Chapter 20: More Than One Discovery
Two more months we had been out to sea, making it about a year and a half since I left Port Royal. We stayed in the Mediterranean, watching out for pirates that may have been attacking British merchant ships, but we found none. We just found signs and stories that indicated there were pirates prowling the seas. I longed to find pirates, and perhaps I could sneak onto their ship with Roland, and maybe they would help me find Jack, for I knew by then that paying my loyalty to a King I could care less about would never help me find Jack. If I was looking for a pirate, I needed to be amongst pirates. Common sense, really.
And over the weeks, Bennett was assigned more duties, being one of the best midshipmen Captain Carlisle had on his ship. Of course, Griffith was also getting several more duties, as were Roland and Dobbin, but their activities left me without anyone I could really talk to. I had my ship's boys to confide in, but none of them knew who I really was, and well, they wouldn't have been much help to me, especially after running into problems with Lonan again.
The trouble began when we had been out to sea for about a month. I saw Lonan speaking with Griffith, probably getting more orders from him, when Griffith spotted me and told me to come to him. Not wanting to get any punishment, I obeyed and saw Lonan smirk at me. Griffith was also smiling, but he always put on his sinister grin whenever he was around me.
"I assign you during drills to bring the gun cartridges from the magazine to Lonan Sullivan here, and his corresponding gun," said Griffith.
My heart dropped like an anchor.
"None of the other boys are quick enough as you are, Jack, and him being one of the best aimers of the crew, it'd be more efficient for you to serve him. Don't you agree?" I bobbed my head without looking at him, feeling my stomach ache with worry. "Good. Carry on." I hurriedly left their company, but not without catching a few glances at their faces, and both of them had eyes suddenly sparked with that eerie white flame.
I ran into Bennett while I headed back to the top deck, and, relieved at his sight, I immediately spurted, "I need to talk to you." But he pulled away, continuing to walk to the captain's quarters. "Bennett! Please!"
"I can't, Jack. My duty lies with the captain at this moment, not with a ship's boy." The guards at the captain's doors let Bennett through, and he vanished into the captain's quarters without so much as a second glance. Damn you, I thought. Something is seriously amiss on this ship and you won't take the time to listen.
With Bennett off to tend to the Captain, I thought I'd try and find the others. But Roland and Dobbin were on watch, and Andre didn't seem to care much about my dilemma. He just told me to let the matter go for a while and that Lonan would stay out of my way. Being an Ordinary Seaman, I thought he might keep an eye on Lonan for me, but he said he wouldn't; he wouldn't agree to going against someone, claiming that it'd lead to mutiny. I had no choice but to try and solve it myself, but my solutions were always so full of fault. So much for having the mind of a pirate.
I wasn't able to concentrate after that day, having to see Lonan continuously while doing drills. I was thankful the day we spotted a helpful hint to where the pirates were. There were no drills and search parties were formed, and I was on one of them with Roland.
On that morning, the officer of the watch, Lieutenant Johnson, spotted smoke. It turned out that the smoke was coming from a burning settlement, everything nearly black ash when we laid our eyes on it in the pale morning sun. Captain Carlisle was immediately furious, and he ordered his lieutenants to organize search parties. There were to be seven, and I was in one of them.
"My God, Jack," breathed Roland, leaning out on the side of the jolly boat we were in, looking at the approaching burning shore. "They scorched everything. And the fire still looks fresh."
"You don't think it'd be… you know…" I wondered, leaning out with him.
"I doubt it. He's not barbaric… is he?"
"Of course not! He ain't a bleedin' murderer! He's better than that. A lot better."
The boat scraped against the shore and we leapt out, heading for the wreckage. It was hard to breathe and see through the smoke, so I took off the bandana I had tied around my head and tied it around my mouth. Roland did the same with his neckerchief, and together we wandered into the burning village.
Houses were but black stick frames that were crumbling into fresh ashes as the fire ate them away. There was no telling what went where, what building was what, or if there were people, because everything was either black ash or well on its way to it. The air was now smoke, and the sky had taken a hellish gray and red tint. Not to mention that the ground was burned, crunching as we cautiously stepped through the debris.
"This is horrible," I whispered, and Roland nodded, leading me to the interior of the dying frame of a house. It would have been quite large, if not burned to the ground, and was therefore of some importance. Maybe the mayor or governor's house, I thought.
