Title: The Guardian – Book II
Chapter 3 – Weighing the Future with Both Scales

A/N: Hey everyone! Thanks for those that wanted an update for today, my muse and I worked our hardest and got this up and I hope its okay! My brain has been on holiday mode all week so I hope it's not a weak update! Enjoy

"I want to legally adopt you both. I want you both to take the last name Reagan. Danny and Jamie Reagan."

For a few moments both boys sit in absolute stunned silence. Legally adopt? Both of us? Reagan's? … WHAT? Then Danny and Jamie slowly exchange wondering glances, looking at each other in total shock and wonder.

"Uh…" Danny starts as he pulls his gaze away from Jamie's expectant expression and looks at Frank in surprise. "What?"

"I know this will come as bit of a surprise to you both but I hope…well we all hope that it's a good one."

"You want to adopt us? But Danny's of legal age," Jamie replies with a frown.

"This isn't just about guardianship," Frank starts to explain. "This is about the two of you having a real new start with a name that can hold hope instead of pain. But I know you both loved your mother and I don't want to discount that sentimentality. This isn't a decision to be made lightly and I'd like to give you both some time to think it over."

"Wow," Jamie utters with a soft whisper as he looks at Danny's shocked face and then lets his gaze rest on Frank along with his brother's. "You really…want to adopt us?"

"We do," Henry tells Jamie in truth; his tone warm and comforting. "I agree with Francis. This might be a lot to think about but we want you to continue to live here as…Reagan's."

Danny looks over at Jamie who had suddenly felt silent and was just offering a tight lipped smile to the rest of the room; the older of the two boys of course unable to see into his brother's core and the fact that his heart is racing at top speed.

"I don't ever make a serious decision lightly, nor do I ever try to make one based on pure emotion or in the heat of the moment. I'm not going to put a deadline on this. You'll talk about it and think about it and then let me know. Today has been very busy and stressful and exciting for all of us and so I think we should call it a night."

As soon as everyone's back is turned, Jamie slips away and hurries into his bedroom and closes the door; Danny noticing a few minutes later.

"We'll finish up here Danny," Frank tells him as his hand rests on his shoulder and gives it a friendly squeeze. "Go talk to your brother."

"Thank you for this Frank. I think Jamie's just a bit overwhelmed. It's been his dream since…since we left. Since that night," Danny confesses as Erin and Henry look on in sympathy. "When he was really little he'd sit by the window and just stare outside and ask if a good family was coming for us…and it was always no," Danny relates with a heavy sigh as his eyes threaten to water. "After a few years…he stopped doing that. But he never stopped wanting that dream to come true and now…now there's a chance it might come true and he…"

"Might not believe it's true?" Erin asks softly.

"No, that someone might take it away," Frank interjects as Danny looks at him and nods. "Go to your brother."

Danny turns and goes in search of Jamie, finding him in his room on the bed with Buddy clasped firmly in his grasp. "Hey," Danny whispers as he closes the door behind him; but not all the way.

Jamie looks up with a strained expression as Danny nears and then slowly slumps down beside him. He drapes his arm around Jamie's shoulders as Jamie leans in closer and rests his head on Danny's shoulder and exhales heavily. Jamie's eyes gently water as he looks down at Buddy's placid expression.

"Quite the surprise huh," Danny mentions as Jamie looks up in wonder.

"Danny…do you think it's real?" Jamie ponders in uncertainty. "I want to believe it but…but I'm scared Danny. I have wanted this for so long and now…it almost doesn't seem real."

"Want me to pinch you?" Danny retorts with a smirk as Jamie's expression softens – a little. "I know you're scared and to be honest I'm a little also."

"Why?" Jamie asks in haste; Buddy still clasped firmly to his chest.

"It seems…final. Like we're here now…for good. We'll be…Reagan's."

"It's such a great name. I don't feel like we deserve it," Jamie admits as he looks back down. "We've done so many wrong things. I know they say they love us and want us but…"

"But this is a great way to prove it," Danny reminds Jamie as he gives Jamie's shoulders a squeeze. "But like always, we do everything together. Are you only scared of them not thinking you deserve it?"

"No I uh think that…well what if…can anyone stop Frank?"

"Think they'd be stupid to try. Who are you thinking of?"

"Sonny."

"No," Danny answers in haste. "He's a jerk stuck in jail with nothing on Frank that would stop him from adopting us. He can try but I doubt he'll even know about it. I think Frank could probably keep it quiet until after it's done. And we have no family left to contest it right?"

"Do we?" Jamie mentions softly rather than questions.

"No. I think mom said they're all dead. Both sets of grandparents and such but I'm sure Frank checked that out."

