When at long last Clarke crawled back up to kiss Lexa on the lips, the blonde grinned from ear-to-ear as she took in the sight of the woman who had just come undone by her gentle but practiced tongue. Lexa's arm wound tightly around her waist, the brunette sporting a grin on her face after Clarke pulled away slightly to get some air.
"Someone was really eager tonight." Clarke said softly as she rested her chin on Lexa's chest, giving her the perfect view of the brunette's face. Lexa's head rested back on Clarke's pillows after an intense session between the sheets.
"Hey, it's been a few weeks since we've…" Lexa trailed off and instead wiggled her eyebrows, and Clarke laughed. Three more missions after, and eight months since meeting, the two had fallen into a routine, and Lexa couldn't imagine not talking to the woman every day and seeing her face, whether in person or on a screen.
"You're such a kid." The blonde scolded her, a hand stroking up and around Lexa's bared torso, giving her full access to the hard muscle and contrasting soft skin that regularly hid well under a gold uniform.
"And yet you're dating this kid." Lexa joked. "Which means your standards are just really low." Clarke raised a free hand and flicked Lexa across the temple, and the brunette flinched in surprise.
"Got you." Clarke said softly, and she shifted up to sooth the spot she had hit, brushing her lips gently along her forehead, trailing down to her cheekbones, then to the tip of her nose, but studiously avoided Lexa's mouth. The brunette huffed, both hands moving up to wrap around Clarke's shoulders.
"Really, you're going to get me all hot and bothered and not even kiss me?" Lexa protested even as Clarke continued diligently kissing every other part of the brunette's face, but skipping over her lips. She darted slightly to kiss the corner of her mouth, and Lexa frowned at her.
"You got to learn some self-control hon." Clarke tsked with her tongue, her lips drawing down to the side of Lexa's face, taking an earlobe between her teeth playfully. She sucked on the skin there, and Lexa released a low moan, her arms pressing Clarke tightly against her body, their skin touching in all the right places.
Yet, once Clarke placed a line of wet kisses on Lexa's arched neck, she stopped and pulled up to look at the brunette. Lexa, who had closed her eyes under the blonde's ministrations, opened them now to glare up at her. Clarke only offered her a wink and a teasing smirk.
"You are too easy babe." Clarke beamed smugly down at Lexa. It was at that point that Lexa tightened her arms around Clarke's midsection, and rolled them both over on the bed so that she was now lying on top of the blonde.
Their positions reversed, Lexa now sent Clarke a winning smirk, and peppered the blonde with kisses on her face, on her neck and collarbone. "Who's. Laughing. Now?" Lexa asked between kisses, and Clarke giggled and half-heartedly made a show of fighting off the brunette's loving touch.
The blonde wrapped her legs tightly around Lexa's waist, laughing as she playfully avoided each of Lexa's attempts to kiss her fully on the lips. "You're nuts!" She laughed, and then her arms went to the brunette's neck, finally pulling her down to kiss.
Their mouths met in a clash of flesh and gnashing teeth, tongues dueling in a fiery passion as Clarke relented to the fire in her belly, dying to be stoked, to be caressed by Lexa's skilled fingers.
The brunette's hands went low, and Clarke's back arched up from the mattress as she entered her, touched her. She pressed all the right spots, and within an embarrassingly short time, Clarke felt her release pool between her legs and coat Lexa's fingers.
Lexa was gentle, helping her come down from her high with soft kisses and a soothing touch on her skin, and when Clarke's back finally met the bed again, the brunette had worked her way down to a more generous position, cleaning up the mess down below with a delicate and tenacious tongue.
Clarke moaned loudly, and when Lexa rejoined her, she pulled the other woman in for a searing kiss. She could taste herself on the brunette's lips, and she chuckled breathily.
Lexa collapsed next to her, lying flat on her back. Clarke rolled onto her side so that she could rest her head against Lexa's naked shoulder. Exhausted, Lexa turned her head to press an affectionate kiss on Clarke's forehead, and the two fell into a deep slumber, their limbs tangled together.
It was hot, really hot. Lexa's eyes searched desperately for her crew in the burning wreckage, but from her distance, it was difficult to do anything of the sort. She stretched out a hand, trying to reach for them, and then she caught sight of someone.
The newcomer was on fire, screaming in agony at a volume so loud that Lexa could feel her eardrums deteriorate even as she stood there. She tried moving closer, but she couldn't move. Her legs seemed to be stuck on the spot, and she was unable to will them to take her to where she wanted to go.
