A/N: Sorry this took much longer than I initially thought it would when I posted the last chapter…if you follow my tumblr then you know why. Thanks for understanding and sticking with me.
I wrote this chapter completely sober so if it's shit blame my pre-christmas detox…and if it's better then…well no, I can't guarantee that in future I won't write while I'm halfcut.
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Santana's never been in love or even remotely close to it, so the thought that she might be in love with Brittany doesn't really occur to her until her chubby little cousin asks her if she is.
They've been sitting in the studio watching Brittany dance, Santana's eyes following her girlfriend's every step like they always do, the lines of her arms and the quiet strength in her legs and the graceful way every part of her body moves. Santana loves watching her dance and she and Anita usually hang back for at least half an hour after Anita's class has finished so that she can watch her, depending on what kind of lie she can concoct for her aunt about why they're home so late. Sometimes Anita joins in but sometimes she's just as content to watch Brittany dance as Santana is, although the eight year old is admiring her in a much different way.
"Do you love Brittany?"
Anita's question comes out of nowhere, (just a second ago she was rambling about which member of One Direction was the cutest), and Santana stutters, not sure what the fuck to say. She's not sure if she can even answer that.
But Anita is persistent. "She's your girlfriend isn't she?"
Santana gets even more flustered because she's never talked about this with Anita – Brittany being her girlfriend or the fact that Santana has a girlfriend and not a boyfriend. She knows Anita saw and heard what happened that morning when her aunt found Brittany in her bed, but they don't kiss in front of her and they try not to be affectionate. Holding hands sometimes and mostly innocent touches is as far as they go. Santana doesn't want Anita running her mouth about it to her aunt, who definitely doesn't want to hear it, and it might be the final straw to kick Santana out of the house. Plus, if she's being honest, Santana's also worried that Anita might feel the same way about it as her aunt does…and she doesn't know if she'd be able to deal with that shit as well. She might not have much of a family, but it's all she fucking has and she doesn't want to lose any more of them.
So she decides to try and suss out how her cousin might feel about it and what she knows before copping to anything.
"Why do you think Brittany is my girlfriend?
Anita just rolls her eyes, like Santana just asked the stupidest fucking question ever.
"Me and Lucy were spying on her sister on the phone and Tina told Mercedes that Brittany is your girlfriend and Lucy said that means you're a les-bean…"
Anita's little nose scrunches like she's not sure she's pronounced it right.
This time it's Santana's turn to roll her eyes. She decides to ignore the lesbian part and instead focus on the fact that her cousin and her best friend are little fucking snoops, hoping to distract Anita. She had no idea eight year olds even thought about any of that shit.
"You two little sneaks need to stop spying on people."
"Mama said a girl can't love another girl because God said it's a sin and Jesus didn't die for us so that we can keep doing sins."
The words flow so innocently from Anita's mouth but they knock the fuck out of Santana, so much so that she almost feels the need to gasp for air. She hates that her aunt has been filling her cousins' head with this bullshit. What defence does an eight year old have against that kind of fucking brainwashing?
She feels the anger surge through her and there is so much that she wants to say. She wants to recite the lines from the bible that she memorised that prove how stupid and contradictory the whole fucking thing is and she wants to tell her cousin about the horrible horrible things religion has been responsible for and she wants to tell Anita that she shouldn't listen to bigots who spread their hate because they're so scared of anything they don't understand.
But Santana knows she can't. She knows none of it would mean much to an eight year old who has been taught different her whole life and she knows that if Anita ever whispered a word of it to her aunt she would be kicked out for sure.
After the initial blinding fury though, Santana realises that Anita didn't sound malicious. She sounded like she was just regurgitating something she'd heard many times before without giving it much thought or credence.
"Do you think what your mama said is true?" Santana dares to ask, holding her breath for the answer that she fears might shatter more of the small part of her heart that is still intact.
Anita doesn't answer right away, her eyes following Brittany as she continues to dance, her little feet in her well worn sneakers dangling off the chair and kicking to the beat. Then she shrugs, a smile spreading across her face and Santana feels herself relax just a little.
"Brittany is awesome and she's the bestest dancer I've ever seen and you're nicer when you're around her."
That's all Anita seems to want to say on the matter and Santana finally lets herself exhale, allowing most of the tension to leave her body.
She thinks that Anita might not be so annoying after all…and maybe her cousin's not as dumb as she thought she was.
