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Mask'Charade 31, Beautifully Flawed

BPOV

Alice and I have papers scattered all over my living room floor. It's been a few weeks since I've I left my position at New Heights, and I'm now completely devoted to getting the restaurant prepared for it's grand opening. Jill was less than happy, but supportive about my departure. She understands the need for women to be independent and successful and to follow their dreams.

It's been a hectic couple of weeks, placing ads in the local paper and taking numerous calls from prospects interested in working at Nonna's. I've barely had time to catch up on my normal life. I know I need to pace myself being pregnant and all, and there's still the issue of Edward and me. We haven't spent much time together since the major breakthrough we had a few weeks ago. Almost everything has been about business. He's been working overtime, getting his wine collection shipped from Napa, along with every day office work. We've been doing a lot of videophone chatting at night.

"Okay, interviewing process." Alice sighs heavily. "I've categorized the applications into two piles. Wait staff here and cooking staff in this pile." She gestures between the stacks of papers, then rests back against the sofa.

"Alice, you are a godsend. Whatever I can do to repay you for everything you've done for me, you name it and it's yours."

"Hmm…" She taps her chin in thought. "…to be named later?"

"Deal." I smile and mimic her position, blowing my hair off my forehead.

"So, this is really finally happening, huh?" She looks over at me.

"Looks like it. I'm so excited and exhausted. I still have so much to do. Edward has been engrossed with getting everything squared away on his side, along with running his own company. I feel so badly, burdening all of you."

"I'm sure a burden is the last thing Edward thinks you are, and you know where I stand. You're going to need all of the help you can get, especially with the baby coming…." She gazes at me with concern. "I know the two of you are becoming closer. Do you feel more confident about telling him about the baby?"

I exhale wearily.

"Zero confidence, but I know it's not going to get any easier, the longer I keep it from him. Part of me just wishes he remembers it in one of his memory flashes."

"That would be helpful, I guess. Has he been remembering more?"

"Bits and pieces, but I'm grateful for any memory he recovers."

She nods, but looks apprehensive about questioning me further. That's the last thing I want or need. Alice has always been honest with me. It's one of the things I cherish most about her friendship.

"Alice, please, if you have anything to ask, you're welcome to do so. As my friend, I rely tremendously on your honesty. Please?"

She smiles, and covers my hand comfortingly.

"It's nothing. I just want to see you happy, the two of you. That's all."

"I think we're finally taking steps in the right direction to ensure that happens." I return her smile, as we share a hug.

I haven't told Alice about Edward and me sleeping together, because I know exactly what would be going through her mind. If I were honest with myself, she'd have every right to those thoughts. Things happened rather spontaneously that night, and also very intensely. He was gentle, deliberate, as if savoring the moment. Then there were moments when he became passionate and distracted. At times I'd thought Ned's personality was surfacing, but never mentioned it to Edward. I'm not naïve about the situation I've entered into, but my love for him is so dominant, that any logical thought seems like a moot issue. I want to be with him, in any capacity. I know it's not the best approach to have, dealing with this, but right now it's all I do have; something that's beautifully flawed.

"I just thought of it." Alice pulls back from our embrace, and looks me in the eye. "A way you can pay me back…"

"Name it."

"Well two ways."

I narrow my eyes at her, waiting, knowing this is going to be good.

"Consider Jasper for the position of bartender at Nonna's…"

"And the second?"

"Consider me as the baby's godmother."

I shake my head and grin broadly.

"Done and done."

She squeals happily and throws her arms around me once again.

"As if you had any doubt." I laugh and return her embrace.

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This morning I have an OB/GYN appointment. I'm officially weeks into my second trimester, and I'm having a routine checkup to make sure things are progressing as they should. I've been reading tons of baby books, and if they're accurate, I'm experiencing all the trials and tribulations associated with this period of a pregnancy. Memorable milestones are what veteran moms call them. I'm truly in love with this little peanut, and I'm sure by the time I give birth that love will multiply times infinity. I'm relieved, though, that most of the early symptoms have subsided. Tender breasts, and puking into toilets are very low on the milestone list.

"Good morning, Bella. How are you feeling?"

"Well as can be expected, I guess, Doctor." I say weakly.

He frowns, as he presses firmly on my lower abdomen. "You're taking your medications as prescribed, yes?"

"Diligently." I chuckle. "I just meant the joys of pregnancy; if you discount morning sickness, chronic exhaustion, oh and my increasing gluttonous appetite, I would've answered that I'm perfect."

"Well, all pregnancies are unique in their own way. My wife had absolutely no morning sickness with either of our children. You're about nineteen weeks, so most of the morning sickness should be letting up by now?"

"Yep. Oh, but have I mentioned that I now also have the bladder of a squirrel?"

"I'm fully aware of the joys of pregnancy, but perfect is a bit of an exaggeration. None of us are really ever perfect, Bella, not even beautiful, glowing expectant mothers with the bladders of squirrels." He laughs heartily, but suddenly turns serious. "Having said that, I wanted to express my sincerest apology for what happened at your last visit. James and I were having a conversation at a dinner party. He made it seem like the two of you had worked everything out and were more than committed to reconcile because of the baby. I just assumed-"

"It's alright, Doctor Schwartz. I know just how cunning James can be, especially when he wants something. He would've found out about my visits, no matter what. I don't hold you responsible." I interrupt, sensing how terrible he feels about letting my appointment date slip out to James.

