A/N: Hey guys. So I knew you wouldn't like the way I ended the chapter before this so to say thank you to those of you still sticking with this story I worked hard to get a second update out there.
Disclaimer: I don't own Pitch Perfect, Pocketful of Sunshine or Shake it Out.
What have I done?
Beca regretted her actions the second she had stood from the chair at the table but no amount of regret was able to stop her body from powering out of the building, to her car and home.
Why did I do that?
Beca had barely made it through the door to her apartment before she sunk to the floor. She wasn't crying even though she knew she should be. She was numb. Her mind was crazy with questions but she couldn't find answers. She'd felt the panic building from the moment Chloe had hinted that she reciprocated Beca's feelings and it had grown to the point that the second Chloe closed her eyes Beca had been too overwhelmed to do anything but run. That was her go-to reaction to any difficult situation. Her entire life she'd been this stunted mess of confused emotions but she had struggled through… until now… until Chloe.
Chloe
The tears came. They were hard and powerful. Beca lost control of her body as she just accepted the onslaught of emotions that crashed into her like a tidal wave. She'd fucked up. Majorly. It had only been fear, though, because fear Beca recognised. Fear was a dear friend that taught Beca sarcasm and how to lash out to protect herself. No. This was something different, something much more encompassing. This was joy. Not the simple feeling of contentedness when you are at peace in a moment. Not even the happiness of having a completely enjoyable day. No. This was the feeling of Beca's deepest desire coming true. Tonight she had found someone completely precious and honest, someone so completely everything that Beca had never expected to find, and when she had found that this person was hers… she'd been unable to handle the emotion and had fled. How do you explain that to someone? I loved you so much that I ran away because I was happy? No. There was no explanation possible. What there was, was a beautiful redhead who deserved more than Beca had to offer. Chloe deserved the world and Beca couldn't give that to her but god, how she wished she could.
Beca was pulled from her internal thoughts as the door behind her banging violently.
Chloe.
Beca jumped to her feet and yanked the door open, not caring that her face looked a mess. It wasn't her favourite red hair that meet her but an angry blonde.
"Aub-"
Beca words were silenced as Aubrey's palm connected solidly with her face, the force causing her head to whip to the side. The resounding slap echoed down the hall and into the bedrooms, waking those inside.
"How dare you," Aubrey's voice was cold and deadly. "I warned her time after time that you were bad news, that you would break her heart but she defended you!" Emotion swirled in Aubrey's eyes but it was nothing compared to what Beca was feeling. "No snide comebacks or witty remarks?" Aubrey lashed. "Was this just some fucking game where you make the celebrity fall in love with you and then break her heart and sell your story?"
"Aub-"
Another slap. This one harder. Beca took a step back.
"You are scum. If I ever you ever try to go near her again I will end you."
Beca took another step back. Aubrey meant every word.
Aubrey turned on her heel and marched away, leaving Beca's shell behind.
"Beca?" Jesse spoke after Aubrey had left. He'd heard the tail head of the conversation and was nothing but confused.
Beca didn't respond. She just sank to her knees and started sobbing.
Chloe pulled at the thin hospital blanket that covered her even thinner gown. There was an uncomfortable silence in the room as Stacie and Aubrey had no clue what to say.
Chloe choked an angry laugh. "If you'd told me a couple weeks ago that Tom sleeping with a slut in my bed wouldn't be the lowest point of my life I would've laughed. Who knew there is a worse place than a broken engagement and public shame?" Chloe was cynical and cold, two words that did not belong in a sentence with Chloe.
"Chlo you're gonna be-" Aubrey started.
"Stop," Chloe snapped. "If the next words out of your mouth are 'you're gonna be OK' then just stop it Aubrey. It's not OK."
Aubrey winced at the unfamiliar anger in her friend's tone and bit her fist to prevent herself from losing her breakfast all over the hospital floor. Stacie stepped up to the plate.
