Warnings: Mild Slash (Finn Bálor/Hideo Itami), Mild Profanity, Fluff. (a continuation of the tale started in Xmas Carols: Chapter 22 O Christmas Tree)
"Is not dead an okay message?" Hideo's voice comes as a surprise, and Finn glances over to where it came from. He's standing in the doorway of his bedroom, his phone in his hand, his hair in utter disarray.
"To Adrian? Yeah, that covers all the bases." Finn laughs, and Hideo nods, his attention caught once more by the phone in his hands.
"Ah. Make tea?" Hideo wanders over to the bathroom, and closes the door behind him, leaving Finn to make tea as requested. He supposes that they're getting this talking out of the way nice and early, so that the rest of the day can be spent more pleasantly. At least he hopes it'll be more pleasant. He knows what he wants out of this conversation. He wants the right to snuggle up to Hideo. He wants the right to hold his hand in dark movie theatres, or streets when Hideo's in the mood for PDAs. He wants to be allowed to kiss him, to be kissed by him. Finn wants a relationship, and if he gets one is entirely dependent on Hideo. It's a mildly terrifying prospect. Someone else having so much control over something so important, but that's the way of relationships. Your heart and soul rest in the clutches of someone else, and there's nothing much you can do about it really.
Hideo emerges from the bathroom, his hair still a fluffy mess, and takes a seat on the couch. Finn carries the teapot, and two cups over, setting them down, letting Hideo pour out the tea. Hideo takes one cup as his, and settles back against the couch.
"Today is tomorrow." Hideo says softly, and Finn laughs.
"Today is today." He smiles over at Hideo, but is ignored by him, he's staring down at the steaming cup of tea in his hands instead of looking at Finn.
"Today is yesterday's tomorrow." Hideo frowns at the sentence he's just said, as though he's not sure that the words make much of any sense.
"Well, every day is some other day's tomorrow..." Finn chuckles, sipping at his tea.
"Stop. Last night was to sleep. Today is to talk. Talk to me." Hideo says sharply, taking a drink from his teacup.
"Talk? Okay... The first thing I need to say is I'm sorry." Finn glances over at Hideo, but he's still focussed on the contents of his teacup, not looking at Finn.
"Ah?" For what? It's not quite the answer Finn had been hoping for. He'd been banking on Hideo letting him off somewhat easily by graciously accepting an unspecific apology, but it seems that Hideo wants him to be a little more exacting in what he's apologising for.
"Last Saturday... I shouldn't have taken you to bed with me." Finn fidgets, turning to face Hideo, but he remains far less interesting than the contents of a teacup. "I'm sorry."
"Ah... Why did you?" Hideo still doesn't look up from his tea, and Finn bites back a sigh. He's not entirely sure what he'd been expecting, but this is what he's dealing with, and his expectations are irrelevant at this stage. Hideo had ordered him to talk, and Finn supposes that talk is what he'll have to do if he wants to get anywhere.
"Why? Fair question..." He finishes his tea, and sets the empty cup on the table. "One sleeping on the couch is bad for your back." At this, Hideo snorts in amusement, sipping at his tea, glancing over at Finn from the corner of his eye. "It is!" Finn smirks at him, and Hideo shakes his head, drinking more tea. "And two... Two." Finn sighs, trailing off, not sure how to explain that the main reason Hideo had woken up in Finn's bed was simply that Finn had wanted to share a bed with him.
"Two?" Hideo prompts, turning to look at Finn, his eyes narrowed.
"I wanted you in bed with me." Finn comes to the conclusion that honest is the best policy, but he can't help fidgeting under the blank gaze of Hideo, unable to read the lack of emotion in his eyes. "I wanted to... I dunno. The opportunity was there, and I seized it." Finn shrugs, and Hideo turns away from him, finishing his tea, keeping on holding the empty cup, staring down into it as though looking for something to say.
"Why?" Hideo asks softly, his nose scrunching in displeasure at his question, his eyes narrowed as they stare into the empty cup. He'd clearly wanted to say something more eloquent but either didn't have the words, or couldn't put them together the way he wanted.
"Why? Jesus... You don't make things easy, do you?" Finn laughs nervously, running a hand over his head. "Why... Fuck... Because?" He smiles, and takes the empty cup from Hideo. "Because I wanted to share a bed with you, because I wanted to hold you?" He probably shouldn't have made that a question, but it was, and there's not much he can do about it now.
"Why?" Hideo seems desperately reluctant to look at Finn, even without the cup in his hands; his eyes are still fixated downwards.
"Why what?" Finn sighs, moving closer, wondering if it'd be too presumptuous to turn Hideo's face to him. He doesn't want to make this any more awkward, but at this stage he can't see how it could be any less. Hideo sighs, and rest his head back against the couch, his eyes closed.
