a/n – hello hello! I am back with the last chapter before the epilogue. I'm actually excited to finish this story and write some new things for y'all.

This was supposed to go up earlier today, but then I had an idea during my train ride from work and had to rewrite the last 25% of it.

You're coming back

And it's the end of the world

We're starting over and I love you darlin'

And I am done, dear

I want you – mitski

Friendship is a funny thing when you're in love with someone. You overanalyze every word they write to you, every lull in your conversation. You wonder if the way you ask them about their day makes your feelings obvious.

Friendship is also a funny thing when you have an inkling they might feel the same way.

Ginny reflects on this as she reads Harry's newest missive at breakfast. So they are friends and sometimes she wonders what it would be like to kiss him again, but that's no one's business.

Ginny's last few months as a Hogwarts student have been exactly what she expected. Most of her time is taken up with studying for her NEWTs, Head Girl duties, quidditch practice, and her classes.

A new addition to her routine is the reading of Harry's letters. She doesn't know where he finds the time, but he writes her almost daily, and she's always diligent in her response.

They never floo, unlike Ron and Hermione who use the fireplace in her Head Girl quarters to communicate. She usually makes herself sparse during these dates.

Ginny almost suggests it once, but she doesn't want to destroy the delicately crafted friendship they have built over the past few months.

So they go on. She gets his letter at breakfast and replies before dinner. He sends his response the next morning. Sometimes their letters are as simple as Ginny sending him an idea for a quidditch strategy she wants to run next practice. Sometimes his letters are pages long recounts of their latest training mission, at least the bits he can share.

If you had told her last summer that Harry Potter would send her daily letters telling her about his life, she would laugh. Now she just smiles as she reads his description of Neville falling inside a trap in the woods during one of their classes.

It's a Wednesday morning in early April. Hermione sits next to her as she's finishing the letter and starts buttering a piece of toast. There, at the end of the letter, is a sentence that makes her spill her tea on Hermione's books.

"I heard from Ron that he's going to join Hermione on the next Hogsmeade visit. Hope it's alright to see each other then?"

"Ginny!"

"Sorry," she tells Hermione and casts a quick charm to clean the tea off the table and Hermione's book.

"What happened?"

"Did you know?"

"Did I know…" Hermione prompts her.

"That Ron is coming to Hogsmeade and Harry is joining him."

"Oh, that."

"Well, did you?"

"Yes, Ron mentioned it. I had not said anything because Harry had not confirmed he was coming too. He must've gotten someone to cover for him."

"He asked if he could see me."

Hermione uncharacteristically slaps Ginny's arm in surprise.

"What'd you do that for!"

"You have a date!"

"No, I don't."

"What? Are you also too busy to date him?"

Ginny scowls at this. She knows what Hermione is implying. That she has been turning down every single boy that has approached her all year. First it was Rohan Gardner, a Hufflepuff in her year around Halloween. They did, however, snog (and she might've let him sneak his hand under her shirt) after the first Quidditch game of the year, which left her confused and unsatisfied. Then a 6th year Gryffindor had asked her out after Christmas and even a Slytherin for Valentine's Day. Ginny had turned them all down saying she already had plans each time.

"That's not what this is," she tells Hermione. Maybe if she says it more times, she will believe it herself.

"Ginny-"

"Hermione, we're friends now."

"Yes, friends who write to each other every day and that are incapable of seeing other people."

This catches her attention. "So… he's not seeing anyone?"

Hermione hesitates. "That's not for me to say."

"Fair enough."

"Its' not like he hasn't visited before."

Ginny, perhaps in a silly way, expected more frequent visits after he had asked her if he could come to Hogsmeade over Christmas. He was there for the first visit of the year, but he had not asked her then. They had all huddled around a table at the Hog's Head. "Better privacy, worse drinks," Ron had said. When Ron and Hermione had left them with the excuse of taking a walk around the village, despite the fact it was heavily snowing, some of their old quidditch team had walked in and joined them for the rest of the afternoon. By the end of it, her face hurt from laughing and they were sitting so closely together she could feel the texture of his jumper on her arm.

When Ginny had walked him to the apparition point, Harry had held her hand as he said goodbye and she could've sworn he leaned closer to her, but Ron had arrived in regular Ron fashion and interrupted them.

That was the last time they saw each other. Ron, however, had come every time, but she supposes he was supposed to given his relationship with Hermione. Harry has no obligation to her.

Her thoughts are interrupted by a couple of her friends who want to discuss Easter plans, but their conversation is in the back on her mind for the rest of the day.

"Of course! Thank you for giving me an excuse to avoid my brother and Hermione."

She replies to Harry that night.

Saturday dawns gloomy and grey and Ginny spends a solid 30 minutes going through her trunk deciding what to wear.

After much debate, she chooses fitted black trousers and a fitted green blouse that shows just enough cleavage that it would incite a comment from Aunt Muriel. And if she spends ten minutes more than usual brushing her hair and applying light makeup, well no one needs to know that.

As the students make their way down to the village with Ginny, the Head Boy, and a few professors, she starts rehearsing how she's going to greet Harry, which she knows is useless.