"You are Chloe Beale," Stacie began harshly as she stood over Chloe's bed, using her full height and 5 inch heels. "You do not give up or cow down because life gets a little tough. You will rehab like a boss and in a month you're going to be back in the studio completing the album with the world as your oyster." Stacie softened at the look in Chloe's eyes after the mention of the studio and album. "And you'll have a few weeks off to find a new producer. Maybe even Tom, like it should have been."
Chloe's eyes watered. She'd been sure there were no more tears to cry. "I'm just so tired Stacie. I'm so tired of fighting. When do I get my happy ending?"
Stacie was sure even the coldest person's heart would break at Chloe's face in this moment. Stacie took a seat at the edge of Chloe's bed and held Chloe's hands. "You are still so young Chloe. You're just getting all the bad stuff out of the way now so that the rest of your life will be smooth sailing."
Chloe smiled slightly. Success. "I don't think that's how it works."
"Well I'm older than you and therefore wiser so you should listen to me."
This got a laugh. "You're 7 months older than me Stace."
"And I learnt a lot in those seven months," Stacie winked.
"Are we ready in here?" Doctor Williams asked as he knocked on the side of the door.
Chloe sat up and forced a confident smile onto her face that didn't fool anybody. "Born ready. Let's do this."
The Doctor smiled at the false enthusiasm. "You're in good hands Ms Beale. Besides, my daughter would never let me back in the house if it was my fault her favourite singer didn't release her second album."
"How old is your daughter?"
"Fourteen. She's loved you since she discovered music. She was actually at a friend's party the other week when you played. Josh Mitchell?"
Aubrey choked and needed to swallow quickly and Stacie winced. Chloe's face became a blank canvass that terrified her two closest friends. "Yes. Josh is a good kid." Her voice was stilted and robotic.
The Doctor quickly realised he'd said something he shouldn't have and wanted to remove himself from the awkward situation. "Yes. Well. I'll be seeing you soon."
"Chloe-" Stacie began.
"Can you two please leave?" Chloe spoke in her new robotic voice.
"Chloe-" Aubrey tried.
"Now. I'll see you after."
Aubrey and Stacie shared a look and slowly left the room, unsure of any way around it.
Chloe pulled out her phone and set it up to record a video.
Chloe blinked owlishly as she woke up after the surgery. She immediately opened her mouth to speak and jumped when Aubrey clapped her hand over her friend's mouth.
"You can't speak, remember?" Aubrey reminded softly.
Chloe frowned for a second but then nodded. She wasn't allowed to speak in any way for two weeks and then she would begin rehab and go from there.
Stacie smiled a whiteboard and marker that was sitting on Chloe's bed and Chloe smiled appreciatively. She grabbed it and scribbled quickly.
Chloe: How'd it go?
"I'll just grab the doctor, OK?" Stacie quickly moved out of the room leaving an awkward Aubrey and a frowning Chloe.
Chloe: Bree?
"How are you feeling Chlo? Any pain?" Aubrey asked trying to ignore Chloe's question. Luckily Stacie and Doctor Williams quickly re-entered the room.
"I'm glad to see you awake Miss Beale. How are you feeling? Any pain?" He asked.
Chloe held up her whiteboard and pointed to the first question again.
Chloe: How'd it go?
The Doctor sighed and took a seat on the edge of Chloe's bed. "We were able to remove the nodules but there was already extensive damage done to your vocal chords," he explained.
Chloe: What does that mean?
"It means that we can't guarantee that you'll be able to sing again and even if you can… we can't guarantee that you'll be able to sing like you once did."
Chloe choked a sob and grabbed her throat in pain. She opened her mouth but even breathing hurt. Chloe started breathing harder and harder but she couldn't hear anything over the sound of her blood pumping in her ears.
Doctor Williams acted quickly, grabbing a sedative and injecting it into Chloe's IV. Chloe was asleep in seconds. "That could've gone better," he joked humourlessly.
"She can't cry?" Stacie asked.
The doctor shook his head. "Not like that."