The sweat on her brow from the heat dripped down onto the metal flooring, and she saw her own skin begin to boil and disintegrate in the fiery conditions, and Lexa's only thoughts were of hopelessness.
"Lexa!" She swung her head left to right at the sound of a voice, her eyelids growing increasingly heavy, her lungs starting to fail as she inhaled the smoke and the dust and destruction.
"Lexa!" Her eyes snapped open suddenly, and immediately she saw Clarke's concerned blue eyes hovering over her. The sheets that had been covering her naked body were discarded on the hardwood floors of Clarke's apartment, her heart beating rapidly like she had just been exercising and her body on fire. Clarke was sitting up at her side looking down at her with concern.
Lexa blinked a few times, trying to calm herself from her nightmare, and she took a few steadying breaths. Then she sat up and threw her legs over the side of the bed, resting her elbows on her knees, her face buried in her hands as she attempted to get a grip on what had happened. It was as if she was there again, as if it was happening before her very eyes.
She almost jumped out of her skin when she felt Clarke's hand, gentle and cool on the small of her back. After a few heartbeats, Lexa's body relaxed visibly, and the blonde stroked the line of her spine with nimble, calming fingers. "Lexa, talk to me." Clarke pleaded, and Lexa shook her head slightly.
"I…I can't." She mumbled through her hands, sweat coating her brow even now. The bed shifted, and then Clarke's legs were on either side of her hips, and she felt the swell of the blonde's breasts pressed against her back.
"Okay." Clarke said softly. Her hands rubbed Lexa's arms bracingly, and then one hand abandoned its task to feel the brunette's forehead. "You're really sweating buckets." Clarke observed once their skin came in contact. Lexa sighed and leaned into the touch, feeling powerless and completely out of sorts. She felt weak and useless, numb.
Wordlessly, Clarke removed herself from her spot behind Lexa, and pushed off the bed and onto her feet. She tugged Lexa's hands gently, and the brunette allowed her to lead her to the bathroom. Once they were inside, Clarke guided her into the shower, and then she worked on turning on the water, finding a comfortable temperature.
They stood there under the warm spray, Lexa staring off into a corner of the shower, while Clarke stood facing her, hands gently massaging her neck, her shoulders. They stood under the water's healing touch until Lexa finally spoke up. "Sometimes I relive what happened with the Cole." Clarke's eyes brimmed with sympathy, and her hands moved to cup both of Lexa's cheeks.
"I don't know what went down there." Clarke said softly. "I know the official report, but I don't know much else about it." She murmured, her fingers softly stroking Lexa's sharp cheekbones. The brunette sighed, and surrendered to the blonde's touch. She moved closer to the blonde until their chests bumped under the warm water, and her arms moved to wrap tightly around Clarke.
Lexa rested her chin on Clarke's shoulder as they embraced, and the blonde rubbed her back gently. After a few more moments of silence, Clarke shifted to kiss Lexa's cheek. "Hey, look at me." She pulled away slightly so that their sight lines were clear and facing one another.
The blonde had never seen Lexa so broken before. Her skin was ashen, her eyes hollow and blank. She looked haunted, and green eyes that typically had so much life in them now appeared devoid of any happiness. "Close your eyes." Clarke whispered, and once Lexa had done so, Clarke moved closer and kissed the middle of Lexa's brow, and then her eyelids as she tried to convey all the love and care that she could. "You're with me." She said gently. "You're here, on the ground. With me." She kissed the side of Lexa's mouth, hands moving down to rub her back, to pull her close, to ground her in reality once more.
Lexa sighed, her shoulders quaking as she exhaled. She opened her eyes, and under the water, it was unsure whether it were actual tears on her face. Clarke cupped her face, blue searching green for the one that she had come to love deeply, and when she finally found her, Clarke smiled tenderly. Lexa pulled Clarke closer into an intimate embrace, and the brunette sighed heavily into the blonde's shoulder.
"I love you." Lexa said softly into Clarke's ear, and the blonde's hold around her waist tightened.
"I love you too." Clarke replied, and she kissed Lexa's forehead tenderly. "I love you, and I like you." She smiled, and Lexa let out a soft chuckle. After standing under the shower for a few more minutes, Clarke reached out to turn off the spray, and she retrieved a towel, drying them both off.
