Chapter 13: Guilt and Not This Way

"W-what?" Callie choked out. She was shocked. Lexie Grey, Little Grey, had been in a plane crash.

"A lot of people were found alive," Derek stated.

"Just not Lexie," Jackson whispered.

"Most of them were found around a certain area. I'm hoping that she'll be there too."

"If she didn't die…"

"Jackson, we have to think positively."

"Yeah," Callie agreed. "We have to for her."

"In the meantime, we have to worry about the twins."

"That's easy. They stay with their father. Right Mark? Mark?" Callie looked over at him. Callie and Jackson both felt shocked, but Mark felt and looked it. He was frozen: bent over slightly, frowning, his brows furrowed, and his eyes fixed on Derek. He didn't say anything or move. He just stared at Derek.

"Mark I know that this is hard, but we need for you to say something." Mark just stared at him before slowly getting up and leaving. Callie sighed and looked at Jackson.

"Masen and Anna have to stay with him," she said. "I'm not saying this to hurt you. I know you care about them, but if Lexie isn't found, then Mark legally has custody."

"I know," Jackson said quietly. "That's why after my shift ends, I'm going to pack up all their stuff, take it to Sloan's apartment, and say goodbye."

"Avery-" Derek started.

"I need to go prep for surgery." Jackson stood and quietly left.

"I'll look after him."

"I've got Mark, but I'll call Julia and tell her what happened."

"I should probably call my mom too. She knows Mark."

"And you don't? You were best friends for years." Derek shook his head and sighed.

"I don't know him like I use to."

Jackson sat quietly in an on call room. So this was how it was going to be. This is how he going to lose everything. Lexie was missing and most likely dead, and Masen and Anna were going to live with Mark. He gripped the edge of the bed and his jaw clenched. He wanted to yell, kick, scream, but all he could do was sit there while he lost everything. He stood and punched the wall.

"Damn it!" he flexed his hand a couple times and sat back down.

"Jackson?" April called while opening the door.

"Go away April." She closed the door and sat next to him.

"I'm sorry about Lexie." He swallowed and glanced at her.

"It's fine."

"There's nothing fine about this. She was in a plane crash and might be-"

"Thank you April, I feel so much better." Her eyes widened and she looked down at her hands.

"Oh my gosh. I'm so, so sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"Can you go? I just really want to be alone." She shook her head and looked back up at him.

"No you don't. You think you do and then you're alone and everything is just worse. You're all alone with no one there to help you, and I don't want it, but you're going to get it. Ok? So just shut up and suck it up." She blinked a little before nodding. "Yeah, that's what you're going to do." She grabbed his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"Thank you," Jackson said quietly. She gave him a small smile and nodded.

"You're welcome."

Callie waited in the scrub room of one the ORs. Mark had a surgery scheduled and hadn't made any known notifications that he planned on cancelling or handing it off to someone else. She looked at the door as it opened and Mark came in. He glanced at her before starting to scrub.

"What?" He asked. She tilted her head to the side and scoffed.

"You know what."

"I'm about to operate on a patient so you're going to have to wait."

"Mark-"

"If it's not about my patient, it'll have to wait." He walked past her into the OR.

"Fine if that's how it's gonna be." She pulled out her phone on her way out. "Hey, can you do me a favor?"

Cristina, Alex, and April all sat quietly in the cafeteria. Cristina looked in deep thought, Alex looked confused and angry, and April looked like she was about the have a break down. Alex glanced around the table and sighed.

"What do we do?" He asked.

"If that wasn't the stupidest thing I've ever heard," Cristina stated bluntly.

"Excuse me?" Cristina rolled her eyes and looked at him.

"Meredith's sister, Jackson's girlfriend, and Sloan's baby momma is missing. Lexie is gone."

"Cristina!" April exclaim. "We don't know that."

"Kepner, she was in a plane crash. Do you know how rarely people survive that? Huh? Not enough for there to be any real chance that she's alive." Cristina stood and turned to leave but stopped. She sighed as she locked eyes with Jackson, who had been walking over to join them. His jaw clenched as he turned and walked away.

"Jackson!" April stood and raced after him.

"Nice going Yang," said Alex as he followed April out the cafeteria. Cristina huffed and sat back down.

"It's not my fault planes crash."

Jackson looked around his and Lexie's room as he stood in the door way. It looked so empty. He had packed up most of Anna and Masen's stuff and taken it downstairs. Derek was helping Mark pack it in his car. The twins were dressed and "saying" goodbye to Aunt Meredith and Uncle Alex. All that was left was for him and Derek to say their goodbyes. He swallowed and grabbed the diaper bags before slowly making his way downstairs.

"You be good for Daddy," Meredith told Masen in a little baby voice. She was so out of it, she couldn't even be disgusted with herself. "I know he's not Mommy, but you'll be fine."

