, as usual" the queen continued, sharpening her tone. "The more I teach you, the more you're going to need to wear the tiara. Like I do."
"Like...to level up my skills?"
"Like to live."
Fionna stared back at her with a familiar skeptical eyebrow raised. "...you mean like when you did that freakout desperation thingy on me every time I snitched the thing off your head?"
"Yes, that. Did you think that was just me being a big old drama queen all this time?"
"Mmmm, kinda…".
"I explained this to you earlier, Fionna," the queen said, pinching the bridge of her nose. "The reason I've lived so long is because of this tiara. My permafrost bones still work only because this tiara keeps them alive under its ice magic. And how that I've gone and let you wear this tiara, your body's going to start needing it just as much as mine does...do you understand the situation now?"
Fionna frowned and carried on fanning herself. "Huh. Well I wish I'd known putting it on would mean I'd start sweatin' like a summer-lovin' piglet all the time. Ugh, you must be melting too, in this heat...wanna get out of here and find us some place to chill out?"
The queen cocked her head and raised one pointy eyebrow. "You're being uncharacteristically calm about this."
Fionna shrugged. "Yeah well, kickin' and screamin' isn't gonna help much is it? Just cause I'm sweating my lumps off doesn't mean I gotta make a big old scene out of it, like SOME people I know…".
"Fionna, I don't think you-"
"Hey, let's at least go find a shower or something," she interrupted, rising to her feet. "We're not far from Marshall's house out here. Let's go wake him up and see if he'll let me borrow his for a sec, so I can wash the stink out of my pretty new dress."
"Fionna…".
"Come on bubblebutt, up ya go!" She offered a hand.
The queen frowned and stared up at her for a moment, processing a dozen or even a hundred thoughts, and especially wondering if Fionna was just completely oblivious - or maybe deliberately oblivious - to the bad news she was trying to deliver. She decided to instead process the changes Fionna had already sustained from tiara exposure.
Her skin had certainly shifted much paler, and the usual cuts and scrapes seemed to have disappeared under a fresh layer of frost. Her trademark bunny hat had now merged right into her new hair color, and only framed her face along with the great, milky waves of bushy, soft hair pouring out from beneath it. But for all this, she still had Fionna's tough-talking baby face, eyes full of righteousness and curiosity, and that silly bucktoothed smile...for all the ways she had now started resembling the Ice Queen, she was definitely still Fionna first, and that seemed to bring a small measure of comfort now.
"Do I have penguin munchies on my face or somethin'?"
Ice Queen clicked back into the moment. "Sorry. I'm just...thinking about stuff."
"You're always thinking about stuff," Fionna replied, pulling the queen to her feet. "You should try emptying that busy brain once in a while. It's super liberating!"
"I can only imagine what it must be like to be you," she said sarcastically, brushing the loose grass from her dress. "And if you all you want is a shower, why don't you just jump in the lake right here?"
"Don't tell me to go jump in a lake!" Fionna huffed, punching her in the arm. "I wanna go take a nice cool shower, and I can even say hi to Marshall while I'm at it. Also I think there's a fish monster in that lake...not that I couldn't take him, I'm just sayin'."
The queen sighed and shook her head. "Fionna, if this were any other day, and if you were any other girl, I'd probably bind you in ice chains and FORCE you to stay here and do your homework...but since you've given me a lot to think about just now, I suppose I can grant you time for a quick shower."
"Yaaaay!"
Fionna pointed down toward a jutting outcropping of rock at the base of the mountain below them. "Marshall's house is sort of around there-ish. We can hike down there in like an hour, probably."
"Or we could get there in a few quick minutes if we take the Ice Queen express," the queen responded, stretching her arms.
"Huh? Like...fly over there?"
"Better than trudging along on foot in this heat."
"But, can you like...are you sure you're recovered enough for that?" Fionna asked, cautiously. "Cause you'd have to carry me...or, uh, let me wear the tiara again and teach me how to carry YOU…".
"No," the queen replied without a second thought. "I will carry YOU."
"You sure?" she pressed, tugging on the queen's wrist a bit. "It'd probably be good homework for me…".
"Now's not a good time for homework, though..." the queen said wistfully, gazing out into the dramatic glow of the sunset.
Fionna bit her lip and felt her eyes drifting up past the queen's suddenly somber face, slowly settling on the golden sparkle of the tiara. She felt her fingers twitch as she stared at it, and she swore she heard it whisper her name...or was that her whispering the tiara's name?