"Okay, but nothing changes for you right?"

"Yeah it does. In a few months I'll be…oh…" Danny starts and then stops; Jamie looking up in haste.

"What is it?"

"Before I was like…yeah adoption we'll take on the name but…but now I realize that I could be entering the Police Academy as…Danny Reagan."

"But that's kinda cool right?"

"Well…maybe not."

"I don't get it?"

"I'm not really a Reagan. Everyone in this city knows that. Frank Reagan only had one son. Joe Reagan already went through the academy. They'll compare me to him…or…or maybe some will be resentful," Danny states almost fatefully. "Now I'm scared too, but for different reasons. Taking on that name means so much and what if I fail? All the Reagan's so far have such a great and proud legacy. If I fail…then I'll be known as the Reagan that failed."

"Danny, you'd never fail," Jamie tells his brother with an adoring smile. "You'll be the best cop ever."

"Thanks kid," Danny replies softly as both their eyes drop down to Buddy on Jamie's lap. "Now I'm worried."

"What do think mom would want?"

"She'd want us to stick it to dad."

"But if we take the Reagan name won't that mean we don't want to remember mom by keeping her name?"

"I think she'd want us to get rid of dad's name," Danny ponders as Jamie's shoulders slump under his grasp. "I guess we both have things to worry about."

"So…what do we do now?"

"How about we make a list of pros and cons and then compare and…sleep on it."

"Really?"

"Well we both have reasons to like it and to be scared. And we're in this together. All or nothing."

"Okay."

For the next while the boys sit side by side writing down their own lists of pros and cons. It was going to be a long night.

XXXXXXXX

Henry enters the living room later that same night and looks at his son behind the desk with a serious expression and frowns. "Francis…" Henry states softly as he sits down on an easy chair opposite him. "How do you think our boys are doing?"

"I was walking past Jamie's room and heard Jamie say he didn't feel worthy," Frank relates with a heavy sigh.

"Oh no," Henry whispers as his brow furrows heavily. "Maybe this will help cement in their minds for good how much we really do care about them."

"I hope they say yes but after tonight…the looks on their faces…there is the very good possibility they could say no."

Henry leans forward and rubs his face, looking at his son in worry. "When I was in the hospital today helping him with George…it took me back to that time when he was stabbed by that bastard Sonny…he was so worried about the bill and getting in trouble and…we've all been through so much together with them, we can't lose them Francis."

"I don't think we will. How was George?"

"He's not good," Henry relates in truth as he looks at Frank with a grave expression. "I downplayed it for Jamie and I doubt George will allow himself to be taken to the Veteran's hospital but I don't think he'll make it through another winter on the streets. I know we have time before winter but um…but I can't tell Jamie that I think George only has about six months left. I know it's reality but I'm picturing the look on his face."

"When he looks at you with that teary expression…"

"My heart breaks," Henry interjects with a heavy huff. "I want this for them Francis. I want so much for them to become Reagan's. Now I'm nervous too."

A few moments of silence pass before Henry looks at his son in wonder. "What's going on?"

"I think I'm going to ask Troy tomorrow to do a complete background check. Just in case."

"You've done that."

"I haven't dug as deep as he can. I want to make sure there are no surprises when I submit that paperwork. For Danny it means taking our name and entering the academy as a Reagan."

"That's serious business," Henry tells Frank in truth. "No pressure," Henry adds glibly, making Frank look up with a deeper frown. "Sorry."

"Think there could be some that would compare him to Joe?"

"Is that rhetorical?" Henry retorts as Frank leans forward on his elbows. "If he changes his name after the academy but when he becomes a cop, people will still talk and compare. The only way he could avoid that altogether is if he goes into another profession. I know he'll have to contend with the talk and the…"

"Reagan legacy?" Frank interjects as Henry nods in agreement. "I don't want to set either of them up for a fall," he signs as he leans back in his chair and folds his hands behind his head and leans back against them with a bit more pressure. "The name Allen only holds bad memories for our boys. Anyone ever asks them about their past what can they say?"

"What if someone asks them about being adopted by us? What can they say then?"

"So much for an easy answer."

The two elder Reagan's sit and look at each other for a few seconds in contemplative silence as they each think about what the boys might say and if the answer is yes – what the repercussions might be, if any. But they wouldn't fool themselves, it wasn't a name that wasn't known in the big apple. It was the name tagged to the two top cops in the city, possibly the whole state. The boys would be taking on a name with a lot of honor but also a lot of responsibility. A legacy worth honoring.

"Well…" Frank starts.

"Yes I think we need to sleep on it," Henry agrees as he stands up.

