Downton Abbey

Lost in Paradise

Disclaimer: I will say the normal stuff of course I don't own anything just barrowing Mr. Bates and Anna for a while… I also barrowed the Title from a song by Evanescence. There is No copy write infringement intended with the use either…

Summary: There is no one who could love the way John and Anna love each other but, is love enough? This is a modern and AU fic … Happy Reading!

A/N: I'm sorry this chapter took forever to write, but life is what it is. I hope you enjoy it… This chapter has a tie in to a book I am writing.

A/N 2: My updates will be few and far between I'm afraid, because I'am going to start college on July 13th Wish me luck Guys! On a side note I am also happy to say that not only am I going to school, but I am also a PUBLISHED author! OK enough bragging … Just FYI this fic is not beta'd so any and all mistakes you may find are mine. Please PM me if you find any. On with the show!

Chapter 5

The short ride back to the barn was made in a compatible silence, and for that, Haley was grateful. She needed time to breathe. She knew she was too hard on Ryan. She also knew the reasons he was always trying to protect her, even if it did get on her nerves. The barn was only a few yards away and she could not wait to get there. Her stomach was growling and she needed to apologize to her husband. On the deep grass path that led to the doors she noticed that Mary and Anna had fallen in beside her. "You both go ahead." She told them. Pulling back on the reins she explained. "It will take Ryan a few moments to help me get back into my chair, please go." Watching the two women trot ahead Haley lightly rubbed her horse's neck as she waited. Her wait was short lived as Anna dismounted her horse and led him into the barn. It was then she caught a glimpse of him. Ryan glanced in her direction as he led the horse into the second to last stall. With a click of her tongue she commanded Midnight to go into the barn. The hooves clicked as they entered the barn and Haley moved her horse to a waiting hook. Not looking at her Ryan took the reins and hooked the end to the latch. Walking to her side Ryan made short work of her leg straps and released her legs from the stirrups. Standing up straight he reached for the leather strap just above her waist and with a crunch sound he pulled it free. "Are you ready?" He asked as held his arms out. His voice was quiet and tight.

"Yes," She told him. Placing her arms on his shoulders she let him lift her off of the horse. Slowly he let her feet touch the floor, keeping a tight hold around her waist. "Come on," He said as he began to lift her into his arms, "Let's get you back in your chair…"

"Not yet," She whispered wrapping her arms around him. "I'm sorry about earlier." Letting her lips graze his lightly as she held on to him.

"I know…" He said lifting her up. He carried her the short distance to the chair. Making sure she was in the seat he kneeled and began to strap her legs in. "I know, we'll talk about it later…" He told her with a small smile before he rocked back on his heels coming to his full height. "…let's go. I'm sure the food's ready and I'm sure our guests-" He said nodding his head toward them as they leaned against an empty stall just across from him and Haley. "-are hungry."

Smiling Anna agreed, "I am quite hungry, Mary?" Anna said glancing over toward her.

"Yes quite."

The four of them headed towards the house. Haley and Ryan came in last.

"Hello," Amelia said from the open dining room. "How was your ride?" She asked no one in particular.

"It was very good," Mary answered as she sat down.

Taking a seat next to Mary Anna placed her white clothed napkin in her lap. "I quite enjoyed it. It is very beautiful here."

"Yes it is," Amelia agreed as she sat down. Sitting directly across from her sister and Ryan she could tell there was something going on. "So Haley," Amelia said as she dipped a ladle into a gravy boat spreading it over potatoes. "Has the deal been finalized?"

"Uhh- yes… yes it has." She said clearing her throat, "Business is concluded."

"Forgive me, but-" Anna said. "Why are we staying another week and a half if everything is settled?"

It was Mary's turn to explain to her friend. "Anna there is a ball and we are the guests of honor."

"Do you mean the party next week, it- it's for us?" Anna asked still trying to understand.

"Yes," Mary said as she cut her food.

"We wanted to show you around our place, but we also wanted you all to know that we do know how to celebrate," Amelia said laughing, "plus without you there is no way we'd get Ryan or Jack to dress for occasion that called for more than work boots. Isn't that right Haley?"

