Ready When You Are

I remember the day I was bitten stronger than any other. The weeks before were full of fear and darkness. I remember my father being bullied by a young man called Fenir. My dad was strong. He thought it was best not to give in. But I know he regreted it later. That night was the usual. Fenir came round. My mother told me to leave the room. I went to my bedroom and got changed into my pyjamas. I heard shouting, then my mother's screams. I heard something about Hogwarts and heard my name several times. Fenir left, slamming the door behind him. My mother came, tears streaming down her face. I tried t comfort her but stopped when this caused her to cry harder. She turned my light out and I slowly went to sleep, dreaming of fairies and magic wands. The next thing I knew was pain, then bright white.

Through the next weeks I was half way between life and death. St Mungos pitied my parents. I kept hearing the nurses saying that I was the fourth that week and they were expecting another soon. I didn't know who bit me or that Fenir Greyback was a werewolf until I was about 12 years old, the year Dumbledore let me come to Hogwarts. At that point I had gone through the transformation 13 times. I became terrified of what people would think of me. This became so great that my father organised that I was kept a secet from the other students. A shack and whomping willow were built and planted. All for other student's and my protection.

The train to Hogwarts was exciting. For the first time since I was bitten, I had friends. Two of them were funny and layed back, the third looked nervous all the time. His face looked like a rat and I didn't like him much but I didn't say so, just in case I was kicked out.

Their names were James, Peter and Sirius. James was handsome, funny and a showoff. He stood out on purpose, said things that made you smile. Sirius was good-looking, laughed a lot and winked as much as he laughed. They looked good and felt amazing to be around.

That year passed without incident. James fell in love with a young girl called Lily. I felt a bit jealous of Lily when I found out and didn't understand why she kept saying no. Sirius seemed to want me around all the time. He kept sighing on the nights of the full moon and seemed disapointed when I told them I needed to go. Peter was always as nervous as he looked. He hated talking to anyone and was really impressed with James. It was a bit pathetic.

The next year we all turned up at Hogwarts again, suprisingly Peter passed exams. Sirius told me that Peter's mother paid for him to return. About halfway through the year, my worst nightmare came to life. James and Sirius confronted me. They said they knew about my problem. The next bit was not like I had imagined. They said they wanted to help and had come up with a way over the holidays. We were only second years but they had planned for them and Peter to become unregistered Anamagi. I was touched. Deep down in my heart I felt it. Love. For the first time in my life someone loved me outside my family.

Third year came along. I was working hard with James and Sirius on our Anamagi project. Each week, we would take in turn doing all of the other's homework. Peter never got a shot at doing anyone else's homework. James' exact words were "The teachers will be suscpicious if he did it. They'd definitly have a tingling something was happening if one week our standards dropped." James was right as usual. He was still in love with Lily, though one day, he emerged from the bathrooms with Sirius and both of them looked angry. A quick teasing of Severus Snape fixed it all and before long they were back to normal. Life was getting hard but I always liked it like that.

Later that year, Sirius asked me out. I was about to tell him that I was dating a boy called Jesse before Hogwarts when Peter came in the room. We moved to the bathroom and I said I'm ready when you are, but that it needed to be private. And it was. We even did IT in the Forbidden Forest. It was the most exilerating thing I had ever done.

With fourth year came a bucketload of homework. It was harder and harder to work on our project. A lot of the time we had to sneak under James' invisibility cloak. We were all super close to fit under it but it worked. We were in the library when we weren't in class or sleeping. We barely had time for food. James had taken the risk in third year to join the Quidditch team. It was even harder for him. On Christmas Eve, our plan was ready. We went into our dorm. I watched as James did the spells on Peter, then himself. Sirius did them himself. Then they took out the mandrake that had been in their mouths for a month and changed. I smiled as I saw a dog, stag and rat in front of me. Perfect. Never would I have to face full moon alone again.

Fifth year was more homework than fourth. We had another project this time. Our aim was to plot the whole school on a map and put a charm on it so that every person on the grounds would be there, on the map. Sirius and I stole kisses at every available moment. We talked about our past. Sirius had had a boyfriend called Malcolm that he had never kissed. Malcom sounded suprisingly like Jesse. OWLs came and went. We all had plans for the future. James didn't need a job, for he had all the money needed but he decided to be an Auror later on. Sirius decided the same. I wanted to be a teacher. Pettigrew never decided what he wanted to be. He was always changing his mind.

During the holidays, we got our OWLs results. I got Os on everything but History, on which I got an E. I decided to do all of the old compulsory subjects so that I could teach any subject if I couldn't get Defence. We never had a Defence teacher for more than a year so I liked my chances. Sirius took me to a family reunion. There was a really pretty girl there. Her name was Nymphadora. She had pink hair and was 9, years younger than me. I decided that it was just brotherly love that made her look good. I repeat my old words in my head - ready when you are. Yes Sirius was where I belonged. Nymph wasn't getting in the way.

Sixth year. I made a pact with Sirius to tell James about us after we graduated. The war started. Lord Voldemort was getting stronger by the day. I kept seeing articles about people going missing in the newspaper. My cousin went missing. Sirius' brother signed up to be a death eater and was denied; being told he had to be 17. Sirius hated Regulus more and more in every waking moment. Panic was everywhere but Sirius was a candle in the darkness. James finally got Lily to go out with him. They were snogging everywhere. It was gross but James was enjoying himself. Peter's aunt was murdered and Peter was told to leave Hogwarts. He didn't. To this day I don't know why. We finished our map and for the first time since first year I could concentrate on homework.

Our final year of Hogwarts came along. I saw Nymphadora again and had to restrain from reaching out to protect her. 'Yes, definitly brotherly love, nothing more' I told myself. It was true then and I believe that it is true now. I got scared. Graduation was fast approaching and I didn't know what to say to James. I panicked and I still regret it. I told Sirius two days until graduation that I am bi, true, and that I love Nymph, false. He looked sad, I even saw him cry. I wish I hadn't spoken. I had lost everything that meant anything to me. I cried as well. I wish I had made up. Anything, even coming out, would be better than this.

15 Years Later

For the first time in 13 years, I have a chance with Sirius again. I know Nymph has started to love me but I still want the relationship of years before. As I walk through the doors of Grimald Place, I smile. 'Yes' I think 'let's kindle our old relationship'. I feel the old fires burn and the old matches are lit. I know I am ready for it this time, but will Sirius be? I grin at him and ask the questions with my smile. He answers with those beautiful eyes I love so much, Ready when you are.