-x-
Anita's innocent question sparks something in Santana though, and it's all she can think about for the next few days. Does she love Brittany? Santana's never thought about whether she loves someone or not. She thinks she knows what it's like to love your family and Puck, (because that's just what you're supposed to feel for people you've known your whole life isn't it?), but what she feels for Brittany is so very different. She wants to be around Brittany all the time and seeing Brittany happy makes her happy. Her stomach does that annoying-but-actually-now-it's-really-nice flipping thing whenever Brittany looks at her…or sometimes just when Santana even thinks of her girlfriend.
They haven't even had sex yet because unlike Santana, Brittany is a good girl and she told the brunette that she wants them to really know each other and share an emotional intimacy before they have the ultimate physical intimacy. If any other girl had said that to her she would have laughed and found another girl to fuck, (because she has been kinda going out of her mind with how horny she's been feeling), but with Brittany it's different.
She finds herself actually wanting that emotional intimacy. She wants to know Brittany and she wants Brittany to know her…even all the ugly dark stuff that she hates. Santana can't imagine her life without Brittany anymore which is really fucking stupid when she thinks about it because like, she's known Brittany for less than six months and they've only been dating a bit over three and she lived seventeen years without Brittany Susan Pierce so it shouldn't be so hard to think of her life without her again. It's not a pleasant metaphor, but Brittany is like a cancer…but in a good way if there is such a thing. That's the only way Santana can describe it, because she lived the same way for years, never letting anyone close…and then somehow Brittany got inside of her and started growing and changed up how everything fucking works. Santana is feeling things she never even thought were real outside of song lyrics and romantic comedies, and it's like the more she gives into it the more she wants and the more she finds herself thinking and feeling and doing things she never thought she would.
So she's kind of been avoiding Brittany these last few days because she feels like she needs to clear this shit from her head or she might do something really fucking stupid like tell the girl that she loves her…but does she love her? How do you even know if you love someone? Does all that stuff she feels for Brittany equal love?
Every time Santana thinks about any of it she ends up groaning with frustration and rubbing the heels of her palms into her eyes until she sees stars. It's moments like these where she wishes she had her mum or a girl friend she could talk to about all this feelings crap. Puck is useless and Quinn is probably the closest thing she has to someone like that but there's no way she's talking about any of this with her again. Since that party where Santana confessed to Quinn and Puck that she didn't know if Brittany was her girlfriend the two of them have teased her mercilessly. She knows she pretty much deserves it given the endless amount of shit she has given them about everything, but still, she's not going to willingly put herself up for that again.
And none of that even addresses the monumentally important question of whether Brittany is in love with her. She doesn't want to be one of those pathetic dopes who tells someone they love them only to get an awkward thank you in return because they're so fucking blinded by love that they didn't realise the other person only kinda liked them. She's survived some shit but she doesn't know if she could handle that.
Let's be real; Santana knows she's not exactly most people's definition of a catch. She aint going to college unless she wins the lottery and she'll probably end up working at The Berry's restaurant until she's sixty-five and living alone in government housing with ten cats, while Brittany goes on to hook up with the talented and gorgeous choreographer of one of her shows when they're working late one night, and then they get hitched and have a bunch of little Brittany's and the whole family will look like they're straight out of a catalogue.
(Not that Santana has given this any thought at all.)
(Not that it drives her crazy that she can easily think of a seemingly endless list of reasons for Brittany to never want to see her again.)
(Not that she doesn't spend hours thinking about what it could possibly be that someone as wonderful as Brittany sees in someone like her.)
But whenever she gets too worked up about it she tries to calm her thoughts by thinking about the way Brittany looks at her...with that unadulterated…something. Maybe it's love? Santana's not big on what love looks like on a person because she's not sure she's ever really seen it before.
(Well except for Puck and Quinn but those two are disgusting and Santana tries to never look either of them in the eye in hopes that she won't be infected by whatever shit has taken hold of them and turned them both into sappy dicks.)
But the way Brittany looks at her, that look that makes Santana feel warm inside and like everything will be okay because Brittany is there and holding her hand, it makes Santana think that despite all her obvious shortfalls as a human being and girlfriend, she might not get an awkward thank you in return. It makes Santana think that maybe if Brittany sees something in her, then maybe she can be someone worthy of her.