"Look over there, while I check here for any evidence," ordered Roland.
I crouched down beside what seemed to be a large heap of burnt wood, and I wondered how it came to be in a pile and kicked at it with my boot until I saw a round black mass hidden from within. I cleared away the area and noticed it was a very clean cannonball, making for a clear and concise shot from aboard the boat. I put a hand close to it, just to feel if it was still hot, and it wasn't. So I picked it up and examined it carefully, getting my hands covered with soot from the burnt wood.
As my fingers prodded here and there for any markings, my nail scratched against a groove and then another and I turned the ball around and saw that two letters were etched into the cannonball. "B…P…" I said. B… P… what can that stand for?
"The Black Pearl," I said, smiling to myself. "So she has come all the way from the Caribbean? Perhaps she's looking for me." I snickered at the thought and gathered the cannonball in my arms before calling Roland over and telling him of my discovery.
We headed back to the Captain then, who was waiting on shore supervising the search, and eagerly, I ran to him and revealed the cannonball in my arms.
"It has initials, sir," I said, pointing them out with a smile. "B and P. They should stand for the Black Pearl since that is the only pirate ship out there that can possibly—"
"Fascinating discovery, Barlow," he interrupted, holding the cannonball at level with his eyes. "Thank you for your doing your duty and reporting this to me. And also, thank you for your rather impressive postulation to the mother ship of this cannonball."
"Thank you, sir," I said, grinning widely. He nodded at me and called for his lieutenants to clear the search.
"Carry on, Barlow. Job well done."
I took Roland's arm and while we walked back to the boats, I expressed my joy to him. "That lady captain is out there, Roland, which means the Pearl is out there, and I can reclaim it for Jack!"
"But you still won't have an idea of where to find him," mumbled Roland, apparently not sharing my same joy.
"Oh, shut up," I groused. "I will. I'll have the ship and the crew, and I bet you they know where Jack is and they can just tell me. But what I'm wondering is why the Pearl is here in the Mediterranean instead of the Caribbean."
"How should I know?" answered Roland gruffly and I gave him a shove.
"She's looking for us," I said, almost certain of it. "She seemed so intrigued by us, and especially you, when we ran into her at Port Royal. She must have been looking for us. After all, I held Adam's ring, which happens to lead to some treasure and—"
"You are getting a bit excited, brother," said Roland. "Best keep your mouth shut before Thorne sends you another warning look." He pointed somewhere and I followed his finger, and realized that Thorne was indeed glaring at me for being quite loud in such a dreadful environment.
"Fiddle-de-dee," I sang. "I don't care. I just got meself another clue!"
Clue or not, my joy was severely ephemeral. It barely lasted for two hours when I got word we'd be going to Egypt, where some of Napoleon's troops and ships were stationed. Returning to land would only mean one thing: we wouldn't be hunting pirates for long again, dammit.
But at least I had found a clue, making the rest of the day somewhat bearable. Captain Carlisle and his team were quite absorbed in trying to locate the position of the Black Pearl, while we sailors were left to doing our usual duties of drills, sails, and swabbing the decks. I honestly wanted Carlisle to find the Pearl as soon as possible, for I was growing mad with the wait. Everything I wanted was right at my fingertips but I still couldn't bloody reach any of it at all. I was still waiting for my opportune moment (yet again).
The days that passed were fairly pleasant, and we went from pleasant days to pleasant weeks, to more pleasant months, and still, no sign of my father's ship. How good was the Pearl's recent captain to have evaded our eyes for such a long time? I prayed that it was all due to bad luck for us, because if her new captain was that good at navigating, I would be in trouble if I dared to start a mutiny.
Though, it never went unnoticed to me, despite how engrossed I was in my plot to desert, commandeer the Pearl, and find my daddy at last, that Bennett was being a bit of a pain in the arse. Not that he was bothering me. He did, in fact, stay out of my way very well, and that was the problem.
He didn't want to talk to me anymore, especially after that moment in the sails with him. Since then, he acted quite aloof, using his duties as an excuse to avoid my confrontation. I questioned Roland and Dobbin about him, but they all were just as clueless as I was. His behavior got me so worried about our relationship (in terms of friendship, of course), that I almost suggested speaking with Griffith, but I soon had my answers to Mister Gareth Bennett's reticent manners.