"That would have been nice to know," Aubrey snapped, reacting with anger to seeing her friend in pain.
The doctor shrugged sheepishly and moved to leave the room. "Have me paged when she wakes up."
Beca woke around midday with a start. Today was Chloe's surgery. Beca quickly checked her phone and swore. She was probably already in and Beca hadn't been there to wish her well. Beca quickly pulled on some clothes and headed out. She was already sitting in her car when she remembered. She'd run. Chloe probably wouldn't want to see her. Beca was still sitting in her car considering her options when Jess jumped into the passenger side.
"Where are we going?" he asked.
"Get out," Beca snapped.
"No."
"I said get out!" Beca yelled.
"And I said no." Jesse remained calm as Beca tried to stare him down. "I don't know what happened last night and I get you being all closed off as you usually are but I think, this one time, you need to talk with someone. It doesn't have to be me but it does need to be someone cause you can't just keep this, whatever it is, locked up inside that small body."
"Why the fuck not?"
"Because, current events aside, you're a great person Beca and I want you to be happy."
Beca sighed. He was right. She couldn't make sense of her own emotions so maybe Jesse could. It was about time she opened up. "I was happy Jess. So fucking happy."
"I'm not seeing a problem."
Beca pulled an angry hand through her hair, pulling roughly. "I freaked out. Chloe told me she liked me, like, like-liked me, like, loved me, and I fucking ran!"
"Why?"
"I don't know!" Beca cried, the frustration evident in her voice. "She was just singing and I got overwhelmed. I totally return her feelings and then some but I just couldn't handle it."
Jesse half-smiled. "Well you've never been good with your feelings Bec."
"Not helpful," Beca snapped.
"Do you want to be with her?"
"Yes." That was easy.
"Then you make it happen. She likes you back Bec, that's the hard part, the rest is easy."
"Dude did you not hear me? She wrote a song for me and sang it in front of all of Hollywood and I tucked tail and ran. No way in hell is she gonna talk to me again after that." Beca sank into her seat, defeated.
"We are talking about the same girl who locked herself in your bedroom because you freaked out and she refused to leave without sorting stuff out. She isn't going anywhere Bec trust me. She's definitely hurt, which she has a right to be, but it's not too late for you to fix this."
"Well you're the cheese ball romantic in this pair, what do I do?"
"An apology wouldn't hurt." Beca glared at that. "Chocolates, flowers, poetry. It doesn't need to be complicated Bec, just show up and prove to her that you're in this and you won't run. Lock yourself in her bedroom if you need to. Serenade her back, whatever, just do something other than locking yourself in your bedroom and stewing while the girl of your dreams keeps hurting."
"Just show up?"
"It's as easy as that."
"OK. Get out."
"What? I thought we just had a breakthrough?"
"We did. So now I have a hospital to get to."
"That's my girl," Jesse cheered as he jumped out of the car.
Beca barely waited for the door to close before she took off.
Chloe could hear the voices in the room before she opened her eyes.
"How dare you come here?" Aubrey yelled. "You have no right to be here."
"I'm here for Chloe," another voice responded.
"Yeah you proved that last night. Get out!" Aubrey yelled again.
"Not until I speak to her." The voice argued.
"Speak to her? Well you're going to have to wait two weeks. Two weeks that you were supposed to be there for her as her girlfriend. She believed in you and you stomped her heart," Aubrey was still angry but not as loud.
"I'm here now, OK? I can't take back what I did but I can make up for it."
"No you can't." Aubrey was final, resolute.
Chloe's eyes opened and she saw the glaring standoff between Beca and Aubrey. Both were so focused on each other that they didn't notice she was awake. Stacie was standing beside Aubrey but she wasn't watching Chloe either. She couldn't speak to get their attention so she tried something else. Chloe grabbed her whiteboard and hit it, solidly, against the pole of her IV. The metallic ting cut through the silence in the room and Aubrey, Stacie and Beca turned to Chloe straight away.
"I'll get the doctor," Stacie volunteered as she rushed from the room.
