A/N: I haven't had time to read this through so any glaring mistakes will be fixed tomorrow.
Also, I'm sure some people wouldn't even notice but just in case - I ended up playing with the loose timeline I'd kind of established at the end of chapter five, it's not super important but I just went back and changed it, (added a year), so that the timing in this chapter makes sense.
On with the show…
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Santana Lopez has never been very good at making friends.
In fact she used to actively avoid it.
Puck just mostly followed her around all the time when they were little kids and he just kinda stuck. Of course then as they got older Puck got more annoying and gross, but he was a loyal friend and put up with Santana's shit, so he became her default best friend and the closest thing she considered family. They also had fun doing stupid shit together. Puck is an expert at stupid shit.
Then there was Rachel Berry. Santana doesn't remember making any conscious effort to be friends with Rachel, they were both just there, hanging out with the other kids on the sidewalk outside their apartment block, and then Rachel announced that they would be best friends on the second day of kindergarten. Santana didn't care either way at the time, so she just nodded and continued eating her sandwich, but after that day they were inseparable. Right up until Rachel moved away and decided she was too fucking good for her.
The other people that drifted in and out of her life she considered to be just people she knew rather than friends. Mike was okay because he was cool with everything and took all of Santana's bitchiness in his stride. Tina and Mercedes were annoying as fuck most of the time but the boys wanted them around and sometimes they were good for a laugh. Especially when they got high. Tina's brother had the best weed. And Mercedes' dad owned the 24hr diner and gave Santana freebies. So it wasn't all bad. Kurt was just another misfit in the group. They were forced to get along because they worked together, and okay, so maybe Kurt was kind of awesome in a super gay and sometimes annoyingly so way, but Santana hadn't exactly set out to be his friend.
Then there was Quinn. Another person that just fucking landed in Santana's life without any kind of invitation. They were nothing but antagonistic assholes to each other until the day Santana realised they were actually friends without ever really meaning to be.
In fact she'd never had to actually try to make friends before.
(Partly because she didn't care if she had any.)
(But mostly because it was easier to reject people before they rejected her.)
That changed with Brittany. When bubbly, interesting, beautiful Brittany landed in Lima Santana had tried desperately to be her friend, although totally wanting to be more, and had gone out of her way to be around the blonde and impress her and try to be the best version of herself.
(She's still not quite sure how she actually pulled it off.)
So it wasn't until she was confronted with college in a whole new city with a roommate and classmates that she hadn't known her whole life that Santana realised that she had no fucking idea how to make friends.
Brittany is great at it, so warm and friendly and inviting that people just start talking to her, and it took her no time to make friends with people in her halls and classes and with randoms on the subway that Santana was instantly suspicious of. Brittany had certainly helped Santana open up and not be such a spaz around other people but by the end of her first year Santana realised that the only friends she'd made in New York were in fact friends Brittany had made. She barely spoke to anyone in her classes and hadn't joined any clubs, her roommate was an asshole, and she mostly kept to herself at work.
It was pretty confronting the day she was scrolling through her contacts on her phone and realised that the only person she really knew in New York was Brittany. She didn't want to be that pathetic person whose life revolved around their girlfriend.
So with Brittany's encouragement Santana slowly started to connect with the people around her. For the first time in her life she found herself in a classroom with people as eager to learn and accomplish something as she was, and she found herself actually wanting to hang out with them. Sure, she was still surrounded by some assholes and idiots, but also some really interesting people. She started accepting the invitations to parties from her co-workers and found that she had fun and that they were actually pretty cool. Nobody cared about the shitty neighbourhood she came from and nobody knew about her family and nobody cared that she's gay. She had gotten so used to hiding and pushing people away in Lima but she felt like she didn't have to do that anymore.
(And having someone like Brittany love her had a lot to do with that.)
Now nearing the end of her second year she and Brittany have a rather large group of friends, and Santana is proud of herself. She can't believe how much her life has changed – how much she has changed. She's started to grow up.
But for however great she feels about her awesome new friendship abilities there is one person Santana just cannot get along with.
Her roommate.
She has not had good luck with roommates.
Last year her creepy roommate Jessica barely spoke a word and gave Santana death stares anytime she so much as breathed loudly. Music without headphones was a no go. Talking loudly on the phone was a no go. Laughing with Brittany was a no go. Jessica was pre-med too and seemed unhealthily obsessed with the human body, plastering pictures of various body parts in various stages of decomposition across her side of the room. It was fucking disgusting, and a total mood killer anytime Brittany was over. Which was another problem because Jessica really hated Brittany, probably just because she was blonde and nice. Pretty much the exact opposite of Jessica.
But her roommate this year has been much fucking worse, and it's not hating Brittany that's the problem.
No, Santana is pretty fucking sure that Grace is in love with Brittany. Or at the very least obsessed with her.
And sure, as far as Santana is concerned Grace is annoying as all fuck. She never stops running her stupid mouth about the Kardashians and Twilight and all those other bullshit vampire/werewolves/magical creature books and Justin Bieber and Real Housewives and CW tv shows and Katy Perry and every other fucking annoying thing Santana hates.
But she could ignore all of that for the sake of a friendly roommate relationship. She really fucking would.
What she cannot ignore, in fact what drives her more than a little fucking crazy, is the fact that Grace practically wets herself whenever Brittany is around.
