Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note or anything else with a brand name in this chapter. Guns, I don't own them.

Note: Okaaaay so I don't know about this one. More plot based than emotion based, which is a bit of a departure for me. I don't feel like I pulled it off as well as I normally do which is a shame because it was a wonderful idea donated by Elkaria Disturbia in her review :3 I believe you asked for Ide getting shot while Matsu spaced out about Kira? And then there's the gratuitous innuendo at the end. It probably doesn't come across in my writing (because I edit it out) but I keep feeling like I'm making these two gay for each other. By the time I'm done with this and Passages I'm just going to have to come out and write some damned slash for them, I think. Even if no one ever reads it but me :D

x

Flashback

Prompt: 12. Hell

"Matsuda! What the hell?"

Mogi pulled him roughly round to face him. Matsuda's eyes were a little glazed, and he was still clutching his gun. Mogi pulled it from his grasp and studied him, appalled.

"You were going to shoot him!"

Matsuda looked confused. His eyes focused and unfocused, and he looked from Mogi, to the kid cowering on the floor, to Ide leaning against the wall. He looked at the gun in Mogi's hand.

"I…I don't…"

"You don't what, Matsuda?!" Mogi was almost shouting. Mogi never shouted.

Matsuda took a few paces backwards and found himself against a wall. He looked around again, and his head began to clear. They had been - no, they had been…there had been a criminal, no, lots of criminals, and they'd followed this kid, and…and…

And Matsuda hadn't shot him, Matsuda had let him get away. And the kid had shot Ide…

Matsuda clutched his stomach. He suddenly felt very sick.

"Ide?" he croaked.

Ide waved weakly from where he was slumped against the wall. "Don't mind me. I'm just bleeding out here. A doctor would be nice. Though I'd settle for morphine." He coughed, and it might just have been the lighting, but Matsuda thought there was blood in it. Ide slid down the wall.

Mogi moved forward and grasped him by the shoulder. "Matsuda. You almost shot that guy. Shot him. What were you thinking?"

"I - he -" Matsuda looked back down at the kid on the floor. He couldn't be more than twenty, and obviously new to this whole thing - he was too scared to even try to escape.

He had brown hair and beautiful eyes, and for a moment Matsuda thought -

For a moment Matsuda thought he was looking at Light Yagami, back from the dead and all over again. He didn't pull the trigger, couldn't pull the trigger, his hand shook and his eyes blurred. The kid had a gun but didn't know who to aim it at, and Matsuda was obviously flailing so he aimed it behind him. Matsuda heard the shot go off but didn't register it.

Then he heard the scream of pain and jolted out of the warehouse two years ago and back to the grimy back street of today. He spins around and Ide is on the floor, clutching his side, and Matsuda's heart leaps into his throat, choking him -

The kid was scrambling away, and before he'd even made the choice to follow, Matsuda turned and pelted after him. He stumbled into walls and grazed his arms, sliced open his leg on some protruding wire. It didn't slow him down.

He caught up with the kid, screaming and furious - blind, wild fury he hasn't felt in years, and a desire to kill him, to just take him out because he killed the Chief -

"Matsuda. Matsuda. Come on, stop drifting off."

Matsuda opened his eyes. The white light above him was obnoxiously bright.

"We were talking, remember? There's no one else in this damn ward and I'm bored senseless, so stay awake, would you?"

He sat up, and looked round. They were still in the hospital.

"Ide?" he mumbled.

"Yeah?"

Ide was in the bed next to him, the covers pulled down to about his waist, revealing his heavily bandaged torso. Matsuda looked away uneasily, remembering what had happened.

"Matsuda? You with me?"

"Yeah," he answered, a little too quietly. Next to him, Ide frowned.

"Hey, you're not blaming yourself for this, are you?"

Matsuda twisted his blanket between his hands.

"Oh, you are."

"Well, it's my fault!" he blurted out.

Ide shook his head. "Come off it. High stress situation triggered all kinds of memories. And that kid, he was the spit of Light. I'm amazed to actually managed to get him like you did."

Matsuda stayed quiet. He didn't just get him, he almost shot him in the face, all because he thought some petty thief was someone he'd known years ago.

"Listen to me." Ide's voice was quieter, kinder. "Listen to me, Matsuda. This isn't your fault, and blaming yourself…that's just going to be more guilt. You've got enough to cope with, huh?"

Matsuda didn't answer. Ide sighed.

"Look. I know Aizawa sent you to see one after…after that stuff happened, but I really want you to see someone, okay? A psychiatrist. No, I don't think there's anything wrong with you!" He raised his hands defensively as Matsuda shot him a persecuted look. "I just think…look, Matsuda. It's someone who you can talk to and who can help you deal with it. That's it. Nothing wrong, just…someone to help."

Matsuda mumbled something unintelligible. He hated the last shrink they sent him to see. He didn't want to be sent to another one.

Ide watched him for a few minutes, and then rubbed his temple. "Well, so much for that idea. I guess I know why you don't really fancy going to see one. So instead…how about you see me?"

Matsuda shot him an alarmed look.

"Not like that!" Ide yelped, raising his hands again and shaking his head furiously. "Not like - never like that! I just mean - jeez, Matsuda, how could you think I meant like that? No, I mean - just like, talking. Like you would to a psychiatrist but I guess…I don't know. I'm your friend, I might be able to help…" Ide trailed off, waving a hand inefficaciously.

Matsuda looked down. "I don't know," he said slowly.

Ide shrugs. "Me or a shrink. Your choice."

The door opened, and a nurse bustled in. "Dinner time, boys!" she chirped, beginning to dole out trays and juice boxes.

"Think on it," Ide said, spearing a carrot. He smiled. "There are worse people to be stuck in a room with."

After everything he'd gone through in the past twenty four hours, Matsuda felt that he'd have to agree.