Dedicated to the memory of Singapore's first PM, Mr Lee Kuan Yew.
White Wind Anemones
Chapter I
You can see the stains?
Can you hear my voice?
You can! You can! Oh thank you, Kami-sama!
I can finally return to the world of the living!
Hikaru heard the voice, Sai's voice, and inside, his heart was fluttering and thumping loudly. He could hardly breathe with the anticipation that his wish was granted and he could almost see Sai again. Now, if only his eyes could open, Hikaru knew he would see that he was in his grandpa's shed, back where his eleven year old self discovered Sai's Goban..
Hikaru's eyes snapped open and he found himself looking outward from.. Somewhere. That wasn't the real problem though.
Reality stopped making sense once Hikaru saw.. Himself staring at a ghostly Sai floating above Hikaru.
For a moment Hikaru's brain stopped as he saw his younger self, in front of him, paralyzed. Abruptly, he stood up-
And screamed as he went careening into the wall of his grandpa's shed.
"What the hell?" Hikaru cursed as he extracted himself from the wall. "That hurt so much." Only to realise that it didn't.
In that moment, Hikaru realised two somethings.
One, he was floating. Hikaru couldn't feel the floor beneath his feet, and as if subconciously affirming that he was floating, the fourteen year old boy drifted higher a few inches. A strangled sound escaped him but
Two, he had better things to worry about, as both Sai and his younger self was staring at him like they had seen a ghost.
Hikaru would have laughed at his joke had he not been so sure that him laughing would have sent either Sai or his younger self into hysterics. Panic-attacks, not giggles.
"Hi," Hikaru started, peering down at his younger self curiously (has he always been that short?), and avoiding eye contact with the other ghost (as he was pretty sure he'd break down crying after awhile), "I can explain-"
Apparently, Hikaru could explain, but younger Hikaru didn't want to listen as he fell into a dead faint.
"Oh. Oh dear," Sai commented, an expression of pure confusion on his face, his chin resting on the tip of his folded fan. "What's happening?"
"This is really not what I asked for," muttered Hikaru to himself, but loud enough for the other ghost to hear, "but I thank you for the effort all the same, Kami-sama."
"…" Silence came from both ghosts as Hikaru kept his eyes firmly on his fainted younger self, refusing to make eye contact with Sai, while Sai just stared speechlessly at the older, ghostly version of the little human child who could see him.
"Fine!" Hikaru finally erupted, unable to bottle up his feelings any longer. "I'll explain it to you, Sai, I'll explain everything to you!"
Sai looked on in bewilderment as the other ghost finally looked at him, and actually started tearing up. "I don't understand, who are you?"
"I'm him," Hikaru said, pointing his fallen younger self on the floor, "From the future. I've come back to make everything right, Sai. Though I hadn't expected Kami-sama to grant my wish like this. I thought I'd be sent back to my old body in this time." 'Though now that I think of it, I would have snuffed out the soul of my younger self had that happened, and that would create a paradox because I wouldn't have existed past my eleventh birthday in a sense,' Hikaru mused to himself. Perhaps it was better this way, thought it did put a snag in his plans. He'd have to do things a little differently-
"Why have you come back?" The cute look of confusion on Sai's face resulted in a bubble of laughter rising from Hikaru's throat.
-one of those would be that he'd actually have to tell Sai the truth. "I've missed you," Hikaru said quietly, "I've missed you so much I just had to."
Hikaru had actually planned to pretend that he didn't have any knowledge of the future when he was sent back to his eleven year old body, and dedicate the rest of his life helping Sai achieve his goal by letting him play every single game from the start.
However, that was evidently not possible anymore, so Hikaru just had to steel himself to explain to this version of Sai what exactly happened to make him say what he did, when he was interrupted by the calls of young Akari from the outside of the shed.
"Hikaru! Are you done? I'm getting tired just standing around and waiting!"
Hikaru smiled at the voice of the only friend whom he still appreciated. The rest- Waya and the inseis, Akira and his soccer buddies- they all made him enjoy time away from Sai too much, such that he had forgotten the ghost. Hikaru had told himself that he would manage his interactions with his past-friends better this time around, but he didn't really know how his plans would go now with this unexpected occurance of also being a ghost factoring into the equation.