"Yeah," Haley said quietly stealing glances toward Ryan who was focused on Amelia. "umm.. we'll all have a good time."

Even Mary could feel the tension between the couple, but she really couldn't fathom as to why after all it was just a 'ride'?

"If you'll excuse me," Haley said as she dropped her napkin on to the table before backing away from the table. Driving past her husband she left the room toward her bedroom.

Everyone except Ryan stayed silent and focused on their food. "Excuse me," He said sliding his chair back following his wife out of the room.

Amelia took a drink of her tea, before apologizing, "I'm sorry about that, I hope you can forgive them."

"It is quite alright," Anna assured her.

"Yes quite, only may we ask what is going on?" Mary asked. "They seemed quite out of sorts when Haley said she could ride with Anna and I…. well without him."

"Ahh" Amelia said as she looked toward her husband Jack. "She normally rides with Ryan and he worries about her."

"Yes, well…" Jack said as he stood. "I have work to do, if you'll all excuse me." With that he kissed Amelia on the cheek before heading out the back door towards the barn.

"Forgive us," Anna said as she blushed. "We didn't mean to pry."

"No, it 's fine." Amelia said as she shoved away from the table making her way to the kitchen. The two woman glanced at each other before following her toward the kitchen. Standing with her back against the stove Amelia began to speak quietly. "Their relationship is and was anything, but typical…" Amelia told him. "They met about eight and half years ago." She said as she turned toward the sink grabbing a glass from the dish drainer she poured another glass of tea from the pitcher that was left on the counter. Gesturing towards the empty chairs near the kitchen table she continued, "Their life together has never been conventional, in fact," She said her southern draw becoming more pronounced as she spoke, "it was downright ugly…." She told them. The two ladies listened intently as she took a deep breath, "At first they were just friends and at the beginning Haley was engaged to someone else." Taking in their strained expressions she said, "Don't worry it only gets more complicated."

"Golly," Mary said sitting on the edge of the oval chair, "Do go on…"

"You see, Haley's fiancé was killed a few months before the wedding…"

"Oh," Anna said quietly.

"Yes, it was very difficult for her, but she had Jack and I and unbeknownst to us she had Ryan."

"That must have been some comfort." Anna said sadly.

"Oh, it was," Amelia said as she took a drink of her tea. "Then the following June it became complicated when Ryan got engaged."

"Oh dear," Mary said as she listened. "So how exactly did they get here?"

"Well that's the difficult part, Haley puts her happiness and sometimes even her well-being aside for others. She decided not to reveal how she felt to Ryan, although it was clear that she loved him. She helped him write his vows…" Amelia told them chuckling as she did. "I know it all seems ridiculous and it was." Placing her half empty glass on the table Amelia continued. "They kept in touch daily for the first two years, she even asked after his wife … she didn't want to lose him so she pretended to only be his friend."

"How could she?" Mary asked her curiosity peaked.

"To be honest it's still a mystery to me… It was in the third year I think… that he had a work project, it brought him to Kentucky."

"How did she stand it?" Anna asked her forehead creased and her mouth straight in a grim line, "Knowing he'd never belong to her?"

"Oh, but that's just it, he did belong to her."

"What do you mean?" Anna asked.

"They had a connection, I don't know how to describe it…"
"She can't, but we can." They all turned in the direction of the voice to see Haley and Ryan.

"Haley we-"

Holding up her hand Haley smiled as she and Ryan made their way over to them. "It's fine Anna really…" Pulling out the opposite chair from the ladies Ryan sat and watched his wife breathe before she told their story. "Amelia is right," She said looking at her sister, "Ryan does belong to me and I belong to him, but it's not because the law says we do."

"I was married," Ryan said quietly looking down at the table lightly tapping the cloth that covered it. "And I wasn't exactly unhappy, but I wasn't whole… she gave me something I never felt before… she was my best friend."