-x-
It's not until Brittany shows up at her house with tears in her eyes a couple of days later that Santana realises that she's legit-straight-up-no-point-denying-it-in-love with this girl.
She's in her room studying when she hears the doorbell and Anita running down the hall towards it. Her cousin knows she's not allowed to answer it so when Santana finally shuffles out of her room and to the door she finds her bouncing on her heels, waiting to see who their visitor is. Santana herself is suspicious, wondering who on earth is knocking on her door after dark, and guides Anita to stand behind her just in case. In this neighbourhood it could literally be anyone for any reason.
(When she was fourteen she opened the door to find a guy standing there with blood pouring out of a bullet hole in his stomach. Another time it was a drag queen selling Girl Scout cookies.)
But the last person she expects to see through the peep hole is Brittany, and her heart stops for a second when she remembers what happened the first time Brittany was at this house. Her girlfriend knows better than to come here without making sure Santana's aunt isn't home, (thank god she's at work tonight), so the brunette assumes something must be wrong and feels her chest tighten.
Her fears are confirmed when she opens the door and sees Brittany looking like she's barely managing to hold back her tears. Santana pulls her girlfriend into her arms and feels her sobbing against her, her chest heaving with shallow shaky breaths and her tears staining the brunette's shirt.
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"Puckerman, I need you to fuck up Josh Coleman."
Santana hears her best friend sigh down the phone line.
"Did he hit on you again or something? Because I'm not starting shit with Coleman just because he's a creep and won't stop claiming he can turn you straight. He might be a short fucker but he's fucking psychotic and I don't want to deal with that shit."
"He hurt Brittany."
Santana grinds the words out, her words dripping with barely controlled rage and her free hand balls into a tight fist, her knuckles going white.
A tense silence stretches for a moment and Puck almost sounds afraid of the answer when he asks, "Is she alright?"
Santana looks over her shoulder at Brittany asleep in her bed and feels her chest tighten, all the adrenaline coursing through her again when she thinks of what happened. She can't help but feel that this is all her fault. That this is her shitty world with its shitty people and that sweet wonderful Brittany doesn't belong in it. Part of her almost feels like she knew something like this would happen. That it will probably happen again and that she should stop being so selfish and let Brittany go. Let her go back to her side of town where Santana and her messed up world can't hurt her.
But it's Brittany, and she's one of the few good things that Santana has. She loves her. She's in love with her. She makes her smile and want to dance and be silly and gives her hope that maybe she will actually be able to get out of this town someday. Maybe she can have something better. Maybe they can have something better. She's Brittany and Santana fucking loves her and she can't just give that up.
All she wants to do is go over there and hold her, but she needs to make sure Coleman pays for what he did.
When Santana had ushered her upset girlfriend into her bedroom it had taken Brittany a few minutes to calm down, and once she did she explained that Josh Coleman had confronted her on her way out of the dance studio. When Brittany had tried to ignore his attentions he had gotten more aggressive, grabbing her and pushing her against the wall of the studio, clearly not taking no for an answer.
Santana's hand shakes when she thinks about that prick with his hands on her girlfriend. Or about how scared Brittany looked standing there on her doorstep. Apparently Coleman had been momentarily distracted by a passing car and it was enough for Brittany to push him away and run. She ran all the way to Santana's house.
"He was hassling her and she's shook up and will probably have some bruises on her arms but she got away. She was really scared Puck."
Santana hears her own voice falter and would be embarrassed if she was talking to anyone other than Puck. But Puck knows what Brittany means to her. He knows how it would feel if it was Quinn.
"I'll take care of it," is all he says before they both hang up, and Santana knows that he's going to make sure that Coleman never so much as looks at Brittany again.
Come Monday morning at school Santana sees Josh sporting a black eye, a busted lip, his left arm is in a sling and he's walking with a limp. She thinks the only way she could feel any better about it is if she had been the one to inflict the pain. Then, that afternoon as she's walking out of school she sees a crowd of students gathered in the parking lot, most with their phones out taking pictures of something. She sticks her head into the crowd and sees Josh's car up on blocks with all the wheels missing and the windscreen and back window completely removed. She hears someone in the crowd saying that the stereo has also been taken. When she looks up, Puck is standing across from her on the other side of the crowd wearing a satisfied smile.