She tore herself away, releasing the queen's arm. What the heck was that just now? It was like my body absolutely HAD to touch the tiara or something...I don't NEED that thing! Not right now, anyway! I mean, it's freakin' cool as heck, and I defs wanna play with it some more, but it's not like I NEED it or nothin'...I'm not Ice Queen, for Grod's sake! I ain't THAT desperate…
...yet, anyway…
"Ready?" Ice Queen finally asked. "You don't have to pee or anything?"
"Nah," Fionna said, stepping behind the queen and placing her hands on her shoulders. "If I do, I'll just wait til I get in the shower."
"Fionna, that's disgusting!"
"Shaddup, no it's not!"
She hopped up and indignantly wrapped her legs around the queen's waist, and then wrapped her arms around the queen's upper body.
"Hey!" the queen yelped, struggling to shift her balance. "A little warning next time? And don't think I haven't noticed the cozy little handhold you've taken there…".
Fionna adjusted her hands slightly to gain her bearings, then pretended she wasn't blushing when she realized where they had been positioned. "What, that's just...a really convenient place to put 'em!"
"If you say so," the queen purred, automatically dropping back into her typical flirty nature. She took a moment to acknowledge somewhere in the back of her brain how innuendo and lewd humor worked like a defense mechanism for her. Whenever her thoughts started to get too heavy or too intense, she could just fall into the comfort of making dumb jokes about body parts and people's varying desires to touch them. The satisfaction of a successful tease gave her a small feeling of control or power, where overwhelming thoughts took that power away…
...but she made certain that that whole acknowledgement stayed securely in the back of her mind, for it too was a heavy thought, and more of those were the last thing she needed right now.
So with that, the queen knelt down, gathered up a jet of arcane energy, and sprung into the air, cold winds billowing out behind her like the tail of a kite as she surfed on the invisible ley-lines of natural magic in the sky. Fionna sat comfortably cushioned against the queen's pillowy bottom, and gave in to the urge to bury her face in the blanket of her hair.
The stomach-flipping feeling of soaring through the air brought back the foggy memories of her agonizing flight with Flame Prince several weeks ago. But this was a much different feeling. With her nose pressed against Ice Queen's powder snow hair, the scent of fresh winter slowly flowing directly down into her body, even her old scars didn't ache. These feelings of ice coldness all but numbed the old pain altogether, instead bringing about a new sense of peace that rushed around inside her.
And it wasn't like the fleeting, temporary peace from before. Not the hollow peace of a single victory in a bigger war. This time, she felt as though she had overcome her enemy in a way much stronger than sword and fist, not vanquishing the enemy, but transforming them altogether. She had won the battle through understanding, and even love. This was an honest and true sense of peace, a feeling she couldn't recall ever feeling before.
Could this have been one of those "absolutely perfect moments" she'd heard about?
Either way, the moment was soon over as the queen touched down near the sharp and imposing cavern that enveloped Marshall Lee's house. Fionna reluctantly hopped down off the queen's back and placed a hand on her shoulder, complete with a smile. The queen half-smiled back, unsure of the gesture but content to see Fionna happy.
"Alright then," Fionna said, straightening up and bringing herself out of her mushy feelings. "Let's get me un-stunk!"
She strode up to the front door and prepared to knock, but stopped short when she realized Ice Queen hadn't followed her. Fionna shot her a quizzical look.
"I doubt Marshall will be pleased to see me," she said, scratching her arm. "You remember, the Gumball incident and all that? I'll just stay back here so I don't embarrass you."
"Ooh, yeah…" Fionna said, twitching her lips. "Could be awkward...well you know what, nerts to that anyway! That was like, in the past and whatever, right? It's not like you're gonna do it again."
Ice Queen smacked her lips and crossed her arms.
"...you're not, right?"
"Oh for Glob's sake, of course not. Just knock already."
Fionna shrugged and again resumed the door-knocking position. No sooner than the first rapping sound of knuckles against wood than a hovering silhouette swung lazily around the corner of the house, greeting her from the shadows with an ominous, velvet tone. "What's a sweet little bunny rabbit doin' poking around the fox hole?"
"Oh! Hey Marshall!" Fionna said, tossing her hair tuft aside as she turned.