"Why take me to bed? What was your intention?" He sounds torn between annoyed, and intrigued. It's an odd tone of voice, and Finn watches a frown spread over his lips.
"My intention was to sleep whilst cuddling you." Finn mutters softly, moving a shade closer. "My only intention was to cuddle you."
"So why not wake me up? Why not ask?" Hideo opens his eyes to stare at the ceiling, his eyes fixated on one of the many little holes caused by the tacks Finn had used to affix Christmas decorations to it.
"You were asleep." Finn says softly, a laugh in his tone. "You're really cute when you're asleep." Hideo laughs at him, and Finn can feel a smile on his lips. "It's true... I mean you're pretty cute whilst awake, but sleeping? You're adorable."
"Ah." Bullshit.
"It's true!" Finn protests, and Hideo tilts his head slightly to look at Finn sceptically.
"I'm a grown man, being called kawaī is not a compliment." Hideo smirks, and Finn laughs at him softly.
"Pff... You can be as grown as you like, doesn't stop you being cute." Finn shrugs, and a frown spread over Hideo's lips. "Still cute." Finn mutters, poking Hideo's cheek, getting an unexpectedly bitten finger for his teasing.
"In Japan..." Hideo fidgets, and sits up, picking up the teapot, and pours tea into Finn's cup, waiting for Finn to set Hideo's own empty cup on the table. When Finn doesn't surrender it, he merely takes what was once Finn's cup, and drinks from it. "What are you?"
"What am I?" It's not the question Finn had been expecting, but if he's honest, he's not sure what he had been expecting. "I don't know what you mean." He fills what was formerly Hideo's cup with tea, and takes a sip.
"You have been with a man, yes?" The question suddenly makes sense, and Finn isn't sure how to answer it. He's kind of, but not really been with a man, he's kind of, but not really interested in men. He's very interested in Hideo though, and he is decidedly a man. It's a little more complicated than gay or not gay; his sexuality is a little more fluid than that.
"You have?" Finn stalls, and Hideo nods once sharply, taking a long draught of his tea.
"In the dojo... It is a different thing to a relationship. In the dojo there is a..." He trails off, his eyebrows knitting as he fishes for the word. He sets his tea down, and raises one hand, the other he lowers, trying to mime the word he wants.
"A hierarchy?" Finn offers, and Hideo turns to him. "A structure, one on top and everyone else below." He offers by explanation. Hideo nods, his lips silently forming the word. "Hierarchy." Finn repeats, and Hideo nods once more.
"Ah, a hierarchy. There is one of these in a dojo. The bottom of the hierarchy is the uke." He frowns slightly, and Finn stares at him blankly.
"Uke? You're gonna have to explain that, cause I don't know what it means." Finn nudges Hideo's shoulder after a painfully long silence, getting a mild glare for it.
"I'm thinking how to say." Hideo mutters, and Finn moves closer still, his thigh pressing against Hideo's.
"Think louder." He rests his chin on Hideo's shoulder. Hideo glances at him, a slight smile on his lips. "Still not hearing the thought process." Finn laughs softly.
"The one who receives." Hideo pulls an odd expression at his explanation, but Finn nods in understanding. He gets the meaning of the word now.
"Wait... Wait a minute." His mind is making a few leaps in logic, joining a few dots, and he thinks he gets something of Hideo's reluctance. "Were you pissed about me taking you to bed?"
"Pissed? I was not drunk." Hideo pulls away from Finn slightly so he can turn to face him, confusion colouring his expression.
"Uh... In proper English, it's drunk or angry... In American English it's only angry..." Finn smiles slightly, and Hideo sighs dramatically, rubbing his forehead.
"How to tell the difference when you use it then?" He asks, tucking his legs up underneath him.
"Context." This gets an unimpressed snort from Hideo, and Finn grins over at him. "English is a contextual language, sorry." He's not sure why he's apologising, but it seems appropriate, and Hideo nods, waving his hand as though dismissing the apology.
"I was not angry..." He rests his elbow on the back of the couch, and props his head up on his fist, his gaze fixed on Finn.
"You didn't talk to me for a week." Finn laughs, and Hideo shakes his head.
"Four days, and you did not talk to me." He counters, and Finn opens his mouth to protest, but realises there's no arguing with that, it's entirely true. "Ah." See, I win.
"Alright, alright... You got me there, but you left." The smirk that had been on Hideo's lips falls away, leaving him looking blankly at Finn. "Why did you?"
