Compassion's Grace

"Wait here."

His voice was ravaged by the gusts of air that clawed past her face, and Gretchen did not entirely understand what he had told her until he disentangled his arms from her body and disappeared into the storm.

The wind whistled high and loud in Gretchen's ears. She squinted in the assumed direction of the city, the dust and sand blurring a previous horizon into the abstract. She lifted a hand to her face, trying to shield herself from the pelts of particles. Where had Ardeth gone? And how could he leave her like this? She screamed his name, but the wind tore it to indistinguishable threads.

A camel's baying interrupted her confusion. Her head whipped around, the wind tangling her hair about her face. She could almost make out the animal, kneeling instinctively on the ground. Taking an uneasy breath, she used her hands and good knee to drag herself across the shifting sand. She managed a few yards before collapsing, weak and tired. She lifted her head, but the camel was no longer visible. With a defeated sigh, she lowered her head to the ground, helpless tears starting to well up in her eyes.

He was gone, and now...so was the treasure.

She'd been dragged out to this God-forsaken place with the hope of five hundred dollars, and now she was laying here, just outside of Hamunaptra, with nothing. In the hotel in Fort Brydon, she had three hundred dollars...if some nosy maid hadn't lifted it off the counter, and if she ever made it back to Cairo again. It was all so pathetically worthless. She was in the desert, alone, abandoned, desolate. She'd had it--had so much money just in her reach, but now...

Now...

Her stomach clenched. The money was a liar, anyway. It always had been. She thought of that sack she had dragged out of the ruins, the way it strained her back and her mind. How empty you must be, Ardeth had said. She saw every crumpled dollar bill, every handful of change, every dulling glint of jewelry that had been disregarded on her table. And she saw herself, thin and naked and sick disregarded on her dirtied sheets. She wanted to vomit, but she was finished with emptying herself in this damned wretched place. In the midst of the stinging sand and wind, she swore to leave Egypt...

If she didn't die.

The very idea of death sent a sickening shock through her body. She couldn't die. She wouldn't. A memory of the ruins flashed through her mind, of the first time she'd gone in there, with Chamberlain, and he was all excited and...and she'd wondered--she'd wondered, if she died, if it would even make a difference. With her face buried in her arms, the wind and sand whipping cruelly over her skin, Gretchen knew the answer, and she would not accept it. Letting out a determined sigh, she pulled herself up on her hands again, struggling...away, wherever away would lead her.

Gretchen crumpled to the ground again, her arms shaking, her leg sore. Damn it! Damn this place and the treasure and the storm and the sand; they were no use, they did nothing but impede her. She looked at her outstretched arm, her gaze slipping to her hand, to the ring. With a frustrated grunt, she tore the thing from her finger, hurling it into the dusty haze. A strange sense of accomplishment filled her as she stared at her naked hand. She didn't need the ring, she didn't need the treasure or Beni. She just needed to survive this desert, this storm, this moment...on her own. There was nothing else she could do, nothing else she could hold on to. But if she died like this, then she really would have been worthless.

Taking a breath, she pulled herself onto her hands yet again, noticing already that the wind was quieting. She could make out the forms of camels just ahead of her--but where that one, precious animal had gone, she had no way to tell. She turned her head, scanning the horizon slowly. The sun gleamed through the clearing air, and her eyes caught a tall, dark form drawing closer to her, leading one of the awkward desert beasts behind. Gretchen pulled herself to a seat wearily, making out the gentle, unreadable face and dark eyes.

He stopped just before her, holding out the rein. She blinked, trying to rub some of the grit and dust from her eyes.

"I'm not dead," she managed hoarsely.

The Med-Jai nodded slowly, his expression even. "I know."

"You left me," she persisted.

He smiled faintly. "Your camel was wandering off."

Gretchen chuckled quietly, but her eyes were somber and puzzled. She stared up at him, ignoring the rope he was extending to her. "The city collapsed, all at once."

Ardeth nodded solemnly. "Someone happened upon Seti's lever."