And it's not just a crush. Santana could deal, and has had to deal, with other people crushing on her girlfriend before. She doesn't like it, but she's learned that when you're with someone like Brittany it's just something you have to deal with because everyone crushes on Brittany, whether they mean to or not. She's just one of those people that makes everyone feel special and amazing. But Santana knows that crushes are mostly harmless and even when they're not, (like with Trouty Mouth back in Lima or with that d-bag Jason in one of Brittany's dance classes), she has never once wavered in her trust in Brittany.
(Even if she wanted to punch Jason in the throat for grabbing Brittany's ass at a party.)
(Brittany beat her to it though.)
So yeah, she could deal with just a crush, but no, Grace is on another level.
It was really fucking weird the first time Santana met her new roommate, Brittany in tow, because Grace completely bypassed Santana like she didn't exist and started hyperventilating over Brittany and babbling about Fondue For Two. Over a couple years Brittany and her internet talk show have inspired a rather devoted legion of fans, however small in number. Mostly they just leave gushing comments or reply videos, or they email or send letters and cute gifts to the post box Brittany set up and Santana tries not to feel insecure about all the marriage proposals her girlfriend receives.
But Grace is that breed of stone cold obsessed fangirl.
And Santana hates it.
Which is why she is currently huffing and sighing and rolling her eyes like crazy while her girlfriend indulges her roommate once again. Brittany knows it gets on her nerves and with a playful grin she insists that being generous with her fans is all part of being an internet celebrity. But Santana won't make the mistake again of pointing out that 4395 subscribers doesn't make Brittany an internet celebrity because the last time she did that she didn't get laid for five days.
(Five days is way too long and she's never going to risk that again.)
Of course Brittany sees the situation a completely different way and according to her, "Grace is just enthusiastic and interested in the craft of making a web TV show and we share an interest in journalism and you're just jealous because Grace likes me better."
(But Santana knows exactly what Grace is interested in.)
So from her bed she watches as Brittany tells Grace about the new editing software she's using and the way her roommate practically moons over the girl, listening intently.
(Of course Santana's frustrations have nothing to do with the fact that she has no idea what either of them are talking about.)
Reaching her peak level of annoyance she leans back against her headboard and turns her attention back to her reading, highlighter in hand. Finals are coming up and she may as well get some work done if Brittany is going to ignore her.
It proves to be a worthy distraction because she doesn't notice when the talking on the other side of the room stops. She doesn't notice anything but the words in front of her until she feels the side of her bed dip, but she doesn't let herself look up, even when Brittany throws one leg over to straddle her hips.
When she doesn't give in and lift her gaze Brittany tries again, pale hands reaching out to try to take the book from her. But Santana is still annoyed and she wants to make Brittany feel as ignored and she felt, so she keeps a firm grip on the book and her eyes down. Sure it's petty, but sometimes she still acts like a moody teenager.
"San."
The blonde draws the word out and starts to run her palms up Santana's arms and Santana really has to concentrate on not looking up because her resolve is two seconds away from crumbling with Brittany touching her like that.
"Baby, don't be mad."
Brittany tries reaching for the book again and Santana gives in, unable to resist her girlfriend's pleading for too long. She's completely whipped that way.
The book is taken from her hands and when she finally lifts her eyes Brittany is smirking, fully aware of the power she has over her girlfriend.
She pouts and Brittany giggles.
"Stop being such a baby," the blonde says softly as she dumps the book on the floor.
Santana huffs and folds her arms over her chest, defiant. She can act like a baby if she wants to.
But after all these years Brittany is unfazed by her moods, reaching for her arms and pulling them apart, then lacing their fingers together between them.
"Grace is harmless and you're being silly but I still love you."
Santana softens slightly because really, Brittany is straddling her and rubbing her thumbs over the back of her hands and telling her she loves her and Santana's only human.
Brittany notices the shift in her mood and smiles, leaning forward to place a lingering kiss on her lips and sucking Santana's pouting bottom lip between her own. The brunette disentangles their fingers and rests her hands on Brittany's thighs.
"You wouldn't like it if I came to visit you and I ignored you and started talking to your roommate."
Brittany rolls her eyes playfully. "Well, first of all we both know that Chelsea doesn't like you so that doesn't seem likely. Sorry baby." Brittany kisses her again quickly. "And secondly, when I got here you were the one ignoring me because you were talking to Quinn on the phone. And you know Grace has taken some of the classes I want to take next year so I wanted to ask her about them."
Santana huffs again, grudgingly conceding the truth in Brittany's response. She had been on the phone with Quinn when Brittany arrived, discussing their impending trip back to Lima for the long weekend, and maybe she had left her girlfriend alone for a little bit. And it was true that as a journalism major Grace could offer Brittany advice about the classes she'll be taking next year when she transfers.
But fuck. Santana doesn't like to be ignored. Or proved wrong. Or apologise.
So she just skips over that part.
"Yeah well, thank god next year we won't have to deal with assface roommates." She slides her hands up to grip Brittany's hips and pulls her closer. "It'll be just you and me."
She surges forward and presses a firm kiss to her girlfriend's lips, their mouths opening instantly. Pale hands tangle in her hair as their bodies press flush against each other and Santana feels that powerful rush of adrenaline and arousal and love bloom within her like it always does when she's with Brittany. She still wants Brittany as much as she always has, even more, and she hopes that never changes.
They kiss heatedly for a few minutes, both knowing that they can't get too carried away because they have to leave soon to have dinner with friends. Eventually they both pull back, a little breathless and lips already swollen, and Brittany takes one of Santana's hands and kisses the back of it.
