Three days later Fili showed up at Thorin's office, he was looking worse than ever. Clearly he spent a lot of time crying, thinking and not sleeping. Thorin gestured him to sit down.
"I saw him on Friday. He's doing a bit better." Thorin told him.
"Where did you see him?" Fili asked quietly.
"Balin took me to his brother's welcome home party. Kili was organizing it." Thorin told him. Fili looked at him, still focusing on the name Thorin used. Kili sounded so cute in his ears, that name was so much like him. "Have you thought about what we talked about?"
"Yes, I have." Fili told him slowly. "And I have no idea how to fix what I did wrong." Fili's eyes went wet with tears.
"You screwed up pretty badly, but you can at least try to fix it." Thorin told him gently. "If you really love him, if you try to forget about him you will regret it the rest of your life."
"Have you ever regretted anything like that?" Fili asked trying to stop his tears.
"Yes, once I have. I was in love but I kept finding new reasons why not to approach him, and later I didn't see him anymore. I lost my chance and I regretted it ever since." Thorin told him slowly.
"Why didn't you contact him later? When you knew you regretted it?" Fili asked surprised.
"Easier said than done. I knew his address, I knew his workplace. I knew what college he went to and what he did later. But I couldn't find a credible reason to come up to him, all the ideas in my head seemed illogical and trivial. I was scared he would reject me, I was scared of many things. And because of that I was alone for all those dull lonely years." Thorin confessed.
"So what would you advise?" Fili asked quietly.
"Try to talk with him. Ask him, but not force him." Thorin told him.
"What about you?" Fili asked.
"I'm going to do just the same." Thorin replied with a smirk.
Bilbo was back, so Kili finally had some time for himself. He decided to stay at the restaurant and Bilbo would go back just part time. His part time usually took the form of sitting in the restaurant anyway, but he would stay in the private area working on his laptop. Kili was stubborn not to let him drive, and since everyone came to the restaurant after school or work it was logical to stay there all day anyway. Nearly a week into Bilbo's return Kili got a text message. "I'd like to talk with you." He knew the number by heart. He ignored the message all day, but his phone was burning a hole in his trousers. He kept thinking about the message and about the person who sent it. He loved him deeply, but was hurt by him severely. Just days and weeks ago he thought about it and rejected any idea of meeting him, making a decision to avoid him at all cost. But now when he got a message like that he had a problem replying no. He had a problem focusing on the pain from the past, he wanted to think only about the bad things, but his heart was beating wildly. To the notion of pain, the memories of mind blowing sex were haunting him. He loved and wanted him badly, he kept dreaming about the sex they had and all those delightful memories. He knew this kind of message was calling him back, probably just for more sex and to reject him later. But the sex part was turning him on again, going back for just sex seemed interesting enough to actually consider going back. He got some more distance and stability in the last weeks, maybe he could handle just sex again. Maybe he was really careful he would get some affection without getting hurt anymore. After endless hours of thinking, he finally sent a reply "When? Where?" an decided to take anything given to him.
"My place, whenever you want." He got the reply just several minutes later. Kili looked at the time, it was nearly midnight. "I'll be there in twenty minutes." He replied.