The Captain had ordered for us to dock by the Barbary coastline, in the Gulf of Sidra. Roland had informed me we were close to Egypt, our country of destination, and I knew Bennett had mentioned Egypt before. He even seemed quite excited about going to Egypt when he mentioned it, but one country away from the place and Mister Gareth was still being a remote arsehole. Not just to anyone, but only to me. I even saw him happily chatting away with Griffith one time, and during his duties, I saw him and Roland sometimes talking too. And that only made me angrier, the no good snot.
Once on land, or rather, desert, the men searched about at once for the location of fresh water and fruit, for we had run out of a source of citrus on our voyage. Why we needed the fruit, I never understood, and I found it too insignificant a matter to be brought up to my dear brother. I already had enough on my back as it were.
The air of the Barbary Desert was painfully inescapable. It was dry and very close, making it feel as if one's whole body was covered in a sheet of pure burning sunlight. My skin was already quite sunburned from all the time swabbing the decks, but in the desert with no shelter whatsoever to protect one's skin, the heat was a killer. After unloading just a few items and setting up a few tents into the sandy ground, the men were all red and sweaty, and I was beyond a happy state. I refused to work and unload things from the ship, and was therefore assigned to help find water. And that time, I made sure that no one was following me, for I had other things in mind when I had found water and no bloody man would witness it.
With a moan, I slipped in the sizzling desert sand and crashed into the searing grains, my flesh feeling as if it was being baked as my skin came in contact with the heat contained in the sand.
"For the love of God," I mumbled, spitting out some sand in my mouth. "Let me find some damn water." I got up onto my feet and proceeded walking again, tossing a quick turn of my head over my shoulder just in case someone was following me. No one was there.
Of course, I had little reason to worry, for I doubted any man would have wanted to venture out into a golden sea of boiling heat for hours. I was quite far from the camp by the shore, and I meant to keep it that way. In such weather, I would die if I did not shed some of my clothing, and in privacy could that only be arranged.
In the blurred environment in front of me, I saw a patch of green not far away. Squinting, I stopped my footsteps and stared at the dot of emerald, wondering if it was even real in the transparent waves of heat I could see streaming in front of me.
"Could it be?" I asked myself, letting out a breath. "Only one way to find out." Gathering up the rest of my energy, I treaded through the sand towards the green patch, using a hand as a visor to keep the sun out of my eyes.
When the image did not vanish as I neared it, my hopes grew, and from stumbling, I found the heart to start running, or rather, walking briskly, until the beautiful and most lovely sound of water entered my ears.
"Oh, praise the Lord!" I cried, throwing my hands up in the air and giving a victorious jig.
The oasis was fairly large. Good enough for a few people to bathe, but I smiled mischievously inside. No man would find out until I had finished my business there. It was mine until I told someone. I doffed my shirt and vest and flung off my boots, leaving me in my knee-length trousers and the small black vest that I wore over the cloth tied around my chest.
Stepping back a bit, I ran forward and dove into the water. Some water naturally made its way into my mouth and I found it to be fresh and cool, which would serve well in regrouping. "I'll swim today, take my bath tomorrow, and then I'll hand over this wonderful oasis to the smelly, grimy old men," I laughed. "I can't wait to find you Jack, and I can't wait to throttle who ever stole your ship."
It was early evening, and the lads were all gathered once again around a fire. With the sun gone, the lads were thankfully dressed back in their shirts, and weren't walking around with bare chests, as I found them to be when I returned from my swim. But even with the sun gone, the air was still mildly annoying. Roland's nose was red and Dobbin's whole face was bright scarlet. Poor lads.
"I think I might go to sleep early tonight," yawned Dobbin, stretching his arms and back, only to suddenly wince as he bent his over. "Damn sun. My back's gotta be redder than a tomato."
"You're face already is," I commented, and he glared at me before trying to ease the soreness in his back.
"How the hell can you tolerate your sunburn?" asked Roland, twitching his burnt nose.
"I dunno. Comes naturally, I guess," I lied. I could tolerate my sunburn because I wasn't at all as sunburned as they were.
"Bastard," he muttered, and I only smiled in return.
"What's everyone complaining about?" came a voice, and I lost my grin at the sound of it.
"The usual," replied Roland with a grimace. "Heat, food, and work. You're welcome to join us if you'd like. Take a seat next to Jack." And quickly, almost in a pleading manner, Bennett answered with a rushed and very shocking, 'No.'