-x-
"So it looks like you're keeping your grades up in your classes and Mr Schuester and Mrs Hannigan tell me that you're flying through the extra credit assignments they've given you. Have you had a chance to look through any of those college brochures yet Santana? We really need to be narrowing them down and then sending away your applications."
Santana tries not to wince, knowing she's running out of excuses and ways to be polite about ignoring this whole thing. She's been bullshitting about it all for months to keep Miss Pillsbury off her back and putting it off, and she doesn't think my dog ate them is going to cut it.
She shuffles around in her seat and avoids eye contact with the older woman who seems equally determined not to let her get away with this any longer.
"Santana I know it's difficult, but you have to start making decisions about your future. You're too smart to just graduate high school and get some menial job. You could really make something of yourself and change your life. I know you've had a hard time of things but you can't let that define you and–"
Santana scoffs, a bitter laugh erupting from her chest, silencing her counselor. If there's one thing she hates it's being lectured about her life. She knows all about it, she the one who fucking lives it, and hearing shit like that from little miss priss only pisses her off. It doesn't help that she's already on edge from an argument she'd had with Brittany about basically the same thing. Although she's not sure if she'd call snapping at her girlfriend for the first time an argument. More like her being an asshole.
A few days ago Brittany had come over to her house so they could hang out and study together. Santana's aunt was working and Anita was staying at a friend's house after school so they knew they had the all clear for a few hours. Of course the studying lasted for about three minutes and the hanging out turned into the two of them making out on Santana's bed, her hands running up and down the smooth skin of Brittany's back, bringing the blonde's t-shirt halfway up with them as they did. Brittany was kissing her neck and grinding down onto her thigh and Santana couldn't stop her hands from exploring more of Brittany's body, sliding across her sides and around to cup her breasts over her bra. When she let each of her thumbs slip under the material and brush over Brittany's nipples her girlfriend's hips bucked even harder and they both moaned into each others mouths. Santana wasn't sure how, but a fully clothed Brittany grinding onto her was way hotter than any of the actual sex she'd ever had.
A moment later they were both panting and Brittany was pulling back to sit up and straddle Santana's thighs. The brunette tried to follow her, eager to keep kissing and touching Brittany as much as possible, but Brittany just smirked and shook her head, pushing Santana back down to keep some distance between them.
Santana groaned but in a way that let Brittany know she wasn't mad, just super horny and frustrated.
Brittany giggled and brushed some hair from Santana's face and swept it behind her ear.
"We're supposed to be studying."
Santana scoffed. "You're the one who practically jumped me."
"I don't know what you're talking about. I just went to lay down on your bed when you happened to be laying there and somehow I ended up on top of you."
Santana laughed, an easy carefree laugh that only Brittany could inspire.
To put some more distance between them and make things a little easier, Brittany swung her leg over the brunette and sat cross-legged on the side of the bed, Santana smirking when she saw Brittany adjust her bra under her top.
Santana watched her sexy and adorable girlfriend as Brittany's eyes flittered around her room, taking in all things Santana.
"Did you know that scientists say that an Earth day had around 20 hours a few million years ago and that a million years from now it will have 27 hours?"
Santana cocked her head to the side, not sure where that came from given their previous activities but surprised by the question nonetheless.
"Bullshit."
"Yup, I read it in a book."
Santana sat up just enough to slump back against her headboard and smiled, her frustrations of a moment ago forgotten because she was still with the most amazing girl she'd ever met.
"I think you're the smartest person I know."
Brittany's cheeks flooded with an obvious blush and she ducked her head bashfully.
"Saaannnn," she whined. "You can't say stuff like that when I'm trying really hard not to jump you again."
"Aha! So you admit it, you did jump me."
"Dammit. Maybe I'm not so smart after all."
Santana made a disapproving sound and rolled her eyes. "You're definitely a fucking genius. You know way more stuff than all the people in my school put together."
"Well, it doesn't seem to be doing my grades any good."
Brittany's shoulders slumped and Santana sat up properly, reaching her arm out to lace her fingers with her girlfriend's. Brittany had told her about her frustrations with her school work and grades before. She wasn't failing, but she wasn't doing great, and it was really getting to her that she was trying so hard and getting nowhere.
"Britt, you have to know how smart you are. With lots of things. You're working really hard and it'll start to show in your grades."
Santana felt a little guilty because her grades were stellar and she only ever gave the minimum amount of effort. Brittany tried really hard.