"Chloe," Beca whispered as she walked towards Chloe's bed.
Aubrey reached out an arm and stopped her. "No. You need to leave. Now."
Chloe hit her whiteboard again. This not talking thing was horrible.
"Chloe?" Aubrey questioned.
Chloe: Give me a minute
Aubrey raised her brows. "Alone? With the midget? Are you crazy? Why would I do that?"
Chloe: Please Bree
Aubrey searched Chloe's pouting face then glared at Beca. "You try anything other than the world's best apology and I will end you."
Beca nodded.
Aubrey left the room with one more look over her shoulder. She stopped Stacie and Dr Williams at the door, saying Chloe needed a minute alone.
"Chloe… last night," Beca started but Chloe shook her head.
Chloe: Me first
Beca nodded and stood silently, moving her weight from one foot to the other as Chloe quickly wrote something on her whiteboard.
Chloe: Last night was me telling you I loved you
Love. Beca swallowed and waited again for Chloe to clean her whiteboard and write again.
Chloe: You didn't owe it to me to return my feelings
Wipe and write.
Chloe: You owed it to me to let me down easily
Chloe wasn't done but Beca needed to speak. "No Chloe, no. I feel that same way, I swear. I… I l-love you." It was difficult but she pushed the words out. "I love you Chloe Beale," Beca repeated, strong a clear.
Chloe blinked before writing something again.
Chloe: You get that off your dad? Running means 'I love you'?
It was harsh and hit Beca solidly. "I know Chloe. Jesus Christ I know. I hate myself for what I did but I was just so overwhelmed by it all. I never for a second thought you would return my feelings so when you did I freaked. I reacted poorly, I know, and I can't take that back but I can make up for it."
Chloe: I don't think you can
"I'm going to prove you wrong. From this point out I will be showing up. Our entire friendship has been you chasing me and you working for it. It's my turn to work. I'm not giving up on you Chloe. This is me locking myself in your bedroom until you believe I'm not going anywhere. I love you and I'm going to prove to you that you can love me back. Besides, it's not like you can tell me to go away."
Chloe: go away
Beca smirked at the small smile on Chloe's face. She reached a hand forward and smudged Chloe's words. "I'm sorry, I can't see what you wrote."
Chloe gave her a full smile in return and her heart soared.
"Please don't tell me you've forgiven the hobbit," Aubrey glared as she re-entered the room with Stacie and the doctor.
Chloe just shrugged innocently as Beca smirked at the blonde bitch.
"We'll talk about this later," Aubrey promised with an angry glare aimed at both Chloe and Beca.
"How are you feeling Chloe? Any pain from earlier?" The doctor asked.
"What happened earlier?" Beca wondered.
"Chloe got some bad news and accidentally hurt herself," Stacie explained. She wasn't anywhere near ready to forgive Beca but now wasn't the time to get into it, especially if Chloe seemed willing to try.
"Bad news?" Beca looked at Chloe for the answer before realising her mistake and turning to the doctor. Chloe nodded for him to explain.
"The damage to Ms Beale's vocal chords was more extensive than our first assumption. We removed her vocal nodules but there is no guarantee that she will regain all, if any, of her singing abilities."
Beca closed her eyes as the news washed over her. Why did everything bad seem to happen to the redhead? Beca glanced at Chloe's sad face. And why did she add to it?
The two weeks of enforced silence were torture. Stacie and Aubrey were now living with Chloe so when Beca would show up, daily, to spend a few hours listening to music with Chloe they would take it in turns to create reasons for her to leave early. They also never let her be alone in a room with Chloe, even when Chloe asked them to. It was driving Beca crazy because all she wanted to do was prove to the redhead that she was in this. So… she kept showing up.
It was Chloe's first day of rehab and she had somehow convinced Chloe's prison guards to let her take the singer in for her appointment. She hadn't been allowed in the room though so she was outside playing games on Chloe's phone. After losing, yet again, at Stickman Beca was bored. She decided to look at the pictures in Chloe's phone because she remembered they'd taken a really good one the night of the dinner but she'd never gotten a copy of it. Beca was flicking through the most recent images when she was the thumbnail of Chloe in her hospital gown. Curiosity got the best of her and she pressed play.
