Thanks for the reviews, I hope you'll enjoy this chapter.
Amanda got into her car and tried to calm down, why was she being so paranoid? Someone broke into her room and took something, was she being followed? This definitely meant there was something going on, and whatever it was, someone thought she knew too much.
She was about to start the car when it hit her – if someone knew where she was staying they could probably find the car, track her phone.
It wasn't like her to be this scared, maybe it was the fact that she was alone in a city she didn't really know. Of course going back to New York should have been her first choice, but Amanda didn't want to let it go, she had to find out what the hell was going on.
She deserted the phone in the car and only took her the bag. It's a good thing she remembered Nick's number by heart.
Nick was sitting in his office staring at a stack of paperwork, he had to finish some evaluations but his mind was somewhere else. He thought about calling Amanda, tell her he was sorry. He wondered whether she was still in LA, maybe she's left already.
A sound brought him back to reality, it was his phone. Nick didn't recognize the number and answered.
For a while after he was officially retired he'd answer 'Amaro' when someone called, it took him a long time to switch to 'yeah' or 'hello', in a way it was another milestone in the road of letting go of the police force.
"Yeah" he answered.
"Nick" he recognized Amanda's voice and looked at his phone again, it was an unknown number, her name didn't appear on the screen.
"Amanda" he wasn't sure what to say "I…"
"Listen Nick, I need your help" her voice was a bit quiet.
"Is everything alright?" probably not, or she wouldn't have asked for help "I'm at work but you can come to my office"
"I don't have my car or phone right now…"
"Ok, I'll come pick you up, where are you?" she gave him the address and Nick walked out of his office. What happened to her? No car, no phone…he hoped she was ok.
"Hey" he said when she got into his car "what's going on?"
"Someone broke into my hotel room" she told him "drive"
"Are you aright?" he looked at her, she seemed a bit rattled and he had to scrap his plan of apologizing "they took your phone?"
Amanda shook her head "I left it in the car, which I left too"
"What happened?"
"I don't want anyone to use it to find me" he gave her another questioning look "it already happened before"
"Ok, what do you want to do?" he wasn't driving in any particular direction, not sure if there was any place she wanted him to take her to.
"I need a computer and a phone" Amanda replied, she couldn't just sit and wait, she had to find a way to do some research.
"I'll take you to my office, you can use the computer there and you can use my phone until you get a new one or use yours"
"I'm sorry for dragging you from work, I know I must sound kinda crazy…but, thanks for coming"
"You don't sound crazy at all" he smiled at her.
"Yeah? That's nice of you to say"
"You have great instincts, so if you're worried it means there's something going on, somebody broke into the hotel room, that's serious"
Amanda took a deep breath, a part of her wanted to ask Nick to stop the car so she could give him a hug, comfort her. She couldn't really do that so instead Amanda decided to tell him what she had found out, he was the only person she could trust in this place.
"If that's not enough" she started "it looks like Kate hurt herself, Warner told Fin the wounds were self inflicted"
"So you think she used it to run away?" Nick asked.
Amanda shrugged before answering, that was the obvious answer, but she just wasn't sure what to think "I'm supposed to fly back to New York" she didn't answer the question "but I don't think I can do that…not without some answers"
"I'm sure Liv will understand, just tell her everything" Amanda still looked worried, not that he could blame her, someone got into her room, touched her stuff, it would unsettle anyone "it's gonna be fine"
Amanda gave him a thin smile and they remained silent the rest of the way.
"This is the place" he parked the car "come on" even though Amanda was in a tough spot he liked the idea of showing her where he works, it wasn't anything exciting, but her visiting there felt so normal, as if she could pop by for lunch once in a while or…
"Nick?" he was lost in that sweet thought and almost forgot to actually go inside.
"Sorry" he gave her an apologetic smile "this way"
They walked into the building and he said a quick hello to the security guard.
"This is it" he opened the door to his office. It was a nice size office, not small but not too big. The interior walls were made from glass and you could see inside and outside. There was a picture of Zara and Gil on the desk and it made Amanda smile, he didn't keep a photo of them on his desk at the SVU squad room, not wanting to see their faces while he worked on cases, read gory details. It was nice to see their smiling faces, each had an arm around the other, they looked so cute together.