Santana watches her girlfriend for a minute and notices the subtle change in her expression, one only she would see knowing her as well as she does, the little crinkle between Brittany's eyebrows and the way her shoulders slump slightly. She knows what Brittany's worried about.
"Baby, it'll be okay. Your parents will understand and if they don't then fuck them. We'll figure it out."
Santana lifts her free hand and brushes some hair away from Brittany's face, settling her palm on the hinge of her jaw and caressing her cheek with her thumb. Brittany nuzzles into her touch, and Santana can sense a calmness coming over her, a trust in her words. She loves that she can ease Brittany's worries.
"Together," Brittany says softly but with conviction.
"Always together," Santana whispers before leaning in and kissing her again, their passion and desire from a moment ago returning full force.
Their friends can wait.
-x-
"I just think that it would be much better if you tell them over the phone."
It's two days later and Santana is sitting on her bed watching Brittany pack her suitcase for her, admittedly doing a much better job than Santana usually does. The brunette is trying to talk her way out of the two of them going back to Lima tomorrow morning and decided that acting like a child and refusing to pack was a good stalling tactic. Of course Brittany did the obvious and just started packing for her.
"San, you're the one who said speaking to them in person was the right thing to do," the blonde responds patiently, adding Santana's favourite pyjamas and the little stuffed unicorn Brittany gave to her at Christmas last year to the suitcase.
(Santana will never tell a soul but she sleeps with that thing most nights she's not with Brittany, stuffed between her bed and the wall and under the covers so her roommate can't see it. That freak would probably find out that Brittany gave it to her and add it to the Brittany shrine Santana is sure she has.)
"I think I was drunk when I said that."
"It was in the morning."
"Yup, drunk. I have a drinking problem. Your girlfriend is an alcoholic."
Brittany chuckles and shakes her head, clearly amused by her girlfriend's childish behaviour.
"Baby, you know I have to tell them in person. You don't have to be there with me but they'll be even more pissed if I do it over the phone."
Santana reaches out to her girlfriend and takes her hand, squeezing it reassuringly. She knows she's acting like a bit of a dick, something that hasn't been all that unusual these last few weeks. Sure, she's kind of freaking out that Brittany's parents might find a way to be pissed at her about this, and honestly she's feeling weird about seeing Puck again because shit has been pretty fucked up between them for a while, and there's always some kind of drama with Quinn, but she's just being a selfish idiot and knows Brittany needs her support.
"Of course I'll be there with you."
Brittany presses a smiling kiss to her lips and Santana really fucking hopes that their Lima trip isn't the disaster she thinks it might be.
-x-
Turns out it's quite the shit show.
The day actually starts off rather well, and after an uneventful flight with Brittany whispering dirty things in her ear they arrive in Lima and settle in quickly at April's, (Brittany is staying there with her thankfully), then head over to have lunch with Brittany's parents. Everything is pleasant and as intimidatingly perfect as it always is at the Pierce's, pretty much the direct opposite of the general chaos at April's.
But that all shatters as soon as Brittany starts to tell her parents that she doesn't want to dance professionally anymore and she's transferring to NYU to study journalism. Santana watches Mrs Pierce's face steadily turn red as her eyes flare with barely controlled anger.
Then the arguing starts.
Santana silently sits in place next to her girlfriend on the couch while Brittany and her mother argue. Mr Pierce also keeps quiet, seemingly knowing better than to get involved.
(But Santana's pretty sure he doesn't look happy about any of Brittany's announcement.)
The fact that she and Brittany plan to live together doesn't seem to be an issue or if it is it's on the backburner because Mrs Pierce thinks Brittany is making a terrible mistake and is refusing to try to understand that Brittany doesn't want to pursue dance as a career anymore.
They go back and forth and Santana feels her hands balling into fists at her sides, getting frustrated on her girlfriend's behalf and desperately feeling the need to step in and try and help the situation. But Brittany had made it clear to her that she could handle her mother. Despite the distance between their lives, or perhaps because of it, Brittany and her mum had been rebuilding their relationship over the last couple of years and growing closer, and Santana hates that this might damage that.
But when Mrs Pierce tells Brittany that she's stupid for doing this and that she's throwing her life away Santana can't sit silent any longer. In that moment she doesn't care if it's Brittany's mother or that Brittany pretty much told her not to interfere - nobody fucking calls her girlfriend stupid.
Except when she stands and starts yelling at Mrs Pierce not to call Brittany stupid or underestimate her she doesn't really help the situation. It also doesn't help that she seems to have regressed to her fifteen year old self and every second word out of her mouth is fuck or some variant of it.
By the time her little rant is over all three Pierce's are staring at her in shock.
Santana instantly knows she's done the wrong thing when she sees the disappointment in Brittany's eyes.
Fuck.
-x-
"Puck, open the fucking door."
She bangs her fist against the wood over and over again, much harder than she probably needs to, but she's got a lot of anger and frustration running through her right now and she would really like to put her fucking fist through something.
Eventually the door opens and Puck steps aside to let her in.
"Took your time," she grumbles as she slumps down onto his couch. She hasn't spent a lot of time in Puck's apartment at all but she's too jacked up on adrenaline to worry about how weird it feels to not feel completely at home in Puck's home.
"You wouldn't believe the fucking afternoon I've had. Brittany is so fucking pissed at me. Like, worse than she's ever been before. Even that time you and I went to that strip club and lied about it. I swore at her mum. Like actually in her face. In her perfect house. I don't think I'll ever be welcome back in there again. Fuck."
She stands abruptly and stomps over to Puck's fridge, opening a beer and gulping down half of it before settling against the kitchen bench, too fidgety to sit down.