Seeing the strange looks on Dobbin's and Roland's faces, he spit out the excuse that he had a lot of things to do for the captain in the morning, and irked by the fact that he was trying to get out of being within five feet of me, I stood up and marched over to him, stuffing my fists into my pants pockets in order to keep myself from attacking him.
"What are ya? The captain's slave?" I growled, knowing I had hit a dangerous point by bringing slavery into the conversation. "Yer a middy jus' as these lads are. Why so much work for poor, unfortunate Benito, aye?" I looked him straight in the eye and it appeared as if he wished to back away from me, but I would not let him leave until I had my answers.
"I've been a midshipman for almost four years, Jack. Griffith isn't the only one with the possibility of becoming a lieutenant. I've worked hard to get where I am now, and with my experience, Captain Carlisle obviously trusts me to handle his work."
"Of course," I replied, not believing his story for on second. "Captain loves ye so much, Bennie. Yer such a good lad, aren't ya? Never pickin' fights or disappointin' anyone. Why, no wonder Captain adores ye."
"Jack," I heard Roland begin, but his plea was not heeded.
"Why am I not surprised you talk dirty, Jack?" retorted Bennett. "After all, you're the infamous Jackaroe, aren't you? Rebellious charmer from afar?" I stomped my foot and seized his shirt collar, snorting like a bull from his remarks, and only proving his point all the more.
"You bloody bastard!" I snarled, but Bennett returned just as serious a stare and was not daunted by my threats, and his strong resolve in response to my violence was what threw me in defeat. Slowly letting go of him, he dusted off his shirt before addressing Roland and Dobbin.
"Goodnight, lads," he said, before sending me a most livid glare that I never thought I would see. Wait a while, Astrid, I thought. You'll get him to speak before dawn.
"What the hell was that about?" asked someone, and I whisked my head around, startled by the interruption. It was Andre, and he came with some fruit in his hands.
"Nothing," I said, dumping my self on the ground again. "Just your usual spat between ship's boy and midshipman." Andre bent down and dug his fist in my hair and tossed the fruit in his hands to Roland and Dobbin who eagerly took them.
"Where'd you find those?" I asked, wondering if he had found my secret oasis.
"Didn't. Some men walked over to the nearest village when the air was less hot and came back with them. Want one?"
"No," I politely declined.
"Suit yerself, but honestly, Jack. Ye gotta eat just a little bit. You can get sick if you don't." I shrugged my shoulders in reply as the boys gnawed at the strange fruits. My mind was drifting elsewhere again, plotting a way to get alone with Bennett and finally have him speak.
When the stars had dotted the sky and the moon was in full view, I decided it was time to find Bennie again and get a confession from him. Lieutenant Thorne had called for the Off-watches to be asleep, and I did sleep, for about an hour or two before waking up in the tent I slept in with the other ship's boys. John was right beside me, snoring away, and cautiously, in the pitch blackness of the tent, I got up and probed my way through to the back of the tent, making sure not to run into too many limbs.
Once free, I was under the night sky again, with only the light of the moon and stars to guide me, and I furtively crawled low to the ground for the midshipmen's tent, where Bennett was resting. I kept an eye out for Thorne's white wig, but he was sitting by the watch fire, talking to his mates and barely focusing on the tents, so I managed to get to Bennett's tent without much trouble.
Entering from the back, I lifted the bottom flap of the tent and crept in, peering into the darkness to focus my vision. Thankfully, a lantern hung dimly from the top of the tent, and I could tell face from face. Bennett was on the far end of the tent, close to the entrance, seemingly in an uncomfortable sleep. I looked at the possible paths I could take in order to reach him. One would bring me by Roland, Dobbin, and some other older middy, and the faster way would have me pass by Griffith and his lecherous dreams. Wisely, I chose to take the long way.
Upon reaching the side of Bennett's cot, since all midshipmen slept on cots instead of on the floor like us poor ship's boys, I knelt down and looked at him. Even in his sleep he looked beautiful, but I didn't let my girlish dreams get the hold of me. Carefully, I lowered my hand towards his mouth, and on impulse, pressed it down over his jaw, and at once, his eyes shot open and searched frantically for the intruder: me. As soon as he saw my face, I saw his brows wrinkle in a frown, and I only grinned and gestured to him with my finger to follow me out. He was willing, though grumbling as we exited.