She shook her head, awestruck. "You guys could've done that the whole time...before anybody even got here. You could've killed us all before we even went into the ruins. You could've...and--and you warned me--that day when I was sick. You didn't have to do that. Why did you?"

He opened his mouth to speak, but his eyes caught something just beyond her. Gretchen strained to look over her shoulder, her eyes widening when she saw O'Connell, Evelyn, and Jonathan stumbling towards them. Ardeth held up his hand, his wide, white smile glinting. O'Connell waved back, catching up to them breathlessly. Gretchen stared up at them, amazement lighting her features.

"But--you're alive?" she sputtered.

O'Connell shrugged nonchalantly; Jonathan wiped a trail of sweat from his brow. "Well that's a nice 'how-do-you-do' to those of us that just saved the world--what happened to your leg?"

Gretchen shot him an irritated look, and Ardeth intervened--giving O'Connell an acknowledging nod. "You have earned the respect and gratitude of my people. May Allah smile on you always."

His gaze turned to Gretchen, holding out the rein to her again. "I believe this is yours."

She glanced down at the sand, taking the rope uneasily. Looking up at him again, she bit her lip. "But..."

Her cheeks flushed, and she glanced down at her feet. She didn't see his smile fade into an expression she would have found unreadable. Jonathan was looking between the two of them in utter confusion. "What's your big hullabaloo with the camel, anyway? They aren't that wonderful..."

Gretchen rolled her eyes, but was smiling good-humoredly. "Just get on the goddamn camel, Jon."

Ardeth looked at her strangely, but her gaze was confidently decided. With little trouble, he hoisted her up in his arms, ready to seat her behind Jonathan once he managed to climb on. The desert warrior leaned closer to her, whispering into her ear:

"You be sure to get that leg looked at."

She blinked, tilting her head to the side in confusion. "But...I thought..."

He shook his head. "You are right. You don't belong in the desert."

She looked away, but his eyes prompted her towards O'Connell and Evelyn, and she forced an understanding smile. Caught up in their own embrace, staring blindly into the fantasy worlds of each other's eyes, Gretchen felt her heart wincing. That endless, sweet, impossible blue was not meant for her. She swallowed hard as Ardeth gently settled her behind Jonathan in the saddle. What was he trying to tell her? Why had he wanted her to see them like that?

"Are you two about finished?" Jonathan demanded grumpily. "It's near time we start back to Cairo," he paused to huff, "completely empty-handed."

Ardeth patted the camel's rump, looking up at Gretchen. "I hope you find what you are searching for."

She smiled sadly, watching him stride away. When she faced forward again, O'Connell was holding a camel steady as Evelyn climbed on. He pulled himself up behind her, planting a kiss on her cheek. As the camels lurched to a lazy walk, Gretchen breathed a sigh, resting her chin on Jonathan's shoulder.

"Do you want to go somewhere? When we get back to Cairo?"

He snorted irritably. "Where do you suggest? The King's Casbah, perhaps? I don't have money for much else."

Her shoulders lifted and fell nonchalantly. "I don't know. Italy, New York, London..."

Jonathan laughed, but he was hardly in good humor. "Come on, love. I don't exactly have the money for all that--"

"Hm," she breathed benignly. "And what if I do?"

His head whipped around to stare at her, eyes wide with startlement and excitement. A grin began to creep up the sides of his face. "You little devil!"

Gretchen smiled, and he shook his head in wonder. "You did, didn't you?"

"Well...Beni did. I kind of helped, but...I don't think I was getting much out of the deal."

His eyes darted to O'Connell and Evelyn again, and he nervously ran his tongue over his lips. "I don't suppose we have to share it, do we?"

"Yes, you do," the Legionnaire called over his shoulder.

Jonathan winced, but his expression was soon replaced with a joyous smile. Gretchen could feel herself smiling, too. She saw O'Connell lean in to kiss Evelyn again, and her happy expression faded. Not really caring to watch their displays of affection, she found herself turning to glance over her shoulder at the crumbled ruins they were leaving. It didn't seem so eerie as before; it simply looked broken and askew and powerless--a mess of helter-skelter somethings thrown about like a trash heap or a whore's grave.

And maybe that's just what it was.