"Now Brittany thinks I'm some asshole who won't let her fight her own battles but what the fuck was I supposed to do? Just sit there while her mum talks shit to her?"
She takes another sip of her beer, the cool liquid doing nothing to stop the fire burning within her right now.
"I mean fuck, I was the one who encouraged her to transfer schools since she wasn't happy and now I'm the dick who thinks she can't handle herself and has to interfere in everything? That's bullshit!"
Her mind flashes back to her argument with Brittany, how her girlfriend had stormed out of the house and she had promptly followed, wanting to get away from her train wreck as quickly as possible. She'd finally caught up with Brittany on the sidewalk and rushed to explain herself but the blonde didn't want to hear them, accusing Santana of being stubborn and overbearing just like her mother. Then she told Santana that she wanted to be alone, the brunette left standing there in shock while her girlfriend walked away from her.
Brittany walking away from her has to be the worst feeling in the world. Too many important people have left her and Santana can't help the nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach that it's because she's still not good enough. She wonders if that will ever really go away.
She drains the rest of her beer in one go and takes a minute to compose herself.
It's then that she realises that Puck hasn't said a word, just sitting there on his seat playing with his phone.
"Yo!" She smacks the bench top with her palm and yells in his direction. "You gonna just fucking sit there ignoring me?"
Puck takes a moment, then slowly lifts his head to address her.
"Wow San, that really sucks," he says flatly, almost mockingly.
Santana scrunches her face, anger flaring again. "The fuck is your problem?"
Her friend shrugs his shoulders and sighs, and for the first time Santana looks at him properly. He looks tired. He looks older than she remembers. Like a man instead of the boy she grew up with. It's a little confronting.
"Why are you here?"
"Why do you think I'm here? I'm pissed off and I want to bitch about it to my best friend."
"Best friend huh?"
Santana looks from side to side dramatically, throwing her hands in the air. "Have I landed in some fucking twilight zone? Did I fall down a fucking rabbit hole? Yes you, Puck. My best friend."
She heads back over to the fridge, taking another two beers before opening them and taking them back to the couch, passing Puck one as she goes. She doesn't care if she drove over here in one of April's cars or that it's only late-afternoon.
They stare at each other for a moment, Santana taking a few breaths to calm down. She watches her oldest friend and knows that this is bigger than her interrupting his afternoon.
They sit in silence for a few minutes before Puck finally speaks.
"I got a girl pregnant."
Santana's eyes widen. She bites down the impulse to yell at him for being so fucking stupid, but she mostly feels concern for her friend.
"Shit. What…what are you going to do?"
Puck takes a long sip of his beer. "This was months ago. She got…she didn't keep it."
Santana notices the way his shoulders slump and head hangs low. She wonders why he never told her about it and thinks he's probably had to deal with this by himself. She should have been there for him.
"You could have told me," she offers gently, trying to show support, but it's evidently not the right thing to say because Puck's head whips up.
"Well if I thought you still cared maybe I would have."
She's taken aback but still pumped up from earlier and it doesn't take much to get her back on the defensive.
"What the shit are you talking about of course I care."
"Doesn't fucking seem like it."
"Why are you being such a prick?"
Puck hits his fist on the arm of his chair. "Maybe because you fucking ditched me."
Santana takes a second, not quite sure what the fuck Puck is getting at.
"When was the last time we hung out just the two of us? Huh, San? When was the last time you fucking called me just to shoot the shit and ask how I'm doing?"
Santana shakes her head, not willing to cop that. Sure they haven't seen each other or talked much lately, especially just hanging out like they used to, but that's not all on her. Puck has been acting cagey with her for a while now and fuck, she's been busy.
"That's bullshit, Puck. It's not like you're fucking blowing up my phone all the time and at least I come back to visit. When was the last time you visited me?"
"Oh right, because my ghetto ass is going to fly to New York City where I have no place to stay, to visit someone who has no fucking time for me. Face it San, you got yourself a new fucking life with your rich fake mummy and your rich little girlfriend and left me behind. Just like Berry did when we were kids."
That's a fucking cheap shot and it stings.
"Fuck you. I'm not going to feel bad for trying to make something of my life, you dick. I'm not going to apologise for wanting to be with the person I love."
"Yeah well, I'm the asshole for wanting my best friend to give a shit about me then. Quinn dumped my ass and then you spent all summer with April and Brittany, and Quinn, don't think I fucking didn't know that. And then you just packed your shit and left like everyone and everything in this town was something you wanted to forget. Last summer you spent half your time in the city and when you were back here we barely hung out."
Santana runs through the last two years in her head quickly and realises that maybe Puck is right. But when it all adds up like that it sounds bad, like it was something she planned, when it just worked out that way. Shit happened and things changed and she just didn't think. That's the problem.
Running her hand through her hair she takes a few deep breaths, trying to calm herself. The two of them yelling at each other isn't going to help. She's been yelling too much this afternoon and it's getting her nowhere. She feels like the angry kid she used to be, rather than the maturing 20 year old she should be.
Puck finishes off his beer before speaking again. "You should go."
"We should talk about this," she tries to argue, but Puck shakes his head and speaks firmly.
"Just go, San."
She at least still knows him well enough to know when he's had enough, so she stands and makes her way to the door, looking back once she gets there but Puck is still facing away from her.
Fucking great. She's just setting fires and burning shit down everywhere today.
-x-
She zips up her hoodie as she walks around her old neighbourhood, not wanting to risk driving with the beers in her system. She's pissed off but she's not stupid.