"Dude, what are you wearing?" he said with a snicker as he drifted into the light. "And what's up with this wild hair? Are you doing some kind of art piece? Like a pastiche of-"
He stopped short, then drew back into the shadows and snarled at the sight of "-ICE QUEEN?!"
The queen lazily waved a hand and leaned up against a stalagmite, arms folded.
"Fionna, you'd better tell me what's going on here," he hissed. "What are you doing with that...thing?!"
"Hey, hey, chill man!" she said, patting his arm. He clearly was not in the mood to be patted though, and snatched his arm away. "She's with me! We're all good in the wood here, I swear!"
"Oh great, and she's got you hypnotized too!" Shadows rippled and smoke curled around his fists as he pushed her to one side and leapt down off the porch. "You got a lot of nerve bringing her HERE, you lip-chapper!"
The queen frowned and automatically coated her hands in gleaming ice claws, but decided not to get up. Fionna had already jumped down beside Marshall anyway and was busily trying to push him back against the railing around the porch. Probably better to remain aloof…
"LISTEN TO ME, YOU SNOTBUCKET!"
Marshall turned to face her again, his eyes morphing from catseye slits back to normal and his forked tongue slowly retracting back into his mouth. "You're...you're not an ice zombie?"
"Of course not, garlic butt!" Fionna said, swatting him on the nose. "I'm Fionna!"
Unconvinced, Marshall eyeballed her, then shifted over to the queen, then back to Fionna. "...so what am I missin' then?"
"A very, very, very, very, very, very long story," Fionna sighed, counting on her fingers. "The punchline though, is that Ice Queen is gonna behave and is kind of also my girlfriend now."
Marshall's facial muscles didn't respond. "Ha."
Fionna put her hands on her hips and pouted.
His facial muscles dropped and his whole upper body slouched along with them. "...for serious? There's not an ACTUAL punchline coming after that?"
"Gimme a little trust here, dude!" she said, poking him in the chest. "Would I lie to you?"
"If it was funny, then yeah, you might...". He wiped his nose on his sleeve, gave the queen another once-over, then grunted in reluctant approval. "...nice dress, Snotcicle. You going to a party or something?"
"Thanks..." she said, cold breath steaming up in the late evening air. "I'm experimenting with a new look."
"Yeah? I'd call it sexy, but unfortunately the dress is on YOU, so…".
"Okay, enough of that," Fionna cut in, tugging on the neckline of her own new look. "Now that you got a couple cubes in your drink, let's get down to the biz. So me and Queenie here were just chillin' in the neighborhood and I realized I was hotter than a jacuzzi full of foxes in bikinis..."
Both Ice Queen and Marshall opened their mouths to insert a comment, met each other's eyes halfway, and decided against it.
"...so I figured I'd swing by and ask if I could pop in your shower real quick."
Marshall cocked his head. "...that's all? You're just gonna bring your most despicable, immortal enemy into MY front yard, bomb me with the revelation that you two are...test driving together, and then without further ado ask my permission to get wet and naked right in my own bathroom?"
"Yup!"
Marshall's gaze wandered off for a moment, his feet hovering off the ground subconsciously as he tried for a few moments to make sense of it all. When he admitted logic had clearly stopped cooperating with him, he just gave up and shrugged. "...yeah, fine, I guess. Knock yourself out."
"Cool, thanks!" she said, dashing past him into the front door. "You two just mingle for a bit while I crew my pits!"
"Wait, you're leaving HER with ME?" Marshall asked, sourly.
"Hey, behave!" Fionna said, firing an ice bolt at him...if she'd had the tiara, that is. She hadn't even realized that her hand had very automatically gone through the exact motion for it. She pretended she had just meant to point her finger anyway. "Besides, I know you can handle her if she gets weird...and she'd better NOT."
Ice Queen closed the zipper over her lips with a flourish and a flash of the OK sign.
"Good. B-R-B!"
And the thunk of the closing door remained the only sound echoing around the cavern for several moments as the two self-appointed monarchs stared awkwardly at each other, wondering where the conversation should even begin.
Marshall dug a finger in his ear, took a moment to survey the collected wax on his nail, then flicked it off into the shadows and stuffed the hand back into his pocket. "Soooo…guess I'll start the heartfelt confessions, then. Hi, my name is Marshall and I have absolutely no flapping idea what's going on here."
