Lexa scratched under her chin as she sat in her chair. Her eyes were fixed on the woman sitting on the other side of the desk, insolent and rebellious eyes glaring back at her. Lexa sighed, her hands clasping together and resting on the desk.
"Do you want to tell me exactly what happened?" She rasped, and Octavia crossed her arms, her chin tilted upwards roguishly.
"I did my job." She grunted, her voice low with anger, her green eyes flashing with eerie reminder of a time when she had been younger, more insolent and hot-tempered.
"I heard you openly defied the prime directive." Lexa countered, and she leaned forward so that her elbows were now propped as she faced her former lieutenant.
"I saved the lives of all my crew members by doing what I did." Octavia stated with conviction, her lips set in a thin line of stubbornness.
"You mean by opening fire on a Cardassian ship, completely undercutting the entire mission statement of Starfleet?" Lexa smirked despite the seriousness of the situation. She could see the outrage shining in her friend's eyes as she spoke.
"If we had gone into warp then we would have left five of our crew behind, I stayed behind and fought to save my family." Octavia argued. She uncrossed her arms and stood to make her point. It was bold, what she had done, and Lexa had noted such observation as the woman walked right up to the desk.
"Sometimes victory stands on the back of sacrifice." The Admiral offered, and Octavia shook her head.
"Or victory can be achieved without any lives being lost." The younger woman placed her hands flat on the desk as she glared at Lexa.
"This time." Lexa stated in a deceptively calm manner. "Yet you seem to operate with the assumption that you can get away with anything, and that the rules don't apply to you. And you've managed to succeed in the past few missions on what it is; luck. But how about when your luck runs out?" The fight in Octavia's eyes dimmed slightly, but then they seemed to light up again.
"Well then there will be another alternative, there always is." Lexa sighed, then leaned back on her chair as she met the determined gaze of the now-captain of the Washington, and she could not be prouder despite the foolhardy and albeit borderline homicidal actions of this woman.
She pushed back her chair and stood, taking two steps up to the window overlooking the busy streets in the mid-afternoon sun. She simply looked outside, her eyes examining the silver towers, the gleaming ocean, the cloudless sky. Behind her, she heard Octavia huff loudly, and Lexa smiled in frustration.
"Your patience has clearly not improved in your time commanding my ship." Lexa threw the comment over her shoulder before finally turning to face her irate officer. "And as for what you have done, you will face two weeks of suspension." Lexa crossed her arms. "Jaha and the other Admirals decided before I could interject in your defense."
"But Admiral-" Octavia started, her face scrunching up with outrage as Lexa threw up a hand cut her off.
"Enough!" Lexa's eyes flashed with aggravation now, "You could have started a war among Federation members, thankfully it hasn't come to that, but as it is, you have done irreparable damage, and it seems you don't realize that." The admiral walked up to Octavia, and she shook her head. "They've given the Washington back to me Octavia."
"What?" Octavia sputtered in outrage, and before she could say anything Lexa shook her head again.
"You have displayed utter and blatant disregard for Starfleet protocol, risked the lives of your entire crew, and almost completely destroyed any and all hope of a new planet joining the Federation." Lexa said in a low voice. "And, of all people, you are a mother now." She hissed with added emphasis. "You can't go out and make all these bad choices. You have a two year-old son, Robert, waiting for you at home, and you seek to go out and stick your foot into every trap you see."
"Lexa," Octavia began, but again Lexa did not allow her to speak.
"There is nothing I can do about the decision of the other Admirals." Lexa snapped. "You're facing two weeks suspension, and on your return you will report to me as my first officer." At those words, Octavia's face fell considerably, yet there was a flash of relief.
"So, I'm only being demoted?" She asked, and Lexa nodded briefly.
"Luna made a case for you, as a favor to me." Lexa explained shortly, and she clasped her hands behind her back. "Get out of here, you're suspended until the 13th, go spend that time with your son." She said dismissively, and Octavia clamped her mouth shut, knowing she would not win if she lingered. Instead, the now-first officer dipped her head respectfully to Lexa and made leave.
Once the door had closed, leaving Lexa alone in the office, the Admiral sat at her chair. Even as she had received the orders from Jaha and Kane, Lexa had felt a sense of foreboding. The notion of going out to deep space had been exhilarating once. Yet now, as she glanced up at the brilliant blue sky, she only thought of what she would be leaving behind.
Her steps were clipped as she strode across the Starfleet HQ hallway while heading to a tribunal. She heard her name being called, and Lexa turned her head to the sound of the voice.
"Admiral Kane." She greeted cordially, her eyes blinking to acknowledge him as he walked up to her. The higher-ranking officer smiled in greeting, though the gesture did not reach his dark brown eyes.
"Admiral Woods, may we talk in private for a few minutes?" He asked, and Lexa blinked and glanced down at her watch quickly.