Passing by the old apartment block she thinks about how weird it is that Puck doesn't live there anymore. Her whole life this is where she could always go to find Puck, his apartment often more of a home to her than her own was. And now he's somewhere else, and maybe not anywhere. Maybe that Puck is gone. And maybe she's not the same Santana.
So much has changed over the last few years. So much that she didn't even notice. She has changed over the last few years, and somehow she thought that everyone and everything would change with her. But that's not how life works.
She just wasn't paying enough attention to realise it.
-x-
When she gets back home a couple of hours later April is in the kitchen with a glass of red wine and a half-empty bucket of fried chicken. Santana would usually find it worth a joke or two, but she's too preoccupied finding out if Brittany is home, her girlfriend not answering any of her calls or texts and the sun is going down so she's getting worried. Santana is feeling like shit after today and she needs to see her girlfriend. Even if Brittany is still pissed as hell at her, Santana knows that she'll feel better once she sees her. Sure they argue sometimes, but they've never really fought like they did this afternoon, and Santana doesn't know why she didn't just apologise. Brittany was right; she was being a stubborn idiot.
But April hasn't seen Brittany since this morning, and despite the fact that she's not one to talk about her feelings with anyone besides Brittany it only takes a couple of questions for Santana to open up and recount her fuckup of a day, the realisation of just what a fucking mess it was finally weighing down on her.
She leans her elbows on the bench and buries her face in her hands, wishing that she could start this day over again.
April pats her shoulder comfortingly. It's nice, having someone be there for her. Sometimes Santana still worries that April is going to give up on her or get tired of her, like she's a shiny new toy that distracts the woman until she gets bored, but April continues to prove to her that that won't happen.
"You really screwed the pooch didn't you?"
Santana scoffs. It's not quite the sympathetic reaction she was looking for, but at the same time she knows it's what she deserves.
"I think that's an understatement."
The older woman considers her for a moment. "Santana Banana, Lord knows I love the crap out of your little Colombian heart…"
Santana shakes her head in amusement but can't be bothered reminding April for the millionth time that she's Puerto Rican.
"…and the good Lord knows I love that sexy little marshmallow of a girlfriend of yours. And your best friend with the incredibly well-trained baby skunk that sleeps on his head. But you're all young, and sometimes at your age change seems like it's the end of the world when it's really not. Take it from someone who once dated Chaz Bono but was unceremoniously left out of his autobiography; change can be scary and confusing. It can make you act crazy and question things about yourself and who you are as a woman and whether dating a woman who is really a man makes you a little bit lesbian or not."
Santana narrows her eyes but April doesn't give her time to ponder it further.
"Sometimes the change isn't what you want. Sometimes it's the last thing you ever wanted. Like the herp. Can't get rid of that. But sometimes it's great. Sometimes it's exactly what you want or what you needed." She jabs Santana in the side and winks. "Like when you became an unofficial Rhodes-Takada. But either way it's like a Republican saying something offensive; unavoidable. You just have to hold on for dear life to the people you love and stick your head between their legs and hope you make it." The older woman squints. "I don't think I got that end bit right, but you know what I mean. Change is hard. And it's okay to poop it up sometimes. The people who love you will forgive you."
Then she leans over and kisses Santana's forehead and there's something so maternal about it that Santana feels her heart swell and her eyes glaze with tears. She hasn't felt that in a long time. Like her mother loves her.
"I want you to know that no matter what happens, no matter what you end up doing or who you end up doing..." April lowers her voice, "Although I have money down with Jacob Ben Israel that you and Brittany marry before you're twenty-five. Mama wants a new Benz!"
Santana opens her mouth to express her outrage that such a betting pool exists and to point out that April could well afford another Mercedes Benz, but April beats her to it.
"But I just want you to know that I love you and will always be there for you."
April opens her arms and with a tilt of her head beckons Santana into them, the two women wrapping each other up in a solid hug. The brunette knows that it means just as much to April as it does for herself.
"You know, that was surprisingly wise," Santana says playfully once they separate, trying to lighten the mood.
April beams. "I've been watching that Honey Boo Boo show. Now that woman knows how to parent."
-x-
Santana thinks she knows where to find Brittany.
She just really hopes that Brittany wants her to find her.
After slipping through the side gate like she and Brittany did countless times the summer after high school she latches it again gently to avoid it banging and drawing any attention to her. The sun is well down by now and in her dark jeans and hoodie she'd look like a proper criminal lurking in the shadows to any suspicious neighbours.
She follows the barely lit path she knows so well until it leads her to the open space of the yard where she glances back at the house to make sure no one is around.
When she figures the coast is clear she walks to the tree down the back and thankfully the moon is kind of bright tonight and provides enough light that Santana doesn't kill herself climbing the ladder.
She knows someone is up in the treehouse because of the lamp light shining out and she really fucking hopes that she's not wrong and Brittany's sister Leah hasn't got a boy up there or something. That would be awkward although maybe kind of great because Santana would have blackmail material. Leah isn't exactly Santana's biggest fan for reasons Santana's not quite sure of.
Her entry into the treehouse isn't exactly graceful, but she clambers in through the small entry and pops her head up to survey the area, thankful to find her girlfriend's eyes watching her from where she sits on the bed. Brittany doesn't look surprised to see her but other than that her expression is pretty neutral, which tells Santana that at least she's not fuming mad at her anymore. Plus, Santana knows that she's the only person who would look for Brittany up here, so she's optimistic that part of Brittany wanted her to find her here.