"It's not particularly complicated," Ice Queen said, stretching her arms. "Fionna and I have been through a lot of harrowing trouble lately, and after spending so much time together, we've somehow become an item. In other words, you missed your chance to get with all this right here."
"Puh-lease," he yawned. "You know I'm way out of your league, anyway…".
He hovered closer and frowned. "What I don't understand is how you, the Ice Queen, the big ugly BLEMISH on the face of this wonderful land we call home, managed to corrupt Fionna, the stalwart hero and reigning champion of undying goodness. That girl's stubborn as death, and she doesn't bend easy, if I know anything about anything."
"You know, I'll be honest," the queen said, staring up at the cavern ceiling above. "I don't even remember where along the way it happened...it wasn't even my original plan, really. It was supposed to be a game. A thrill. But actually, it's all started to blur together now that I'm thinking about it...".
Marshall raised an eyebrow. "Sounds like it IS particularly complicated."
"Hmph."
"And anyway, why's she dressed so funny?" he scoffed, leaning against the porch rail. "She's stealin' your goofy trademark look."
"Pah, an insult to my sense of style!" she huffed, quite sarcastically. "That abomination she's wearing is all that's left of my old dress after she ripped it to shreds."
He snickered in response. "Too much info, queenie...".
She gave him an exasperated frown. "Get your mind out of the trash can. At least she's wearing the proper colors for an ice queen."
"Oh-ho, say what?" he said with a grin. "So she IS stealing your look?"
"She's...learning to become an ice queen," she mumbled hesitantly.
The muffled sound of distant shower water was the only thing filling the pause that followed. Marshall's feet slowly descended back to the ground, and his grin slowly descended back into a weary, distrusting frown. His deepest guts had been nagging him all along that something was clearly not right about this whole thing.
"I knew it," he said through clenched teeth, shaking his head. "You ARE corrupting her!"
"Hey, it's not like I'm forcing this on her!" Ice Queen shot back. "She WANTS this! She insisted I teach her about ice magic!"
"That doesn't sound like Fionna," he spit, hands contracting back into fists inside his pockets. "...and all this sharing and caring garbage doesn't sound like YOU, either."
"Feh! You say that like you know me at all, Marshall," she said, red flags going up left and right around her. The atmosphere had thickened with a hostile aura, and the faint smell of burning metal hovered around her. The smell of trouble.
"I know enough," he said coldly, narrowing his gaze. "Why do you think I've avoided you all these years?"
Ice Queen closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I really don't need this right now, Marshall...WE really don't need this. Fionna and I have both been through enough lately!"
"Stop speaking for her!" he shouted, flying over to her, face-to-face. "And don't act like you haven't been the CAUSE of her pain!"
"Back off!" she retorted, pushing him away. "I'm not fighting over this! Not now!"
"Oh really?" he goaded, pushing back. "Come on, you old hag! Let's settle our score!"
"BACK! OFF!"
Marshall fell back as the wall of ice shot skyward, splitting the two of them apart. Through the translucent surface he could see the queen sitting on the ground, head in her hands and breathing hard. Fury and terror were mixed across her face, but it was clear she was in no mood or shape to fight back.
"Fine, whatever," he said, getting back on his feet. "Block the world out. Hide behind your ice. It's not like you can hide behind it forever. Even if you are immortal."
Ice Queen grit her teeth together, fingers still tingling with a magical charge. The air fogged up around her as she exhaled deeply. "...I guess that's the thing about immortality, isn't it?"
Marshall glared back at her.
"You can live forever without worrying about consequence to yourself," she continued, breathing slowly returning to normal. "You have all the time in the world to wait...but you can't just spend it all with your heart concealed behind a wall of ice, can you?"
"What do you know about hearts, anyway?" Marshall replied in a harsh whisper. "Even eternal life wouldn't be long enough an absence for my heart to grow fonder of you."
The words shouldn't have stung someone with a heart as permafrost as Ice Queen's, but they did nonetheless. She cursed under her breath, blaming the softening of her heart on the girl who'd torn open the walls around it.
She raised a hand, but instead of firing an ice bolt, she slowly relaxed each finger one by one, and a small rift began forming in the wall. "...I suppose I can't blame you for feeling that way, can I?"
He didn't respond, but listened.
"I've spent what feels like my whole life living alone without ever facing a single consequence," she continued, shaking her head as the cracks spread further. "Whenever consequences fought back, I would just hide behind my ice walls, shut out the world until I could convince myself I'd be okay, then do it all over again."