"You want me to get you something to drink, there's a good coffee machine in the kitchen" he offered "you can call Liv while I'm gone"
Amanda was about to speak when she saw a man walk by, he stopped and knocked before entering "hey Nick"
"Michael, hey" he smiled at his boss "this is a friend of mine from New York, detective Amanda Rollins, we used to work together" he looked at Amanda "this is Michael Kaplan, he's the owner"
"Nice to meet you" Michael said.
"Likewise" she shook his hand.
"So is this a friendly visit or work related?"
"Work" Amanda replied "I hope it's ok I'm here"
"Of course! It's not a problem at all!" he turned to Nick "you should offer your friend a drink"
"I was just on my way to get Amanda some coffee" he turned to Amanda "I'll be right back" he walked out of the room.
"So you're here helping the LAPD with an investigation?" Michael asked.
"No, I had to do an interview for a case and it's taking a bit longer than planned" she tried to sound casual.
"I hope everything's ok"
"Yeah, I just have to find the name of an organization…" Amanda wasn't sure why she was telling him that, but for some reason he seemed trustworthy.
"I'm sure that's not a problem"
"If you have the name…I just have a few letters, three to be exact" she chuckled.
"Really?" he placed his hand over his mouth, thinking about something "you know, I might be able to help you with that, there's probably a database and I could use the info you have to find the name, or at least narrow it down"
Amanda wasn't sure if she should accept it, but it could be her only way to figure out the name.
"I've always wanted to do that typing thing they do on crime shows" he confessed.
Nick was back holding a cup of coffee.
"Let me know, ok? I'd love to help New York finest" Michael left and Nick gave her the drink.
"He offered to help" she took a sip, the coffee was so good she had to drink more of it "I found out Kate's been volunteering somewhere but couldn't figure out the name"
"You can trust him, he's a real computer whiz" he gestured out of the office "obviously…"
"I should call Benson first, hope she doesn't tell me to get my ass on a plane right this second" she shrugged.
"I'll give you some privacy" he was about to walk out of the office.
"No, stay" it sounded like she needed him to be there so he nodded and sat down away from the desk, giving her room by the phone.
Amanda dialed the number and it didn't take a long time for Olivia to pick up.
"Benson"
"It's Rollins" Amanda said.
"Rollins, I hope you're calling to update us on your flight" Amanda could hear she was on speaker and wondered who was in the room with the sergeant.
"Actually, I'm still here"
"What are you doing there? Trying to kick off an acting career?" she heard a man's voice, it was Barba.
"How'd you know?" Amanda chuckled and Nick smiled, wondering what was said to her "there's something shady going on"
"We got that already" Benson spoke again " but Carisi's gone through every financial record he could find and there's nothing to connect our perp to the jailbreak, this means it has nothing to do with our case"
"Which means" Barba intervened "it's the LAPD's problem"
"Not really, someone broke into my hotel room, took some notes" she let them know and met Nick's gaze for a quick second "I don't think like leaving is a good idea…"
"You're going rogue on us Rollins?" Barba laughed.
"Listen, if you tell me to come back I will, but I need a day or two. I know it's a lot to ask but…" she needed Benson to trust her.
It was quiet for a moment and Amanda could almost see the wheels turning it the sergeant's head, asking herself what her detective was thinking.
"Alright Amanda" Olivia agreed "if you think it's the right thing we'll do our best to manage without you for a day or two"
From her expression Nick knew Amanda got the reply she wanted, she was allowed to stay. He smiled, not being able to hide the fact he was happy about it too.
"Ok, thank you" he turned his attention back to the conversation "I get it, I will let you know…and thanks again"
She took a deep breath after hanging up the phone "I'm staying here for a while" she told him.
"Good" he nodded "what now? You said something about notes"
"That's what they took from my room" she explained "I went to talk to that detective, like you offered, she gave me a copy of her notes and now some of them are gone"
"Was there anything important there?"
"Not really, it's what you can read in the file, the only thing is this page" she took it out of the her back pocket "a few letters, I can't read it" Amanda handed it to Nick but he couldn't make anything out of it, whoever wrote it had to improve that handwriting.
"Why don't you just ask that detective to give you the name?" he asked.