"A few minutes only." She warned him, and at her affirmation Kane gestured for her to follow him to a secluded section of the hall.
Once they came to a stop at their destination, Lexa turned to raise an eyebrow at the other admiral. "So what is the matter Kane?"
The man rubbed his palms together, and he refused to meet her gaze for a second before finally flitting up to her green eyes. "There is a situation with the Romulans." He said shortly, and both of Lexa's eyebrows rose high on her forehead.
"What situation?"
"One of their representatives, Cage Wallace, had threatened five days ago that if we did not surrender a particular Romulan prisoner to their custody, he would send operatives to capture citizens of the Federation to barter release, or to execute, one by one." He said, and he swallowed thickly as he told this to Lexa.
"Okay." She said, digesting the information. She frowned, and then she crossed her arms as she met his gaze with a cold, detached expression. "So then what is your course of action?"
"Before we could retaliate or send a negotiator, it was discovered early this morning that Romulan troopers have broken into a splattering of homes in San Francisco and took prisoners back to their warship."
"Shit." Lexa breathed, and she closed her eyes, a hand coming up to pinch the bridge of her nose.
"Exactly what I said." Kane commented. "But you're probably going to have an even more…emotional response to what I'm going to say next." Lexa opened her eyes to glare at him, daring him to go on, and he did. "One of the prisoners taken aboard their ship was Abigail Griffin."
At that information, Lexa openly groaned, and she leaned against the stone column behind her, a hand covering her face. "For the love of God." She growled. She shook her head and glared daggers at Kane. "So how do you plan on recovering the prisoners?" She asked, to which Kane gulped visibly under the weight of her annoyed, icy gaze.
"A rescue mission, led by you of course, with the Washington." He proposed, and Lexa let loose a short humorless laugh at the suggestion.
"By me, again." She said bluntly, and at his nod, she narrowed her eyes. "I've been grounded for two years Kane, what makes you think I'm still the most qualified to execute a mission in such dire circumstances?"
"Because you simply are the most qualified." Kane argued, and he crossed his arms. "You have the necessary combat experience, an excellent crew manning the Washington-"
"Had." Lexa cut him off. "Had an excellent crew." She mirrored his pose, crossing her arms across her chest protectively. "Most of the crew members that worked with me are now teaching at the Academy or retired." She snorted. "You seem to have forgotten the day and age of this current time."
"Not all." Kane countered. "Commander Strong is still active, and so are Lieutenants Frost and Green." Lexa scoffed, and she scuffed the heel of her boot on the floor.
"That's only three out of 203 crew members that I regarded as family nearly three years ago." Lexa said.
"Well that hardly matters." Kane stated. "You are still an experienced, veteran officer who has almost never failed in the missions that have been given to you. I want you to rescue our people Admiral; no one else is as well-versed as you are in turning no-win scenarios around."
She sighed, and then smirked slightly. "That was only because my crew was just as ingenious as I was." Lexa ran a hand over her temple, rubbing it nervously. "If you want me to do this, I assume a trade between our people and the Romulans' is non-negotiable?"
"Not at all." Kane confirmed her suspicion. "The Romulan we're holding right now is a very dangerous war lord who would declare a multi-planetary war the instant he is released."
"That's comforting." Lexa grunted, and turned on her heel, walking away from Kane even as he called for her to stop. "You really scraped the bottom of the barrel this time Kane." She shouted over her shoulder before disappearing into the swarm of Starfleet personnel in the hallway.
"You're doing what?" Clarke's gaze bore furiously into Lexa's back as the other woman fiddled with the laces of her shoes, untying them in a laboriously slow manner. Her actions were careful and calculated, all an attempt to avoid meeting Clarke's eyes.
Lexa shouldered out of her Starfleet uniform top, leaving her standing in the middle of the hallway in a dark t-shirt as she relieved herself of the heavy woolen material. Clarke was standing a few meters away from her, her hands at her hips.
"It's just a small-scale mission." Lexa said offhandedly, but that did nothing to lessen the flames, but rather it was fuel to the fire that was Clarke.
"It's a rescue mission that involves beaming onto a ship filled with Romulan insurgents!" Clarke snapped, her eyes alit with fury. "It's basically a suicide mission!"
Lexa sighed, and then, with her uniform top in hand, she inched past Clarke and moved over to the kitchen. She opened a cabinet, retrieving a bottle of scotch and a glass. Lexa did not say a word as she poured the amber liquid into the glass, lifting it to her lips and taking a healthy swig.
In that time, Clarke had positioned herself on the other side of the kitchen island, watching as Lexa finished her drink. It had been a long day for both women; Clarke had just completed a ten-hour surgery, while Lexa had to sit through five hours of an exceedingly boring tribunal and six hours spent holed up in her office finishing paperwork.