Akari had gotten enough of waiting it seems, as she got over her fear of being caught stealing something and entered the shed, only to let out a squeak as she saw younger Hikaru's fallen body on the floor.
"Helppp!" Akari screamed as she rushed into Hikaru's grandpa's house. "Ojii-san! Hikaru fainted-"
Hikaru couldn't hear her anymore as she got too far away. It seemed that he was like Sai, unable to move further than a room's length away from the younger Hikaru. There was something weird going on though, as he felt a connection calling him from somewhere other than the usual boundary around younger Hikaru. Hikaru feared that if he followed that connection, he would end up back in the future. Therefore, he ignored it with single-minded determination.
Turning back to Sai, Hikaru begun telling his story to the ghost, about how it went the first time around. The two ghosts followed young Hikaru as he was carted off to the hospital in an ambulance, with Sai listening attentively to Hikaru's story.
Hikaru told Sai everything, from being a soccer fanatic eventually giving into Sai's pleads to let him play Go, to when Hikaru finally became a pro, enjoying Go so much that he let Sai play less and less. Hikaru told Sai how he made the ghost sadder and sadder before he disappeared one fine day in May, with Hikaru ignoring the premonitions of the disappearance like the fading bloodstain on Torajirou's Goban and the lacklustre ghost who was usually so energetic in pleading for a game of Go. These premonitions had surfaced as early as the month before, and Hikaru thought that had he noticed them earlier and took measures to make Sai happy again, Sai wouldn't have disappeared.
That was the basis of his wish, that Hikaru wanted another chance to take back his mistakes of the future ("Wow, that sounded like an unplanned pregnancy or something," Hikaru commented and laughed at Sai's spluttering. ) which denied not only Sai of a chance to reach the Hand of God, but also the world of a Go genius brilliant beyond measures. Hikaru neglected to mention his selfish reasons of feeling lonely and needing a companion, of course.
It was a lot to take in, so as Hikaru completed his story, he fell silent and watched Sai contemplate out of the corner of his eyes, head bowed while waiting for the Go ghost's reaction. They were seated, well, floating in a seating position, next to the still unconscious younger Hikaru's bed in the hospital, with Akari and Hikaru's grandpa in the corridor outside talking to the doctor. The only sound heard in the room were the soft breaths taken by younger Hikaru.
"I'm so sorry," Hikaru added once he felt that the silence was getting suffocating, "I know I was an idiot and an asshole, but I'll make it up to you now."
"..who was an asshole?"
Before Sai had the chance to reply, Hikaru turned to younger Hikaru, who had mumbled the question as he blearily opened his eyes. Apparently younger Hikaru wasn't seeing very well as he continued, "dad, I just had the strangest dream. I met me from the future..."
Younger Hikaru's speech tapered off when he caught sight of both Hikaru and Sai staring at him. "Well. Seems like it wasn't a dream."
"Nope, sorry to burst your bubble, you're not dreaming. Congratulations, you're haunted by two ghosts!" Hikaru chirped, and upon seeing his younger self's face which was morphing into panic, quickly added, "Don't worry we're harmless and for God's sake don't faint again!"
Younger Hikaru nodded mutely, staring at his future self with trepidation.
"I think you should explain to the young one, Shindo-san," Sai finally spoke, addressing the elder Hikaru.
"Hikaru," corrected future Hikaru, "you always called me Hikaru.. though it might be a problem now, seeing that we're both Hikarus."
"Don't steal my name," hissed younger Hikaru, but he was cut off from saying anything more when the door to the room opened to admit his grandpa and Akari.
"Hikaru! You're up!" Akari gushed as she rushed to Hikaru's side. "I thought you died or something. Who were you talking to?"
Younger Hikaru's eyes flicked to the right, where Sai and older Hikaru was floating. "Uh.."
"They can't see us," offered older Hikaru helpfully.
"Nobody," younger Hikaru said quickly.
"Explanations will have to come later then, when you're back home," older Hikaru said as he floated to stand beside Akari. "Huh, I've forgotten how tiny Akari was. I should have known from seeing me so short – Hey, you do know they'll think you're crazy if you say anything out loud, right?" Hikaru reminded younger Hikaru when his mouth had opened to say something in retort to the 'short' statement.