"I thought about it, but…this whole thing is just…complicated, who knows what they expected to find in my stuff…I feel like maybe I can't really believe anyone" she let out a puff of air "except for you" she smiled softly "but I need to figure this out"
"Hey" he placed his hand close to hers "I'll help you out how ever I can"
She looked up at him, straight into his eyes "Thank you"
"Anytime" he grazed her fingers "Michael is a good guy, I'm sure he could help with the computer stuff…I think he watches every crime drama on TV so it will be exciting for him" he raised one brow.
They walked to Michael's office and he was very happy his help was required "this is a search tool that's gonna use the information you have to locate the organization's name, I'm just gonna need those letters…"
"Two words" she said and gave him the bit of info she had.
"Now we wait" he looked at them and then back at the screen where the program was matching names. It took a few minutes until it was done.
Clean City
"Let's see what they're all about" Michael said.
There wasn't much official information but Michael was able to find out that they were providing legal advice for low-income people, helping them deal with the bureaucracy of the legal system.
"I'm gonna have to go there now" Amanda looked at Nick.
"Can I go with you?" Nick asked her after they were out of Michael's office "I'll give you my car if you want, but I'd love to drive over there with you"
Amanda nodded, she didn't have time to think about it, maybe Nick wanted to go because he was worried about the break in, maybe he missed the action. She had zero time to waste, thinking or talking about it.
"Your boss is nice" she said in the car "doesn't mind you going for a joyride with me in the middle of a workday"
"I think he'd love to go with us, I told you he's into this kind of things" Nick nodded.
"Well, still nice of him" she shrugged "seems like a nice place to work at"
"You know, at first he reminded me of the hackers who used to help us, remember? Those who were arrested for something and helped get to perps on the dark net"
"He's a hacker?"
"Used to be, kinda"
"And he just offered you that piece of information?" Amanda chuckled.
"What am I going to do? Arrest him? I don't think he ever did any harm anyhow"
They reached the office and walked inside. It was located in a small and pretty old building. There was only one young man sitting by what looked like the reception area.
"Can I help you?" he asked them.
"I'm detective Rollins" Amanda introduced herself "I'm with the NYPD and I'm looking for information about someone who used to volunteer here"
"NYPD, ha?" he smiled "who are you looking for?"
"Kate Caron"
"Kate?" he seemed confused "you know she's in prison, right?"
"We do" she nodded "we need to know what she worked on in here"
"I knew her a bit, but she left a long time ago and anyway, I can't give you anything, Attorney–client privilege, you know?"
"She wasn't a lawyer, don't you keep any files, anything?"
"Give me a moment" he took his phone and walked away.
Nick and Amanda exchanged a look, the guy disappeared to another room but came back a few minutes later.
"I'm gonna need a warrant" he said "I have a feeling you don't have it"
"This is not about anyone being in trouble" she tried to convince him.
"We're just trying to help someone out" Nick jumped in.
"I think her being in prison means she already got in trouble, so unless you have a warrant the only thing I can offer you is a goodbye"
They walked out of the office and into the street.
"You're hungry?" Nick asked "it's easier to think on a full stomach"
Amanda realized she did want to eat, it's been a long time since she had breakfast "I'm buying" she smiled.
She insisted on eating somewhere private, wanting to think and talk about the case freely so Nick drove them back to his office.
Michael popped in a few minutes later, asking if they found anything.
"No" Nick shook his head "they were unwilling to help without a warrant"
"That's a shame, what next?" he asked.
"I don't know" Amanda shrugged, she really had no idea what to do.
Nick looked at her and she could almost read his mind, did he really want her to ask Michael to hack into the organization's database?
"Well…" Michael started "I will be in my office if you need me" he walked away.
"You want us to break the law?" she gave him a serious glare "retirement has really affected you"
"It may not be the best idea, but feels like it's the only one, or else you would have gone to one of the detectives, get a warrant and clear things out"
Amanda placed the food down, she was stuck, and she couldn't ask anybody's help in the police department.
"Or you can just let it go" Nick said, he could tell she was thinking about it and he would never offer something like this if he thought there was another way.
