Thanks so much for the reviews and PMs about the first chapter – sorry this took so long. Those of you who follow me on tumblr will know that my life is a bit fucked…but I literally passed up sex this weekend to write this because I felt so bad for making peeps wait.
So…I don't even know what this is…I kinda had a plan but then the characters did something else and it ended up waaaay longer than I thought it would so…I hope it's not too shit. I posted this in a real rush to meet a promised deadline so apologies for any mistakes!
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Santana Lopez would never admit it to anyone because it makes her sound like a noob - but before Brittany she'd never been on an actual date before.
Sex is something she knows about. She's slept with thirteen girls, (another thing she will never admit to anyone because she feels like at seventeen maybe that number is a bit too high and creeping into Puck territory which she finds kinda shameful), and with one guy, which she'd rather forget. Puck's cousin Lucas stayed with him for a week a couple of summers ago when Santana was figuring out the whole gay thing. He was sweet and cute and she was high and curious and when it was over she threw up. Puck found out and almost killed his cousin.
She knows about sex and what to do with a girl once she gets her naked, but going out on a date was something completely foreign to her, so it freaked the hell out of her when Brittany asked her out. For some reason Santana thought she should be the one to ask, and she was going to after they had been making out on her bed for twenty minutes, but Brittany had beat her to it and she found herself nodding, whispering a yes against soft lips before capturing them again with her own.
They met at Breadstix and Santana was so nervous that she stuttered through telling Brittany how beautiful she looked and then knocked her water glass over. She could tell that Brittany was nervous too, but after they smiled awkwardly at each other and laughed at how ridiculous they were both being, the tension between them eased and Santana forgot what she was nervous about in the first place. Brittany insisted on paying when Santana tried to and cited "dating law" since she was the one to ask the brunette out. Santana tried to argue that such a thing didn't exist, and she hated the idea that Brittany wanted to pay because she knew that Santana wasn't exactly flush with cash, but was silenced pretty quickly when Brittany pressed a lingering kiss to her lips. Santana immediately knew she was in trouble, imagining Brittany getting away with any number of things by employing that tactic.
After that date they went to the movies and made out in the back and after that they went to the lake and after that it was another movie and more making out and after that they just made out at the dance studio. They've gone out a handful of times and kissed twice as many and this is all so new and confusing to Santana that she feels like she doesn't know anything anymore. She's doing and thinking and feeling things that she thought were made up for bullshit vampire romance novels.
Before Brittany, Santana thought she knew a thing or two about girls. She knows how to look like she's listening intently even when she couldn't care less. She knows how to make girls feel special with compliments and smiles and touches but also how to not be too available, always keeping them guessing. She knows how to do this thing with her tongue that makes girls scream and become practically spineless that Puck told her about when they were both high one night a couple of years ago. She knows how to make girls laugh. She knows how to not let any girl ever get too close.
But Brittany Susan Pierce makes Santana think that she doesn't know anything about girls.
The girl is like no one Santana's ever met before. She's passionate and curious and clever and she doesn't play games and says exactly what she means and she's open and friendly and cares about people and animals and the environment. She likes to hold hands and sometimes she skips and she likes to link their pinky fingers together. She has this crazy and wild imagination and sometimes Santana doesn't understand why she says things or where they come from but they always make her smile. One of her favourite things about Brittany is her love of facts. They'll be sitting in the park and the blonde will tell her that more than ten people a year are killed by vending machines. Or they'll be walking and Brittany will ask her if she knows that it costs about 3 cents to make a $1 bill. Or that Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise. She's constantly reeling off little tidbits of information and Santana finds herself interested in things she'd never thought about before. What Santana likes best is that every now and then Brittany will say something like, did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?, or she'll talk about how elves are really just Santa's slaves just to make her laugh. Santana never lets herself be silly, but it's easy with Brittany. She doesn't have to worry about how she looks or where she comes from because Brittany makes her feel like none of that matters.
That's the most bewildering and bewitching thing Brittany does, the thing that makes Santana really feel like her heart might just fill so full and float up into the sky - the way that Brittany just looks at her. Santana doesn't even know how to describe it, but Brittany looks at her with this absolute trust, this adoration and appreciation that the brunette hasn't seen and felt for as long as she can remember. She knows there was a time when she was loved by her parents, before her father died and her world changed completely, but she can't feel that anymore. It's just a memory. But the way Brittany gazes at her, so unguarded and honest, Santana has never felt anything like it.