Hermione catches up to her and they make their way to the Hog's Head to meet the boys.

Upon entering, they are met with the same dingy interior she has now known for years, but now it's a comforting sight.

A yet more comforting sight is her brother and Harry sitting at a table at the back.

As soon as he sees them, Ron runs to hug Hermione. Ginny thinks she hears him say he missed her.

"Yes, yes," Ginny says mockingly rolling her eyes. "Greet your girlfriend, forget about your sister of seventeen years, I suppose."

"Come here, you!" Ron engulfs her in a hug. Somehow, he smells like the Burrow even if he hasn't lived there in months, instead sharing a flat with Harry near the Ministry. The smell makes her miss her parents.

In her periphery, she sees Harry and Hermione talking. Ron breaks the hug.

"Hi," Harry tells her. It feels odd to see him in person after writing so much to each other. She should be able to hug him and greet him like good friends do, but the best she can do is say hi and touch his arm.

Ron orders them all pints and they spend an hour talking about training and class.

Ginny stands to use the loo after some time and when she returns, the three of them are having a conversation in whispers where Ron and Hermione are talking and Harry just keeps shaking his head.

"You know," she says sitting down. "I appreciate Aberforth's commitment to the look of this place."

"Perfect date spot if you ask me," Ron replies finishing his pint.

"Ginny wouldn't know," Hermione says in what she probably intended to be a whisper, but it's much louder. Harry chokes on his beer.

Ron stands and takes Hermione's hand and starts walking away. "Alright, going to snog my girlfriend. Bye, you two!"

"Ron!" Hermione is giggling. Giggling! Ginny thinks that being in love really has the same effect on everyone regardless of intelligence.

"Your brother's subtleness should win awards," Harry says.

"Yeah, well," she responds. "He's a Weasley after all, we're not exactly known for being delicate."

Harry smiles at this and looks down studying his cup. She takes this time to examine him. He's wearing his Auror robes and he looks clean shaven. His hair is somewhat tame. Ginny resists the urge to reach across the table and ruffle his hair. Or maybe just the urge to run her hands through his hair like she used to.

"Do you want to take a walk?" He asks suddenly.

"Alright."

They head out and make small talk about her parents. Harry tells her he's been having lunch with her Dad at least once a week at work. It makes her oddly happy.

After some time, Ginny realizes he's been guiding her through the less busy streets and now they're at the edge of the forest in the outskirts of Hogsmeade. She gains the courage to ask what she has been thinking about since he said he was coming.

"Harry?"

He hums in response.

"Why did you ask me if you could come visit me? You didn't last time."

He turns and moves towards one of the trees and gestures for her to sit down.

Ginny is about to remind him of the question when he finally answers.

"I didn't know if I should. Or if you would want me to. I had asked you if I could visit before and then I did and that was it."

She can't help but feel like there's more.

"I'm glad you asked," she says. "But you don't have to ask me. I promise I'll always want to see you."

"Yes, Ginny, great way to not make your feelings obvious." She thinks.

He nods. "So, when do you hear back about your tryouts?"

She spent a weekend in Holyhead in March for the quidditch tryouts. After many rounds, she made it to the final and is now awaiting the reply. Ginny hopes it'll arrive before her NEWTs, so there will be less riding on her results, so she tells Harry that. Perhaps she was too arrogant and should've tried for more teams.

"I'm ready to buy season tickets to come see you," he tells her smiling.

She tells him more about the tryouts, despite having already narrated most of the weekend in her letters to him.

"Ginny…"

Harry has a serious look on his face and she braces for what he might say.

"The real reason I asked you if I could come today," he says and takes off his glasses to clean them. "I've been seeding someone."

This is it, the moment she knew would arrive at some point. He said they couldn't be together, not that they couldn't see other people. Maybe this is why Hermione avoided the topic when she asked.

She says "oh" and wills her body to be still. She's going to tear her hair out.

"No!" he says suddenly and Ginny meets his eyes. "I don't mean dating, that's not what I meant. I meant like-"

He looks like he has forgotten how to speak.

"I've been seeing a mind healer. Since the start of the year."

"Oh," she takes a deep breath. "That's really great, Harry. Has it been good?"

"Yes," he extends his legs in front of him, visibly relaxing now. "I think it's too early to tell, but I think it's helped. Your Dad suggested it actually."

"I'm really glad you have gotten closer to Dad, Harry."

"Thank you," he replies. "It's really been nice to talk to him more. I've also been coming to the Burrow for dinner more. Ron started dragging me and now I think I will offend your Mum if I don't go."

Ginny wants to ask him more about the mind healer but doesn't want to intrude. Thankfully, Harry volunteers the information.

"Healer Khan," Harry starts. "He's given me…sort of assignments. To help me. Writing you and being here are part of it."

"I'm your homework?" she jokes, but she feels dizzy.

"Ginny," he starts. "Last summer, you called me a coward and told me I was scared-"

"I shouldn't have said that-"

"No, I deserved it. I was a coward. And I was -still am- scared. After Christmas when your Dad saw us and he asked about us, I kept thinking about what my answer would've been if I had kissed you like I wanted to that night."