"Hey Britt."
She offers her girlfriend a smile and it's returned, albeit not with any enthusiasm, but Santana will take it. She makes her way over to the bed and tentatively sits with her legs dangling off the side. She really really wants to hug her girlfriend but things feel weird between them and she doesn't know if that would be okay right now.
"Have you been here all afternoon?"
Brittany shakes her head. "No. I saw Quinn for a little bit. I just needed to talk about everything."
And even though she'd gone to see Puck to do the exact same thing, hearing Brittany say that stings Santana a little, especially since Brittany had refused to talk to her earlier.
But she knows bringing that up would be counter-productive right now.
"Did you know that Quinn slept with Puck when she was here for her dad's birthday last month? He's been calling her but she's avoiding him."
Santana's head snaps up because no she most certainly did not know about that. Fucking Quinn. She'll have to kick her ass about that later but she's got more important things to worry about now. And she's wasted too much time being an idiot today.
So she turns her body to face her girlfriend, making sure that she has her attention.
"Britt, I'm so sorry I messed things up today. I should have never spoken to your parents like that and I'll never do it again. I'm going to apologise to them too…if they ever speak to me again."
She reaches out and takes one of Brittany's hands in her own without any resistance, lacing their fingers together like it's the most natural thing in the world, because that's how it feels.
"I know you asked me not to interfere and I did in the worst way and I'm sorry. I really am. But honestly, you might hate me for it sometimes but I don't know if there's ever gonna be a day where I won't defend you. I know you're smart and talented and strong and can handle yourself against anyone but I love you so much and sometimes if someone's hurting you I'm just gonna have a brain fade and want to punch them in the face…or the verbal equivalent. I'm sorry baby but sometimes it's going to happen. "
Brittany's lips curl up slightly and that's all it takes for Santana to feel relief flood through her and some of the tension ease in her shoulders. She knows her girlfriend and she knows when she's forgiven.
"You're a bit short to be a knight in shining armour aren't you?"
Santana's mouth drops open feigning offense, but inside she's mostly just thankful that Brittany isn't mad at her anymore.
"I'm scrappy though."
They share a smile before Santana leans in and kisses her girlfriend, finally feeling the world right itself. Sure, there are still things to work out, but for now she and Brittany are okay and that's what she needs.
Brittany tugs on her arm and Santana shuffles along the bed, allowing herself to be pulled down until she's laying on her back with her girlfriend curling up against her side. She can feel Brittany's soft breath against her collarbone and nimble fingers playing with the hem of her t-shirt and she takes a few deep breaths of her own, relaxing for the first time all day.
"I talked to my parents again," Brittany says after they've been laying in the silence a little while, her tone somewhat sombre. "They're still disappointed but they respect my decision and are going to support me still. Pay for my tuition and living expenses and stuff."
It's good news in practical terms but Santana knows that Brittany's hurt that her parents don't really support her new dream. It had been a little bit of a shock even for her months ago when Brittany had first started mentioning her thoughts about changing her studies, but she also knew that Brittany was feeling unsatisfied with her dancing and like she wanted to spread her wings a little and try something different. She knows it must be scary for Brittany, to want something her whole life only to get it and realise that it's not actually what she wanted after all. But it's also incredibly brave, and Santana is so proud of her girlfriend.
"What if I can't do it, San? What if my parents are right and I can't make it. I had so much trouble in school. Dancing is something I know I can do so maybe I should just stick to it."
Santana shakes her head straight away, turning to face her girlfriend and cupping her jaw with her hand. "Don't even think about doubting yourself Brittany Susan Pierce. You are the most brilliant and talented woman and can offer those bozos something that no one else can. You've already been working really hard on the studying side of things. And NYU accepted you because they obviously know you've got something special. You just might have to prove a few people wrong, that's all."
They stare into each other's eyes and Santana hopes Brittany knows just how much she believes in her, how much Brittany inspires her and how much she loves her. She wants Brittany to feel the way she does; that the two of them together can kick ass at anything.
And she knows Brittany feels it when it's reflected back in those pale blue eyes.
.
"I knew I'd find you up here."
They're wrapped up in each other's arms, legs tangled and skin sweaty with a light sheet covering their lower halves. They hadn't had sex in the tree house since that summer after high school and there's something wonderfully nostalgic about it. That summer was great, full of promise and hope and Brittany. Lots and lots of Brittany.
"You always know how to find me," the blonde says before kissing her again, and Santana knows her girlfriend isn't just talking about her favourite place to hide out.
She also knows that she has to apologise for something else.
"I'm sorry for being a shit lately."
Brittany was no doubt expecting it because she doesn't press Santana or say anything at all, just gently sweeps away some of the dark sweaty hair from Santana's forehead, waiting for the brunette to continue.
"I've been acting like a sullen child sometimes and I think I just got a bit freaked out about how much everything is changing."
It's only after she says it that Santana realises just how much truth is in that statement. She has been freaking out about how much shit is changing in her life and how much shit has already changed. She's been worried about her and Puck for months and she's been worried about not being in Anita's life much anymore and she's been worried about the limits of April's support. She's been worried that she won't be able to cut it as a doctor and she's been worried about how Brittany's change in studies will affect their lives. She's been worried about the two of them moving in together even though she's mostly excited. She's been worried about all that and a million other things that she didn't even realise but looking back she knows that she's been a bit of a handful lately.
But Brittany is there as always, placing a sweet kiss on her forehead and holding her tight.