It makes her feel like she's worth something.
That scares the shit out of her.
The thing is...Santana doesn't know if Brittany is her girlfriend or not. She thinks she wants her to be, but she's not sure if she's supposed to ask…or if it's just assumed…or if it's too soon. Is three weeks too soon? Then that leads her to wondering whether Brittany is seeing anyone else, which she doesn't think she would be because surely Quinn would have told her if she was, but the swirling thoughts give her a headache and it's not something she really wants to be thinking about when she's got Brittany in her lap kissing her like crazy like she does right now.
So instead Santana tries to blank out everything other than what she can feel right now – Brittany's tongue against her own, pressing and exploring and claiming her. Or the subtle roll of Brittany's hips, her own hands gripping the blonde's ass and pulling her closer. Brittany moans and it echoes around the empty dance studio, both girls eventually pulling away for air, recognising that things have gotten a little too heated.
They make out a lot, mostly in Brittany's car or at the studio, but in three weeks it hasn't gone any further than a bit of over the bra action. Not that Santana's complaining really. She thought she would be, but honestly, just being lucky enough to kiss Brittany is enough for her. Puck is continually giving her shit about it but she just tells him to fuck off. She wants to do things right with Brittany, and though she's not always exactly sure what that right thing is, she does know that rushing into sex isn't it.
But at times like this, when Brittany's face is flushed and her chest is heaving and her eyes are dark and her pink lips swollen from so much delicious kissing, it's really hard to hold back.
Santana closes her eyes and takes a deep breath because she knows she has to. She especially doesn't want their first time to be in a sweaty dance studio. She'd been sitting on a chair along the side watching Brittany dance, something she's taken to doing whenever she can, and she must have had some kind of hungry look on her face because Brittany had caught it and sauntered over, lowering herself down into Santana's lap and pulling her into a heated kiss. That was twenty minutes ago.
When Santana opens her eyes again a moment later Brittany is staring at her with a lopsided grin.
"What?"
The blonde shrugs and brushes some hair from Santana's forehead.
"I really like kissing you."
Santana feels that fantastic flipping in her stomach again and leans forward to place a quick kiss on Brittany's lips. She's never known anyone who is as comfortable with being themselves and saying whatever is on their mind as Brittany is and it's wonderful.
"I like kissing you too." She presses their lips together again, a little longer this time. "I really like it."
-x-
It takes approximately five seconds of the bus entering Brittany's neighbourhood for Santana to feel like this whole thing is a really fucking stupid idea. She knows she doesn't belong here and can't help but feel like everyone else on the bus knows it too and is wondering what the hell she's doing here. What someone like her is doing in this neighbourhood. She tugs on the hem of her dress and despite the fact that she knows she looks hot it in, it suddenly matters much more that it's a couple of years old now and the colour has faded a bit, not to mention the fact that it's not from an expensive label. Just like her shoes and her bag. Just like everything she owns. Well, the things she and Puck haven't stolen. So far Brittany hasn't made a thing of Santana being from Lima Heights, they haven't even really discussed what happened that morning with her aunt because the times Brittany tried Santana shut her down immediately out of shame, and besides feeling a bit nervous with the amount of money in her purse and being able to pay for dates Santana hasn't felt like it's been an issue either. Stuff like that just doesn't seem to matter when she's around Brittany.
But tonight is different.
For the last couple of months the two of them have been in this little bubble, unconcerned with anyone around them, and Santana hasn't felt any judgement about who she is or where she comes from. But now here she is, almost at Brittany's house so that they can go to a party together. A McKinley party. A party mostly filled with rich douchebags from nice families, and despite the fact that Quinn and Puck and some of her other friends will be there, Santana knows that most of the McKinley dicks think she's trash and she still can't figure out why Brittany doesn't. She can't shake the fear that once they're around other people Brittany will finally come to her senses and want nothing to do with her.