"Beca," Chloe's voice rang through the phone. Beca hadn't realised how much she'd missed the musicality of Chloe's voice until she got to hear it again. But something was wrong. Chloe looked stiff and angry and her voice was almost robotic. "When my mother was dying she told Aubrey that her biggest fear in life would be the day someone broke my heart. Mum knew, even then, that I was too open; too forgiving, too accepting, too loving, and that someone would take advantage of that. I wonder if mum saw your face in her nightmares. I wonder if it was your voice that kept her awake at night when she should have been resting. I wonder how much she would hate you because Beca… I need someone to hate you because I can't. I'm hurt and I'm angry but I still want you. What is so wrong with me that I can't even be hate you? You understand me in a way that Aubrey never will be able to. You hear me in a way that no one else can. You're my musical soul mate… but soul mates don't always end up together. I thought you were my happy ending but you aren't. You are misery and pain and I need you to leave me because I'm not strong enough to do it myself. Promise me Beca, save my heart the pain and walk away."
Beca's watery eyes flicked up when she noticed a figure appear in front of her. "Chloe," she gasped.
"You weren't meant to hear that," Chloe spoke. It was music to Beca's ears. Her voice was still the same perfect tune.
"You can speak."
Chloe giggled, Beca beaming at the sound. "Of course I can silly." But she sobered quickly. "That video… I was in a bad place Bec. It was right before the surgery and-"
"Shh," Beca whispered and she stood and pulled Chloe into her arms. It was the first real contact between them in weeks and it felt amazing. "I understand. I was a total dick. I'm still going to prove myself to you."
Chloe smiled but Beca could tell it was forced. "OK."
Beca and Chloe walked to the car in silence and Beca realised something: Chloe did need her to leave but she wasn't strong enough either. She had one choice; she needed to be the person Chloe deserved because she couldn't do the act Chloe needed.
Stacie sighed happily as Aubrey cuddled into her side, their naked bodies pressing against each other. "We needed that."
"Mmmhmm," Aubrey agreed as she stroked a pattern on Stacie's stomach. "Do you think Chloe's OK?"
Stacie couldn't hold back her groan. "Can we please have one minute without Chloe?" She snapped.
Aubrey pulled back, shocked. "Stacie-"
"No, no, I'm sorry Bree," Stacie shook her head, apologising straight away. "I get it. Chloe is my friend to and she is dealing with something major. I just… this is supposed to be our honeymoon period and it's more like we just straight to having a kid. Two when Beca is over."
"Never say that again," Aubrey ordered at the implication of any sort of relationship between herself and Beca. "This is just… difficult. I know Chloe is going to be a hard subject because of my very-much-in-the-past feelings for her but she is still my best friend, and yours."
"Yeah I get it Bree. I just need more me and you time, OK?"
Aubrey nodded. "Well, if it's good news today how about me and you head out on a celebratory date night," Aubrey suggested.
Stacie smirked. "And what if our daughter gets up to no good and invites that good-for-nothing girlfriend of hers over."
Aubrey's eyes darkened at the thought before she pressed a quick kiss to Stacie's mouth. "Chloe is a big girl now and can take care of herself."
"That's good." Stacie reached over Aubrey and grabbed her phone. "Now, let me record you saying that again because I'm sure I'll need it many times in the future."
Aubrey laughed and pinched Stacie's side. Stacie responded by starting a tickle war, which of course lead to sex.
Beca had decided to take Chloe out to lunch at the diner to congratulate her on the all clear.
"So what? You just start singing again?" Beca asked over her toasted sandwich, which was filled with the extras from Chloe's burger.
"Kinda. I'm allowed to sing but I may need to retrain my voice to sing again now that my vocal chords have changed. I won't know the damage until I try."