"And you were mine." Haley said smiling as she took over. "So I came up with this deal." Her eyes holding her husbands as she explained. "The deal was he'd live his life and I'd live mine… then uhh- then we'd have 'our' life."

"What are you saying?" Anna asked looking shocked.

"I'm saying for a time we had an affair." Haley said as she rounded the table sitting next to Ryan.

"Living that way wasn't ideal, for either of us." Ryan said.

"I missed him and I loved him even though I knew I had no right." With that last word she could tell that Anna seemed to understand more than her boss did.

"For my old job I traveled a lot and thankfully I was told to come to Kentucky."

"Is that when you decided to leave your first wife?" Anna asked. The question wasn't meant to be unkind, to Anna this mirrored her own life.

"Well, when I came to Kentucky I was in meetings in Lexington for the first two days…"
"On the second day," Haley said cutting him off. "Amelia and I had a business meeting and we stopped for coffee."

6 years Earlier

'Amelia get the coffee, I'll get a table.' I told her as she stood in line. The shop was busy, but I found and empty table in the center that was empty. Rolling up to it I parked my chair and pulled out my phone.

Haley:'Hi,'

Ryan : 'Hi'

Haley : 'How are you?'

Ryan: 'Tired just came out of a meeting.'

Haley: 'Really, us too… Right now Amelia and I are in a coffee shop.'

Ryan: 'Oh yeah, where?'

Haley: 'In a coffee shop… in Lexington.'

Ryan: 'Oh really?'

Haley : 'Yeah, ummm why?'

Ryan: 'Look to your left.'

Haley: 'What?'

Looking over my shoulder there he stood phone in hand a smile. I motioned with my hand for him to join me.

Six and a half years later

"After that day," Ryan said as he looked at the ladies confounded yet somewhat understanding expressions, "I couldn't stay just her friend and I couldn't watch her 'live' her life and not be able to say 'no'.

"Ya know it would've killed me," Haley said as she grabbed his hand, "but, I would've kept things as they were… I wanted you to be happy even if that meant that I had to give up my own {happiness}." Turning her focus back to the two ladies who were listening intently," I suppose the point of our story is that we were meant to be and whatever is meant to be will be."

"I know what you mean," Anna said as she wiped tears from her eyes. "Mr. Bates and I haven't had it easy…" Letting her voice trail off Anna focused on her hands that lay folded in her lap. " His ex -wife Vera was a wicked, wicked creature. In the end she died and John was convicted of murder."

"Oh my god!" Amelia and Haley both shouted.

"Wait a second," Ryan said looking confused. "If he works with you he must've been released."

"Indeed he was," Anna said her smile bright, "It took a year, but I was able to help the lawyers set him free."

"Wow," Ryan said.

"That must have been a relief," Haley said.

"Oh, it was," She told them.

A knock at the door interrupted them, "I'll get it," Ryan said kissing the back of his wife's hand as he rounded the table and out of the room.

"He really does love you," Mary observed.

"He does and I am grateful, but I know it wasn't easy for him to choose,"

"But you didn't ask him too,"

"No," She told the woman in front of her, "I did not."

Making his way across the hardwood floor Ryan could hear his wife talking and he remembered everything as he took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Hello," The man said as he stood a suitcase by his side on the porch.

"Hello can I help you?" Ryan asked.

"Yes, I'm John Bates…"

"Mr. Bates please," Ryan said as he ushered the man inside.

"Thank you," John said making his way inside.

"If you'd like you can leave your suitcase here, I can show you to your wife."

"Thank you,"

"You're welcome, I'm Ryan Marrow."

"It's a pleasure," John said as he shook Ryan's outstretched hand. Shifting his weight more toward the can he followed Ryan through the opened front room past cracked opened bedroom doors and into the kitchen. Following the man into the room John took in his surroundings. The house was old that was certain, but it felt like a home. The sound of his cane clicking on the hardwood brought a hush over the ladies.

Turning towards the door Anna looked to see her husband. "John," She gasped as she stood, walking over to him. "How can you be here?"

"Hello my darling,"

TBC