Roots and Seeds

a Law and Order: CI story

by RoadrunnerGER

Disclaimer: Dick Wolf still has not agreed to sell them, so they're not mine. This is just for fun and practice.

Chapter 8

At late noon Helen, Fiona and Carolyn left the young family so that they could finally settle down. Once the last one was out of the door Alex silently went upstairs to check on Ronny who slept peacefully in his wooden cradle.

"He's such an angel," she said dreamily as she returned to Bobby and settled down beside him on the couch. "He really seldom screams. Let's hope that he'll stay that calm."

"He must have that from you," Bobby said thoughtfully.

"Oh, I'm sure that he doesn't. Mom always told me that I was a hyperactive baby. It didn't become better as a kid. I had to keep up with my brother, and I rather played with boys instead of with girls."

"Guess it runs in the family."

"Yeah, so let's just hope that Ronny won't become restless."

She adjusted the baby phone on the coffee table before she leaned against Bobby. Pulling up her legs she snuggled into his side. Smiling contentedly he put his arm around her slender form. Bobby's hand found its way down her shoulder to her firm breast, fascinatingly and wonderfully larger due to the fact she was breastfeeding their baby. With his index finger he traced the contours and slowly circled to the center where he found an erect nub.

"As restless as you…" Alex teased.

"I'm afraid I can't deny that," Bobby chuckled, teasing her further, drawing a gasp out of her. Then he shifted his position and pulled her into a tighter embrace.

"Bobby?" she hesitantly asked. "Do you want something from me?"

He did not answer at once. That only resulted in her being convinced that something was up.

"Spit it out."

Damn, she's perceptive, he thought. Though, I wanted to bring the subject up. So he rather hesitantly told her, "I… asked Rodgers to do the test."

"When?" was all Alex replied.

"When I go visit Naomi this afternoon." Absently he kept caressing her. "Do you want to come with me?"

"Actually, no. I don't."

He could not resent that decision. Maybe she would change her mind when the test result was positive.

If the test result is positive, Bobby reminded himself. It's still possible that I'm not Naomi's father. Even though it clearly feels as if she's mine.

Bobby sighed. Why did his life have to be that complicated? As if it had not been bad enough already? Finally it appeared to get better and now…

"There's something else on my mind," he admitted.

"And that is…?"

For a long moment she waited for him to make up his mind or find the courage to talk with her. She did not know why he still believed in having to keep her off of himself. She knew him pretty well, so she did not expect him to stonewall her. Why did he still have to be like that? They were together, they were a family. In moments like this she had to remind herself of his inward nature and that, once he made up his mind, he would talk eventually.

"I thought about Frankie. I… I don't want… I shouldn't do to him what he did to me. He should have the right to know about Ronny and to see him if he wants to."

Letting the words linger for a moment she caressed his hand that now rested on her waist, smiling to herself.

"I think that's a good idea," she told him then.

"You think so?" he said worriedly. "He's a gambling, alcohol, and drug addict. I haven't seen him since the day I was at his place. That was right after Tates. I was suspended, I was alone, I was hurt. And I didn't have what I did it for, I didn't have Donny! I still have no idea where my nephew is. God, Alex! Why didn't Frankie tell me that he has a son? Things might never have developed like they did. Maybe Donny wouldn't have gotten into trouble in the first place if we knew about each other!

"Damnit! I told Frankie that, if someone told me he was about to jump off a bridge I would wait for the splash. I was so damned angry at him that I might have pushed him!" Bobby was talking himself into a temper. "I know that I probably wouldn't have made a change," he admitted, "but… if I knew about Donny I could at least have tried. By not telling me Frankie robbed me of all the years I could have watched Donny grow up. He's part of the family. Even though we might not have seen each other that regularly, we would know that the other is there. Donny would have known someone to turn to." He paused. "I blame Frankie for that even though I know that it was pure thoughtlessness. He can't get a grip on his own life, so how could I expect him to help his son. I don't want to seek contact with my brother just to have to break it again because he might endanger you or Ronny."

"Bobby…"

"I know what you want to say," he cut her off before she had any chance to contradict him. First he had to confide in her the rest of his musings. "That he still is my brother, part of the family. A part of me still loves him. I'll always love him. But… Alex, I don't know what I would do if he got you or Ronny hurt, intentionally or unintentionally, physically or emotionally."

Ah, that's where he's coming from, she thought. He's made a point there…

"I still think that it's a good idea to refresh the contact with Frank," Alex said. "Seriously. You don't know if he has changed. Maybe he stayed the course with his last withdrawal treatment. Maybe he just hasn't contacted you because he's equally stubborn."

"I'm not being stubborn right now!" Bobby growled.

Alex shifted her position so that her head and shoulders rested in his lap and she could look up at him.