"A heart of ice to match," he mumbled, crossing his arms.
"Yeah, I get it," she sighed, watching the ice fracture deeper. "I can't make friends like normal people. I've done soul-punching things that nobody wants to forgive. And I'll never be able to UNDO any of them. I've spoiled all of it. I get it. I GET IT!"
She quickly rose to her feet and beat her fists against the ice wall, shattering it. Marshall ducked to avoid an oncoming shard of ice and snarled back at her. "Watch it!"
"I've been doing quite a lot of thinking lately, Marshall…" the queen said through grit teeth, ignoring him. "More brainwork than I've had to do in years. More than I'm even comfortable with. And you know why I've suddenly started wracking my brain so much lately?"
His eyes narrowed. Her brows furrowed.
"...it's all because of Fionna."
Marshall refused to tone down the tension just yet. "...what are you talking about?"
Ice Queen brushed off her dress, adjusted her bra strap uncomfortably, and allowed herself to regain her regal composure.
"I don't pretend to know if it was Fionna who developed a thing for me, or if I developed one for her," she said, weighing the options on her hands. "But it doesn't matter once your heart is made up, does it? The point is that we seem to have grown close...and now I'm worried."
Marshall blinked at her, unimpressed. "Worried you'll butcher it all up?"
"Oh I know for certain there will be butchering," she said confidently, as her natural air of self-importance slowly found its way back into her presence. "I thought I'd just made it clear how prone to bad choices I've been, historically. No. What I'm worried about now is the future itself…".
"Why?"
"Use your brain, Marshall!" she snapped. "Do you ever think about the future?"
"Pfft, why bother?" he said, brushing it away. "The future's never done me any favors. I only have to think about right now, and even then I don't have to do jack sprat about it! Future's gonna come no matter what, so why should I piddle away my time thinking about it?"
"Exactly, you don't have to think about it," the queen continued, testily. "I don't have to think about it either. Or I SHOULDN'T have to, anyway. Because you and I are immortal. Isn't that right, Mister Vampire King?"
"I'm kinda more of a vampire in the way I hate garlic and dance with the undead," he answered sarcastically. "But okay, sure. I don't have to think about it because I'm not gonna kick the bucket any time soon."
"Thank you," she replied, bitterly enunciating each sound. "So then, my POINT, Marshall, is that, from one immortal to another immortal, even a dandruff flake like you can understand the problem behind an immortal person developing a thing with someone who isn't…".
The taut evening air finally relaxed as Marshall sighed and allowed himself to sober up a bit. "...ugh, why can't it ever be NOT depressing to talk to you?"
Ice Queen only shrugged in response. "Do you get it now?"
"Sure," he said, carelessly falling backward into a reclined float. "So here's a dishing of my world-class advice: ...stop being depressing."
"Marshall, I'm being serious."
"Which is depressing," he corrected, closing his eyes and crossing his arms over his heart. "I'M the one who's being serious here. You gotta knock that junk off if you wanna be anywhere even near the city limits of Happy."
The queen snorted, crossing her arms and turning away. "Some help you are."
"What, you expected me to help a soft-serve freak like you in the first place?" he continued, drifting back into the shadows. "After all the grimy, turd-shuffling things you've pulled? Take a hint, O Witch of Winter...".
She didn't respond, just continued vacantly watching the edge of the sun sink into the horizon as it slowly faded the tint of the skyline from orange to purple. She could feel a cold burning behind her ears, and she could hear the pouring sound of energy in the air around her.
Marshall continued mocking her from somewhere near the porch. "Hey, what's the acronym for O Witch Of Winter? It's OW OW! Y'know? Like what people say when you don't get your way and you shoot your big old popsicle spikes right up their butts!"
Her fists clenched tightly again. She knew she shouldn't, but she wasn't in a mood to put up with any of the sass pouring out of Marshall's mouth today. The meditational breathing exercises she'd taught herself weren't doing much to help, and only encouraged her to breathe heavier.
"C'mon, whatsa matter, Ice Queen? That's exactly what you wanna do right now, isn't it? Shoot a big fat ice spike right into my juicy cheek-meats? My BUTT cheek-meats?"
The ice was already crystallizing around her hand.
"Here, I'll even give you a target you can't miss!"
She felt the tension snap as she whipped herself around.
