'It was an accident!'

'Accident my arse! You're just trying to get back at me!'

'Oh, come on, Lily! I thought we had gotten past this.'

'Gotten past.. Gotten past this? You said I bit you!'

'And now you're saying I bit you!'

'That's because you bit me!'

Peter shook his head softly. 'This is kind of getting.. frightening.'

'Yeah, they should really stop using their mouths,' Sirius suggested. 'Too much biting.' Peter pondered this for a moment.

'But if they stop using their mouths..?'

'Sirius,' Remus said, slightly exasperated. 'What have I told you?'

'Ughhh,' Sirius groaned, throwing his head back against the rug he was laying on. 'Mo-ther, stop trying to stifle me!'

'Sirius Black! What have I told you!' Sirius jumped a bit at Remus' outburst.

'Aah! Um, don't call you "mother"! And don't say silly things regarding James and Lily snogging, because I jinx things when I do that, and then we get involved!' Remus nodded sharply, but then gave Sirius an expectant look, crossing his arms. 'Also, it makes Peter ask questions neither of us want to think about.'

'No, James, you're coming down here too,' they heard Lily say. Sirius jumped up off the rug, panicked, and Peter and Remus flew up from the couch. The three looked frantically around for the best means of escape.

'The portrait hole,' Peter whispered frantically. 'If we run for it-'

'We'll never make it,' Remus interrupted, pulling at his hair. 'They'll see us and follow!'

'I'm going out the window!' Sirius crawled over the couch, and was nearly to the window when Lily rounded the bottom of the stairs, dragging a rather red looking James along with her. 'Bollocks!'

'Oh, perfect,' Lily said, a little too sweetly, and Sirius trudged back over to Remus and Peter. 'We have a question for you three.'

'No,' James said bitterly. 'We do not. You have a question.' He turned to his friends. 'And a right daft question as well!'

'Lily, we just don't feel very.. comfortable getting so involved in your very personal lives,' Remus said carefully.

'Yes, well, I don't feel very comfortable with teeth marks in my earlobe!'

'Well,' Remus began. 'Wait, I'm sorry, what?'

'Your best mate over here bit my ear.'

'No way!' Sirius ran over to Lily. 'Which ear?' Lily turned her head and pulled the hair away from her left ear. 'Blimey! I think that is a bit of a tooth mark!'

'I want to see,' Peter said excitedly, and ran to look as well. 'Wow.. I didn't know that's what couples did..'

'It's not what couples are supposed to do,' Lily said harshly. 'That's the problem!'

'Ahh,' Sirius grimaced and backed up to stand by Remus again, pulling Peter along with him. 'Prongs, that was bad wasn't it?'

'Very bad,' James said, hanging his head.

'Well, really, James, if you didn't want us to say we saw a tooth mark, why ask us?' Peter asked, apparently oblivious to how the situation had unfolded.

'Uh, Peter, I don't think James did want to ask us,' Remus whispered to Peter. 'I think Lily wanted to ask us, and I think James would have been much happier if we didn't get involved. Also, we would have been much happier..'

'Hmm, yeah that seems like it would make more sense.'

'I almost feel as though we as a collective group should be wasting less of our efforts on this,' James said, gesturing between him and Lily. 'And more time trying to figure out that,' he finished, waving his hand at Peter.

Lily looked at James with a shocked expression. 'Seriously, James?'

'Sirius-ly,' Sirius inserted. 'I mean, Peter did attempt to have you demonstrate the tongue thing. And he thinks biting ears is okay. And he willingly let James pinch his nipple!' Peter flushed red.

'I wasn't going to have her demonstrate the tongue thing.. I was just curious as to what happened..' He mumbled, and Sirius patted his head and shushed him.

'Really, Evans, who actually needs our help right now?'

'I hate to say this,' Remus said quickly. 'But Sirius may not be entirely wrong this time. It does seem as though your recent.. fiascos are having a negative effect on Peter.' He smiled apologetically at Peter.

'I suppose we do have a bit of a tendency to involve the boys,' Lily mused. 'And I suppose it could be quite strange for Peter..'

'Honey, it's strange for all of us,' Sirius sighed, throwing himself onto the couch. 'I mean, we spent six years watching James try to love you, and you doing all sorts of awful, but brilliant, things to try and dissuade him-'

'Wow, that's great word usage.'

'Thank you, Moony. Anyway, it's been quite a shock to all of our systems,' Sirius waved his hand vaguely in the air. 'I mean, one day you'd rather date a squid and you're actively trying to possibly murder him. And then-'

'Boom!' Peter shouted, flinging his arms up.

'Snogging,' Remus finished.

'Everywhere,' Sirius said softly.

'All the time.'

'In hallways. In classrooms.'

'In cupboards,' Peter cried, covering his face with his hands.

'Okay, actually that cupboard one may have been our fault,' Remus admitted with a slight head tilt. 'But you were gone long enough that we thought you were murdered.'

'The real point here,' Sirius said, leaning forward and putting his hands together. 'Is that.. Remus.'

'What?'

'Remus, tell Lily what the real point here is.'

'Oh, um,' Remus scratched his head and wiped his face. 'The real point here is that..'

'Remus, please,' James muttered through his teeth.

'Yes, Remus,' Lily said, crossing her arms and jutting a hip out. 'What is the real point here?'

'James Potter bit you!' Remus bellowed. 'And you're scarring Peter emotionally!'

'I think my nipples are scarred physically,' Peter said thoughtfully.