"Are you sure?"

He scowled. "Maybe a little. But first of all I'm trying to make the right decision. My heart tells me that Frankie is family and that he belongs with us. My head tells me that we can't trust him as long as he did not at least start to change."

"Don't you think that it's possible that the knowledge about his nephew might already make a change? Maybe he would try to better himself if he knew about him."

"He didn't change for his own son," Bobby said. "What makes you think that he would change for Ronny?"

"It's still worth the try."

"Are you trying to talk me into seeing him again?"

"No." Alex played with one of his jacket buttons.

"So you think that the idea is not that good after all?"

"I think that it's a great idea to include him."

Confused he stared down into her fascinating eyes, trying to find a hint of what she really wanted to say. She took his chin between two fingers and caressed his neck.

"Bobby. He's your brother. He's family. Do whatever you think is best. If you contact him I'll welcome him in the family. If you want to keep your distance I won't go to him behind your back." She looked at him distinctly. "I'll support you in your decisions. I just ask you to consider them with care. Don't dismiss the idea of getting in touch with him again just because you shy back from the possible consequences."

Bobby frowned.

"I don't shy back from consequences. You know that."

"Oh, how could I forget that after Tates," she teased. "You can say that you are a consequence."

That made Bobby chuckle until it died in his throat.

"I don't know what to do."

Smiling up at him lovingly Alex told him what he needed to hear, "Call Frank."

xXx

Bobby stood in front of the entrance of the hospital and stared at his cell phone. For several minutes he stood like that before he typed in Frankie's number… to abort the call at the last second.

"Dammit!" he cursed silently to himself and looked around to see if someone noticed. Not that he cared, he was just curious.

One look at his watch told him that he was still early. He could try to call again before he had his appointment for taking the samples for the paternity test.

Once more. C'mon, Bobby.

Taking a deep breath he lifted the cell phone again. It took another moment before he could push the buttons.

It rang.

And rang.

And still rang.

He got neither an answer nor a mail box, so he canceled the call again.

I shouldn't be relieved, should I? he wondered. Man, he's my brother. It shouldn't be so difficult… or so painful.

Sighing he switched the cell phone on silent alert and put it away. Then he went into the hospital and to the children's medical unit where he checked on Naomi first. He sat in a chair beside her cradle, rocking the little girl in his arms, when someone else entered the room. Looking up he recognized Lindsay Monroe and beside her was the nurse who showed Bobby in before. Monroe was with CSU, which surprised Bobby. He had expected someone from the medical examiner's office.

"Hello, Monroe," he greeted.

"Detective Goren." She fleetingly smiled at him before her gaze was drawn to the little girl in his arms. "What a sweet angel," she said. "Hello, little one."

Bobby smirked. Yes, she was a cute baby.

"Wait a few minutes," the nurse threw in. "Then she'll start to scream again."

"I would scream, too, if I was alone in my bed most of the day," Lindsay said.

"It's not that," the nurse told her. "She just screams. I'm surprised that she's so silent right now."

"What do you mean, she just screams?" Bobby demanded to know.

"Just that. She loves to scream. She screams endlessly."

"You mean like a crack baby?"

"It's comparable, but not what I mean. Maybe it will lessen over the time, but so far she's simply an excessive screamer. Some babies are just like that."

Bobby frowned. That was not a nice thought. Right now she snuggled in his arm, yawning contentedly. Maybe you just need your parents, he thought. Someone who truly loves you and who you can rely on.

"Okay," Lindsay said. "I'll need a blood sample from you and the baby."

"I'll do that," the nurse replied and came forward with two syringes. Professionally she took blood from Naomi and Bobby and handed the samples to Lindsay. "There you go."

"Thanks. I need to go again, bring the samples to Dr. Rodgers. She'll let you know the results as soon as possible."

"Thanks, Monroe," Bobby said, offering her one of his famous smiles.

"Anytime."

When she was gone Bobby stayed a little longer with Naomi. The baby girl giggled happily when he played with her. Her eyes sparkled with joy. Just sometimes, in fleeting moments, he thought he saw her mother in her small features.

My eyes are playing tricks on me, he thought. It's nothing but my imagination. Everyone knows that I have a vivid imagination.

Imagination.

He stumbled over his own thoughts.

Probably it's that. My imagination amplifies my fears. Do I really think that Frankie, my brother, could hurt my son?

He looked down at Naomi who still was silent.

"What do you think, hm? Should I try again to contact your uncle?"

Naomi looked up at him out of clear dark eyes and nodded, reaching up for him with her right arm.

"Yeah, baby. It's okay. I'm here," he said, lifting her up. "And I'll be back for you tomorrow, okay? I have something important to do now."

So he put her down in her cradle and tucked her in before he said goodbye to her and the nurse.

tbc…