This is it; this is how she stops breathing.

"There's something I didn't tell you. When your father said he trusted us and that I would have a place in your house no matter what happened between us, I told him nothing was going to happen."

Her chest sinks in.

"He told me he wasn't going to ask what I meant, but that he hoped I would let myself be happy. And that's what I've been thinking about. Maybe I don't want to let myself be happy. So I spoke to your Dad and asked him what he meant."

"What did he tell you?"

"That I carry a lot with me and maybe I need to examine it all," he answers and she feels him shifting closer to her. "So I should consider talking to someone. About us, about my parents, my childhood, Voldemort, about my life...all of it. I probably will be seeing Healer Khan until I'm 50."

She laughs at this and he continues.

"So I started seeing him. His office is in muggle London and I see him on Monday and Thursday nights. Sometimes after I see him, I get a headache, but it's been good. It's not easy. He said I don't have to go twice a week forever, but it works for now."

She dares hold his hand between them and he squeezes hers.

"I hope he helps you, Harry," she says truthfully. "No one deserves to be at peace more than you."

He nods. "I spoke about you on our first meeting. I didn't even notice, I just said your dad had suggested it and then started speaking about you. Don't tell Ron you were the second Weasley that came to mind."

"I knew I was your favorite."

"Ginny you're...Last summer I told you how much I think about you and that has not changed."

"Harry-"

"No, please let me finish."

"He asked who you were to me and I couldn't answer, because I couldn't let myself think about it, or I would go back on everything I said last summer. So he asked me again and this time he asked who I wanted you to be to me and then I couldn't shut up."

She listens.

"So when I came to see you in January, I realized I wouldn't be able to stay away if I continued visiting," he confesses. "That's why I've only been writing. And writing you has been…has been amazing like getting to know you all over again."

"I love your letters," she tells him. "The way we write to each other, I never thought I would feel so comfortable putting my thoughts down like that again. But I do with you."

"Ginny," he says. "For the first time in my life, I have a home, I have security, I have people who love me, I don't feel like everything I love will disappear or be taken away. I think I'm…not happy…that's not the word, I'm content."

"And is that enough for you?"

He shakes his head.

"Healer Khan asked me to make a list of things I want to work on or accomplish. I started writing it and there was not a single part of it where I didn't picture you there. So we agreed we would work on all my issues, which are a lot to be quite honest, but I needed to fix my relationship with you while I'm working on myself."

Ginny's head is too full of thoughts and suddenly April feels too warm and her shirt is too tight.

"Ginny," he's holding her hand close to her chest now and she can help his chest rising. "I don't know if I will ever let myself be fully happy, but I'm trying. And I want to try to make you happy too."

She thinks she's nodding, but there's also a possibility her head and her limbs have fully detached from her body.

"I understand if you need time to think about this."

"Harry, what are you really saying?"

"I…I think I'm in love with you."

"You think you're in love with me?"

"No, I know I'm in love with you. And I don't know if you're seeing someone. Hermione said you weren't, but I don't want to assume."

"I'm not," her thoughts are going too fast.

"When we kissed last summer, you said we wouldn't speak about it again. But I think about it so much. Really it makes me sick sometimes."

"Thinking about kissing me makes you sick?"

"Yes, sick with wanting to kiss you again and fighting with myself not to tell you."

She's a Gryffindor damn it all. "You could always kiss me again."

He turns towards her and she closes the distance. Kissing him feels like last summer and the year before that, but better. It's lighter, not the matter of the kiss, but their circumstances. They are kissing and it doesn't feel like the end of the world anymore.

"I love you too, you know?"

"I think I do," he tells her pulling her close to him again.

"Now what?" she echoes his words from last summer.

"I don't know," he tells her. "I wish I could say it'll be easy, but maybe we can take things slow. I suppose now we continue writing and I come visit you. And come June you graduate and I graduate, and we get to go on proper dates and maybe your brothers won't kill me."

"I like the sound of that. A lot."

She has ended up on his lap and this isn't what she imagined their getting back together would be like. They've now been broken up for almost two years, but she wouldn't have it any other way.

"Oh!" She remembers suddenly. "What were Ron and Hermione saying when I went to the loo?"

He looks confused by her question. "Ah," Harry answers. "I told them that Healer Khan thinks I don't believe I should be fully happy. And they both agreed. Your brother said and I quote 'mate, I love you like a brother, but you can be a miserable bastard and also you need to realize people will continue to love you regardless of what you think should be getting'. And here we are now."

"I guess love has made him wiser."

There will be so much more to talk about. So much to confront and find comfort in. For now, they kiss some more and then they hold hands as Ginny walks him to the apparition point where her brother and Hermione give them a knowing look.

In a month, Ginny will sign her offer to join the Holyhead Harpies next season. In two, she will graduate from Hogwarts and her mum will exclaim she's the first one to graduate since Percy, so she deserves a big party. In four, she will move into a little flat in Holyhead for one year and her life and Harry's will become so intertwined that their belongings will be split between both flats. She will no longer have to wonder what it would be like to kiss him again.

For now, she returns to her dormitory feeling hopeful and more than content.