She waits on the train, already missing her fish boy.
She's going home though, something she never expected or even really wanted.
Her aunt and uncle and lounging on the sofa watching whichever Game happens to be replaying at the moment.
The escort is babbling on about the schedule, how if they keep going at this rate they'll be late, which she isn't entirely sure they could do anything about. It's not as if they control the trains speed, but whatever.
She sits though, watching the land zoom by suddenly a feeling of dread falls into the pit of her stomach. This 'victory tour' will make it all too real.
She'll have to wave and rub salt into the wounds of her Uncle Cassius that she came home instead of his son, of Finnick who's sister she couldn't save, of Cato's parents whose son died for her, to all the parents of the children she killed.
What victory had she truly achieved? Being the last murderer to make it out alive? That she had killed enough people, destroyed enough families, to be permitted to go home?
This is no victory, not for Glimmer, not with the life she is now being forced to live.
The only positive is a newfound relationship with Cashmere and Gloss, meeting other tributes in the same spot she's in, and an adoring boyfriend.
She doesn't deserve it though.
She deserves the nightmares, the hatred of the people in the districts, the beatings she often will receive from the men who rent her.
The train is nearing District One, a nerve wracking thought for the blonde girl.
Mom dressed me in a beautiful blue dress, she said its one of Glimmers old ones. She seems nervous that Glim is coming home.
"Why aren't you happy she's coming home?"
I had asked her, "I'm ecstatic she's coming home Lace, I love your sister very much so," she had paused, "I'm scared about what the games have done to her. I'm scared she'll chose to go live in the capitol like Cashmere and Gleam, that she'll be a changed girl. I'm scared she wont be my daughter anymore." Momma and I already saw the magazines with Glim and Finnick Odair plastered on them, they made momma sick, made her pray it was for publicity. Momma mumbled about how it was so silly to her when Glim came out of the games instead of his sister.
It'd be amazing if Glimmer was dating Finnick, hes so handsome and famous. I'd die to meet him.
"Well if she's on the track to becoming Mrs. Odair then she might not be coming back to One."
Momma clenches her fists, clearly revolted by the simple idea of Glimmer being happy. "That boy will use her up and throw her away just like all of his other so called girlfriends. I bet he has a real girl back in Four, besides Glimmer deserves better than that shallow headed sex symbol. Even that Cato boy seemed to have some dignity."
I'm just glad Glimmers coming home.
Is it true? Is all he's heard today.
Is he dating the beautiful, gentle woman from District One?
Who made it out of the games rather than his sister?
That question gets to him the most, because they make it sound as if he was glad his sister died.
It was his family who got under his skin the most though.
"Did you send that girl the trident Finnick?" His mum had asked quietly, as if he had betrayed some unspoken promise.
All he had replied was yes, it was the easiest way to deal with it.
She had been mad, she made it seem as if he had been the one to kill her.
"Kai could have made it Finnick. If they'd stayed in the alliance just a bit longer, if Glimmer hadn't bounded herself up the mountain and lay in a tree for two days. If the world was right Glimmer would have died of starvation, Cato wouldn't have been so in love with her and would have tried to win himself and would have killed the girl who killed Kai. Kai could have killed Cato."
Finnick had tried not to think about Cato, or the way Glimmer looked at him. It hurt to know she would have died for him, how she mutters his name in desperation at night. She loved him, reckon she still does. She won't admit it to herself though, she refuses to talk about him when he's brought up, always fighting tears when his name comes up.
It's easy to see she feels guilty about living instead of him, Kai, or her cousin.
Most victors from One aren't like her, victors from Two are the exact same, they act like they won some grand prize.
But not her, it weighs on her shoulders, on her mind, and on her heart. The pain eats away at her, never relenting. It's visible in her eyes, in the way she refuses to eat somedays, and in her cries late at night when she thinks no one can hear her.
Cashmere used to be proud of winning but as the capitol used her they broke her down. Gleam was never the same, as said by Cashmere, after his games. He and his lover were the last two, both refused to do anything to help themselves, hands intertwined, clinging to their last moments with each other. His fiancée died first. The games never stopped taking from their family, and now his.
"Kai wouldn't have killed anyone mom, she wasn't like me! She could never make herself do it! The only reason she lasted as long as she did is because of Glimmer, she didn't have the natural instinct to save herself. I sent Glimmer that trident because she deserved it, I knew she would kill the other girl for Kai. She would have killed herself to get Cato out if she could have saved him. She didn't want to live. Don't you get it? None of us wanted this! Once you make it out, you wish you never did."
