It was late when they got home, Adachi figured somewhere in the early morning, but he wasn't certain and didn't feel like checking. He held Souji close in a hug as they stumbled into the house, exhaustion overpowering their bodies as they slipped out of their shoes, Adachi locking the door as Souji dragged himself inside, disappearing around the corner into the kitchen.
Adachi sighed in the heavy silence, tossing his keys onto the living room table, absentmindedly scratching the bandage on his cheek, stopping when Souji stepped in front of him, grabbing his wrist.
"Don't," Souji muttered, pulling Adachi's hand to his side. "You don't want to make it worse."
Adachi pouted. "It itches," he whined, before his features softened in concern, brushing stray hairs behind Souji's ear. "Are you okay?"
They hadn't bothered turning on any lights, and Adachi couldn't help but feel helpless at Souji's tired and distant expression. Souji was quiet for a long while, before grunting in reply and turning away, stalking off into the bedroom without a word. Adachi sighed again, rubbing his hands through his hair in exasperation, slowly following the younger man. The sound of running water cornered his ears and he peered into the bathroom, Souji with his hands gripping onto the edge of the sink as he stared into the mirror, his face dripping with water. Throwing his shirt onto the floor and sliding out of his pants, Adachi threw back the blankets on the bed and grabbed the plates from their breakfast, quickly dropping them on the counter in the kitchen.
He stepped back into the bedroom, pausing as he peered back into the bathroom. Souji hadn't moved, continuing to grip so tightly on the sink his knuckles were turning white, the younger man merely watching himself in the mirror as the water ran. Adachi walked up behind him, pulling him into a soft hug, resting his forehead on Souji's shoulder.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, voice cracking past their quiet conversation.
Souji didn't respond, Adachi moving with him slightly as the younger man leaned forward. Adachi could feel he'd lowered his head, and his body had started to tremble. Adachi grit his teeth, pulling his boyfriend closer into the hug, as if it could stop Souji from crying. It tore him apart to see the younger man upset.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Souji," he repeated, and he could feel tears welling up in his eyes as Souji sobbed, heartbroken and frightened gasps and chokes trembling out of him.
It didn't take long before Souji's cries overpowered the sound of the running water, the younger man's knees giving way. Adachi carefully sat him on the floor, turning off the taps before kneeling back down to the distraught man. Souji pulled him into a heavy hug, crying heavily into Adachi's shoulder, digging his nails into his bare back like the world was gonna collapse if he didn't.
They sat like that for what seemed like hours, Adachi continuing to console the younger man, murmuring apologies and 'I love you's' countless amounts of time as Souji sobbed uncontrollably. The jumps and skips in Souji's voice as he struggled to speak only made Adachi bury his head into the crook of Souji's neck, shaking his head and apologizing over and over. Souji's words collapsed into whimpers and cries. In this moment, they were nothing more than a quivering mess of broken hearts and unfiltered agony.
They were gripping onto each other so tight—their skin was already starting to bruise.
When their tears were reduced to hiccups and quiet sniffles, Adachi slowly and hesitantly pulled away, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his palm before rubbing his thumb across Souji's cheek. He gave the younger man a sorry smile, removing Souji's arms that still held him in a hug and lightly lifted him off the ground. Leading Souji into the bedroom, he silently helped remove his clothes before taking off his own.
"You need advil?" he questioned, lightly rubbing his own temples as he felt the incoming headache.
Souji merely nodded dimly as he crawled into bed, Adachi watching him sadly before retreating to the kitchen. Rubbing his face in his hands, he surfed through the cupboards and grabbed a tall glass, shoving it under the tap and filling it with water as he surfed through a drawer for their painkillers. He paused as he picked up a bottle, his body tensing as he found himself looking over his shoulder back into the living room. Reflected in the dim lighting from the window, he could see bottle of anti-depressants on the coffee table and he swallowed the lump that rose in his throat. Silently, he stalked into the living room and grabbed the bottle before whisking back into the kitchen and turning off the tap, taking the water and pills into the bedroom.
Placing the glass on the bedside table, he opened up the bottle of painkillers and swallowed two dry, before fishing two out for Souji, who took them silently, downing them with a sip of water. Adachi watched as Souji placed the glass back down, before placing both bottles of pills next to it. He watched as Souji eyed the anti-depressants dryly for a moment, then he turned over and slid under the blankets, covering his head with them. Adachi looking at the form under the blankets before he turned, flicking off the lights in the bathroom and bedroom before crawling into his side of the bed. He shifted himself as close to Souji as he could, even throwing the covers over his head and frowning at how he was immediately swamped with warm, stale air. Trying to ignore it, he held the younger man in a light hug, his forehead dipping into the nape of Souji's neck.
He whispered again after a moment of silence, "...I'm sorry."
Souji shifted, gripping onto Adachi's hands which were wrapped around his torso. Adachi could feel Souji's heightened pulse, still frantic from crying. He was warm to touch, goosebumps running up Adachi's arms at how warm it was under the blankets with Souji. How the younger man could stand it, he couldn't understand.