All in one instant, everything went silent as the front door burst open, and a drippy Fionna wrapped haphazardly in a bathrobe with a massive tangle of dangling hair shouted, "'Sup nerds, you can stop talkin' smack about me now, cause here I-uhh...".
The massive frozen spike slowly retracted into the queen's palm as she lowered her outstretched hand. Marshall jerked his jeans back up, fiddling with the belt.
"...nice," Fionna mumbled, her expression trying to settle on an emotion between suspicion, laughter, and embarrassment.
"You didn't see nothin'," Marshall grumbled, taking a seat on the edge of the roof.
"Pretty fat nothin' then," she snickered in response, then switched to a more serious tone. "So I guess you two found somethin' to talk about while I was gone, eh?"
"Nothing important," the queen muttered, looking away.
"We were talking about what happens when you die, Fifironi," Marshall said pointedly, eyes on the queen. As expected, her head jolted back up so she could glare back at him.
"Die?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. "I thought you guys were gonna live forever, though."
"Well yeah, WE will," he said, pointing with both hands. "But we were talking about YOU…".
"Oh-ho, so I was right," she replied with a knowing grin. "You guys were talkin' smack AND plotting my murder, then figuring out how to divvy my spoils! Ya creepers."
"Nah, we're not that far done with you yet," he said, sighing as his expression turned somber. "But seriously, we were talking about how you won't live forever along with us."
"Sure I will," she said, matter-of-factly.
Marshall and the queen again exchanged looks. He shrugged and gave the floor to her.
"No, Fionna…" the queen said, quickly queueing up responses in her mind as she spoke. "You're a human, and humans are very mortal."
"How do YOU know?" Fionna challenged, hand on her hips.
"Because you're the only one left on the planet, you dummy!"
Fionna opened her mouth, paused, then proceeded with, "...okay, I see your point, but that still doesn't mean I won't live forever!"
"Fionna, what are you talking about?"
"I ain't no dummy," she replied, now taking a decidedly scholarly tone. "I understand what it means to be immoral."
Both of her audience members suppressed the urge to giggle.
"Marshall, you're a vampire or a demon or something, so eternal life is in your blood...or your eyes, or whatever. And Ice Queen, you've got ice magic pumpin' around inside that tiara keepin' you alive. Right?"
She hopped the rail, staying careful to keep the robe closed as she continued. "Now, I'm deffo not a demon vampire thingy, and I doubt Marshall or anyone can just make me be one by chompin' on my neck like in the movies."
"We can always test that if you want," he teased.
"I'm taken, babe," Fionna replied, sticking out her tongue. "But! Thanks to good old Ice Queen here, I'm learning how to use that ice magic stuff too! And if learning equals not sucking at doing something cool, plus ice magic equals eternal life, then simple logic must incinerate that I'm gonna live forever! Soooo, yeah! Thanks for that one, queenie!"
A pause trailed after her words, hovering uncomfortably between the three of them as if her companions could see a pink elephant standing right behind her, holding a dripping knife and grinning maniacally. Marshall finally hopped down from the roof.
"Fi, you musta failed math or something," he said, giving her a funny look. "There's two of you, and only one tiara."
"Yeah, see, and I was thinking about that...".
"Fionna," Ice Queen suddenly spoke up. "...do you want the tiara?"
"Excuse you, I was in the middle of a flippin' sentence," Fionna replied, wagging her finger.
"DO YOU WANT THE TIARA?" the queen almost shouted.
Fionna's hands returned to her hips. "...what's gotten into you, Frosty? You look like you got diarrhea or something."
The queen steadied herself with a deep breath and took a step forward. "Just like this flake here said, there's only one tiara. I can teach you ice magic, sure, but through continued use, you'll eventually come to a point where you can't survive without the tiara...just like me."
Fionna didn't respond, just kept staring at the queen. She heard whispers in the air around her, and an unseen presence was gripping tightly on her wrist. The queen was right, she definitely wanted that tiara...at least, her brain told her she wanted it.
"And what happens then?" Ice Queen continued, taking another step. "When we both can't survive without the magic of the tiara, what will we do? Fight over it? An ice magic duel to the death, for the prize of eternal life? Which, let's face it, would be a pretty one-sided battle that you'd be sure to lose. It may not seem like we'd ever come to blows like that now, but believe me, prolonged exposure to the tiara will inevitably, eventually bring us that far...".