"So why haven't you tried yet?" Beca frowned.
Chloe shrugged. "I'm scared. What if it's gone Bec?"
Beca covered Chloe's hand with her own. "What if you're fine? You can what if until you're blue in the face or we can head to the studio now and see what we're dealing with."
Chloe took a deep breath and nodded, quickly finishing her burger and heading out to find out the truth.
Chloe stood nervously at the microphone in the booth.
"You can do this Chloe," Beca spoke and held her thumb up. "I believe in you. I always have."
Chloe nodded and swallowed as Beca pressed play. The music filled the room but all Chloe could hear was her own breathing. In. Out. In. Out. Moment of truth. She closed her eyes and opened her mouth.
Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play
And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn
Chloe's voice was shaky and it crackled but Beca couldn't tell if was from lack of use or…
And I've been a fool and I've been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I'm always dragging that horse around
All of his questions, such a mournful sound
Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground
So I like to keep my issues drawn
But it's always darkest before the dawn
Chloe's voice was building, becoming stronger as her confidence grew. Beca started smiling. She was doing it.
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa
And I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart
'Cause I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
And given half the chance would I take any of it back
It's a fine romance but it's left me so undone
It's always darkest before the dawn
Oh whoa, oh whoa...
And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't
So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my road
And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope
It's a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat
'Cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me
Looking for heaven, found the devil in me
Well what the hell I'm gonna let it happen to me, yeah
Beca could feel tears running down her cheeks. It was imperfect but it was brilliant. Chloe hit every not solidly and built the emotion with ease. She'd never seen anything more beautiful than Chloe's face and the realization that she was going to be OK.
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa
Beca rushed into the booth and pulled Chloe into a tight hug. "You did it," she whispered into the redhead's ear.
"I did," Chloe beamed as she pulled back. Her eyes flicked down to Beca's lips and back to her eyes. All she needed to do was close a few millimeters and they'd be kissing.
"Chloe?" Beca asked. She was desperate to close the space but this needed to be Chloe's choice.
Chloe swallowed and stepped back. "I'm sorry Beca. I'm not ready."
Beca squeezed Chloe's hand and gave her a reassuring smile. "It's OK. You will be." And she had never been so sure of anything.
"And?" Aubrey demanded the second she walked through the door. Beca had decided to drop her and go so she wouldn't need to face the wrath of the 'blonde haired demon' for keeping Chloe and extra few hours.
Chloe smirked. "I got a pocket, got a pocket full of sunshine," Chloe sang, her voice crisp and clear.
"Chloe!" Aubrey gushed, pulling the redhead into her arms and hugging her tightly. "I'm so happy for you."
"I'm happy for me too," Chloe smiled as she added Stacie to their group hug.
"This is fantastic news," Stacie said.
"It really is," Chloe nodded.
"And do you know what it means?" Stacie asked.
Chloe frowned. "Well I can sing now but I assume you are referring to something else."
Stacie smirked. "Good assumption. It means I get a date tonight, no third wheel."
Chloe giggled and Stacie strutted down the hallway to get ready. "Be ready in an hour Ms Posen. And be prepared to be blown away."
Aubrey and Chloe linked arms and walked into Chloe's room for Aubrey to get ready, laughing as they went.
Beca began to rummage through her drawers searching for paper the second she got home. She found nothing in the kitchen or her bedroom so she moved to Jesse's room to continue her search.
"You're doing what?" Jesse asked from his bed as Beca barreled into his room and began searching his drawers.
"I need-aha!" Beca cried triumphantly as she found a somewhat empty notebook. "Paper."
"Help yourself I guess," Jesse joked. "What are you up to?"
"You were right. I need to serenade Chloe like she did for me," Beca beamed.
"I said that? Good one me. But Bec… writing isn't exactly your strong suit."
Beca shrugged and headed out of his room. "I'm inspired."
A/N: Next time on This is my Fight Song - Beca writes a song for Chloe and Aubrey and Stacie have a much needed date night. Peace.