Man, I Feel Like a Woman

Chapter 3

(3rd Person POV)

(XXXX)

Dean Ambrose was having an interesting day. His day hadn't started out strange at all. No, he and Seth had gone downstairs to indulge themselves in pancakes and sausages having a well-earned cheat day. Everything had been going swimmingly until Seth had noticed CM Punk's PA, Ellie. Dean didn't hate the girl; he just knew his little brother had the world's biggest crush on her. The elder man sighed as Seth dragged him over to say hello to the pretty redhead, but then Dean had seen Ellie's so called cousin, Brooks. Then wham, bam, thank you Sam, the next thing he knew he was a petite blonde woman with shoulder length hair, good looks, and a huge rack attached to her chest.

What the literal fuck?

Add that to the fact AJ Lee was a voodoo witch who had turned CM Punk and himself (he was just an added bonus) into women lead to it being a weird day in itself. Like that all wasn't weird enough for her, she was now in a department store at the mall trying on bras, dresses, and anything else Ellie found. Like this day couldn't get any stranger than it already was.

"Try this on," shouted Ellie as she shoved the leader of the Shield a flowery sun dress. Oh hell no, Dean Ambrose was not wearing a dress. The leader of the Shield was not doing that to him... uh herself… there was no way. She was a mother fucking badass and didn't have to look pretty. Ellie had insisted on bringing her and Punk here in order to get clothes… mainly bras because Ellie's wouldn't fit either of them… well her, it wasn't her fault she had huge boobs. However, the PA was going a little overboard with the shopping if you asked Dean.

They shouldn't be shopping, they should be figuring out how the heck to get back to normal. Sure, AJ had said they needed to help another woman, but how? Did helping an old lady cross the street count; surely they could do that with no problem? Dean sighed unsure of an answer as she squared off against the evil dress standing before him as if it were an opponent. She wasn't going to let this dress overpower her. There was no way, but the flowers called out to her screaming about how cute they were. The young superstar gritted her teeth as she threw off the baggy sweatpants and sweatshirt she had on, ready to try the dress. The poor soul had given in.

"Come out here you two," exclaimed Ellie as Dean walked out of the dressing room turning to face the redheaded PA who smiled with her choice of clothing for him… uh her. However, Dean didn't feel as atrocious once Punk walked out of the dressing room she was in.

The pixie haired vixen glowered at Dean as if almost silently screaming to her if she said one word about this she would kill her in his sleep. Quickly the blonde snapped her mouth shut and did not say a word to the WWE Champion.

"I can't feel my legs, feet, or breathe!" exclaimed Punk while staring at himself in the mirror. The superstar wore tight skinny jeans with a loose fitting flowy white top and high heel stilettos. Punk walked around as if she was a newborn baby animal unsure how to properly use their legs for the first time. "Why would anyone do this to themselves?!"

"Because their unstable," chuckled Dean under her breath who was too staring in the mirror at her own outfit. The sleeveless, light blue, flowery dress made her look professional yet the bra she was wearing felt like it was about to choke her out if she took too heavy a breath. Sure, the outfit was nice, but who in their right mind would go through this much pain just to look pretty?

Ellie laughed at the two standing before her as she sat on the bench looking at them. She shook her head, "You guys just don't understand, do you? Woman always suffer for fashion, we suffer to impress men, but most of all we suffer to impress each other. If you can be a trend setter, you will go pretty fair in life. Ask the lady who made scarves one of the most wearable accessories."

"Scarves are an accessory?" Punk asked as Dean shrugged back unsure how to answer that.

Ellie tapped her finger to her chin, "I'm not sure how to explain this to you guys in the best way? I mean we have already gone to Victoria's Secret and we've bought some bras so I'm guessing you understand what a pain the ass those are to wear all the damn time."

"Trust me, I'm understanding that right now," muttered Dean as she pulled on the bra trying to make it more comfortable to wear as the wires supporting them continued to dig into her ribs. Ellie sighed as she tried to think of a way to explain this to the two men turned women, but just as she was about to give in did someone appear.

"I think I have an idea of how to help you, my dear," smiled AJ popping out of a cloud of purple smoke. Ellie jumped a foot and stood next to Punk and Dean as the little voodoo witch smiled gleefully at the trio. Dean quickly jumped behind Punk and Ellie afraid of what AJ had planned for them. "Oh calm down, I just think this day needs a little more magic in it and that's exactly what's going to happen."