"Hierarchy." He says, and Finn nods slightly. He'd expected that. There's no real hierarchy in their private lives, but Finn had been big spoon, it might have set a precedent in Hideo's mind, and if there was a hierarchy in the dojos as Hideo said, then he'd have been on top for a good long while. To suddenly be shunted down the totem pole would disconcerting to say the very least.
"So... Where do we go from here?" Finn asks softly, he's not sure where they go, how they move forward, but he knows where he'd like to go. He knows what he'd like to come from this, but the balls in Hideo's court.
"From here? I don't understand... The hierarchy is in place isn't it?" A sly smile spreads over Hideo's lips. "You're higher... If that's what you want, who am I to argue." Finn shakes his head, that's not what he wants. He doesn't want this to be about being higher or lower, he doesn't want this to be some kind of weird respect thing. He doesn't want a relationship based on obligation with Hideo; he wants one based on respect, on equality.
"What do you want?" Finn asks, and something odd flits through Hideo's eyes. "There's no hierarchy here. No top, no bottom. We're equal." Finn holds his hands level, trying to illustrate his point.
"Equal? Hmm..." Hideo smiles slightly, and shifts so that his legs are stretched out over Finn's thighs. "No top, no bottom?" He smirks, and Finn nods. "Then you do not mean to have sex?" Hideo laughs, and Finn can feel his cheeks burning. "What? I did research... You think me too naive, Finn." Hideo laughs again, and Finn glares at him.
"Asshole." Finn swats Hideo's thigh, then lets his hand rest on it, fingers stroking the skin absently. "Sex is a ways off, isn't it? We're still being idiots about actually talking to each other. We're going to have to get better at that before we even think about sex."
"Ah." You're right. "Talk it is difficult... Many words I have thrown away trying to make this sound okay." Hideo draws his legs back up, and Finn looks over at him. "What I want was not what I was expecting." Hideo smiles awkwardly. "I had prepared to submit to hierarchy." He shrugs, and Finn snorts, shaking his head.
"No hi-" Hideo cuts him off with a finger raised in the air.
"No hierarchy means we make decision together, yes?" Finn nods at Hideo's words, and he thinks he knows what Hideo will say next.
"I wanna keep going with this." Finn blurts out before Hideo can ask him what he wants. He knows what he wants, and it's that simple. He wants to keep going, to keep taking little baby steps, to see where this takes them.
"Like this?" Hideo asks, and Finn nods, smiling when Hideo shifts to curl up at his side. "I see... We keep going forward, and see where we arrive?"
"Ah." YES! Together, stumbling onwards. Finn's arm wraps around Hideo's shoulders, and he's beyond relieved when Hideo almost melts against him. "You like this? It's okay, right?"
"This?" Hideo glances up at him. "This is okay... But we need more tea... And food... I will cook, you will make tea, then we will watch TV? It's Sunday... We can be lazy, yes?" Hideo stands, and offers Finn a hand, pulling him to his feet. Once Finn's upright, Hideo's arms wind around him, holding him close. This is what he'd hoped for last week, a soft lazy day spent holding his roommate, a day where he's allowed to feel the warmth of Hideo pressed against him, where he's allowed to maybe sneak a few kisses here and there. "Then tomorrow, we will train, and when it comes on Thursday we will go on a date, and Saturday our friends will fill our house?"
"We're gonna need another chair." Finn wraps his arms around Hideo, smiling at him. "And maybe next Sunday we can snuggle on the couch some more?"
"That will not be special." Hideo snorts, and Finn looks at him. "I am to be snuggled all week. What use is a boyfriend if not to be snuggled by?" Hideo laughs, and Finn shakes his head at him, placing a kiss to the end of Hideo's nose.
"Boyfriend? We're dating now?" Finn asks, hope colouring his tone.
"We have been dating for weeks... Did you not know?" Hideo sounds incredulous, and Finn stares at him. All this time, he's been worried that Hideo didn't understand that Finn had been as ardently pursuing him as he could. He'd suspected Hideo had known their dates were dates, but he'd not thought he'd known to this extent. He really has been thinking Hideo is too naive, he's far sharper than Finn had been giving him credit for.
"I knew." Finn mutters, and Hideo laughs before kissing him, a slow thorough kiss, that has Finn clutching at him desperately to keep him from breaking it. "I just didn't think you knew." Finn's far more breathless than he'd expected to be after than one kiss, but he'd not complaining, he'd like another far too much to complain. "So we're a couple now? Like proper couple-couple?"
"Ah." Yes, now shut up, and kiss me again.
Many thanks for the lovely and glorious reviews: Ms. nogimmicksneeded, kathy. dietrich. 98, InYourHonour, Chang-Tong, Brokenspell77, Jack the Sinister Jack the Just, Rebellecherry, and kiss316.
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