I led him away from the encampment, walking for at least ten to fifteen minutes before I believed we were safe from their view. "What is this about, Jack?" he put forth at last, looking at me disapprovingly.
"Shouldn't you know, Bennett? Why, this is due to your own odd behavior," I answered, placing my hands on my hips and facing him with just as disappointed a face.
"Odd behavior? I have simply been busy, Jack," he defended, but his refusal to elaborate had me dismiss his excuse with a wave of my hand.
"No man is that busy, Bennett. The Captain is less busy than that, and he has been trying to find the Pearl for ages now."
"And that is exactly why the rest of us have so much work, perhaps not you, but other officers. Captain Carlisle has been searching too long for this phantom ship that continues to attack settlements but is never seen. And what makes it worse is that our pace is slowing due to dying winds, and we now have to stay on land for a few weeks re-supplying. We've spent weeks out here, Jack, and we haven't found anything."
"Is that it?" I asked, unimpressed. "Just because we have some dying winds and shortage of food and water, you think it is all right not to talk to me? We haven't had a direct conversation, Bennett, for weeks!"
"Perhaps that's how it should stay then, seeing as the conversation we're having now is only full of arguing."
"But why, Bennett?" I asked. "Aren't we mates? Can't you talk to me about anything? I see you talkin' to Griffith and Dobbin and Roland, and you all have such happy words to say, but with me? Nothing. While before, I couldn't have been happier to listen to what you had to say." His face hardened at this, and he turned away, leaving me to gaze at his back.
"It's not just the bad luck we've been having, Jack," he said, and I moved around him and his back so that I could look at his face again.
"Then what else could there be, Bennett?"
"There've been rumors going on. The men are restless again, being away from home for weeks now doing nothing, really. And… and now we have… fairy business to add to it all." I raised my eyebrows at the shocking bit of news.
"Fairies?" I echoed. "You are telling me that you haven't been able to speak with me because of fairy nonsense going on, Bennie? Oh, so now we got a bunch of buggers on our ship, Bennie? Is that what you're saying?" I almost wanted to laugh at the ridiculousness of such a reason. Sure, fairies were always quite a story on a ship, but they were just rumors. None of it was real, just as Roland was called a fairy for being a good boy.
Why, I was called a fairy by Dobbin millions of times, and no one took it very seriously. Unfortunately, Bennett still remained oddly silent. "What, Bennie? Are you saying one of the crew members is a fairy? Pray tell, if you please. Who is it? Dobbin? Andre? John? Roland? God forbid, Griffith?"
"No!" he retorted, getting irritated with my zeal in the awkward subject. "It's none of them, so you can stop asking!" I put a finger to my chin and pretended to think for a moment.
"Is it me?" I questioned, perhaps too teasingly for my own good.
"No! It's not you! Good God, Jack, you find interest in the oddest of thi—"
"I'm jus' wonderin', Bennett," I interrupted. "Wouldn't hurt to know who this bleedin' fairy is…Is it the captain?" That was enough to send him over the top, and he whirred on me, furiously frustrated with my purposeful stupidity.
"No! For God's sake! No! It's not him! It's not them! It's not you! It's me, all right? Me! Me! God dammit!" He turned around and violently kicked sand away from the ground, his usually proper mouth shouting a numerous array of curses, while I stood dumb in my place, watching him.
I stayed silent and open-mouthed while I witnessed his release of emotion onto the poor, defenseless sand, but after a few minutes, he calmed down and sat himself on the ground, head buried in his hands. "You'rethe fairy?" I questioned.
He didn't answer. I grinned inside, almost certain that I had known it all along. And, being the pain in the arse I was, I knelt down in front of him and looked at him, smirking my mischievous grin.
"To anyone I might know?" He looked up at me, not at all happy with the question. His blue eyes were ablaze even in the pale moonlight. "Hmm?" He didn't answer. "Oh, c'mon, Bennie. It's gotta be someone we both know. Is it to Griffith? Roland? Dobbin?" My guesses only had him briefly explode again.
"No, Jack! I'm not turning fairy to everyone, dammit."
"Then… to who?" A long pause followed, and Bennett had turned his gaze to the side, refusing to look at me as I inched closer to him. "To who?" I repeated. And then his answer came out strongly, but not so resolute as to say that he was proud of it.