With that AJ blew blue dust at Ellie, which caused the PA to sneeze obnoxiously. The witch then disappeared as quickly as she had appeared. Once the dust had settled, the trio exchanged looks with each other checking to see if everyone was still normal… while as normal as they could be.

"Well, that did absolutely nothing," mumbled Dean as she dropped down onto the bench where AJ had been sitting, "What's some crummy blue dust supposed to do to you, Ellie?"

"Do re mi fa so la di," sang Ellie as her eyes widened in complete confusion and she covered her mouth with her hands.

"I think you asked that question a little too soon, Ambrose," exclaimed Punk as he looked around, "Do you hear music? Like a piano, drums, and trumpets?"

Dean nodded her head. She turned to look at Ellie, who was swaying to the music as it started to become louder until it reached a peak crescendo. The PA's eyes were telling a different story though as she struggled to hold back whatever she was about to say.

"Men don't get it," sang Ellie as she covered her mouth again trying not to sing as she looked to the other two to help her. Punk and Dean shrugged unsure of what to do.

"Great just what we needed," muttered Punk with a roll of the eyes, "A musical number…"

"Women primp and prim just to impress our guy, we look how we can to make sure our outfit match his tie, A girl just wants to feel power and confidence, but find it difficult to understand," Ellie continued to sing as she waltzed out of the dressing room into the store as Punk and Dean quickly dashed after her only to find customers, store clerks, and others parading around dancing to the beat of the music. "Men don't get it, he just wants to grab me in his mitts; to look this good takes a lot of work; but nothing seems to impress him, he just wants girls who twerk."

Out of nowhere a well-dressed man popped up behind Ellie and grabbed her as she grabbed a scarf off a price rack twirling it through the air. Punk and Dean watched in horror as women and men gathered around them dancing in unison like this was some form of a flash mob. The young PA looked at her friends for help as they continued to stare at what was going on.

"Beauty is pain; woman work to maintain. When we look good we feel amazing, not like we have been grazzzzinnnngggg. I must confess, women are a mess, but we do it all to impress. We do it to impress you and you and you too, bub don't think I don't see you.

"We work our bones, but you don't hear us groan, or gripe, or cooommmplllaaainnn!" Ellie sang as she was quickly backed up by a chorus of women who had suddenly appeared behind her.

"No, but we hear you singing right now and it's pitchy," complained Punk as Ellie gave her the death glare.

"Life as a woman is not easy; we work hard and get paid measly…"

"Is that even a word?" questioned Dean as Punk shrugged at her counterpart continuing to watch the utter chaos unfold in front of them as they watched Ellie get swept off her feet yet again singing the chorus.

"Beauty is pain, woman work to maintain. When we look good we feel amazing, not like we have been grazing. I must confess, women are a mess, but we do it all to impress. We do it all to impress!" Ellie stopped singing for a moment as she turned to her two cohorts and grabbed each their hands and just loud enough to hear over the music she said, "We do this all to impress other women and men. To feel powerful, confident, and attractive, do you understand now so I can quit singing?"

Dean nodded his head as Punk gave a smirk not wanting her to stop. Dean though elbowed the other woman in the rib cage forcing Punk to give in. Although, Punk had enjoyed the musical number her PA had just put on, this was not helping her get changed back to normal any faster.

"So as you can see, beauty is pain woman work to maintain. When we look good we feel amazing, not like we have been grazing. I must confess women are a mess, but we do it all to impress. We do it all to impress!" Ellie sung as out of nowhere she, Punk, and Dean were hoisted into the air by the people who had been dancing behind them.

"Beauuttyyy issss PPPPPAAAAIIIINNNN!" sang everyone in the department store as fireworks went off behind them and confetti fell from the ceiling. Somewhere AJ was laughing hysterically and loving what she had just done, Ellie was sure of it.

"Always remember to impress ladies!" said the redhead with a wink as the scene went dark.

(XXXX)

"What's with the look Randy Orton is giving you, Ellie?" questioned Dean later that day as the trio sat in the food court of the mall eating lunch. After Ellie's musical number, everything seemed to go back to normal as the three women continued to shop for clothes, accessories, and makeup. Ellie was in the middle of biting into her cheeseburger as she looked up to notice the Legend Killer staring at her.