The bus pulls to a stop, drawing Santana from her thoughts and she has to hustle off before the driver closes the doors. She almost trips on the step down from the bus and hopes that it wasn't too noticeable, but then the driver calls out and asks if she's okay and she just nods and tells him that she's fine, not daring to look back at the people through the windows and feel the embarrassment even further. She hears the bus take off and closes her eyes, taking a steadying breath and wondering why she's suddenly turned into such a spaz. She thinks she probably should have taken Brittany up on her offer to pick her up but she didn't want Brittany coming to her house again so soon after the last fiasco. And truthfully, she's kind of curious about where Brittany lives and knows her parents and sister are back in Columbus for the weekend so she doesn't have to worry about any excruciatingly awkward meet the parents scenario. That wouldn't have ended well, considering most of her friend's parents don't even like her. Hell, one of her own didn't. It probably would have also involved her and Brittany having the talk about the status of their relationship, something Santana has managed to avoid so far. It's not that she doesn't want to make things official with Brittany but it's been like two months and things are pretty fucking great, and she's never done this before and Brittany hasn't mentioned anything, so she doesn't want to do the wrong thing and screw this up.
She adjusts her bag on her shoulder and gives herself a little pep talk, reminding herself that she is Santana Lopez and she has game and can handle her shit.
That lasts about another three minutes until she rounds the corner and sees Brittany's house. The place is fucking huge. Santana knew it had to be big but Jesus Christ it's like the white house or something. It must be the biggest house in Lima, much bigger than Quinn's and the Berry's and bigger than any house Santana's been to for a party.
She kind of just stands there for a moment in awe, wondering what the inside must look like if the outside looks like this. It's then that the insecurities hit her full force. What must Brittany have thought about the little shitbox Santana lives in with her aunt and cousin? Santana never even had her own room until a few months ago but she's pretty sure that Brittany's house is big enough for everyone to have their own wing. Just like every other house on the block the garden is perfectly manicured and nothing is out of place.
Before her thoughts can spiral too much though, the front door is opening and Brittany is there, that bright, beautiful smile on her face.
Brittany greets her and waves her over, the gesture breaking Santana from her thoughts and forcing her legs to move, albeit a little gingerly. But she doesn't even get halfway to the door before Brittany has already wrapped her up in a hug, too excited to wait, then pulling back just enough to push their lips together briefly.
She smells and tastes like strawberry and it's completely intoxicating. Santana's fears immediately evaporate and she leans forward to chase Brittany's lips just as the blonde pulls back. She pouts but Brittany giggles and shakes her head, eyes scanning the neighbourhood around them and Santana gets the message, slipping her hand into Brittany's and allowing her to pull her inside.
At first Santana doesn't even notice the house as they enter, her eyes too fixated on the way Brittany's ass looks in her dress as she follows along behind her, but as soon as she steps into the foyer she almost gasps as she takes in her surroundings. Everything is crisp and white and modern and glass and much like the outside of the house there is nothing out of place. It barely looks lived in, like some kind of display home or modern art gallery, and Santana suddenly feels like she shouldn't touch anything just in case she breaks it and has to pay for it. It's perfect, just like everything in Brittany's life, and Santana has never felt more out of place.
"Fucking hell," she mutters as she takes another step, her eyes darting around the house.
Brittany just kind of laughs, like she's used to that reaction.
"Yeah, it's a bit…" she pauses, her gaze sweeping around like Santana's did except hers seems even more hesitant, "…different than our last house."
"Your old house wasn't a sprawling mansion?"
Brittany shakes her head. "Not like this. I guess house prices here are cheaper than in Columbus? Plus, I think my dad just wanted to have the biggest house in town."
Her eyes flicker down and Santana catches the way her shoulders deflate slightly.
"He cares a lot about how things look to other people."
Santana's not sure how to respond but she can sense that there's a lot more to Brittany's comment about her dad. She knows she's rubbish at offering comforting words though, so the two of them just stand there awkwardly for a moment while Santana tries to think of something not too idiotic to say. Brittany beats her to it, reaching out for her hand and pulling her forward.
"Come on, I'll show you the best room in the house."
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When Santana finds out that that room is Brittany's bedroom, she couldn't agree more, and not just for the obvious reason. It's more that Brittany's room looks like it doesn't even belong in the house. It doesn't look like Pillsbury the OCD Queen has come through and put everything in order. There is colour on the walls, prints of dancers but also some movie and band posters. There's a cluttered bookcase, a TV with a couple of DVDs lying on top of it and a desk that's probably more cluttered than the bookcase. Everything still looks incredibly expensive, and it's about four times as big as her own bedroom, but it's a lot more comfortable and relaxed compared to the rest of what Santana has seen of the house. She smiles because it seems so perfectly Brittany, and she can feel some of her insecurities about the differences in their lives start to fade away again.