"Remember, this is their decision. We've asked so now it's up to them to come to us with their decision. Whatever that might be," Frank reminds his father with a serious tone.

"Night Francis," Henry replies with a head nod of acknowledgment.

"Night pop."

Frank watches his father leave and then looks back down at a picture of the five of them and remembers the initial discussion he had with his daughter and father.

'I've given this a lot of thought but it's something that we need to all be on the same page about.'

'What's that?' Erin asked in wonder.

'We have talked about this a few weeks ago but I don't want to wait any longer. I'd like to talk to Danny and Jamie about legally adopting them.'

'Really?' Erin was the first to speak up.

'What do you think?'

'You know what my vote is.'

'Oh so the pressure's on me,' Erin replied with a heavy sigh.

'No pressure. If you say no. It's no,' Frank assured her.

'You're sure?'

'What do you think?'

'When you first mentioned it I um…I was angry,' Erin confessed in truth. 'I thought it was a betrayal to Joe in some way and that maybe you were trying to replace him.'

'Erin…'

'No. After we talked and I had time to think about it I realized that you will never forget Joe and he'll always be your son first and…and I know that sounds stupid but I just needed to come to terms with that. Danny and Jamie are a part of this family and it would be odd for them to not be here and every day I kinda think of them…as…well brothers. I don't know how they'll feel about it but I'm okay with it.'

'Thank you.'

After their first discussion he had a few more heart to heart talks with Erin to make sure that she was okay with him offering to legally adopt two ultimate strangers. But that was just it, as Erin had stated correctly, they weren't strangers anymore, they were a part of the family. Why not make it legal? Show the boys once and for all they were really a part of the family.

'I love Joe. I always will. He's my own flesh and blood but I also love Danny and Jamie. I have room in my heart for all of them.'

Frank opens a nearby file and then gazes down upon two baby pictures of Danny and Jamie; ones taken at birth that their mother had kept in a special lock box until it was found. I want this but…but maybe this is my dream for them and they aren't ready or don't want it as much as I do? Frank's mind ponders as he remains at his desk a while longer, trying to anticipate his response to whatever the boys decision might be.

If they say yes of course I'll be happy…it's what I want for them both. A new start with a name that holds no ties to their murderous father, but still enables them to retain their mother's beloved memory.

But if they say no…no…then I'll just have…we'll all just have to accept it.

Frank turns off the light and then heads upstairs, his mind unable to dismiss the lingering feelings of doubt that was brought about by the discussion with his father. Of course people will tell Jamie he's not really a Reagan. And Danny's going to go into the academy with a big target on his back. No Reagan has ever not graduated near the top of his class. What if Danny fails? And if Jamie does go into law school, what peer pressure will he have to face? Am I setting them up for a fall? The ultimate fall?

Suddenly his secure feelings aren't as secure as he felt before he sat down with the boys and his family. It's normal…you want this but there is the possibility they won't. Be prepared but get some sleep. So with that thought, he tells himself that he'll love the boys no matter what their decision; they'd always be Reagan's in his heart.

With that he turns off the light, heads for the staircase; the House going dark a few minutes later.

XXXXXXXX

But that night Danny and Jamie aren't able to get to sleep as easily as they might have wanted. Danny's mind now starts to think about entering the academy as a Reagan. And what would his closest friends Demarcus King and Jackie Curatola say to him about it? This time it's Linda's comforting voice he hears as she tells him that she's going to be happy with him no matter his last name.

'You're not a real Reagan!'

'You stole Joe's birthright?'

'You might be called a Reagan but you'll never really be a Reagan!'

'So that's why you conned your way into Frank's life.'

'Did you really pass the academy? You failed! The first Reagan to fail! Why'd you even bother taking on the name?'

Danny's mind spirals further into agitated darkness as he hears various voices from strangers as he enters the academy; the last one belonging to Sonny. It was that voice that makes his teeth grit and stomach tighten. But then he hears his mother's voice telling him that she would always be proud of him no matter what and if he and Jamie got a chance at another life with a great family – to take it.

And it's her voice that allows him to roll onto his side and try to get some real sleep. However, he can't help but wonder how Jamie's faring.

He doesn't have to wonder for long as he hears a soft creak and looks up to see a familiar shadow standing in the doorway with another familiar object dangling in his grasp – Jamie and Buddy.

"Can't sleep…" Jamie lightly moans as he remains in place.

"Come here," Danny gently entreats as Jamie takes a few steps forward. Jamie had told him one time that he felt embarrassed for being seventeen and coming to Danny for comfort in the middle of the night; but Danny always assured him that it wasn't anything to be ashamed of. It's what he's done since a little boy. He remembers a few nights Jamie went to see Frank but tonight was different. Tonight both were facing a dilemma that they couldn't go to Frank with – just yet.