"Crap" she took a deep breath "fuck it, ok. Don't look so excited" she saw a smile forming on his face "we're going to break the law and you're happy about it"
Michael didn't seem to mind hacking into Clean City's system, he said they were a small organization and that their security would probably be a joke. Amanda still felt guilty, but she pushed it to the back of her head, right now it was the only thing that could help her out, it wouldn't hurt anyone, just a way to get some info.
They both watched as Michael typed, they had no idea what he was doing but a few minutes later he was done.
"This is their database" he said "I can print you the files you need"
"Find anything Kate Caron worked on" Amanda asked him.
He was typing again, this time it took much less time "there are about fifty listed here, you want all of them?"
"Yeah, I'll go through them all" she said. Kate could have used someone she helped at some point, somebody who owed her.
"I'll print all of them then, this is kinda exciting" he smiled "I should go back to work now, but I'd appreciate an update"
"Yeah, thanks for…not doing any of this"
Amanda and Nick were back at his office, going through the files.
"Listen" Nick yawned "it's getting late, I'm gonna head home" Amanda didn't even realize time has passed "I don't know if you planned on staying at a hotel or anything…" he didn't want to bring up their earlier conversation "but you can stay at my place"
Amanda had no other choice, she barely had any cash left after buying lunch and she couldn't use her credit card for the same reason she ditched the car and phone.
"Thanks" she nodded "I'm gonna take all of these with me"
Amanda grabbed all of the papers that were a little spread out in the office and followed him outside. He stopped to get them some food, his fridge was pretty empty. He missed his mother's cooking.
"Is Chinese alright?" he asked, knowing the answer would be yes.
Once they were inside Nick's place she felt a little weird. During the last hours they were focused on work, just like in the old days work has always managed to cover all the cracks in their 'thing'. Even when they were arguing and fighting, once they were on a case it was pushed to the side, the victim had their attention.
Now it wasn't that easy to ignore the fact they had slept together in this house, ignore how good it felt, how much she needed that, needed him. She could deny it until the end of time but when they were together like that, focusing on each other – things were so much better.
She placed her bag on the floor, thinking she could use a shower, and probably some new clothes. She really should have brought more.
"I have a washing machine and a drier" he said, seeing she smelled her shirt. Amanda gave him an embarrassed smile.
"You can put on something…of mine" this was not getting more comfortable, they were adults, not teenagers, why was this so complicated?
"Sure, thanks" there was no other choice.
He led her to his bedroom and showed her where she could take some clothes and then explained her how to turn the washing machine and drier on.
"I'll leave you to it" he smiled and walked back to the living room, closing the door behind him.
Amanda opened one of the drawers and grabbed the first shirt she saw, it was a simple black t-shirt. She took out a pair of boxers. She's seen him naked before, wearing a pair of his underwear wasn't a big deal.
The shower felt good, even though Amanda was busy pushing away the memories of the one they had together. She really had to think about something else. She walked back to the living room after turning on the machine. Nick clearly tried to hide a smile seeing her wearing his clothes.
"Let's eat" he handed her a plate.
"Good idea" she took it and sat down on one of the chairs.
They kept the conversation light until they were done with the food and Nick declined her offer to help clean up. Amanda went back to put the clothes in the drier.
"I should go back to the files" she said after returning to the living room and took the stack of papers to the couch.
He joined a few minutes later and looked at her for a second or two until she raised her eyes at him "can I ask you something?" she nodded "is this all about the break in? You're taking this really seriously, even though it doesn't seem to be connected with the case in New York, why is it so important to you?"
It took Amanda some time to think of an answer, not because she wanted to lie, but because she wasn't very sure of it herself, why did she care so much?
"Amanda?" he asked when she kept on staring at the floor.
"She dropped those charges because she thought it wasn't worth pursuing and then she attacked somebody, something is off…but then she must have been so desperate…to hurt herself to escape, and I just have to know why. Because I know how it feels like to be desperate enough"
When Patton said he'd want something in return there was no need for him to elaborate, she already knew what he wanted. Amanda may have hoped she heard wrong. But she didn't.
She told herself it would be just sex, she had casual sex before, why would now be any different? This time she'd do it for Kim, to help her sister out. It's not like Kim had anybody else, ever since they were little their parents didn't pay much attention to them and it was Amanda's job to take care of her.