Ellie slunk down in her chair as she noticed two women had joined Orton, Brie and Nikki Bella. The Bella twins began whispering to each other as evil smirks spread across their lips. The two men turned female wrestlers exchanged a look as Ellie continued to try and ignore the looks the twins were firing in their direction. However, Randy seemed to be in his own world as his patented Lady Killer smirk crossed his face ignoring his companions and begin walking over to them.

"Oh god, he's walking over here… hide me!" yelped Ellie as she tried to look for an escape route. Dean gave Punk a confused look as the champion sighed and shrugged her shoulders.

"Elizabeth here has the world's biggest crush on The Viper and looks like somebody is about to try to capitalize," Punk said rolling her eyes while picking up another French fry and eating it. Dean nodded his head as Ellie started to dig through the bags of stuff they had bought trying to look like she didn't have time to talk to Randy. Punk noticed the Bellas continuing to watch the young PA with cruelty in their eyes. Dean had noticed too and was about to ask Punk, but Randy had arrived at the table already.

"Hey Ellie," the Viper greeted coolly as he slid his hands into his jean pockets looking down at the redheaded woman with a smirk on his face, "Who are these beautiful women with you?"

Punk spit out the Pepsi she just took a sip of. If Orton, her heated rival, was going to try and hit on her at a time like this, she was going to kick him into next week. Ellie looked up at Randy and tried to open her mouth to answer, but all she seemed to do was forget how to talk. Thank god, Dean Ambrose was a master talker even in female form; at least this train wreck would somehow be saved.

"I'm DeAnna," answered Dean with a smile, "I'm Ambrose's cousin and this is Brooks, CM Punk's cousin. Ellie graciously volunteered to take care of us while are cousins are sick. Seems they caught a horrible case of dingo fever from eating that raw chicken out at the bar last night."

Randy nodded as he looked to Ellie once again after listening to Dean, "Tell your boss he better be ready for our match at SummerSlam because when he loses the championship, it's is going to be mine."

"I'm not going to lose," muttered Punk with a roll of her eyes as Dean quickly punched her making sure Randy hadn't heard what the young woman had said. Luckily, Ellie nodded her head understanding to pass on the message. However, Punk couldn't keep her mouth shut, "Technically you have to beat Cena, Ryback, and Big Show for the number one contender spot on Raw first."

The Viper looked at the young woman who had spoken and rolled his eyes, "Oh, honey don't worry. I'll beat those three and then I'll beat your cousin with no problems come SummerSlam. Then he'll cry about how he lost the championship like the loser he is."

Dean placed a hand on Punk's shoulder holding back the young woman from saying anything else… or clawing Randy Orton's eyes out. Punk's attention turned elsewhere as Ellie was still quietly sitting under the gaze of the Viper. Punk watched his PA. She wondered how many times other wrestlers had come to El and confronted her. She was sure there were some that had been more violent, but El was a tough cookie to crack. Punk wished she would have known situations like this happened to the girl and at the time could have taken care of it with swift action by Vince. If some snobby wrestler wanted a title shot they should come to her, not take on her PA. Ellie was in charge of handling the life outside of the ring, not taking on wrestlers who just wanted to get under her skin for Punk. Before Punk could continue his thoughts, Randy spoke again.

"Anyway, that's not why I came over," continued Randy with his smirk staying in place the entire time, "What do you say about you, me, and dinner after the next house show on Thursday night, Ellie?"

Ellie blinked at the Apex Predator like he had just asked her if she wanted to boar his children… which maybe she did at one point, who knows? The PA attempted to answer, but couldn't seem to find her voice, so instead she settled for nodding at the third generation superstar. Randy quickly smiled at the response as he grabbed a pen out of his pocket and jotted what looked to be his phone number on a napkin.

"Great! Just text me when your done with whatever Punk has you doing and we'll go after," Randy said as he placed the napkin in Ellie's hand, "I got to get going since I have an autograph signing, but I'll see you Friday night, beautiful! Nice meeting you ladies, give my regards to your cousins."

With that, the Viper dashed off to his signing. Ellie looked at the paper napkin with Randy Orton's phone number etched across it and sighed as her head fell flat on the table. She looked like a middle school girl with a celebrity crush in front of him, how embarrassing. The redhead shook her head as she picked it up off the table just in time to see the Bella Twins coming towards her. Great, it wasn't enough she had looked like an idiot in front of Randy, now she was going to get verbally abused thanks to these morons.

