Note: none of this lore is actually right. Well, some of it is, but still. A lot of it is really, really wrong. Like Jhoira being a little scrub lady.

It was a brawl for the ages.

In one corner, it was Narset, the Enlightened Master, master of the Jeskai Way, and Khan of Tarkir. In another, Animar, the Soul of Elements, master of life, and breeder of creation. In the third, Roon of the Hidden Realm, a great guardian and prophet to eternal glory. In the last, was Jhoira.

No one was really sure why Jhoira was there.

After all, Narset was a master sage and martial artist with the ability to predict the future and the power of an entire clan at her beck and call. Animar was the ultimate source of life on its plane. Roon was a prophet with mastery of time and space. Jhoira was just Jhoira.

Sure, she was a powerful wizard, but Narset was a powerful goddamn kung-fu wizard.

Sure, Jhoira had experimented with life before, after all what artificer hadn't? But Animar could literally poop life from its butthole.

Sure, Jhoira could do some simple time magic, but Roon could stop, rewind, and fast forward time. Not to mention, he could teleport.

Who'd ever seen a giant rhino armed to the teeth teleport?

So when the four of them gathered on the plane to do battle, no one expected Jhoira to be such a pain in the ass. In fact, they totally disregarded her.

Narset was busy doing kung-fu things to Roon. Limbs flew everywhere, sometimes literally, as Narset summoned her powerful magics and her dozens of super powerful swords to fight with her. As each blow landed, Roon's life drained, his skin burnt, and random wolves came out of nowhere to fight for Narset.

Roon was busy doing space time things with his army against Animar. For each blow that Narset landed against him, Roon just shrugged a little, and continued flickering his army. His friend, Brago the Eternal King, helped him. Thousands of creatures flickered from existence, only to come back moments later, bringing in more of their friends. For each creature that entered, that creature's magic activated again, filling the plane with all sorts of powerful effects. And each of those effects were aimed at Animar. Soon, the hulking titan of life had thousands of beasts running at it, intent on ripping off at least a foot.

While Roon was flickering an army, Animar was chilling in a corner, literally vomiting out life. Creatures fell from its mouth, intent on fighting its enemies. From its body dripped a powerful liquid. Once its allies touched this mystery liquid, they grew stronger and stronger. Roon was convinced that it was some sort of anabolic steroid and that Animar did, indeed, lift.

While all of that was happening, Jhoira was chilling in a corner. Occasionally, she would use her primitive time magic to throw something into the folds of space and time. Mostly, she just sat around. One time, she drew a buddy from Ravnica, a Guttersnipe, and high five'd it. It died almost immediately afterwards. Something along the lines of getting eaten by a giant wurm.

So when Jhoira started cackling, everyone else just stared at her for a second.

"It begins!" she screamed hysterically.

The other three turned to each other and shrugged. No one really cared. Then they started to murder each other again.

Jhoira just continued to cackle violently.

Roon was the first to notice. He had tried to summon the great power of the Blue Sun from Mirrodin, only to fail. And accidently blow up a tree. Which turned into a random beast thing. He was confused. What was weirder was that all of a sudden, everyone else blew up a random patch of land. Which also morphed into random beast things.

Roon just blinked a few times, and shrugged.

Animar noticed next. "What the fuck," it rumbled.

Animar had wanted to use his immense power to draw upon a great Eldrazi, only to fail horribly, and shoot forward random counter magic. What was even more curious was that the same counter magic was then used by everyone else. And then everyone got to draw on that same immense super summoning magic.

And then everyone started blowing up patches of land and turning them into beasts.

And then everyone started to draw great power from Mirrodin's Blue Sun. That one failed though. No one was really sure why.

Narset sat around confused. Then, hesitantly, she too tried to use her magic. Perhaps she was too ambitious. She tried to be like Jhoira and Roon and stretch the reality of time itself. She failed. Miserably. Instead, a massive blast of fire came from the heavens, scorching a random goat that was on Jhoira's side of the field.

No one was quite sure why Jhoira had those goats either.

Then, of course, everyone blasted things with heaven fire. Randomly.

And everyone tried to stretch time. Time became really really really slow.

Then, there was the random counter magic.

And the summoning magic.

And who could forget the random land explosions that morphed into beasts?

No one cared about Mirrodin's sun. But it happened. It just fizzeled from existence once it came.

Finally, came Jhoira again. This time, hefting a massive celestial hammer.

"Ya'll mothafuckas gonna learn today," she said. From a massive rift in time and space came a Goblin Test Pilot, the magic for the Rite of Replication, and a Dualcaster Mage.

Somehow, for some inexplicable reason, the stars aligned. The randomness effecting everyone's magic suddenly decided that it wasn't going to mess with Jhoira, and let her do her thing.

The magic for the Rite of Replication hit the Goblin Test Pilot. The Dualcaster Mage was disoriented and fired off his copying magic hitting the Rite. The Rite exploded, hitting the Dualcaster Mage, making a copy of him. Whom was also disoriented, firing off copying magic at another Rite. Which fired back into the Dualcaster Mage clone.

...

This cycle continued for awhile.

When the chaos was over, lo and behold, there was an army of Goblin Test Pilots as far as the eye could see. And each of them was pissed.

They fired off their little jetpack things and zoomed everywhere in random directions, swirling and crashing and generally making really big booms.

No one was quite sure what happened next.

"Are you serious."

"Do you want to go? Of course I'm serious."

"We don't have nearly enough dice for this."

"Dude, why would you make over a trillion Goblin Test Pilots? I don't understand."

"Why wouldn't you just swing?"

"I will willing roll over a trillion dice to see who wins this game."

"You know you could, you know, kill yourself."

"... Worth."

This is the story of the game where I managed to suspend an Eye of the Storm, a Hivemind, a Possibility Storm, and a Grip of Chaos in the same turn. Sort of. It actually involved all of us decking out at the same time, which was kind of the greatest thing ever.