"To you."
"To me?" I gasped, almost feeling as if I was whacked in the face with the astounding words.
"Yes, to you!" shouted Bennett severely, directing his stiff hands in my direction.
I was infallibly stupefied by his confession, barely able to stay on my feet as I attempted to absorb everything he said, but my astonishment was getting the better of me.
Bennett liked me. That was all I had to know, but I doubted myself too much to accept it as truth yet. "Bennett," I began, and he turned to me fiercely, highly irritated and perhaps on the verge of erupting into flames. "I… I do not mean to impugn on your…admission, but I… I… I'm just a bit, well, bewildered. I mean, it's not everyday that I am told that a man admires me."
"Oh, go and make fun!" glowered Bennie, spinning around and immediately stomping back to the encampment, fists clenched and sitting like immobile stones by his sides.
"Bennett!" I cried pleadingly. "You grumpy young man! Come back!" I ordered.
"Why should I? All you'll do is taunt me again!" I snorted at his remark. He felt as if everyone was out to get him and to make his life miserable.
"You misunderstood what I was trying to say, and you never even allowed me to finish what I had to say in the first place!" Stubborn as a mule, he walked on, adamant to keep his pride until the end of his days. As always, I grew annoyed with his persistence to get away from me and ran after him. "Bennie!" I called again, perhaps too desperately.
"Turn back, Jack, for you obviously still need time to recover from my humiliating confession," he returned curtly. I only sprinted onward, preparing my legs for a jump as I neared him, and as soon as he was within arms reach, I made my move and pounced on him, landing us both on the ground. Me on top of him. To ensure his stay, I sat on his abdomen, much to his discomfort and watched him writhe in serious uneasiness while I crossed my arms in disdain for his behavior.
"What the hell are you doing, Jack?" he asked, more as an order than a question. "Get off me!"
"No, Bennie. I ain't gonna move until you give me your attention. Now stop jittering about!" I slapped his face lightly and while looking at me with a confused and vaguely disturbed countenance, I leaned forward a bit and spoke. "Bennie, ya don't have to feel bad because you're turning fairy to me."
"What the hell is this about? How can I not feel disgusted at myself for liking a man!" I sighed and tapped his fine, though at that moment, scrunched up nose, with my finger.
"You're not the only one with secrets, Mister Bennett," I confessed, using my true voice. At the change in pitch, Bennett's blue orbs only enlarged dramatically. His lips parted from a frown to a mute, open jaw. "I'm agirl, Bennie," I said simply, putting emphasis on 'girl' with the smallest hope of Bennett not asking me to repeat it.
The lad was beyond confusion and had moved into a state of critical disorientation, perhaps even questioning his own existence after listening to the absurdity of my claim. I wondered if he was even breathing for the full five or ten minutes he just lay there looking at me, for although I sat on his stomach, I could not feel his chest rise and fall. He barely even blinked either. I knew I had given him the shock of his life, and I was scared of how he would react to it. And I was never afraid of Bennett.
He finally did return to breathing and blinking, and he blinked rapidly and shook his head as he tried to sit up, his numb face now wrenched in accepted disbelief. "W-What!" he yelled, nearly blowing me off his belly. I leaned back with the unanticipated fury that spurted from his mouth. "What do you mean you're a girl?" he demanded, narrowing his eyes at me in a callous glower.
Trying my best to ignore his evident hatred for the fact, I looked straight into his cold, intense blue eyes and gathered my strength. "Would you have rather had me say that I was a boy, Bennett? Hmm?"
"N-No!" he screamed, his face glowing crimson in minimal disgust. "I…I… belie—Wait! You kept this away from me this whole time?" I understood his question in the sense that he was curious, although my assumption would prove to be entirely incorrect. But being the stupid girl I was, I nodded. Yet Bennett surprised me once more and abruptly slid away beneath me, nearly pushing me off him, and stalked off into the pale, fresh night grumbling to himself.
I remained on the ground, scowling silently at his turned back. I was positive that he would be relieved to know that he wasn't fairy at all and that his affections were towards a girl: me. But obviously, young Mister Bennett had no intention of thanking me for assuring him that he was far from a sodomite. And so while he trod off murmuring his curses, I sat on the dusty ground, not used to the feeling of rejection. Fine, I thought.Be that way, you insensitive bugger.