Marshall watched curiously as he noticed tiny lights flickering around Fionna's body. She definitely seemed tempted by the offer of power, or at least that's what his special demon vision seemed to be picking up. Whatever forces were at work here were definitely not ones he should be interfering with, no matter how fun it might make things. This incident was between the queen and the hero, and it was absolutely dead serious. Now he wished he'd brought a bucket of popcorn.
"So I'm offering you, Fionna," the queen continued, voice growing more confident, more sure with each step. "Before it ever has to come to that. Do you want the tiara for yourself? Do you want to become the next Ice Queen?"
A tremendous swell of magic pressed into her body, filling up beneath her ribs and trying to force her forward. YES, the whispers told her, louder than whispers had any right to speak. TAKE IT. The rushing streams of energy swirled around her, pressurizing inside her limbs and threatening to sweep her off her feet. Her eyes opened wide. The light was loud and the sounds were bright. And everything felt heavy.
But Fionna opened her eyes wider, and planted her feet hard, and in a clear, firm voice, shouted "BUTTS TO THAT!"
Everything stopped. Except time. And gravity. And the wind. And her own breath. And Marshall and the queen.
"Ice Queen, what the heck kinda poopy deal are you tryin' to scam me with?" Fionna accosted her.
The queen stared back, confused.
"Haven't you been listening to me at all?" Fionna groaned, striding over to meet her. "Yeah, I wanna learn ice magic, mostly so I can learn crystal magic, mostly so I can make my new crystal sword! And that's all! I don't need to steal your throne or your kingdom fulla squishy penguins! What kinda girlfriend steals her girlfriend's throne?! The kind in your stupid sad-romance books? That jazz is dumb as a box of rocks with the pox!"
"So listen up, frostbite," she said, reaching up and putting a hand on her shoulder. "I don't wanna hear any more of that snarky malarkey, ya hear me? Don't talk like that to me again!"
The queen frowned. "Well, okay, fine...but we still have a problem, then."
"What problem?"
"You won't live forever, Fionna!" she shouted, this time putting HER hands on Fionna's shoulders. "Even if I do teach you ice magic, your body is still mortal!"
"...so what?"
Ice Queen put a hand to her forehead. "The sheer density of your skull never fails to impress me…".
"Thanks!"
"Listen, Fionna...how are we going to enjoy life together if I know one day you're going to up and kick the bucket anyway?"
Fionna frowned and cocked her head. "...you're thinking about THAT? That's like…a million years in the future, queenie. We got PLEEEEENTY of time before then to enjoy our lives together. Like, muchisimos años!"
"Muchisimos años isn't as many años as you think they are..." the queen said with a sigh. "Not to me, anyway. One day you'll just end up as another chapter in my big brain-book of stories to remember…".
Fionna turned back to Marshall, who'd slunk back up against the house, wishing desperately he could be anything other than a third wheel at this point. He simply shrugged and resumed trimming his fingernails with his teeth. Fionna grunted and turned again to face the queen.
"Look queenie, you gotta stop living in the future," she scolded, flipping the wet tuft of hair out of her face once again. "We're livin' in the RIGHT NOW right now, and that means there's things goin' on RIGHT NOW that you're gonna miss if your head's the future clouds all the time! If you wanna talk about whether or not I gonna die in the future, at least do it after we get us some memories worth talkin' about first!"
"...and what, just ignore the big picture altogether?" the queen said with a scowl.
"YES." Fionna said, enunciating the word with a staunch precision that even Ice Queen had to admit was formidable and fearsome. Fionna had spoken the word not as an opinion, or a suggestion, but as if it were a bonafide, living fact. She had spoken it the way the queen herself would have spoken the word. The answer was going to be yes, and that was all there was to it.
"...well...alright, then," Ice Queen finally responded as her composure found itself again. "I suppose YOU will have to teach ME how to do that."
Fionna's grimace melted into a grin. "You bet your bits I will! Now come on, we got some most to make of this right now!"
The queen sighed, then looked down at the ground, then finally slipped into a half-smile. She'd been beaten at her own game. She'd lost to the girl she'd taken on as her own personal challenge.
No. She'd LET herself lose. She'd finally admitted defeat. The game just wasn't worth playing anymore if the only objective was to drag the game out as long as possible. She'd lost because she'd stopped adding time to the clock.
And if she was honest about it, losing just didn't seem as horrible a fate now as she'd imagined it would be.