When they returned to the bed, Lexa lay on her back, her hands folded behind her head as she stared up at the ceiling. Clarke pulled the sheets to cover them both, and the blonde also decided to lie flat on her back, joining the brunette.
"The Cole was my temporary ship." Lexa stated suddenly, and Clarke, who had been slowly dozing, was wide awake now. She shifted to rest her head on Lexa's shoulder. She was silent, urging Lexa on with a soft hand on her hip. Lexa swallowed, and continued. "I was transferred off the Washington to test my first officer at the time, see how well she did as a captain in a smaller mission."
Clarke drew circles along Lexa's abdomen, encouraging her to continue. Lexa cleared her throat before she did. "We were told to negotiate terms with Romulans in neutral space, back when Admiral Jaha was still entertaining the idea of peace between them and the Federation." Lexa's expression darkened as she recalled that day.
"We had to sacrifice one of our medical officers to save everyone else on the ship." Her voice quavered. "After that, her boyfriend, also a crew member, was never the same." She stopped, the retelling of the experience bringing back emotions that she had managed to forget until now. Her chest was tight, and as if Clarke read her mind and felt her pain, the blonde reached up to rub her chest comfortingly. Lexa offered her a grateful smile. "One day, during a mission, my linguistics officer and I beamed onto a Vulcan star craft to retrieve a prisoner of Starfleet that they had caught in Vulcan territory." Lexa's throat felt constricted, and Clarke pressed a kiss on her cheek.
"You don't have to tell me." She said, reaching over to take Lexa's balled up fists, running her fingers over her knuckles.
"I want to." Lexa said, though her voice was shaky, but she pushed through the dryness of the throat. "While we were on the Vulcan ship, the medic's boyfriend blew up a series of charges that he had planted throughout the Cole." Lexa blinked back tears that threatened to materialize. "The entire crew, except for me and Anya, were killed." She closed her eyes. "I still can see the explosion, when I close my eyes sometimes." She inhaled erratically.
"Oh Lex." Clarke whispered in sympathy, and she pressed up against Lexa's side, her arms comforting and solid and real. Lexa exhaled, and she rolled onto her side, facing away from the blonde so that they were in a spooning position.
"I lost one of my closest friends from the Academy." She admitted, a pang of guilt in her stomach. "I should have died with them." She said quietly. Clarke's arm tightened around her waist.
"Don't you ever say that." There was an undertone of anger in Clarke's voice. "You survived, and you're alive. You can't change what happened no matter how much you dwell on it." Lexa did not respond, and Clarke shifted the brunette's hair away from her neck, kissing her softly there.
"I'm sorry." Lexa murmured, and Clarke frowned.
"What are you sorry for?" Clarke asked.
"For all this." Lexa responded vaguely. Clarke huffed, and she put a hand on Lexa's shoulder, pushing her onto her back. Clarke propped her head up on her elbow to look down at her sternly. However, the other woman's eyes were fixed on the cream-colored ceiling, avoiding her gaze.
"That is very descriptive of you." Clarke said sarcastically in an attempt to break the tension, and Lexa chuckled softly. The brunette still refused to meet her eyes though.
"I'm pretty messed up." Lexa said later, to further elaborate. Her eyes were still fixed on the ceiling, then she finally met Clarke's gaze. "My family's a giant shit hole of problems, add what happened to the Cole, several of the missions with the Washington, and you get all this." Lexa gestured to herself. "I'm not easy to deal with."
"What makes you think I won't help you deal with it?" Clarke raised an eyebrow, and Lexa closed her eyes.
"I had a girlfriend once." She admitted quietly. Clarke was silent, and Lexa's gaze returned to the ceiling. "I never told you, because I knew you would ask why we broke up."
"So?" Clarke asked. "Why did you two break up?"
"She ended things with me." Lexa clarified. "She couldn't take the weight of the baggage that I had." She snorted. "Then again, who would?"
"I would, and I will." Clarke said softly. The blonde gently put a hand on Lexa's chin, tilting her head so they were looking at each other again. "I've got you." She murmured, and Lexa wasn't sure when she had fallen in love with the woman hovering over her, but she was certain now, as she looked into blue eyes that moved her in ways that she could not describe. She loved this woman so deeply, all other romances that came before were playground crushes in comparison. Lexa loved Clarke, she was in love with her, and as their lips met again in atypical familiarity, it was home. She was her home, her family.
With the moonlight shining down through the windows, Lexa kissed Clarke with the fervor of a person about to die, because the future was uncertain, and because Lexa loved Clarke.