Younger Hikaru's mouth closed back with a 'click'.
"Hikaru, are you feeling better?" Hikaru's grandpa asked. "What happened?"
"Say it was an allergic reaction to dust or something," older Hikaru ordered.
"I think it was an allergic reaction to dust, maybe.." younger Hikaru parroted obligingly. "I'm fine now though, can I go home?" He added imploringly.
Heihachi glanced backwards, where the doctor stood, checking the clipboard at the foot of the bed. "From what I observe and the details of his vitals, Shindo-kun is fit enough to be discharged. I don't think the fainting was caused by an allergy, nor can I pin-point the exact cause, but since it is not a recurring event, if you feel well enough to be discharged I don't see a reason to keep you here." Turning to Heihachi, the doctor had speared the elderly man with a strict look. "Keep an eye out for your grandson. If he faints again or even feels a little light headed, bring him back for a check up alright?"
Heihachi had nodded his understanding, and that was enough confirmation for younger Hikaru as he leapt up from the bed like he hadn't been unconscious for a few hours ten minutes ago. The doctor reached out a hand to steady younger Hikaru had he wobbled, but younger Hikaru made it with no problems, so he let it drop back to his side and placed the clipboard back at the foot of the bed.
"Any dizziness?" The doctor asked as younger Hikaru walked out the hospital door briskly. At younger Hikaru's shake of his head, the doctor nodded to the patient and his family, bade them farewell and hurried away with a reminder to Heihachi to check out at the front desk.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Akari asked as Hikaru's grandpa looked on worriedly.
"Yeah I'm fine, sheesh, I told you I just had an allergic reaction!" younger Hikaru scowled at Akari's mother hen-like behavior, before turning to the side to glare at Sai who had made a small sound of amusement, and elder Hikaru who had a wide grin on his face. 'We'll settle this at home,' younger Hikaru mouthed forcefully, and pretended he had been yawning when Akari caught him and gave him a strange look.
"Ah, young love," sighed older Hikaru, "so cute. You have good taste though, Akari grows up to be very pretty."
Younger Hikaru's neck snapped to look at him so fast, everyone around him heard the wind make a 'whoosh' sound. "We ended up together?" Younger Hikaru asked his older self incredulously.
"What?" Akari and his grandpa turned toward younger Hikaru asking.
"Nothing," younger Hikaru muttered, giving the evil eye to the cackling ghost from the future. The other ghost, the one from the past, was just staring silently bewildered at the scene.
'Geez he's such an asshole,' younger Hikaru thought to himself, hoping very hard that he still could change how he'd turn out in the future.
"Believe me kid, you can. I actually came back hoping to change you to be a better person compared to me," older Hikaru told his younger self, "because I hurt a lot of people who mattered to me with my attitude, one of them most of all. He left, so I came back to change that, and to teach you to appreciate what you have."
Younger Hikaru would have been affected by such powerful words had he not realised that his older self could actually read his mind. Horrified, he gave a strangled moan as he took a seat next to Akari on his grandpa's car, oblivious to the girl's questioning gaze.
"Not really, but you can communicate with us in your mind, if you think aloud like you did just now," ghostly Hikaru said, pushing Sai, who had been staring in wonderment at the contraption into the front seat next to Heihachi before squeezing himself between his younger self and Akari in the back seat.
"What's this?" Sai asked, eyes alight as he inspected every inch of the car's dashboard.
At the same time, younger Hikaru scrunched up his face disgruntledly. 'And you didn't tell me I could before I made a fool out of myself because?'
"Fun," older Hikaru replied, before sticking his upper body through the space between the front seats in order to explain to Sai what a car was and what the various knobs and buttons on the dashboard did. Sai ooh-ed and ahh-ed at everything, while younger Hikaru sulked in the corner.
"Wait, so you mean to tell me that the future me plays Go?" Younger Hikaru could barely believe the nonsense coming out from his older self's mouth. "Why would I ever play that old man's game?"