Ellie sighed as she prepared for the verbal beat down about to occur. Punk and Dean had seen the twins coming too, but did not understand the vicious look in the other women's eyes. Sure, Ellie was the champion's PA, but surely other women were not jealous of her, The Bella's being two of them. Dean and Punk were about to be proven wrong.

"Well done Cinders," mocked Nikki as she slow clapped for Ellie, "You seemed to really hit it off with, Orton. I guess it is really isn't true what Punk says about you being stupid."

"Now Nikki," stated Brie, "Cinders here is stupid, remember Punk's latest thing? A monkey could do her job. I'm sure a monkey could hold a better conversation with Randy Orton than Cinders here."

The twins cackled together as Ellie's smile grew into an angry grimace while grinding her teeth together ready to punch a Bella. Punk and Dean saw something in Ellie's eyes they had never seen before, maybe it was a spark of rage, they weren't really sure, but Ellie was about to lay the smack down.

"Why don't you Bella bimbos get lost?" questioned Ellie as she rose from her seat, "Your both idiots if you listen to the gossip around the locker room. Don't you have some plastic surgery to get to to make your boobs bigger than your brain? Oh wait, that's already happened, hasn't it, Nikki?"

The Divas Champion looked at the young PA with hatred burning in her eyes as she snapped her fingers calling Brie back to her as if she were a dog, "I'd be careful if I were you, Cinders."

"I'm not afraid of you, Bella," growled Ellie as Nikki grinned at the young PA.

"We'll see about that, honey. Come on Brie, let's go," Nikki answered as she snapped her fingers marching away with her sister. As Nikki and Brie left her sight, Ellie let out a sigh as she dropped back down into her chair in relief.

Dean and Punk exchanged a look before evening asking what the heck had just happened, whatever it was it had taken a real toll on Ellie, who looked ready to cry. Punk knew El had never been very popular with some of the women in the locker room, but she didn't know it was this bad. Sure the girl could handle other wrestlers, but Ellie couldn't handle this. Women were vicious and women like the Bellas took a mental toll on anyone. Heck, Punk felt a headache coming on after that little confrontation. However, it was one thing when Punk insulted Ellie, but it was a whole different ballgame when it was two no good divas.

"Why do they call you Cinders?" questioned Punk with a raised eyebrow as Ellie pushed away the food in front of her not hungry anymore after what had happened. Ellie looked over at her boss embarrassed about what she was going to say.

"It's because you treat me like Cinderella, but I never get to go to the ball. I pick up all the cinders of the famous WWE Champion C.M. Punk throws on the ground because I'm his servant," Ellie answered refusing to look the other two women in the eye. Ellie heard Dean let a displeased sound while Punk didn't say anything for a few minutes as the wheels in her brain continued to turn.

"Does this always happen with them?" asked Dean as he leaned forward checking on Ellie. The young woman didn't answer right away, but sadly nodded.

"It's nothing," muttered Ellie giving the two other women a watery smile hiding back tears.

"El, I don't think that's nothing," Dean answered back to the redhead who just shook her head. Ellie shook her head again trying to forget what had just happened.

"You shouldn't let them treat you like that," announced Punk turning his attention to the PA.

Ellie chuckled darkly as she turned to look at her boss, "That's rich coming from you. You helped them build their case with all the insults you hurled at me the last couple mouths. They're just repeating what they heard from you."

"Elizabeth," said Punk trying to talk to her as Ellie shoved her hand out at Punk.

"I don't want to hear it, let's just go back to the hotel. Seth and Roman are probably waiting for us." Ellie answered as she picked up her bags beginning to march away. Dean looked at Punk then quickly grabbed her own bags running to catch up with the redhead.

As Punk began to collect her bags from the ground, she caught herself glimpsing in a window of one of the stores staring at her reflection. She couldn't help but think what AJ's spell had done was well deserved.

(XXXX)

*a/n I: The musical number is my muse's fault so if you're going WTF like I was while writing I apologize. That will not be impacting the rest of the story. Hope you laughed!

*a/n II: Thank you to all the people who left the reviews, followed, and favorited! You guys keep me honest and motivated to write, so thank you!