"Make sure no one does anything stupid," Alex said to Anna. "Make sure your dad doesn't get drunk or bring home any strange women, make sure Masen doesn't sleep all day, and make sure Callie and Arizona don't forget to come over. And make sure they bring Sofia so you can have a play date, or whatever it is babies have." Anna looked at him with an almost glare at the mention of the word baby. Nine months or not, she didn't like to be called a baby. "Sorry. I meant whatever girls do." She smiled and looked at Jackson. He walked over and took her from Alex.

"I know you have no idea what I'm saying or what's going on," Jackson said. "But you're gonna have to live with your dad for a while. It'll be weird, but you've already been doing it, so you'll be fine. I'll see you during lunch. Ok? Be good." He kissed her forehead and put her in her car seat. Meredith did the same for a very sleepy Masen. Jackson looked at him and smiled. He looked so much like Lexie, with the hair and the eyes, Jackson had to look away.

"Everybody ready to go?" Derek asked as he and Mark came inside.

"Yeah," Jackson picked up the car seats and handed them to Mark before handing Derek the diaper bags. Mark nodded his thanks to everyone before heading outside. Jackson waited a minute before walking outside. "Mark!" The other man stopped and turned around. "I just wanted to let you know I knew about why Lexie went to Boston."

"You knew?" Mark asked.

"Yeah, and I told her not to go. She felt sick and looked like she was about to pass out." Mark slowly nodded and looked down at Masen.

"I remember."

"I kept telling her it was a bad idea, but she said she had to go. That it was just better that way." Mark eyes snapped up at him and he had to take a deep breath.

"You're telling me that you honestly believe that leaving and taking my kids across the country was the right thing for her to do?"

"No, but what I thought didn't and still doesn't matter. I'm not anyone's legal guardian. Therefore, I don't get a say. I just thought you should know now, before finding out from someone else."

"I had to find out she was planning on leaving from someone else anyways, so what good did it do?" Mark turned and walked down the steps to his car.

"Yeah. What good did it do?"

An hour later, Mark was walking off the elevator and towards his apartment. Both Anna and Masen were sound asleep. He couldn't help but smile at them as he opened the door. He set their car seats down and was about to go back out when he heard someone clear their throat.

"Someone's home late," Julia said from her place on the couch. Mark turned and looked at her.

"I had to go by and get their stuff," Mark said quietly.

"Because of the plane crash?" Mark closed his eyes and sighed before reopening them and swallowed.

"I don't want to talk about this right now. Ok I have to get them all settled in, shower, and eat something." He walked back out into the hall with Julia right on his heels.

"Why? Why do you keep avoiding it?" Mark ignored her and hit the elevator call button. "Callie called and asked me to talk to you, which is really hard when you won't even look at me." He kept his eyes glued to the closed doors. "Is it because you still have feeling for her? Is it that after a while you hoped she would realize she belonged with you and that you all could be a cute, little family?" Mark turned around and shoved her roughly against a wall. Julia froze and her eyes widen with fear as they met Mark's angry ones.

"You think that's what I wanted? You think that's why I'm upset? Well let me reassure you that it's not! You wanna know what I'm feeling? Guilty! I wanted my kids to live with me permanently and not have to ask for permission! I got want I wanted, but I didn't want it this way! Their mom might be dead and I'm getting good end of it! So why don't you do me a favor, and leave me the hell alone!" He turned and got on the elevator, glaring at her as the doors closed. Julia slowly slid down the wall to the floor. She closed her eyes and swallowed.

"I'm sorry." She opened her eyes and slowly looked at Callie. The other woman sat next to her and they both starred at the elevator. "I should have known. As much as he talks about wanting them to live with him, I should have known how he felt. If anything happened to me, I know Arizona would feel the same way with Sofia."

"Why?" Callie looked at her.

"Because she would have what I wanted more than anything else." Julia slowly nodded and Callie helped her stand and into her apartment. She tucked Julia and the twins before making her way out of the apartment.

"What are you doing?" Callie, who had been closing the door, looked up at Mark. He still looked pretty pissed and was carrying two little suitcases and diaper bags. She crossed her arms and stared at him for a minute.

"I'm doing your job. I'm taking care of your girlfriend and kids while you go off and throw a temper tantrum."

"I was getting my kids' stuff and I don't need you to do my job." She scoffed and looked away shaking her head. "What?"

"Never mind." She turned and walked over to her apartment. He sent down the stuff he was carrying and walked over to her.

"What?" She turned and looked up at him.

"Don't yell at Julia. It's not her fault, or yours." She quietly walked into her apartment and Mark slowly got the stuff and went inside. He ate and took a quick shower before walking over to the twins' cribs. They both were fast asleep. He picked them up and carried them over to his bed, getting in and setting them between him and Julia. He kissed their foreheads and slowly fell asleep. How long was this gonna last?

Sorry if this chapter's late. But next one will be up sooner. So please R&R.