Chapter 3

The first thing Naruto woke up to was a blinding white light that almost burnt his eye sight, he groaned in frustration and lazily whipped his arm over his eyes to block the burning light. 'Fucking waking up this bright light shit don't the shinigami have any decency to make this room dark….. oh wait I'm supposed to be dead right?' bolting up from his previous position he stood and observed his 'room' or very well made cell.

The room was at least six by seven by four metres long and high looking around every wall and even the floor and ceiling was padded and had a familiar symbol on it, there didn't seem to be a door anywhere either. 'Damn, a reiryoku restriction cell. Soul society couldn't use binding chains instead and throw me into the maggots nest.' Naruto thought, 'well at least they have a use for me or else I would've woken up in my previous description'

Sitting down he reorganized his thoughts and concentrated on his current situation, looking down and the floor he inspected the symbols that were ingrained into the shock absorbing fabric. 'Hnn, they didn't even bother to change the seals that kept the prisoners reiryoku sealed.' He sighed, "If they didn't do that I guess this cell has been out of commission for a long ass time hasn't Mr Interrogator?" He lazily drawled. He received no reply. "Well fuck you then, I know you're listening so interrogate me already. I'm getting bored you know" he called out with a bored expression on his face.

"Uzumaki Naruto, a criminal charged with murder, assault, theft and insubordination the second division marked you of as dead. Who knew that you actually did what you proposed and hunted hollows in hueco mundo" a cold and smooth voice said through some sort of speaker system, "and so what if I did, what's it to you? Naruto asked. "Nothing, I just find it amusing" the voice replied.

"Well that's nice but small talk is over so let's get straight to the point, what do you need from me?" he asked in an equally smooth voice that would make a certain Uchiha unable to tell if he was lying. "You think we need something from you? You cri_" but he was cut of courtesy of Naruto, "if you didn't I'd be in the huge pe-… tower you guys call a prison instead of a premium interrogation cell meant to people like your recent runaway Aizen Souske who I highly doubt you'll catch" Naruto pointed out.

"Aizen will be caught and executed like any other criminal like you" his interrogator stated. The person behind the voice was getting slightly irritated and also intrigued about his prisoners behaviour. 'How can he act like that in a cell that was meant to hold people like him?' he thought. But his thoughts were put on hold.

"Byakuya, quit this talk and interrogate him" an old gravelly voice echoed behind him.

"Hai Soutaicho-sama" Byakuya quickly replied.

"Now then, what is your connection to Aizen?" Byakuya asked as he turned to the screen that showed the contents of the cell.

Suddenly the lights of the cell dimmed and somehow a spotlight shone on Naruto on a one footed kabuki stance with some white/red paste decorating his face somehow a cloak adorning his shoulders and sakura petals floating in the non-existent wind that was blowing around the cell.

"IN THE DARK FORESTS OF THE HOLLOW WORLD, THERE WAS A MAN WHO WAS VANQUSHING MASKED MONSTERS" Naruto yelled as kabuki music danced around the room. "THE DARK CONOPIES OF THE BRANCHES CONCEALED A SPECKED MAN WHO PUT THE MAN IN AN ILLUSION OF LOYALTY." He said pointing his fingers at his eyes and rotated them around as if symbolising the frames of Aizens glasses.

"_" was plastered on Byakuya's face as this 'performance' was being enacted.

"BUT FEAR NOT, HE BROKE OUT OF IT AND COMPLETELY AND ABSULOUTLY FUCKED SHIT UP IN THE SPECKED MANS PALACE BEFORE FLEEING TO THE FORESTS TO HIDE FROM THE SPECKED MAN" Naruto exclaimed.

The spot light turned off, the sakura petals and all of the kabuki stuff ceased to exist seconds after Naruto's last spoken word.

"Ok then, what could give us an edge over Aizen?" Byakuya asked.

"Now that I will not answer unless a few conditions are met" Naruto told him. Byakuya narrowed his eyes. "Why not?"

"Let's count the reasons why I will not reveal such information.

Reason 1-I will be executed and/or imprisoned.

Reason 2-I will be executed and/or imprisoned. Is the question answered interrogator?" Naruto asked.