Brittany tells Santana to take a seat on her bed while she finishes up getting ready and then blushes adorably when Santana tells her that she already looks so beautiful and sexy. Brittany slinks back over and uses two fingers to tilt Santana's chin up, leaning down and pressing a proper kiss to her lips to make up for the brief one outside. A hand cups her jaw and Santana brings her own up to Brittany's hips, pulling gently as she tries to lay back and encourage Brittany to follow her.
But she can feel Brittany's smile against her lips and the way she's resisting, leaning back up and pulling away with a shake of her head. She reminds Santana that they have a party to get to and the brunette relents, taking a deep breath and laying back on the bed waiting for Brittany to get ready.
-x-
The party is the first real test for them as a couple or whatever they are, out in the real world amongst their peers, and of course Santana fucks up within the first hour. They'd walked there since it isn't far from Brittany's house and that way they could both drink and not worry about how they were getting home. They hadn't exactly talked about what would happen once they got back to Brittany's house but Santana had brought along a toothbrush and change of underwear just in case. Not that staying the night seemed likely anymore after her stupid fucking brain fart.
It seemed just like every other party Santana had been to but there was an extra swirling of anticipation in her stomach as she walked through the house with Brittany's hand in hers, trying not to grip too tightly. They said hello to some people as they tried to find Puck and Quinn, mostly McKinley kids that kept stopping Brittany to say hi and Brittany was nothing but gracious and friendly, but would introduce Santana without defining their relationship. Santana didn't know what the fuck to make of that. Part of her was hoping that Brittany would just claim her as her girlfriend so that she wouldn't have to do the hard part, but that didn't seem to be happening. Santana wasn't sure what was happening, but she knew it made her stomach swirl a little more…and not in a good way.
Things got worse after they'd found their friends and had a couple of drinks. Santana had excused herself to go to the bathroom, declining Brittany's offer to accompany her because the blonde was in the middle of telling Quinn a story and she didn't want to interrupt. It took her fifteen minutes to find it but she eventually did and she was almost back to her friends when she ran into Jess. Jess lives in another county but has friends in Lima so she often comes to their parties and she and Santana had hooked up a couple of times. Santana hadn't seen her in a while and didn't want to be a complete dick so she made some small talk, her eyes glancing over Jess' shoulder every so often to find Brittany's and offer her a smile. But it quickly became clear that Jess was interested in more than small talk when the lingering touches started. Santana took a step back and was about to tell Jess to do the same but then Brittany was there, with a smile on her face that all three of them could tell was fake, her eyes darting between the two other girls. Jess picked up on the tension pretty quickly and incredulously asked if Santana Lopez actually had a girlfriend, like it was the most absurd fucking prospect in the world, which is where Santana first fucked up. Because instead of doing what she should have done, which was claim Brittany as her girlfriend and make that known to Jess and anyone else at the party, she totally bitched out. She let all her insecurities about Brittany's world flood her brain and then in a completely idiotic attempt to save face in front of a girl she doesn't give a shit about she threw out some cocky line about how Brittany and her were just having fun.
Brittany did not like that.
She stared at Santana like she couldn't believe what had just been said and then stormed off into another room, leaving Santana to drop her head back and smack herself in the forehead while Jess chuckled and felt the need to point out just how badly Santana had fucked up. Like she needed to be told. Part of her wanted to chase after Brittany and make it better but she felt like they both needed to cool off first because they'd probably just end up yelling at each other.
Which is why she's now pacing along the pavement outside the house while Puck and Quinn sit on the fence and watch on, exchanging curious glances and getting more and more impatient for her to speak.
"Lopez, are you going to explain why you dragged us out here or what?" Quinn asks again, irritation creeping into her tone.
"Actually, I dragged Puck out here Fabray and you tagged along despite me telling you to fuck off so you can shut your fucking hole."
"Hey," Puck calls out admonishingly.
"Alright," Santana relents, realising her comment was a bit harsh, but that is as much of an apology as Quinn is going to get and they all know it.
She paces for another minute and then comes to a stop because she can't put this off forever and she's getting cold out here.