"I'm sorry too. I should have known you were spazzing out because you get all angry and shouty when you're scared but won't admit it. And I think I've been ignoring how anxious I've been too. These are big changes in our lives, you know."
Santana nods in agreement.
"But you still want to do it right? Move in together? Because we don't have to if you're not ready."
Santana smiles and shakes her head, wanting to immediately dispel any thoughts of her not being ready for them to move in together. Sure it's a big step, but she knows they're both ready for it. She wants to fall asleep wrapped up in Brittany every night and wake up with Brittany's drool on her shoulder every morning. She wants to be able to walk around naked or have sex in their shower whenever they want. She wants to have crazy neighbours instead of crazy roommates. She wants to be able to surprise Brittany with dinner when she comes home from a long day and she wants to be able to make pancakes with her at 3am when they come home from a night out.
She wants somewhere that's theirs. Someplace they can call home and start their lives together.
Which is exactly what she tells Brittany.
Which is exactly how round two starts.
-x-
As soon as the front door is fully opened Santana takes a step forward and punches Quinn in the arm.
It's not uncommon for the two to be physically demonstrative with each other, their friendship developing into a weird quasi-sibling relationship in which they tease and annoy each other constantly for their own amusement. If Brittany were here she'd be rolling her eyes at their antics like she usually does. She knows she's supposed to be practicing the less aggressive way to do things, but Quinn deserves it.
Quinn hits her back just as hard and Santana winces. "What the fuck was that for, Lopez?"
"You slept with Puck."
That shuts the blonde up, looking over her shoulder into the house before ushering Santana back out the door and closing it behind them. Santana stands there with her arms folded across her chest while Quinn takes a seat at the top of the porch steps.
She'd stopped by Quinn's parent's house this morning on her way to meet Mrs Pierce because she wants to know what the fuck her friend is doing with her best friend. Things might be fucked up between them now but Santana knows that Puck is still hopelessly in love with Quinn and that Quinn doesn't feel the same way, so she doesn't know why the fuck Quinn would mess with him like that.
"You want to yell that any louder," Quinn grumbles, but Santana's not really in the mood to apologise.
"Like I care what your Jesus freak parents think. What the fuck were you thinking?"
"I don't know!" Quinn whines, running her hand through her hair. "I was back here for my dad's birthday and I'd had a few drinks and I called Puck. I was lonely."
Santana shakes her head. "That's fucked up, Fabray."
"I know, alright. It was a shitty thing for me to do. It just felt like old times, you know. Some things were simpler back then and less confusing and I think I just wanted to feel that again."
Santana takes a deep breath to calm down. She gets what Quinn is saying. Using Puck is still fucked up but she understands what Quinn's talking about, after all, she'd found solace in the same thing with Brittany last night in the tree house. Sometimes you just want to feel like a kid again. Like your future isn't weighing down entirely on your own shoulders. Like the decisions you make can't affect the rest of your life.
And it's not like she's been the definition of an awesome friend to Puck.
She huffs out a breath and takes a seat on the step leaving a space between them, but not so much that she can't punch Quinn again if she feels the need.
"If you know about me and Puck then I take it you made up with Brittany?"
"Yeah," Santana nods, warmth rushing through her at the thought of her girlfriend.
"Jeez Lopez, I just have to mention her name and you get a stupid smile on your face."
The smile instantly turns into a scowl, Santana suddenly feeling very self-conscious. She had no idea she was even smiling while thinking about Brittany, although it doesn't surprise her really.
"You're really lucky, you know that," Quinn continues, staring out into the front garden. "To find someone at our age that you know you want to be with forever. And you've always known that you want to be a doctor. You're only twenty and you've figured out things that people spend their whole lives trying to answer."
Santana stares at her friend's profile and then back out to the garden, mulling over Quinn's words. Sometimes she does take it for granted, sometimes she forgets that other people her age haven't found the love of their life or their passion. She knows she's lucky in that respect, but that certainly doesn't mean that she has everything figured out. She's constantly stumbling and pulling herself back up and she still has a lot of hang-ups from her past. But she's grateful for the people around her who love her and have endless patience with her. Because loving someone is just as much about allowing them to love you back, and that's something Brittany has taught her.
"You'll figure it out," she tells Quinn, firmly believing that. "But you can't keep messing with Puck. It's not fair."
"I know. I'm thinking about studying abroad. Maybe London. Or Australia."
"Yeah?"
Santana's surprised, and it's possible that she might actually miss her friend though she'll never admit it, but she knows Quinn is looking for something and she's not finding it at Yale.
Quinn looks at her and smiles. "Yeah."
-x-
Her second stop that morning goes surprisingly well.
Her grovelling apology to Mrs Pierce is accepted more graciously than she expected, (no doubt Brittany had a lot to do with that despite her absence), and Santana makes it very clear that it was an extreme one-off and it will never happen again. Mrs Pierce agrees to smooth things over with Mr Pierce and effectively forget it ever happened.
(Although Santana's doubtful that will ever really happen. She thinks she'll probably be forty-five and Mrs Pierce will bring it up out of nowhere just to embarrass the shit out of her.)
It's just Santana and Mrs Pierce having coffee - Mr Pierce had left early that morning for a business trip and Santana felt like her apology would be more effective if she didn't have Brittany by her side making eyes at her mother - but the oddly familiar scenario of her and Mrs Pierce sitting in a restaurant having an important conversation about the person that entwines their lives is not lost on Santana, and obviously not on Mrs Pierce either.
"You never told Brittany about our conversation two years ago. When I told you to break up with her."
