If you haven't been able to tell, as of late I've been struggling to understand the dynamic I've created between Celest and Hannibal. I don't like the way she's acting lately and any writer would understand what I mean. While I do have a complete reason as to why Hannibal met her and stuck around and his different way of behaving around her, Celest in the time period they've been together has become a bit of an asshole. I mean, she's become almost like one of those radical feminists who doesn't give a shit about facts and just goes off of what she wants.

Don't take the note above as a letter of resignation. I'm simply trying to fix Celest, and even Hannibal, to better the relationship. Things are slowly going to start wrapping up from here and I hope things make more sense.

PS; A reviewer pointed out Celest got angry when she mentioned her past! She's supposed to act that way! It's a thing, I made sure people knew it was a thing! Haha

I'm not watching television for an hour until I start feeling like shit. I fucked up royally.

I was so caught up in my conversation with Will and my personal view on things that I didn't even listen to him and I know I should have. Hannibal's worry for me was completely justified; I was being a pompous cunt because of my own personal shit. I mean, I gotta admit, he sounded border line controlling but it was completely understandable. I just got so fucking angry when he even showed possessiveness.

"Fuck." I whisper to the darkness of my home, grabbing my phone. I've never made so many phonecalls in one day. I call Will, putting the phone up to my ear with a sour face.

"Hey Celest." He sighed into the phone, clearly as unhappy with me as Hannibal and I am.

"He told you?" Word spreads fast. I need to get Will more friends so this shit doesn't spread like wildfire.

"He called. He couldn't talk for long, he had some late appointments starting at five." Will was never the man to like being in the center of something. It was like an emotional overload on his brain and I never liked putting him in this position. I felt bad, not only did I fuck up a good thing with Hannibal over a little anger, I'm starting to weave that shit into my friendship.

"I over reacted, big time. Seriously, I mega fucked up." I don't think I'll ever be able to stop kicking myself in the ass for this.

"Yes you did, but you typically do when you get onto your own path. You were going to give him hell and you did, despite the situation." Ah fuck, Will knows me better than anyone.

"I know, I know. I feel like shit, okay?"

"You made him feel like that too. He gave me a rundown of the speech you gave. I know you recognize it, but you went overboard. What caused you to lose it? "

"I know I over did it, no need to shove it in my face. But as soon as he said that whatever he was freaking out about had to do with the incident last night he refused to tell me about, I went blind with rage."

"Blind rage? Are you having those episodes again?"

"It wasn't blackout bad. On a scale of one to ten, it was like… a four. God, I just couldn't let go once I latched on."

"Because it's in your nature, Celest. You know you can't always control yourself when you start to get angry. You can't put yourself in situations where you'll know you'll become angry."

"I didn't know I was going to get angry, Will. I've been controlling it well."

"You have been doing better, but your anger issue went into remission, it wasn't gone."

"I know that. I've been having the dreams again. Where I'm hurting other people."

"Again? It's been years."

"I know, Will. I," I sigh, holding my forehead ", I gotta talk to him."

"Well, typically he takes a twenty minute break at eight between sessions. I can give you the address but you're going to need to get over there quick. And you need to tell him why. I can feel it in your voice that you want to fix the situation and I'm telling you honesty is the best route."

"Stop being smarter than me," I smile, my heart heavy with piles of issues ", so. Think he'll let me in?"

"Of course he will. He told me himself he didn't want to lose contact with you. And I'm not smarter than you. I just know Hannibal a little better."

Will gives me his work address and some quick directions. As I pull on some jeans and a muscle shirt, I'm plagued with scenarios. This could turn out like shit. I practically betrayed him by thinking he'd ever betray me. I was dating him and I refused to take his feelings into account, which is rule number one in a new relationship. I'm such an incredible asshole. The terrible thoughts don't stop as I'm driving, my knuckles turning white on the wheel. He could turn me away, call me out on everything I said to him, or tell me I'm the worst.