The trio were currently back in Hikaru's room. Elder Hikaru noticed that his parents were still not home, even though it was already 7 pm in the evening, as usual. It was fortunate his grandpa had fed his younger self and Akari dinner before sending him back home, else younger Hikaru would have to make some instant noodles or something to eat. After bidding Akari goodbye, younger Hikaru was ushered back to his room by his elder self, who told younger Hikaru (a slightly edited version of) his story, making sure to highlight how much of an asshole Hikaru had been in the alternate future, and dropped the metaphorical bombshell on younger Hikaru- His elder self played Go and wanted him to learn the game as well.
"Because if you become a professional, did you know you can earn money?" Hikaru asked slyly in return. As predicted, his younger self's eyes lit at the prospect of money. "But no, I didn't play Go just because I needed money. I really started to enjoy the game.. Too much to the point of neglecting the one person who really mattered."
"Him?" Younger Hikaru pointed at the floating Go ghost. "Who is he anyway?"
When elder Hikaru made no move to answer, the ghost from the Heian era did. "I am Fujiwara-no-Sai, Go tutor to the Emperor before I died."
Intrigued, younger Hikaru sat up straighter from where he was slouched on his bed. "Woah. I already know my future self's story, what's yours?" He asked, pretty rudely in elder Hikaru's opinion, and was smacked upside the head for it.
Younger Hikaru immediately regretted asking as the regal man-ghost-whatever he was launched into his tale, which included a lot of dramatics that he wasn't sure a grown man like Sai should be having. The ghost even had tears in his eyes when he told of the part where the other Go tutor to the Emperor cheated like he couldn't believe anyone could do something so sacrilegious. In the end, younger Hikaru didn't know whether to be incredulous or horrified that there was such a man so devoted to an old man's game that he would be willing to die for it. And that he'd trade time in heaven, if it existed, for time as a ghost just to play more Go.
And then he had waited a thousand years to be able to play Go for what, an extra ten years with the guy named Torajirou whose Goban Hikaru found in his grandpa's attic?
"That's crazy," younger Hikaru commented, eyes wide, "and yet so cool."
"Uh huh," added elder Hikaru, "that's why you'll be letting Sai play Go through you."
"What? No!" Younger Hikaru immediately protested. "I don't want to play that old man's game! Or even be seen playing it, even if it's not me playing it."
"Shut it pipsqueak," elder Hikaru commanded. "Sai, you do want to play Go don't you?"
"Please, may I, Hikaruuuu-kun?" Sai took the cue to immediately started whining, adding that little drawn out note in Hikaru's name that elder Hikaru missed very much.
"No!"
Then, to younger Hikaru's horror, the grown man-ghost started crying. "Hikaruuuuuuu-kun!"
Younger Hikaru withstood the crying for a grand total of five seconds before couldn't take it anymore, so he hastily said, "okay, okay! I'll help you play Go tomorrow.. How?"
"Thank you Hikaru-kun!" The Go obsessed ghost cried, before doing a twirl around Hikaru's room.
Elder Hikaru, who had been smiling that wide grin of his that had since this afternoon not bode well for younger Hikaru, waved a hand. "Don't worry about that, I'll direct you to a Go salon after school. Just worry about that History test you have tomorrow."
"I have a History test tomorrow?"
Younger Hikaru's dismayed cry was drowned out by Sai's jubilant celebration, who was chanting "Go! Go! Go!" to himself while elder Hikaru watched amusedly on.
"I need to study for the test," younger Hikaru snarled, effectively shutting Sai up, "so can I have peace and quiet at least until bedtime?" He was whacked on the head by elder Hikaru again.
"Be more polite, but we get it. Sai, would you like to play a game of blind Go with me?" Elder Hikaru asked as he settled down in a corner of the room, furthest away from younger Hikaru who was sitting at his study desk and rummaging frantically through the pile of notes in his bag looking for the History ones.
Faint whispers could be heard from that corner for the next hour or so, with younger Hikaru sneaking peeks at the duo of ghosts ever so often, while doing his best to read his notes. 'I don't get it,' younger Hikaru thought to himself, 'what's in Go that makes them love it so much?' Even he himself had become a Go maniac- maniac enough to ask to travel back in time to ensure that his Go mentor doesn't disappear.
Younger Hikaru couldn't deny that both ghosts enjoy the game very much though. Elder Hikaru looked very serious, nose scrunched up as he thought, while Sai- was that man still crying?- had his facial expression hidden behind that fan he was carrying, but younger Hikaru could see his eyes and cheeks were moist with tears.