A slow clap came from the porch. "Brava, ladies!" Marshall said with a flippant flourish of his hand. "I'm SOOO glad you're seeing eye to eye again, like good girlfriends should. Also does that mean you're done here, 'cause I've got some barfing to do."
"ARE we done, Fionna?" the queen asked, holding the Fionna in question back, for Marshall's sake. "I've kind of used up all my energy for the day and I wouldn't mind going home myself."
"Hmmm," Fionna mused, rubbing her chin with one hand and playing with the drawstring of her robe with the other. "I coulda sworn there was something else I was gonna add to this convo earlier, before I saw Marshall's mallows…".
"I don't WANT you to add any more to the convo," the queen replied flatly. "Come on, it's time to go home. Do you have to use the bathroom before we go?"
"Of course not, I just took a…".
All at once, the entirety of the universe zoomed in on Fionna's blank expression as a single spark lit up inside the light bulb of her brain.
"SHOWER!" she shouted.
"Again?"
"What, no!" Fionna said, hopping up and down. "Okay, so like! I thought of something awesome while I was takin' a pee in your shower, Marshall!"
"When you were WHAT?"
"Showers are where I do my best thinking!" Fionna explained, flapping her arms excitedly. "Anyway, yeah! I actually DO have a solution for our terrible tiara troubles!"
The queen's face briefly lit up in anticipation, but mostly in the anticipation of hearing a hare-brained idea coming from a hare-hatted girl.
Fionna's grin spread like peanut butter as she said, spreading her hands apart for effect, "Why don't we just MAKE a SECOND tiara?"
She grinned at Marshall, who tilted his head up and scratched his nose thoughtfully. She grinned at Ice Queen, who blinked a few times and looked down at the ground.
"Great idea, I know, I know," she said confidently, with a bow for good measure.
"...explain it, then," the queen said, concentrating on a clump of grass below as she prepared to interpret the words to follow.
"Well, if we can use crystalisis to make a sword," she said, gesturing with her hands, "Then how hard could it be to use it to make a magic tiara too, right? Isn't magic just science spelled backwards or something? Wasn't it you who said that? No wait, maybe I read it somewhere...but anyway!"
Marshall tossed his hands in the air. "Sounds like technobabble to me."
The queen seemed a bit more stricken with the idea, though. "...I can't believe I've never actually considered that, to be honest. I can probably divine which crystal alloy or combination the tiara's body is made from...then, maybe with a few light and revelation spells, we MIGHT be able to unravel how it was created...that's...actually, that's quite brilliant, Fionna!"
"I'm just gonna sit here and gloat about it for a few minutes," she said with a bucktoothed smile made of pure gloat.
"Hmm, doable, yes, but…" the queen hesitated, running mental calculations in her head. "It might take an awful lot of time, and we'd need dozens of extra resources. Maybe if we rearranged the living room...or built some kind of laboratory?"
"Laboratory?" Marshall chimed in. "If you need a hookup, I just might know a laboratory kind of guy who could give you exactly what you need...".
Ice Queen looked up to meet his gaze, and in an instant she too knew a laboratory kind of guy who could help. Fionna stopped gloating long enough to join the gazing party, realizing that she too knew a laboratory kind of guy who could help.
"Do it!" she said, pumping a fist into the air. "Speakerphone!"
Marshall reached into his back pocket, and with a flick of the wrist and a fancy spin, tossed a small cellphone into the air and landed it face-up on the porch railing. He tapped the screen with his pinky three times, and the speaker suddenly hummed to life with a dial tone.
"Hello, Candy Kingdom Palace, this is Prince Gumball speaking!"
"Hey Gummypuss, it's Fionna and company!" she shouted excitedly before anyone else could steal the introduction.
"Fionna!" came Gumball's voice in a pleased tone. "A delight to hear from you as always! I hope you've been well, I was a little worried when you didn't check in after I last saw you."
"Well, you know me, always getting into some kinda crazy adventure or another, right? Ha ha ha!"
"Yes...yes I certainly do know that about you," he replied, no longer sounding quite as pleased. "Uhm...what's the occasion this time, then?"
"Hoo boy...you may wanna flour up your buns and have a seat, Pinky," she said, leaning on the railing and smiling wider than she had in months over at Ice Queen, who could only smile back. "...'cause what I'm about to ask you is probably gonna be the very LAST thing you'll ever have expected me to ask you...".