"I don't know if Brittany's my girlfriend."
Puck and Quinn stare back at her for a silent moment and Santana doesn't know what the fuck to think, and then the two assholes erupt in laughter right in front of her, which doesn't exactly help with how stupid she's already feeling.
She grunts and kicks the fence. "Fuck you both, this isn't funny. Some girl asked me if Brittany was my girlfriend right in front of her and I said some stupid fucking thing that made it seem like Brittany was just another girl."
Santana is too pissed off and embarrassed to look up but the laughter quickly dies down when Puck and Quinn comprehend the extent of the situation.
"Well that was fucking stupid of you."
Santana lets that one from Quinn slide because she knows Brittany is her friend. And besides, it's totally true.
But when Quinn speaks again it's with a surprising amount of compassion.
"What do you mean you don't know if she's your girlfriend?"
Santana huffs out a breath. She doesn't want to talk about any of this, especially with fucking Quinn Fabray, but she knows she needs to sort this shit out today.
"I mean it's been like two months and everything has been great but Brittany hasn't mentioned anything about being my girlfriend. I don't know if I'm supposed to ask her or why she hasn't asked me. Maybe she doesn't want me to ask her. And why the fuck can't she ask me? Are we even supposed to ask each other or after a certain time does it just become a thing? And then I think maybe there's a reason why she hasn't asked me, and maybe that reason is because she's fucking rich and perfect and I'm some scrub orphan from Lima Heights with nothing to offer and maybe she's ashamed of me or something, I don't know…"
She runs out of breath and realises she's been rambling and her embarrassment grows. She really does not want to be talking about any of this shit because she doesn't like feelings and she really doesn't like talking about them…but she likes Brittany a lot more than any of that. Probably more than she even thought she did.
"Jesus Lopez, when the fuck did you turn into a girl?"
Santana scowls and kicks Puck's feet where they dangle from the fence at the same time as Quinn slaps the back of his head.
"Hey!"
"Why don't you just talk about this stuff with Brittany?" Quinn offers gently.
"Maybe because I'll sound like just as much of a fucking spaz as I did just now and then she'll totally not want to even be my girlfriend?"
"Jesus Lopez, you're a fucking ten and Brittany's all over it so grow some balls and get your woman you fucking pus-"
Quinn gives Puck another slap to the head.
"Stop doing that!"
"I think what this idiot is trying to say is that, despite the fact that you are surly and rude and defensive and abrasive, Brittany really likes you. So what if her family is rich? This isn't Downton Abbey, Santana, she can date whoever she wants and for some reason she wants that person to be you."
Santana is at war with herself because instinctively she really wants to tell Quinn to fuck off, but realistically she knows that she should appreciate her help with this feelings crap. Puck is obviously useless.
"Well if she likes me so much why hasn't she asked me?"
She feels so pathetic even asking, but she's hoping that since Quinn and Brittany are friends Quinn might have some insight into the situation.
But the other girl just shrugs. "I don't know…but maybe you guys should talk about it."
Santana chews on her bottom lip and nods, knowing that Quinn is right. Like fuck she'll ever say that out loud though, but she does thank her, which seems to come as a surprise to the other girl.
"I still don't like you," Santana adds, uncomfortable with this changed dynamic between them.
Quinn lets out a chuckle but then tries her best to look stern. "I'm only helping you so that you'll leave me and my boyfriend alone for the night."
Santana glances up and they share a rare smile before she nods and starts walking back up to the house to find Brittany, hearing Puck yell, "Go get your girl", from behind her.
Finding Brittany doesn't prove to be too difficult, especially since she's sitting with Mercedes and Kurt and Mike where they've been pretty much since they arrived. She walks over and takes a deep breath, faltering slightly when Brittany notices her and her smile turns into a scowl.
Her other friends greet her but Brittany is quite obviously doing her best to ignore her, and it would almost be adorable if it didn't make Santana's stomach knot unpleasantly.
She takes another breath and goes for broke, because what the fuck else is she going to do?
"Hey guys, do you mind if I steal my girlfriend for a bit?"
None of her friends even seem to notice the word but blue eyes immediately snap to hers and Santana tries her best to seem apologetic and remorseful, holding out her hand for Brittany to take.
"You wanna go for a walk?"