"I guess so. Thankfully I can dance like a dream so my grades won't be too much of an issue."
Brittany smirked and winked at Santana, who smiled goofily in return.
"What about you, have you thought about it yet, college?"
It was a topic they had both generally avoided bringing up and even the way Brittany's voice rose slightly at the end of her question told Santana that she was nervous asking.
Santana felt her heart rate pick up but she tried to keep herself looking nonchalant, exhaling with a shrug. She knew she couldn't avoid the question forever but she really wanted to get off this topic very quickly. She tried for the vaguest answer she could.
"I've been looking through brochures and course guides and stuff."
Brittany gave her a pointed look but Santana avoided her eye.
"San, that stack of brochures has been sitting there untouched since the first time I was here."
Brittany pointed over to the pile that Miss Pillsbury had given her months ago, and as she predicted at the time, she hadn't touched them since.
She rolled her eyes. She didn't know how to tell Brittany that people like her don't dream of their futures because they don't know how much of one they'll have, but they absolutely know that wishing for something good to happen to them will only lead to disappointment. She'd learned a long time ago that having hope will only break your heart and crush your spirit. And sure, she'd taken a leap with Brittany and that was working out pretty great so far, but Santana knew that someone like her won't be that lucky twice. She didn't know how to tell Brittany that she couldn't take getting her heart broken yet again, because that would just be too fucking pathetic, even for her, not to mention that she'd be confessing to more than she was willing to. Practically begging Brittany not to break her heart.
But like with all of her emotions, Santana seemed to be hardwired to funnel them all into anger, and she could feel her body tense as it began to build inside her.
"San, this stuff is important. There are deadlines and stuff."
"Yeah I know. I'll start getting into it this week."
She took a deep breath and tried to keep her voice level. She wanted nothing more than for Brittany to drop this whole fucking thing.
But Brittany did the exact opposite, sliding down off the bed and moving over to the pile.
"We should go through some now. It'll be fun.
"Britt-"
"Come on San we can see all the cool courses they have."
"Maybe later-"
"Maybe you can become an anthropologist or an engineer or a doctor."
"Jesus fucking Christ just fucking drop it."
Brittany's eyes widened and her face paled. Santana had never spoken to her like that before, with such a severe tone, and she instantly regretted it. But as soon as Brittany had mentioned her becoming a doctor she just couldn't take it anymore. Brittany had no idea how painful it all was.
The blonde moved to gather her things.
"I'm going to go. It's getting late anyway."
Santana cursed her stupidity under her breath and jumped up from her bed. She wanted to stop her, but she knew Brittany was right and she should get out of there before her aunt came home. Still, Santana didn't want her leaving on that note, so she caught Brittany's hand and tugged her closer.
Brittany resisted for a second before letting herself follow, Santana pulling Brittany's hand up to her lips and kissing her palm.
"I'm sorry for snapping at you. I shouldn't have done that and you didn't deserve it."
"I don't like people swearing at me Santana."
"I know Britt, and I'll never do it again." Their hands were now laced together between them and Santana squeezed Brittany's hand a little tighter. "I promise."
Brittany chewed on her bottom lip, the crease between her brows mostly smoothing away. "You can't just get mad at me when you don't want to talk about something."
Santana nodded her head. She knew that. And she knew that Brittany was the last person she ever wanted to get mad at. But avoiding things is how she deals best, and any talk of her college choices would then lead to Brittany's college preferences and Santana didn't even want to think about Brittany moving away. She knew that it was going to happen, and she knew that she won't be going with her, so she'd just rather stay in the moment with Brittany and enjoy the time they do have together.
Brittany had gone home soon after and they hadn't been able to hang out in the days that followed, and despite the fact that Brittany is insisting that she's over it, Santana still feels uneasy about it. She feels like they've just hit the pause button on the conversation and she's not looking forward to picking it back up again.
Although Miss Pillsbury is doing a pretty fucking great job of forcing her to right now.
So instead of a cutting remark or another lie, Santana tells her that she will have a look at those stupid books and get back to her next week.
And she thinks she's actually going to do it.
-x-
Of all the places Santana imagined her and Brittany first having sex, (and she imagined it a lot…almost constantly for a week there), Brittany's sister's tree house was never one of them. Not that it's just any sort of tree house.