He loosened his grip around Souji as the younger man squirmed to roll around. They locked eyes when Souji settled, small smile falling on Adachi's lips as he brushed stray hairs behind Souji's ear. Souji glanced away, before shifting closer, their noses barely touching, their breaths bouncing off each other. Souji brought his gaze back to Adachi's, and the two watched each other, reading and identifying as well as they could in the brush of darkness.
Souji sighed after a while, pushing Adachi to lie on his back, pulling the covers down so their faces greeted the cold air of the room. Soundlessly, he rested his head on Adachi's chest, the detective, lightly brushing his fingers through Souji's hair.
"I love you," Souji murmured tiredly. "I love you."
A gentle sigh fell from Adachi as he closed his eyes, continuing to stroke his fingers through Souji's hair. "I love you, too."
Adachi didn't sleep right away—taking in his surroundings as he breathed heavily. His eyes still burned from his tears, headache numbing down, but still beating against his skull. He could hear Souji sniff periodically, and found himself doing it too. He remembered thinking he should have washed his face as he felt the crusted tears itch on his skin, irritating the stitches under the bandage on his cheek. He thought about scratching it, but he didn't stir. Souji's calmed breathing echoed in his ears, his breaths tickling his skin. It was enough of a lullaby to send him drifting to sleep.
It didn't last long. He woke up in a daze, lying on his stomach, sprawled out a cross the bed. A shiver immediately shot through his body. This wasn't right. This meant Souji had been gone for a long time. Scrambling out of bed, Adachi turned on the lamp on the bedside desk, cursing as he slammed his knee into the corner of an open drawer, the glass of water from earlier tipping and spilling onto the bed. Seething as he leaned on the desk in pain, his blood ran cold at the sight of what was in the drawer. Reaching down, he pulled out a piece of ripped paper with a shaky hand. The handwriting on it was scrawled in a hurry, and he could see the stain of tears, the ink leaking in bubbles.
"i love you. im sorry"
He threw the paper aside and dug through the drawer, the pain in his knee thrown to the back of his mind as his heart raced in panic. His gun was gone. Throwing on his pants and grabbing his jacket off the floor, he bolted out of the bedroom, heart hammering and legs shaking and nausea overcoming his entire being. He froze as he walked into the living room—the lamp was on, and Souji was sitting on the couch, twirling the gun in his hand—gaze focused on nothing but the weapon.
"Souji—" he started, his voice coming out in a choked waver.
Souji jumped, and Adachi could see his face pale considerably, deadpan expression quickly jumping to surprise and panic. The younger man started to trembling, slowly shaking his head as he stared at Adachi.
"No, no, no, no, no, you can't see this! You're supposed to be sleeping—y-you can't be here! G-G-Go b-back to sleep!" his voice cracked and raised in panic, Souji clambering completely onto the couch as if to get away from the detective, as if he was trying to disappear into the furniture.
Shock overcame him, and Adachi found himself unable to move at the sight of his boyfriend so terrified... of him. Of this. He couldn't tear his eyes away at the sight of Souji curling up defensively on the couch, trembling and staring at him like a deer caught in the headlights. Suddenly, he brought the gun to his head and Adachi felt his heart jump to his throat as he started to move towards him.
"NO!" he froze at Souji's yell, the younger man closing his eyes, the gun shaking wildly against his head. "J-J-J-Just g-g-g-go b-b-back to s-sleep! O-Or c-close your e-eyes! I-I-I was almost ready! D-Don't look! Don't l-look at m-me!"
His heart was pounding so fast in his chest, it was all he could feel. The chills down his spine, the hardwood floor under his bare feet, the cool air, the sweat rolling down his brow, they were all muted and dull compared to his racing heart. He found himself unable to breath, frozen in place once again, only able to watch Souji hold the gun to his head, trembling mercilessly. He was screaming at himself, crying, screeching, demanding to move—move—but his legs didn't budge, his body didn't waver. Time seemed to stop, the rattling of the gun in Souji's hand the only sound he could hear past his heart.
Bowing his head, eyes still closed, Souji sobbed, "D-Don't... d-don't leave me... I'm s-scared... I..."
Adachi felt the breath fill his lungs and he stepped to Souji in quick steps, lightly taking the gun and placing it on the table nearby, before grabbing and squeezing Souji in a crushing hug as he cried again, weeping into Souji's shoulder.
"I'm not g-going anywhere, o-okay?" he whispered. "Y-You're not leaving me, either... Shit, Souji, I was so scared... I was so scared..."
"I'm sorry—" Souji wailed, his voice echoing along the walls. "I-I'm s-so sorry...!"
Adachi blinked in surprise when Souji suddenly pushed him back, only for the younger man to grab his face and pull him into a kiss. He reacted into it immediately, hugging Souji as close as he could. The kiss was desperate. Scared.
They pulled apart quickly, Souji burying his head in Adachi's chest as the man lifted him up, carrying him back to the bedroom. He placed Souji on his side of the bed before scrambling to his side, cursing silently as he felt his arm sink into the wet remnants of the spilled glass. He ignored it and pushed himself as close to Souji as possible, squeezing their bodies together as much as he could.
Adachi closed his eyes tightly, brushing his forehead against Souji's as he felt himself crying again."I love you. I love you so much. I love you..."
He repeated the phrase throughout the night.