"Well thank you, Bella. You're very kind." He smiles, pulls my gown back down and takes a seat on the stool next to the exam table. "Any more dizzy spells?"

"No, but…I'm not really showing yet. I mean my tummy is definitely firm, and a little swollen, but should I be worried that I'm not really…" I caress my stomach for effect.

"As I said, all pregnancies are unique, and from what I can see everything seems fine. Don't worry too much about showing right now. I've had some patients not show until twenty-one weeks. I say, enjoy this time, because it can change remarkably in the matter of just a few weeks, and then you'll be telling me that you've gained entirely too much weight and complaining about stretch marks."

"Yeah, I totally forgot all about those." I say quietly.

He nods. "I'm sure, but anyway, you're vitals look good; blood pressure is stable, iron levels are satisfactory. What would you say if we have a sneak peek at your son or daughter today, just to make sure the little one is doing okay and behaving as he or she should?"

I'm almost stupefied by his question. I hadn't expected for those to be the next words out of his mouth, and he can tell by my expression that he's caught me off guard.

"Well, Bella, are you ready for your first ultrasound?"

"Um…yes, of course." I respond enthusiastically.

"I thought you'd like that. Relax, and I'll be back shortly." He says and leaves the room.

I rest back on the table and exhale. Words can't express the level of excitement I feel right now. I smile, anticipating seeing my son or daughter for the first time.

My son or daughter. Wow!

I haven't even thought about which I'd prefer. I always hear expectant parents voice that the sex of the baby doesn't matter to them, as long as the child is healthy. I would definitely have to agree, but I I'd always wondered if there was a little part, deep down inside, that was holding a mini cheering section for a particular gender. I know there is for me.

I sigh heavily, as my happy thoughts falter, thinking about not having Edward here to share this experience with me. I want him here so much, and the more days go by, the harder it gets to tell him the truth.

Doctor Schwartz returns, rolling in a rather huge piece of equipment. He gets it all set up and switches it on. I watch, as it roars to life with lights and whirring sounds.

I frown when I see him preparing to administer the ultrasound screening himself.

"Isn't the sonographer going to…?"

"Unfortunately she had an emergency and had to leave early, but I can assure you that I'm more than qualified, Bella. Relax." He smiles warmly, and I do as I'm told.

He adjusts the stool and takes a seat, before rolling across the floor to me. He rolls up my gown once more, and squirts clear, cool gel on my stomach. He apologizes, when he notices me shiver. He presses an instrument to my stomach and begins to move it around.

"Let's see what going on." He says and turns a knob on the machine, causing the volume to increase. We both gaze at the monitor. I have no clue what I'm looking at; all I see is a black and white distorted image. Doctor Schwartz continues to move the probe around and suddenly a rhythmic, hollow sound fills the room. Doctor Schwartz turns to me with a smile.

"Oh my goodness." I clamp a hand over my mouth, as I gasp happily.

"That's your baby, Bella. Listen to that heartbeat; strong as a horse."

I stare at the image on the screen; my baby. I'm overcome with emotion, as tears well up in my eyes. Doctor Schwartz continues to smile and plucks a tissue from the box, handing it to me.

"This part never gets old." He sighs contentedly.

After a few more moments of me shedding tears of joy, Doctor Schwartz begins to explain in detail what we're looking at; from teeny, tiny fingers, toes and organs, to the enormous sized noggin he points out. We both get a laugh out of that.

"Don't worry, Bella. I can assure you the rest of his body will catch up."

"His?" I look at him, eyes widening in surprise.

"Oh, well, not officially. I'm just speculating, of course, but…we can give it shot, if you would like to know. It depends on the little one really."

He moves the probe around a few times. His wrist stills, as I watch him nod, and he turns to me with a satisfied look. "Seems like we have complete cooperation. Would you like to know the sex of your baby, Bella?"

My heart thumps wildly in my chest, as I sit up excitedly. "You can…you can tell already?"

"Absolutely. I can also pinpoint a more conclusive due date. Just say the word."

I let out a tiny gasp, and my smile broadens, as I stare at the monitor. This is the most amazing moment of my life. I can't imagine anything being more thrilling than this. Except for one thing.

"Um…Doctor, is it possible for me to learn the sex of my baby later?"

"Sure..." He says hesitantly, and switches off the machine. "…I was just sure you would want to know, even though a lot of parents choose to be surprised. I hadn't gathered that about you."

"I know, and I want to know badly, believe me, but it's something I want to experience with the father. I want us both to share in that joy. I just hope he will be as happy as I am, when I give him the news." I respond, disheartened.

"I understand. I have to admit, you seem more confident about who you're waiting to experience this news with."

"I think hopeful is a better word."

"I think whoever the father of this child is will be extremely happy, Bella. Babies have a tendency to bring out joy and happiness, no matter what the situation."

"From your lips to God's ears, Doctor."

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I lie awake, not able to take my eyes off of the sonogram picture. The corners of my lips lift into a smile, as I trace the outline of my unborn child. I know Doctor Schwartz is right. This baby will be loved, no matter what the situation is.

It's time for me to tell Edward the truth, and why I've kept it from him. I can no longer hope that he'll remember. Since we're trying to move toward some kind of future together, he has to be told. It's not like I will be able to keep it from him much longer, anyway. I just hope and pray my revelation doesn't do what his aunt says it will, and what's more, I hope it doesn't destroy what we've just managed to find again.

My finger ghosts over the due date at the bottom of the sonogram, as a stray tear trickles down my cheek. I'm more certain than ever who the father of my baby is.