"Byakuya, let him discus his conditions," said the Soutaicho in his usual gravelly voice. "You're not serious about accepting his conditions are you Soutaicho?" Byakuya asked in a surprised manner. "If the reasoning behind them is a benefit then I will accept them, now silence boy I do not wish to draw this out any longer." Yamamoto ordered. Byakuya nodded in acceptance.

"Condition one-I expect my previous crimes to be pardoned, I expect that you immediately understand the reasoning? I'm sure you do my precious readers." Naruto said the last part to no one in particular which raised an eyebrow on Yamamoto and a blank look on Byakuya's.

"Condition two-I wish to be reinstated as a shinigami as a captain" Naruto said with complete finality in his voice and a full on serious expression on his face. "You must be joking, there's no way the Gotei juusantai will accept a former criminal as a captain. Be reinstated as a shinigami is acceptable but as a captain is ridiculous" Byakuya said as if he was a guy that hadn't payed off any debts and wanted a loan from the bank who he was indebted to.

"Oh I'm not joking, think about it. Let's count the positives in my second condition. A missing captain spot will be filled. And since I have intimate knowledge about Aizens base I can easily assist in the development in plans and making me a captain will make it easier for me to do so since captains are required to attend every war plan. And also having a captain spot filled in such a quick amount of time will raise morale among the troops that are sulking around."

"And besides that, I am easily captain level. I was a vice captain when I deserted. I've easily gotten stronger during the three hundred or four hundred years that have passed. If that doesn't convince you then my Bankai has two versions of itself and it's so badass." He said with a smile, to others it would definitely look like he was trying to sell an object at the local fair. Though the object was a fuck tonne powerful WW2 cannon, but Byakuya and Yamamoto didn't pay attention to that.

"A Bankai with two versions, preposterous no such Bankai has been heard of even in the deepest darkest chasms of the twelfth divisions filing cabinets." Byakuya said emphasising on the words twelfth division. "It's cause I'm the first to have a Bankai like this, but we're getting of track. Will you accept my conditions or not. If not then your loss, I am not submitting to any torture even if it's Unohana taicho and some sick fuck from the maggots nest letting loose some weird ass tentacle monster conceived from their own genes(I have no idea where I got that from)" he exclaimed childishly crossing his arms and looking the other way.

"We will discuss it with the other captains, you'll hear from us in a few hours" Yamamoto's voice rang from the speaker.

"Wait" Naruto called.

"What?" Yamamoto asked

"…I need food, like ten cart loads cause I'm hungry as a pregnant woman is for whatever weird ass craving like fish cereal. That craving was my mother's but you don't need to know that" Naruto said without any embarrassment what so ever.

Yamamoto glanced at Byakuya, "Well get him food, I know people like him. He won't rest till he'll get some sort of sustenance into his stomach now hurry up and get the food!" Yamamoto barked.

"Hai Soutaicho" Byakuya quickly replied.

(Meeting hall-17:30am standard Seireitei west time)

"Captains, we are making progress with our prisoner but the progress bar isn't going up unless we accept a few conditions he laid out to us" Yamamoto said and explained the conditions and the information they had gleamed from Naruto

Shunsui and Jushiro raised their eyebrows in an amused fashion. "okay, it's a good condition with decent benefits I don't see why not." Shunsui said in a nonchalant matter. "I agree, his input with the plan development would provide us with a good insight with what we could expect from Aizen" Jushiro said in a friendly manner.

"if it nails Kaname then I'm fine with these developments" the tall bucket masked captain of the seventh division barked.

"I feel slightly uncomfortable with these developments but it'll work out" Unohana chirped with a motherly smile which reeked of 'pay backs a coming bitch.' The other captains felt a chill run down from the centre from their brain and down to their spine, unconsciously and as unnoticeable as possible shuffled away from Unohana taicho. In all due respect all the men could easily see that she wouldn't hesitate to rip their dick of then sew it back on again then give then a vasectomy.(creepy I know but I want to create that feel Unohana gives of in the most definite description possible)

"I couldn't care less, as long as he's strong and I get to fight him I'll welcome him with arms wide open" Zaraki Kenpachi grinned with a blood thirsty smile.

"I don't care; as long as I get to study his so called two version Bankai then I'm content. I can't wait for the experiments to start" Kurotsuchi Mayuri the twelfth division captain giggled.

'Why do I feel like I'm going to die' Naruto thought in his cell.