When Brittany had first suggested that they go up there Santana scrunched her nose and declared that she wasn't the outdoors type. But her interest was piqued when Brittany smirked at her and Santana can't believe that she's so whipped that her girlfriend smirking at her can change her mind. But it totally can.
When she pulls herself up from the ladder she almost gasps at how fucking huge it is inside. It kinda looks like a studio apartment. It's definitely bigger than her bedroom at home and probably half as big as her aunt's entire house. This must be one big-ass tree.
When Brittany climbs up and glances around she's got a light in her eyes that makes it obvious that imagination and adventure and wonder still live inside her and it's something Santana feels left her so long ago that she almost can't recognise it. It makes Brittany look so beautiful.
"Holy shit, did your sister take out a mortgage for this thing?"
Brittany giggles and goes over to the bed – there's a fucking bed – taking a seat while Santana's eyes sweep around the room.
There's a little kitchen area with tables and chairs and a tea set, (thankfully there's no running water or electricity otherwise Santana's head might have actually exploded), a reading corner with an armchair and two small bookcases filled with books, an area with a massive dolls house and a ton of doll crap, and then what looks like an arts and crafts station.
Santana just shakes her head as she wanders over to join Brittany because she can't fucking believe this. She knew Brittany was rich but jesus.
"A bed?" she says as she takes a seat on the end of it next to Brittany. "How did all this stuff even get up here?"
Brittany just shrugs. "No idea. Most of it was here before my parents bought the house."
"Wait what? Who knows what nasty stains are on this mattress."
Santana makes to jump off it but Brittany grabs her hand and explains that her mum bought a new mattress and paid the poor delivery drivers extra to lug it inside.
"So why did you want to come up here?"
Brittany takes a deep breath as her eyes dart around the room and she considers Santana's question for a moment.
"I just like it up here and wanted to show you. To be honest Leah doesn't come up here much, I mean she's ten and her bedroom has much cooler stuff than this. I think I'm up here more than she is. It just reminds me of all the best parts of being a kid. And sometimes it gets a little too intense in my house and I just need to get away from things for a bit, you know?"
Santana nods her head because she totally fucking knows that feeling. It's the same feeling she has most of the time she's in her aunt's house. Although when she thinks about it more she realises that she doesn't really know what Brittany's referring to because the blonde doesn't talk much about her family. Just little things here and there that have given Santana a blurry outline of what it's like. When Santana first got to know her she thought that Brittany was super up front and open with what she was feeling all the time, but the more she's gotten to know her she's started to realise that there are things Brittany doesn't want to talk about either. Maybe that's why she's always been so patient with Santana and the things she doesn't talk about. But the brunette wants to know more and she figures that offering something of herself might help Brittany talk too.
"I used to go to Mercedes' dad's diner."
Brittany's brow furrows.
"When I needed to get out of my aunt's house. I would just sit in a booth at the diner listening to my iPod all night...until well after midnight."
"Used to?"
"Huh?"
Santana's eyes widen, just realising she's once again revealed more than she meant to.
"You said you used to go to the diner. Where do you go now?"
The brunette looks down at her hands and only then does she realise she's been fidgeting with her fingers and picking her nails.
"I...now I talk to you on the phone, or I text you…or go see you. Or sometimes if I can't or it's too late I reread your texts or those little notes you shove into my bag sometimes when I we hang out after school and you think I'm not looking. Or I look at the photos of us on my phone."
Brittany practically melts at her words, a coy smile on her lips, while Santana can feel her own heart thumping and her face flush with heat. She feels like her answer is almost equivalent to telling Brittany she loves her, it feels like she just did but with way more words, and with a burst of confidence she decides that she is going to tell her. Because she is in love with Brittany Susan Pierce and she needs to tell her that.
"Brittany, I need to –"
"I love you," Brittany interrupts, her eyes going wide at her own confession, like the words just burst out of her of their own accord.
Santana is so jacked up with adrenaline she's not sure what she's feeling or what the expression is on her face, but her chest swells so full and her heart is racing and she doesn't think she's ever been this happy and excited before.
Whatever the look on her face, Brittany seems encouraged.
"I mean I'm in love with you. I have been for a while now…probably since that day you and Puck came up to my school and we sat on the hood of his car. I tried to be mad at you but you were just so cute and sexy and then as I was getting down from the car you held your hand out for me to hold so I wouldn't slip or anything and I think that moment was when I fell in love with you. I didn't know that then thought. And I've been wondering if you love me back and that maybe you're too scared to say it, because I've been too scared to say it, but then I thought that's just silly because I love you and you should know that. And then you went and said something so beautiful and I just had to tell you. So I'm telling you now. Again. I love you."