Her arm hangs out there for a moment, a moment that stretches on far too fucking long for Santana's liking, and her heart is beating like she's just done a shit ton of speed. But then Brittany's soft hand slides into hers and she can breathe again.
They're both silent as she leads them out of the house, spotting Puck and Quinn making out where they were when she left them, and then hearing what she knows is Puck's wolf whistle as her and Brittany continue down the street.
They walk a few houses clear of the party before Santana finally speaks.
"What I said to Jess was stupid. I just didn't know if I could call you my girlfriend."
Brittany baulks, pulling her hand away and crossing her arms over her chest.
"It didn't really seem like you wanted me to be your girlfriend half an hour ago when you were talking to another girl."
This isn't going exactly like Santana thought it would and she doesn't like being accused of what she thinks she's being accused of. She feels her anger creeping in and struggles to keep it out of her voice. She and Brittany have never even come close to a fight and she doesn't want this to turn into a big one.
"You think I'm interested in Jess?"
Brittany comes to a complete stop and turns to her.
"Have you ever hooked up with her?"
Santana's eyes widen and the laugh of disbelief from Brittany tells her that she just made the answer obvious. Fuck. That's totally not fair.
"Hey, that was before I even knew you existed! And I'm not the one who was making out with a cripple."
Brittany's mouth drops open in shock.
Shit. Santana didn't mean to say that.
"Real nice."
Brittany storms off further down the street, leaving Santana to squeeze her eyes shut and whisper-yell "FUCK!" into the night.
She chases after the other girl, tugging on her arm and pulling her to a stop. She really wants to fix this and just have Brittany look at her the way she did two hours ago. How did this go to shit so quickly?
"Look Britt, I'm sorry. That was an asshole thing for me to say and the thing I said to Jess about us just having fun was an ever bigger asshole thing to say. And I'm not even mad about what happened with Wheels, but whatever happened with me and Jess, or me and any other girl was before I even met you and doesn't have anything to do with my life now. You don't have to worry about me hooking up with a girl behind your back. I thought you knew that."
Santana hopes she sounds as sincere as she really is. She may have struggled to be the commitment type before Brittany, but she'd never cheat. She knows she wouldn't. Even when they're in this fucked up limbo land of not-yet-girlfriends.
After a tense moment she watches Brittany sigh and the way her shoulders deflate a little, like the anger is drawing out of her.
"I do know that," Brittany says softly. "I'm sorry too."
She tentatively reaches out and laces her fingers with Santana's, giving her hand a gentle squeeze.
"Why didn't you just tell me you wanted to be my girlfriend?" Santana asks, all curiosity and no accusation.
Brittany shrugs. "I didn't know if that's what you wanted. I know you don't really have girlfriends and you never mentioned it…I just didn't want you to feel pressured or anything."
Santana winces, hating that she and Brittany ever had that talk about their exes and Santana's lack of them because she just had girls. It'd sounded so bad she'd wanted to punch herself in the face.
"Britt, that's not why I didn't ask you. I wanted to, I just…" Santana sighs, "I've never done this before…and it's not like we're on a level playing field."
"What do you mean?"
Brittany has her nose scrunched in the most adorable way and all Santana wants to do is kiss her, but she knows this is not the time for that.
"I mean…" Santana exhales loudly.
Fuck it, she wants to fix this and make things right.
"I mean you're totally out of my league Brittany. Your house is twenty times as big as mine. You have a family that loves you and I have one that puts up with me because they know I have no one else. You're smart and talented and so beautiful and charming and you could have anyone you want. Someone better than me."
"San," Brittany whispers sadly.
Santana shakes her head and stares at the ground, feeling like an idiot and hating the waver of emotion that had been in her voice.
Brittany steps forward and Santana realises that while she was pouring her heart out she'd moved away from the other girl. A warm hand squeezes around hers and it takes a second for Santana to let herself look up at Brittany, shame and embarrassment weighing heavily on her.
"You never let me apologise for what happened at the restaurant."
Santana instantly knows what Brittany is talking about and she shakes her head and tries to pull away. She doesn't want to talk about that.
But Brittany doesn't let her move, holding on tighter and pulling her closer.