"Well, Soifon taicho, Hitsugaya taicho would you care to voice your opinions?" Yamamoto asked

"I don't like it, in fact I hate it. He's a deserter that abandoned soul society for his own foolish goals. I understand the benefits but I loathe the fact that a deserter is welcomed back with open arms." Soifon murderously stated with her ice cold glare. "If I had my way I'd have him be executed the moment we identified him as a deserter" she said coldly

"…..ZZZzzzzz" was the reply the captains received from Hitsugaya taicho.

Shunsui grinned "well I child is a child no matter the position he's in"

"Who wants to wake him up?" Yamamoto asked, the moment he asked that Zaraki Kenpachi was immediately and silently right beside the sleeping Hitsugaya taicho who had a soon to be broken peaceful sleep smile. Zaraki's arm was hovering over Toshiro's face like a sling shot ready to be fired.

3

2

1

"SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER" Zaraki yelled in the most violent and throaty way possible as his arm slammed down onto the silver haired captains face propelling his small body down onto the floor.

"ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" an extremely loud window breaking high pitched squeal exploded from Toshiro's vocal cords.

Looking with shock and fear he looked up to see the demonic face of Zaraki Kenpachi with his eyes gleaming with sadistic pleasure. "Have a nice nap?" he asked in a sweet sing song voice that made the recently awoken captain tremble a bit.

(With Naruto)

"Why do I feel like I want to rip a face off?" Naruto questioned himself as he felt his protective instinct spike.

(With captains)

"F-f-fuck you all" he drowsily barked as he got himself of the floor and shakily made it back to his chair.

It took a few minutes for the chatter to quieten down as Zaraki was load and somehow involved Byakuya in a hostile conversation who knows how he did that but he did it. Yamamoto had enough of this and stamped his staff into the floor silencing all conversations.

"Now that that moment is permanently over Hitsugaya taicho what is your opinion on Uzumaki Naruto being reinstated as a Shinigami captain in case you've forgotten. A very tired Hitsugaya who was leaning his head on his hand responded. "I'm fine with" he mumbled just loud enough for everyone to hear before dosing of to his wonder land.

"Great everyone accepts now it'll take a week to finalize all of this so this meeting is to be kept under wraps for now. Dismissed!" he said whilst simultaneously slamming his staff onto the floor. The large doors slowly opened

...

…

...BANG! Zaraki Kenpachi would've been the main culprit but strangely enough he was still having a hissy fit with Byakuya who both ignored the sound while the rest of the captains turned towards a very pissed off Hitsugaya Toshiro who was walking past the doors which were of their hinges leaving a trail of frost in his wake.

"Open the doors faster if you wish to keep you genitals attached to your groin. Especially you Matsumoto I know you're snickering behind Kira-Fukataicho" Toshiro said with a demonic gleam in his eyes.

Matsumoto wisely stopped snickering and shrunk behind Kira having a comical sad/fearful expression on her face. (Come on you know which face I'm talking about)

The captains raised an eyebrow most of them wearing a grin.

(With Naruto)

"They've all accepted you as a captain" Yamamoto told him, Naruto who was moving at speeds that were physically impossible by human standards was devouring through the food carts like a beast with remnants of fish, fruit, burgers, salads and other foods flying everywhere staining the walls in a disgusting looking colour.

After a few moments Naruto nodded and stood up facing Yamamoto, "Now that that's over time to move on information and other stuff required for the paper work to be completed and me position as a division captain to be finalised"

"Yes, now then you will be allocated a room in the first division barracks for the remainder of the week, during the week you will catch up on the new laws and important events that happened during your disappearance and purchase new articles of clothing and other stuff you find. To buy that you will be granted a weekly salary of 5000 Kan (basing Kan on AUD$ since I can't be fucked figuring out the JPN yen system which Kan is based on) on a weekly basis. After the week I expect you to know most of the conducts new and old and remember the events like the text book was right in front of you understand Uzumaki taicho of the Sanbantai" Yamamoto demanded.

"Hai Soutaicho Genryuusai sama" Naruto said with a perfect salute ignoring the gross mucky food staining's that adorned his clothes and skin. "But…" Naruto said "what is it?" Naruto, "why am I captaining the third division? I mean I respect it but most of the members are guys and the girls are just cold and kinky BDSM freaks, it's just that do you expect me a man that has been deprived of female presence for over three hundred years needs a bit more junk and trunk Soutaicho Sama?" Naruto asked still in his perfect salute.