I park across the street from his daunting office, slinking my way in. I approach the only door, which must be Hannibal's. As I get closer, a woman with a beautiful opera voice meets my ears. He must be playing old records because I can hear the minor scratching noises. I can't help but smile to myself; old record players have a spot in my heart. They're just so different from what we use now. I take a moment to listen to the music, the cool tango of the male and female voices calming me from the inside out. I lift a hand, knocking on the door just loud enough.

The record stops abruptly, the needle scratching against the record. His footsteps draw closer and I want to turn and run. But before I can, the door opens just slow enough to make me feel worse. His cool eyes lower to meet mine, Hannibal's face stoic, waiting for me to make the first move.

"So," I raise my hands in defeat ", I fucked up."

"What ugly language for such a beautiful woman." He was teasing me, a smirk slowly growing on his face. He steps aside, allowing me in, and I accept. The office smells warm and welcoming, and I gotta admit, that loft style library is really as kick ass as Will said. I just want to climb up there with a matress and have a field day.

"I kind of freaked out and you didn't deserve it. Will told me you had twenty minutes, so I took it, because I felt horrible." I spoke softly as I let my eyes wander his office.

"I'm glad you came, I wanted to talk more about a possible sensitive issue. I… Will mentioned your issue with anger. I've only seen hints of it, traces in how you behave, but tonight it became apparent. Are you okay with me making this observation?"

"yeah, it's fine. I've… I've always had the anger issue." I turn, shrugging to Hannibal. He moves towards me, his hands landing on my shoulders. He unzipped my bomber jacket, pushing it off my shoulders. He remained attentive to me as he hung my jacket on the rack.

"Does your anger often push away people you care about?"

"Sometimes. I usually don't notice how bad I've been until it's too late to fix." I admit, pushing my hands into my pockets. Hannibal's face softens when he hears my admission, eyes warm with understanding. With his hand on my back, he leads me to the chairs across from each other.

"I suppose your anger started when you were young, in the years no one knows about?" He sits me down and then sits across from me. I feel more like a patient than the person who was dating him, but I can't complain. For all purposes, that's what I am.

He's trudging into dangerous waters and he knows it. Anxiety starts to rush through my veins and I take a big breathe. I swallow my fear, my anxiety, and my reluctant nature. Will told me this could fix it…

"A lot of people know, just not you," I smile ", and it started back then. After that, it never went away." Hannibal raised his eyebrows.

"That? You're talking about a specific incident; the trigger incident."

"Yeah. I've been having a lot of dreams about it. Increasingly since we've met," Hannibal cocked his head ", maybe you just have that effect on women." I chuckle, trying to break the tension. He moves forward on the seat, resting his chin on his hands.

"Would you be willing to tell me what happened, Celest? Do you trust me enough with that? He's been waiting for this moment since dinner; he's been dying to know. And right now? Telling him this about me is the only way I can see us salvaging the budding relationship we had and what I honestly wanted to continue… despite his creepy quirks.

"Will told me telling you about it would fix it." I hate how I sound right now; so pathetic and defeated over a man I practically just met, but know plenty about. But I can't sound any different. Now isn't the time to whip out the stoic act.

"It as in us?"

I nod in response, looking off to the side.

"You don't have to say anything, Celest. We can drop it all right now, resume how we were, pretend this entire day didn't happen."

"No, Hannibal. You should know. It's a big part of who I am."

"I know, it's the reason why you're so abrasive, it's the reason why you swear when you're not even angry or hurt. If you're willing to tell me, here is a safe place to come forward."

We watch each other for a while and it almost feels like the first time we met all over again. I've been in therapy before, each session with a new guy or girl wanting to fix me felt just like this. Except, different. I didn't feel like I was being evaluated, he was actually listening to me. He actually cares, not only about my problem, about me.

"I almost killed four people. I almost killed four kids."

Oh shit was that a cliff hanger? I feel like I fixed all the shit I fucked up. Any complaints about it, I bite my thumb at! New chapter soon.

xoxoPN