"San you don't have anything to be embarrassed about, and I shouldn't have just sat there and I'm so so sorry if you think that anything Finn Hudson said or anything I did makes you think that I care about any of that stuff. Because I don't. It doesn't matter where you live or where I live or what our families are like or what other people think because I like you and I want you to be my girlfriend and I'm so sorry if you ever thought that I didn't."
Santana can feel her heart jackhammering in her chest and she can't tear her gaze away from the way Brittany's eyes are blazing with honesty and hope.
"And it's almost kind of funny in a way because I was worried that you were too cool and stuff for me, because I'm a blonde cheerleader and there are plenty of those around, and I know I'm kind of weird and I thought you would get sick of me. I had no idea that you were worried about the same thing. Well, I mean you weren't worried about being a blonde cheerleader, but you know what I mean. Worried about not being good enough. Which is totally silly because you like me and I like you and nothing else should matter right? So will you be my girlfriend?"
Santana feels her heart swell in her chest and her lips curl up into a smile. She answers the best way possible – by kissing the crap out of her girlfriend.
-x-
"You know," Brittany begins teasingly, her index finger gently trailing the lines on Santana's palm, "We've been laying here for like two hours and I think I've told you everything there is to know about me. I'm one second away from making up a story about being trapped in the sewers last summer. It's your turn now."
Santana laughs and scrunches her nose, loving how silly her girlfriend is. Girlfriend. The word still scares her a bit because she's terrified of fucking this up, but it's been pretty fucking great so far.
After they'd made up with lots of kissing in the street Brittany had suggested they go back to her place and asked Santana to stay the night. She'd nodded immediately, wanting to stay in this lovely bubble with Brittany for as long as possible. She didn't even care if they had sex, which they didn't, but they did fool around a bit and that was pretty awesome. Since then they'd been laying beside each other on Brittany's bed while Santana asked question after question, wanting to know everything about her girlfriend. She knew Brittany was indulging her and that it would be her turn to answer questions sooner or later. That time seemed to be now.
She takes a deep breath and turns her hand, slipping her fingers through Brittany's and lacing them together. She likes holding Brittany's hands, they're soft but strong and reassuring. They make Santana think about cheesy love songs and Brittany being able to catch her if she fell and she wants to roll her eyes at herself because that's like fifty paces over the line of pathetic.
"Okay, fire away."
She almost giggles at the excitement in Brittany's eyes. The blonde brings her free hand up to her chin and rubs it comically.
"Hmm…favourite Disney movie?"
"Going right for the important stuff huh?"
Brittany pokes her tongue out quickly and Santana leans closer and presses a kiss to her nose.
"Aladdin. I can relate to a story where the beautiful princess totally has the hots for the sexy street rat."
"Oh, you think Aladdin's sexy huh?"
"Next question?"
"Favourite subject at school?"
"Bio."
"First pet you ever had?"
"A fish called poop."
"What? You did not have a fish called poop."
"Yup. I was seven and thought poop was the funniest word in the universe."
Brittany smirks. "It is pretty funny. Okay, who was your first kiss?"
"Puck," Santana admits with disgust while Brittany chuckles.
"I'm gonna have to hear that story."
Santana rolls her eyes because kissing her best friend isn't a pleasant memory. Even if it happened when they were barely teenagers.
"We were thirteen and Puck had been kissing girls for a year already. Then one afternoon he told me that he'd kissed Melody Bostick and she'd never kissed anyone before and didn't know what to do and he said she was a bad kisser. And I'd never kissed anyone before so I started to worry that my first kiss with someone I liked would be shit, so Puck offered to school me. It wasn't pleasant and we never talk about it."
Brittany leans in and kisses her, sucking Santana's bottom lip between her own a little before pulling away.
"I guess I should thank Puck then."
"Gross. Next question?"
"What's your favourite thing about working at the restaurant?"
Santana scoffs. "I feel like there's an oxymoron in there somewhere."
"You're an oxymoron. Come on, there must be something you like about it? Maybe a regular that tips well? Or working with Kurt?"
It takes a second for Santana to push past her overwhelming hatred of the place, and it's not something she's ever really thought about before, but she does have a favourite customer.
"My favourite regular is April Rhodes."
Brittany's nose does that adorable crinkle. "The trophy wife of that Japanese Businessman?"
"You know her?"
"I met her at one of my mum's dinner parties. I think she was pretty wasted."