Kim loved the attention she's been getting from her older sister, she loved being the center of everything, having all eyes on her. It was fine when they were younger, but as the years passed Kim's behavior was getting erratic, her moods were all over the place, it wasn't normal even for a young teenager. But no one except for Amanda cared, their dad had already left them by then and their mom was busy trying to find herself a man, for a night or for longer than that. She just ignored her daughter's actions and Amanda was left to clean up Kim's mess, over and over.
Even now, after getting some medical help, Kim was the same, the hurricane who left wreckage whenever and wherever she showed up. As usual, Amanda had to handle it.
But even though Amanda knew it was wrong, she was still her little sister, the baby whose parents were too busy fighting to feed her, so Amanda gave her the bottle. No matter how angry and disappointed Amanda was with her, she couldn't desert her, so many people let them down before, Amanda felt guilty even without being on that list.
Patton's 'offer'…It wouldn't be a big deal.
"You know what" she stood up "I'm going to turn in" maybe she shouldn't have been so honest telling Nick about everything.
"Take my room, I'll sleep in the kids' room" he said.
"No, it's ok" Amanda shook her head.
"I insist, don't insult your host"
"Wouldn't want to be impolite" she chuckled "thank you and good night"
Amanda closed the door and got into the bed. Even though she's been lying there with her eyes closed for a while, sleep eluded her. Tossing and turning made Amanda thirsty and she decided to get some water. She kicked off the boxers before getting out of the bed, they were uncomfortable and it was late, Nick was probably asleep.
Nick couldn't fall asleep too. He was going over her story in his head, thinking how hard it's been for her, she was such a smart person, always seemed so strong. She didn't deserve the way she's been treated, she shouldn't have been so hard on herself, always thinking about others, putting herself last. He wished there was a way he could help her. He needed something to drink and got up.
Nick walked out of the room and made his way to the kitchen. Amanda was standing there, wearing only his t-shirt. She reached the cupboard to get a glass from it causing the shirt to ride up a bit, revealing more of her bare legs and a bit of butt cheeks. There was no denying how it made him feel but he had to ignore that.
She filled the glass with water from the tap and he walked to the sink, clearing his throat so he wouldn't startle her.
"I got up to get something to drink" he said.
"Great minds think alike, ha?" she handed him her glass and took out another one for herself.
Nick drank the water, watching her as she turned the faucet on and then off. The glass was raised to her lips and she drank it.
Nick couldn't keep his eyes off her, she placed her empty glass on the counter and he saw a single drop of water run down from her lips to her chin, Amanda wiped it off but kept on staring at the glass.
"I miss you" she said all of the sudden, very quietly, as if she was admitting to something she wasn't sure how she's been feeling about.
Amanda tacked a strand of hair behind her left ear. But it didn't stay there, it was freed, hiding her beautiful face from him. Nick wasn't sure what he was doing, his hand moved up, touching her golden locks and mimicking her earlier motion, moving it away. Amanda raised her eyes to look at his face, he kept his hand behind her ear, it slowly moved down to the back of her neck, connecting with her skin. Nick let his fingers glide lower, all the while looking into her eyes. She wasn't moving, just breathing in and out, allowing him to touch her, loving the way it felt.
Nick's fingers reached her collar bone, just over the fabric of the shirt. Amanda raised her right hand and caressed his palm before grabbing a hold of it. She brought it to her lips and let it rest against her mouth. Nick realized he was still holding the glass in his other hand but was pretty sure his body was frozen. Amanda moved his hand away from her lips but didn't let go of it. She turned to walk back to the bedroom and he had no choice but to follow her. He managed to leave the glass on the counter, next to hers.
Whatever she wanted, he wasn't going to protest. Whether it was a good idea or a bad one, it almost didn't matter. He only wanted to be there for her, to comfort her.
They walked into the bedroom and it felt as if he'd never been there before, like he was a stranger in that room. She let go of his hand and climbed into the bed, looking at him. She moved to the other side, making room for Nick and he lay down beside her. Amanda turned her back to him and pressed it against his chest. Nick spooned her with his arms, holding her tight. The last thing he noticed before sleep took over, was the smell of his soap on her skin.