Adoption. Full legal adoption. Full legal adoption by a beloved, well liked and well respected family.

"I just don't want to let them down," Jamie utters with a soft whisper as his body offers a heavy sigh in the darkness.

"I know I don't want to either. Did you decide?"

"Did you?"

"Asked you first," Danny tosses back to his brother as Jamie's lips offer a small smirk.

"I want to but I'm scared. Not just about letting them down just about…this is all we've known for most of our lives."

"I know. But just try to get some sleep. Maybe with you here we'll both get some sleep."

"Say goodnight to Buddy," Jamie tells Danny with a soft smirk.

"G'nite Buddy," Danny replies with some sarcasm as Jamie's elbow swings into Danny's side making them both laugh.

"I don't want to let mom down either," Jamie confesses softly.

"You could never let her down," Danny replies as he gives Jamie a hug. "You've had a tough day, just try to get some sleep now."

"Okay."

Jamie closes his eyes but much like his brother earlier, his mind too now starts to dwell on what verbal backlash he might have to face going into grade twelve with the last name Reagan instead of Smith.

'You're a Reagan? Liar!'

'Why didn't you tell us Jamie? Did you trust us?'

'No wonder Henry gave you the top scholarship. It was rigged!'

'You don't deserve that name.'

"I don't deserve that name…"

Danny hears Jamie muttering the words in his sleep and tries to hush his words.

"Shhh now Jamie," Danny whispers as Jamie's sleepy confessions instantly stop. But he can't fault his brother, as he had the same doubts earlier. Did they really deserve to have that name as their own? His honest answer? No.

Danny's weary eyes close and his mind, which had been so focused earlier on wondering whether or not he and Linda should continue to see each other was pushed to the back in favor of adoption.

A few hours later, Jamie lies awake staring at the window while Danny gently snores beside him. This time he's wondering about George. His mind recalls Henry's words of warning and understands them but at the same time knows he doesn't want to lose George. He had lived on the street most of his life, they were his people no matter what anyone else told him. He thinks about the shelter that Paul operated; the same place their mother had arranged for them to seek solace and protection in and how Paul had helped so many like George. That's what he wants to do, especially since George was so kind to him. I hope their family will love him and want to look after him. But what if they don't? I want to…but how?

With that sobering thought now dancing around in his mind, Jamie rolls onto his other side; Buddy still firmly clutches to his chest and offers a small prayer that he'll be able to get some sleep. He does. They both do. At least for a few hours.

Danny awakens early the next morning and looks at the faint bruise on Jamie's cheek and jaw and frowns. There would be no more point in lecturing Jamie about being careful around George at work, but he would make sure that he spent a few more sessions with Jamie teaching him a few more fighting techniques.

"Buddy snores," Danny gently teases Jamie as Jamie's eyes open and look up at his brother.

"He was trying to keep up with you," Jamie smirks as his lips offer a slight yawn and he tries to stretch. His body quickly recoils as Danny pokes his side. "Buddy doesn't snore."

"He might." Danny chuckles as he tries to take Buddy from Jamie's grasp. But Jamie's expression quickly turns serious as he looks at Danny with a heavy frown. "What?"

"I kept thinking about all the negative stuff."

"I know me too," Danny huffs. "The Reagan name is so great and we'd have self-respect and pride and a name we could both be proud of."

"That'd really stick it to dad," Jamie adds in truth.

"And mom would be happy."

"I know there is a lot of good stuff to think about," Jamie sighs heavily as he looks down at Buddy. "We can be a part of a real family now."

"A family we also care about very much."

"I love them Danny."

"Yeah. Me too. It's a great offer from Frank."

"I know. So now what?"

"Now…we continue with our decision."

"Do we tell them today?" Jamie wonders.

"I guess it's only fair. Frank will be wondering. Ah hell they'll all be wondering and if we leave it any longer…you ready?"

"I am. But I'm so nervous," Jamie admits with a heavy sigh.

"Yeah I'm kinda nervous too."

"Okay so…what are we going to tell them?"

A/N: Yes what indeed? So I didn't think it'd be that easy a decision for our boys and I wanted them to explore both sides of the question – the good and the bad. Think their fears are justified? Will there be any kind of personal pushback for either boy? Danny at the academy? Jamie's friends? And what about when others like Sonny or Linda find out? Lots of good and bad angsty tension on the way. Would love your thoughts on the family's reaction. So please do review before you go and thanks so much!