"Yeah, she's always like that. But she's actually really funny. And she used to work at the restaurant so she treats me like her little sister or something and she's always teaching me little tips and tricks. And she leaves really big tips. Although one time she handed me a couple of pills and a joint which was pretty rad."
Brittany's eyebrows shoot up. "So do you like…take drugs?"
Santana can tell that Brittany's trying to keep the judgement out of her voice, but it kinda seems like it's not something she'd be happy about. Santana doesn't want to lie though.
"Sometimes. Mostly just weed."
Brittany nods. "Okay."
"I haven't since we got together though," Santana hastens to add. She doesn't want Brittany thinking she's high half the time.
"Good," Brittany says softly, and Santana makes up her mind that there will be no more recreational drugs in her future.
"Anymore questions for me?" she asks, wiggling her eyebrows and trying to lighten the mood again.
"Why aren't you friends with Rachel Berry anymore?"
Santana's eyes widen and she feels her breath catch in her chest. She hadn't been expecting that question. And it certainly didn't help lighten the mood. Brittany looks hesitant, like she's worried that she's done the wrong thing and pushed too far and that Santana will shut down again.
Santana's family and her friendship with Rachel are two subjects they've never talked about. She never really talks about them with anyone. Brittany hasn't asked and Santana knows it's not because she's not interested, but the brunette has steered any conversation well away from it. It's less that she doesn't want to talk about Rachel and more that she knows it will probably lead to questions about her family, and that's definitely something she doesn't want to talk about right now.
But Brittany is looking at her in that way she does, that adoring and trusting way that lets Santana know that the only reason she's asking is because she wants to know her. And for the first time in her life Santana wants that too. So she takes a deep, steadying breath.
"Rachel and I grew up together."
She smiles at the surprise on Brittany's face.
"We used to live on the same block in Lima Heights and she was as dirt poor as the rest of us. Then Mr Berry…"
Santana leans a little closer and whispers conspiratorially.
"…who is a total closet case by the way…"
Brittany smirks.
"…inherited a chunk of change from some dead relative, bought the restaurant and moved his family up out of that hole."
She pauses, willing steel into her voice because she can already feel the rush of emotion just thinking about what's coming next.
"They moved away when we were six, just before my dad died."
Santana watches the way Brittany's eyes soften and has to look away, knowing she'll never finish the story without tears if she keeps looking into those blue eyes.
"We promised we'd stay friends even though we didn't get to see each other much. But then she made new friends at her fancy new school and didn't have time for me. She was too busy with her rich new friends I guess. That's how it all started and it just got worse from there as we got older."
She doesn't think she's ready to tell Brittany about what really started this feud with Rachel. About what happened for Rachel's eighth birthday when she'd told Santana that she wasn't having a party, but when Santana and Puck had taken a bus all the way over to the hills to surprise her and bring her a present, they'd found Rachel's house filled with kids. She did have a party. She just didn't want Santana to be there. Even though it was almost ten years ago now, Santana still hates to think about it. It still hurts like a bitch that even at eight years old someone thought she wasn't good enough. No wonder taking the bus to Brittany's house had her shitting bricks.
Brittany doesn't say anything for long while, her fingers brushing through Santana's hair as the brunette tries to compose herself and stop her stomach from knotting so tight. She can't remember feeling this vulnerable for a long time and she fucking hates it because now Brittany can see how weak she is and she could squash her if she wanted to. But it also kind of feels amazing, like the ever present weight on her chest has eased a little. It's still there, she thinks it'll probably always be there…but it's a lot lighter with Brittany so close.
She's not sure what she was expecting Brittany to say in response, but she should have known that the most perfect girl ever would have the most perfect response, because Brittany just wraps her arms around her and kisses her hair, whispering the one thing Santana has always needed to hear.
"I won't leave you."
.
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I hope that was okay! I kinda hate making Rachel the bad guy because I really do love her on the show. Thanks for reading and please review if you've got a minute…and if you want to leave critical reviews or PMs I don't mind, (I know this story isn't the epitome of talent), but don't be an asshole about it…have some respect.
I'm on a bit of a roll with this now so hopefully the next chapter should be up within the week…there's maybe two parts left….next time we meet Brittany's family…I'm sure nothing could go wrong there :P
Hit me up on tumblrino if you feel like it! everything-is-funnier-lying-down. tumblr. com
:)