Yamamoto who had a massive sweat drop accumulating on his head looked at his to be captain with an incredulous stare.

"It's not like I think women are tools but I've had to resort to Female Vasto lords and I'm no means proud of that but you know what I am proud of?" Naruto asked as Yamamoto's incredulous stare turned into utter disbelief. 'His complaint is that he wanted more chicks on his squad…though he has a point the third divisions females would turn just about any one off with their sexual fetishes' Yamamoto thought.

"What is it Naruto?" Yamamoto asked, "I'm proud that I've discovered female Vasto lords have genitalia" Naruto stated.

"So you uh... "

"Yeah I did"

"Um…how was it, I mean it was a hollow's one?"

"It felt wrong but it felt awesome Soutaicho Sama"

The conversation turned awkward really fast and both conversationalists avoided each other's gaze. "Well with the third division it's your problem, if you want girls then go after girls in other divisions if yours turn you off" Yamamoto stated.

"Now then, head over to the upper right corner of the cell" Yamamoto instructed. Naruto did just that standing flush against the wall on the upper right corner.

The pad directly above the pad he was standing on opened up revealing a cannon like barrel seconds late he was shot up through it at an extreme speed. Shooting from the barrel like ammunition he slammed into a padded ceiling which didn't make hurt less. And by the laws of corny cartoon comedy laws Naruto stayed imprinted into the padded ceiling for a few seconds before falling down flat on his face.

'This prison contraption is like Wiley the coyote's death trap of a plan, I kill who ever designed this' Naruto thought irritably before pushing himself up onto his feet.

(10 minutes later)

Arriving at his temporary accommodation at the first division without any suspicion Naruto checked out his room. Walking around he went into his bedroom and it was a decent size, six by seven metres with a window on the left side taking up two metres by two metres staring from the corner of the six metre wall, from the end of the window to the corner of the wall was a clothing cupboard. The bed was situated right on the right wall; it was a large queen sized bed with a small side, from the foot of his bed down was a book cupboard. Realizing it was full of the personal information fill out papers and books he needed to study he left his room and into the bath room.

The bath room was four by three metres, the shower with was one metre square sat flush against the right wall. The sink was right next to the glass wall of the shower and the bathtub running two metres down the left wall. The toilet was situated on the front wall where the door was right in the corner. The cupboards were filled with the necessary bath room utensils.

Leaving the bath room the kitchen and the lounge where similar sizes with all the stuff you expect to see in a kitchen and lounge.

Going back to his room he opened up the clothes cupboard and took out a simple robe and took out to the bathroom.

(Five minutes late)

Naruto set the shower spray to the max setting letting the torrent of water impact him like bullets, leaning his forehead to the wall Naruto wondered. 'Now that I'm alive should I seek for my son or should I leave him be?" Naruto thought to himself it was a simple question that would have massive impacts on his life. 'Would he want a father? I'm sure that he'd want to know the identity but what would his reaction be? Would he reject me or hear me out?' Naruto asked himself as to do or not to do pushed him into a trance. An uncountable amount of emotion conflicted with his logical thinking. Hate and rejection or happiness and acceptance would reshape his life if he sought out his son.

"What should I do?" Naruto asked himself vocally.

(One hour later)

Lying shirtless on his bed Naruto contemplated what he would do if he chose to find his son.

"Okay 'way to tell son the truth and for him to happily accept it version one'. Step one-identify and find my son, step two-befriend him, step three-get close enough to him so that any problem he has he will come to you for guidance, step four- tell him the truth" Naruto voiced out.

"Okay version two, step one-identify him and find him, step two tell-him the truth and wish for the best"

"Now which one takes the least effort… I do version two. Hopefully he understands my reasons and accepts me." Naruto said.

(Three hours later)

With 40 pieces of paper filled with everything he knew about Aizen, his hollows and his base Las noches.

Looking at the ten pages of personal accounts before and during the time he was in hueco mundo sat one his bedside table. 'I'm delivering those pages to Yamamoto personally. The rest of the Gotei isn't reading through my personal history after I deserted. That's only for me and Yamamoto to know.' Naruto thought.

Looking to his clock it was 1:00am already.

'lights out'