Santana is not at all surprised by Mrs Pierce being so blunt with her. They never seem to dance around things when it's just the two of them.
"No. I didn't."
"Can I ask why?"
She opens and closes her mouth several times, trying to find the right words. It's something she'd thought about after she and Brittany had gotten back together, and the decision not to tell Brittany about their conversation felt like the right one at the time. It still does. She and Brittany are unfailingly honest with each other about how they feel, but Santana felt like that conversation was something between her and Mrs Pierce. Like they were establishing a trust or something.
"I just…even back then I understood why you had that conversation with me. And why you thought I wouldn't be able to make Brittany happy. I knew you were just concerned with Brittany's happiness. But so was I. I am. And after we got back together it seemed kind of irrelevant."
Mrs Pierce nods and Santana's not sure how to take that, but that's nothing really new in her relationship with the woman.
"You've always been madly in love with my daughter haven't you?"
She's not used to her being that blunt though and it blindsides her a little. But there's really only one answer to that question.
"Since the first time I saw her."
The corner of Mrs Pierce's lips curl up, a knowing look in her eyes, and Santana feels like she's passed some sort of test she didn't even know she was taking.
She sits in silence feeling oddly nervous while the older woman takes a sip of her coffee, considering her.
"Living together is a big step but if the two of you think that you're ready for it then I'm happy for you both. From what I can see you're good at taking care of each other, which is important."
Santana nods along as enthusiastically as she can without looking like a bobblehead, wanting Mrs Pierce to know that she absolutely takes living with Brittany seriously.
"When you're both ready, ideally some years from now, you should come and ask me for my mother's ring. She and Brittany were very close until she died and Brittany always loved that ring. It will mean a lot to her."
It takes a second for all the blocks to fit into place and for Santana to understand what Mrs Pierce is telling her but once she does she almost gasps, her heart beating double time. She was not expecting anything remotely like that from this meeting.
Their friends are always teasing them about being a married couple already, and sometimes Brittany calls her wifey and it makes her stomach flip, and Santana's friend Casey from work refers to Brittany as her wife, but actually proposing to Brittany is something that Santana takes very seriously. It's not like she hasn't thought about marrying Brittany, or dreamed about it or thought about what her wedding vows would be while she's washing her hair in the shower, it's just that she never expected such blatant approval and encouragement from Brittany's mother.
"I'm glad you and Brittany are together. You're good for each other. I confess I'm still confused as to why Brittany doesn't want to dance anymore, but in the grand scheme of things I'm not worried about her future. You're both wonderful young women. I'm proud of you both."
Santana feels her chest swell with pride and love and validation because she never realised how much she wanted to hear Brittany's mother say that. To have her approval. It doesn't change her love for Brittany or her hopes for their future together, but it's wonderful to know that when she proposes to Brittany and when they get married and have babies Brittany's mum is going to be genuinely happy for them, without any reservations. She grew up believing that no one would ever be proud of her and to know that she now has so many people in her life that believe in her makes Santana's heart soar.
"Would you be saying that if I wasn't top of my class pre-med?" she jokes, seeking to ease the tension brought on by all this emotion that both women aren't all that accustomed to with each other.
Mrs Pierce smiles easily, and Santana feels like maybe from now on she won't be so terrified of the woman. Maybe.
-x-
She knocks on Puck's door much more hesitantly this time, waiting patiently until he calls out asking who it is.
"It's me," she calls back, holding her breath in the ensuing silence.
She doesn't really believe that Puck would leave her out there but there's that feeling in her gut reminding her that they're not the same San and Puck that they used to be.
He does leave her out there long enough to make her sweat but eventually opens the door, offering a murmured hey before turning and walking back into the small studio apartment.
He takes a seat on the couch and Santana stands just inside the door awkwardly, the odd feeling of being uncomfortable and unsure in Puck's new home that she was too distracted to feel last time she was here hitting her full force. This is all so strange, this strained tension and distance between her and her best friend. When she's in New York busy with Brittany and school and work and her friends this is easier to ignore. Which is no doubt how it got to this stage in the first place.
But she's not doing any good standing here like an idiot, so she dives right in.
"You're lucky last on the Santana Lopez apology tour."
Puck doesn't give her anything but she's undeterred, taking a seat on the coffee table right in front of him so that he can't avoid her.
"Okay can we drop the silent treatment and talk about this please? I've come grovelling back and I'm not going to yell like last time. You can say whatever you want to me and I promise I won't even try to hit you."
Puck smirks, and Santana finally sees her best friend again.
"I can say anything I want and you won't hit me?"
"Referencing any of Brittany's body parts is still off limits," Santana fires back quickly, recalling the promise she made Puck make years ago that he would never make any pervy comments about her girlfriend.
"Fair enough."
After that it's easier to talk about their shit. It's still not as easy as it used to be. Santana hopes that it can get back to that place one day and that the bond they used to have isn't lost forever, but for now they talk about the things they haven't been saying to each other. The things that really matter.
And it turns out that this year wasn't just about making new friends for Santana – it was just as much about staying connected to the people who are already in her life.
.
.
I feel like this chapter got away from me at certain parts but what can you do. Some awesome peeps gave me some ideas of things they wanted to see happen and if I didn't get to it here I'll try and make it happen next chapter.
If you've got anything you want to see hit me up in a review or on my tumblr (link in my profile)
You're all fabulous and amazing and please leave a review telling me how fabulous and amazing I am, or alternatively, how shit I am, if you've got time.
:)