When younger Hikaru was in the midst of memorizing the names of some of the more important officials given in his history textbook, he heard elder Hikaru sigh loudly and say, "I resign. Thank you for the game." in an out-of-character formal and polite tone.
"Thank you for the game," Sai had replied equally formal and polite.
Then they started discussing the game, to younger Hikaru's disbelief. Apparently playing the game wasn't enough for Go fanatics, they had to discuss the game with terms which made sense only to them, like "clusters" and "hands" and "connecting" and "dying", that reminded him of that Star Wars video game that he used to play.
"Modern Go has changed a few things," elder Hikaru had started after a discussion on the score- which younger Hikaru couldn't see because the game of Go took place in their heads, "for one, there is now komi, a compensation of 5.5 points is given to black, which is the handicap given to white for its advantage of starting first.."
Younger Hikaru's head fell forward onto the desk with a 'thunk' as he realized that he'd rather listen to the Go discussion than study History. In doing so, younger Hikaru missed the wide grin that spread on elder Hikaru's face as he witnessed his younger self struggle in mental anguish.
Sai missed it all, too happy in his want to learn all the wonderful new rules about Go that he missed out since his time with Torajirou.
That night, when younger Hikaru was asleep, elder Hikaru spent his time chatting with Sai about anything and everything. Sai had been especially interested when hearing about his other self teaching Hikaru.
"Other me must have had a lot of fun teaching you Go. You are quite a good player," Sai had complimented Hikaru on his gameplay, and Hikaru's heart ached in happiness.
"It was fun, I guess, but I was really mean to the other you, which got worse toward the end. I took you for granted and thought you'd be here for me till the end, like you were for Torajirou, so once I started enjoying Go I only let you play on NetGo once in awhile as you playing through me would seem so weird to everyone who knew my playing style.." Hikaru said, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. "I'm so sorry. I didn't think about you back then, and I didn't mean to make you unhappy. I swear I'll make it up to you this time. I'll make sure my younger self will let you play Go as much as you want."
All the while, since that afternoon, that strange feeling in Hikaru's gut that was calling him somewhere was getting stronger and stronger.
Sai shook his head, his hair rustling with the movement. "I don't want to take over Hikaru-kun's life.. I just want to play Go.."
Hikaru opened his mouth to say something, like assure Sai on the behalf of his younger self that it wouldn't be a problem, because he would do anything, like denying his younger self of his happiness just to make Sai happy (because if younger Hikaru had gone through what he did, younger Hikaru would see where he was coming from, Hikaru rationalized). He was interrupted by his stomach rolling uncomfortably.
Hikaru told Sai about it, who had furrowed his brows thoughtfully. "Is the feeling like the urge you have when you leave the vicinity of your younger self?"
"I don't know," Hikaru replied, and got to his feet to try it out. He walked out of the door to his room, down the stairs and out to the front porch. The feeling in his gut intensified, and when he stepped into the middle of the lawn, he blinked and found himself standing back in his room.
"Yeah, it is somewhat like it," Hikaru replied after his experiment. The feeling was a little like when you open your eyes without blinking for too long. Eventually your eyes would water and you would have to blink.
"I think you should go check out the source of where the pull is coming from," Sai suggested.
Hikaru told Sai of his concerns about ending back up in the future, but he was cut off when Sai hugged him. Hikaru's eyes started feeling hot- then they started watering and before long he was bawling his eyes out in Sai's embrace.
"It will be fine," Sai had whispered to him reassuringly, "and I forgive you."
That had made Hikaru's eyes water even more, but eventually, he had agreed to go check out the origin of the pull.
Hikaru left Sai's embrace very reluctantly, trembling and afraid that if he let go, Sai would disappear, or he himself would. When nothing happened, his trembling eventually stopped but he still felt fearful of ending back up in the future. Alone. Without Sai.
But Sai gave him a reassuring look, so Hikaru took a deep breath and let it out slowly, closing his eyes and focusing on the origin of the pull. He felt something, something that made him open his eyes- and he saw that he was fading. Hikaru started panicking then, but it was too late as the world faded around him, and he faded from the world.