Brittany's words trail off as she runs out of breath but she doesn't have time to catch it because Santana surges forward, cupping Brittany's cheeks with both hands and claiming her lips in a heated kiss. She pushes her body closer to Brittany's until they're pressed together, strong hands coming to rest on her hips as their lips push and pull and slide against each other's hungrily.
But soon Brittany's lack of oxygen becomes a pressing issue and she's forced to pull their lips apart while she gasps for some much needed air, keeping their foreheads pressed together. Santana still has her eyes closed but she just knows Brittany has a massive smile on her face just like she does.
"I love you too," Santana says quietly, opening her eyes and pulling back slightly to find sparkling blue eyes gazing back at her, filled with joy and glazed with tears. "I really fucking love you."
Brittany leans forward and kisses her again, slower and softer this time, and Santana can feel the love in it. She knows she's felt like this every time Brittany has kissed her, now she just has a name for it.
But their kiss quickly grows more searching and passionate and soon Brittany is turning Santana and gently guiding her to rest backwards on the bed, then lowering her own body to lay half on top of her, a strong thigh slipping between Santana's making her gasp into the kiss.
Brittany pulls back and for a moment they just gaze at each other. Santana's entire body feels like it's thrumming with electricity, like her every nerve is on fire in the best possible way. And now Brittany is looking at her like she's asking for permission to take that next step, and Santana never in a million years thought that Brittany would be the one making sure it's okay, Brittany, who has only slept with one other girl, but everything feels so right and Santana feels so safe that all she can do is smile and lean up to kiss the girl she loves again and again and again.
Brittany gently and patiently strips both of them to their underwear, their kisses and touches barely halting as they shed their clothes. Santana is more than happy to let Brittany take the lead because she kinda feels like she's never done this before, which she supposes she hasn't, because yeah, she's had sex with girls before, but she's never been in love with any of them. She's never made love to someone. And that nervous excitement of her first time is ten times as great and every kiss and caress feels ten times as wonderful and intense and if Brittany wants to show her the way then she will gladly follow.
The first time Santana feels Brittany's skin against her own she has to swallow a groan, and she can feel her hands trembling with anticipation as they run along the dips and curves of her girlfriend's perfect body. Soon Brittany starts to grind her hips down slowly when Santana pushes hers up and they build a steady rhythm that's only interrupted slightly when Brittany starts to slide Santana's bra straps down her arms carefully, keeping eye contact and once again silently asking if it's okay. Santana lifts her back slightly so that Brittany can slip her arm under her back to unclasp her bra, and soon the material is being pulled away and Brittany's eyes are almost black with desire as she takes in the sight. Then she's slipping off her own bra and Santana feels an ache low on her stomach as she watches on, her hands eventually following her gaze. Brittany really is perfect.
Santana feels like she doesn't catch her breath again from that moment on. Brittany's hands are holding her firmly but gently as she kisses almost every inch of her skin, Santana's hands tangling in blonde hair as pleasure flows all the way through to the tips of her toes. Then Brittany is working her fingers inside her and pressing her thumb where she needs her as she kisses her neck and across her chest and it doesn't take long for Santana to tumble over the edge, Brittany's name on her lips.
But Brittany doesn't let it end there, barely letting Santana gasp for breath before she's kissing her way down her body, pressing her lips to the inside of her thigh far too gently for what she's about to do. Then Santana's hips are bucking into her almost uncontrollably, one hand cradling the back of Brittany's head as the other reaches out blindly for the other girl's hand until she feels fingers slide between her own. Santana never knew it could feel like this.
.
"I told you," Brittany says softly a little later on after their third round, both of them lying peacefully with their arms and legs entwined.
"With feelings it's better."
.
.
So this will probably end up being like 5 or 6 parts I think…these characters have a mind of their own and I keep straying from my plan…so we'll see. Also, while I was writing this I realised that I haven't named the restaurant Santana works at…or at least I don't think I did…so hit me up with suggestions and any questions, here or on my tumblrino - everything-is-funnier-lying-down . tumblr . com.
Please review if you've got a second because every time you review a story an angel gets its wings…I think that's right.
:)