Tris had already been put to bed by Clarke, an hour before Lexa had finally come home. It was this moment however, that Lexa had been dreading for the rest of the day since Kane had confronted her that afternoon.
By the time the last drop of scotch had been consumed, Lexa put the glass down with a definitive clink and finally met Clarke's eyes. "It has to be done." She said slowly. "No one else is available or experienced enough to handle a situation like this."
"How about Lincoln? Or anyone else?" Clarke asked, her hands planted on the surface of the kitchen island as she glared at her wife.
"Kane, along with the other admirals, are insisting that I am the only one with the qualifications to lead the mission." Lexa explained, her voice quiet and low as she repeated what Kane had just said to her mere hours ago.
"There are many other officers in Starfleet!" Clarke snarled. "Hundreds, if not thousands." The blonde threw her hands up in the air in frustration. "For God's sake why does it have to be you?" She asked, her voice cracking slightly with the force of her question.
Lexa exhaled heavily, her shoulders sagging as she leaned her elbows against the marble island-top. She felt that detached mask that she wore so many times in the past slipping now as she gazed into the earnest, angry appearance of her wife. "Because I must." She responded, after a heartbeat of silence.
Clarke glared at her, then she huffed with anger, running her hands through her hair. "You realize that you have more than just me to leave behind, right?" She said sharply, and Lexa nodded jerkily.
"I know." She exhaled, her fingers toying with the empty glass. Lexa frowned as she looked at Clarke carefully. "I know what I'm at risk to lose, Clarke." There was a line of anger running in her voice. "I did not choose this."
"Then do something, please." Clarke said, a note of pleading heard as she moved around the kitchen island, coming to stand next to Lexa. "Stay." Her eyes gleamed with unshed tears, and Lexa had to look away, unable to see the torment that her actions were causing Clarke.
"You know I can't." Lexa said finally, and she turned her head to face Clarke, her green eyes dim and defeated. "All I want is to stay, to watch our daughter grow tall and strong." A hand reached out to stroke the hard edge of Lexa's jaw. She leaned into the touch, her own hand cupping Clarke's. Gently, she shifted her head ever so slightly so that she kissed the palm of her wife's hand lovingly.
"Lexa-" Clarke started, a quiet sob tearing at her throat. Before she could say much else, Lexa turned so that her hips were parallel to the blonde's. The distance between them was a gaping reminder of what was being discussed, and Lexa hardly had the courage or the daring to bridge it.
"It is a suicide mission." Lexa confirmed quietly. "And by all accounts, I might die." Lexa took the hand that still rested against her cheek, holding it between her own firmly. "But with every single breath that leaves my body, I will try to return to our family." She lifted their entwined hands to her lips, brushing them over Clarke's knuckles gently.
Clarke's gaze dropped down to the ground, their positions reversed now as it was Clarke who did not want to meet the fiercely proud eyes of her wife. She shuffled forward slightly, her palm resting flat against the left side of Lexa's chest, feeling the strong, steady beating of her heart underneath the muscle and bone. "I had hoped that when you were promoted, we would have closed this chapter of our life together." Clarke said, a watery chuckle leaving her lips.
Lexa frowned slightly. "What chapter?"
"The one where you are always out there trying to get killed." Clarke said, and she shook her head, as she stared at her wife, standing tall and at the height of her prime, her eyes shining with wit and a certain regal air.
"I'm sorry." Lexa sighed then, her head bowing minutely. "You understand why I'm doing this?" Clarke nodded, yet Lexa continued speaking anyway. "The Romulans are a threat to the safety of Earth, and by proxy, your life, and the life of our daughter." She placed a hand on Clarke's hipbone. "If I can somehow prevent all this, I will."
"I know." Clarke murmured, shifting forward until their hips were pressing against each other. She gently tilted Lexa's chin with a hand, so that their faces were inches away. Then Lexa moved forward, kissing her softly, briefly. Their lips formed a bridge between their bodies, and eventually the hand at Lexa's hip moved lower, and what was initially a placating, resigned kiss became a passionate, heated union of tongues and teeth.
When Clarke finally broke off the kiss, jerking away slightly, she shook her head. "I should have known that this domesticity would never have lasted." She breathed.
Lexa could offer no words of comfort; she had also thought the same, of mornings with Clarke and Tris eating together, of coming home to her family after a long day at work, and she knew. She kissed Clarke gently on the forehead, and the blonde leaned against the contact, breathing through a clenched jaw and pinched nostrils, before finally straightening her posture.
"Lexa Woods, you come back to me." Clarke said sternly, pulling away a few inches so she could see the entirety of Lexa's face, fixing her with a firm, unmoving glare. The brunette returned the gaze, taking in the sight before her – the curve of Clarke's eyelashes, the freckles on her cheekbones, the firm line of her mouth, her soft lips, the strength coiled within blue eyes – before she finally nodded.
"I will."