Glimmer took a deep breath as she looked over her outfit, a long mermaid style dress with glimmering sparkles down to the train. Her hair in loose curls, her make up extravagantly done by her prep team.
She never wanted to face these people again, heinous and shallow. No one will understand how she feels, how utterly broken and tired she feels.
They'll all judge her for being seen with Finnick, a man seven years older than her. The capitol's sex symbol, my boyfriend.
She tries not to think about Cato, the gentle, loving Cato who she couldn't manage to tell him she loved him too.
The train was pulling in, she could see the train station she had sadly waved goodbye to everyone who came to see her off. A different feeling hits her, excitement. She's going to see mom, her dad, her little sister… her supposed loved ones.
The train pulled up and stopped ceremoniously.
Cashmere and Gloss motioned for her to stand with them, her escort leading the three.
"Here we go! Smiles everyone smile!" Cashmere and Gloss hold a practiced smile for the crowd, Glimmers felt just as forced.
She saw her old friends, and her family waiting still she felt nothing.
The speakers make a shrill noise, "Welcome your victor of the Seventy Third Hunger Games!" The crowd roars with applause and screams, the music is upbeat and loud, nothing like how she felt.
The train doors open and cashmere urges Glimmer forward into the crowd.
"Glimmer oh my god!" He old friend yells as she envelops Glimmer into her arms. She almost begins crying but she's strong that that.
She just squeezes her friend back gently, " Shimmer, I've missed you." They had quickly become friends in grade school due to our similar names, something they used to constantly joke about. But it's not funny anymore, nothing really is. Nothings the same.
She passes her through her others friends and eventually makes it to her family. Lace is wearing an old dress of Glimmers, who stoops to pick her up and spin her. She's only ten but she's old for her age, losing family does that to you. Their mother gives her eldest daughter a soft hug after she puts her sister down, She's forced to keep moving as there isn't much time before she has to give a speech.
Not that she has a clue about what to say. Then it's off to an extravagant dinner, presented by our own Victors, and out by tomorrow morning to head to Two.
"It has been of the greatest honor to be the one to have come home. I will never forget Platinum or his sacrifice. He was so kind and solid, he was the piece of home that allowed me to stay strong. I will always and forever miss him. My thoughts go out to his immediate family." Glimmer shuffles in place, nervously biting her lip. "Had I not been prepared by the greatest aunt and uncle anyone could ask for I would not be here today, so Id like to profusely thank my lovely Aunt Cashmere and Uncle Gloss. I'd like to thank my parents and sister, thoughts of you is what got me home. I'd like to thank all of you for your continued support you will never know just how much I appreciate it. Thank you."
She smiles and waves, the crowd eats it up, tonight is a night of celebration for District One, there will be parties, fireworks, and joy spread around to everyone.
She steps off the stage to be hugged by her mentors, congratulating her on the beautiful speech. They're heading to the dinner arranged for her next.
"I'm so glad to have you home darling," her mum finally speaks, "you will be coming to stay after to tour right?"
But she has no immediate response to give.
Her mother seems to understand the silence, giving her the courage to speak up, "I'm considering staying in the Capitol. "
"Is it because of the Odair boy? Or something your aunt and uncle convinced you of?"
She had known her mother would react this way, "No mom! I'm not even dating Finnick! We're just friends! Cashmere and Gloss have been nothing but supportive and understanding. Something you should try sometime."
"I've raised you young lady, not Cashmere, or Gloss, or god forbid Finnick Odair. This is your home, you're not eighteen yet. You have to sty here after the games no ifs ands or buts about it!" She never wanted her mother to fight this so much, she didn't want to hand her the document President Snow had given her to give her mother. "I'm sorry mum. It just has to be like this."
The document declared Glimmer an adult in the eyes of Panem allowing her to make her 'own' decisions.
"Alexis was part of my alliance, a friend until the very end. Her death was as untimely as it was heart breaking. I wish I could stand up here and be able to make this less sad than it is. I will always have her and her family in my thoughts." Districts One citizens were silent, heads bowed in the mourning of their victors. "I was so lucky to have met Cato. He deserved to win but he gave his life for me. I'll forever be in his debt, and in his family's debt. He was far to good for this world, for this life. My heart goes out to you all. "
She bowed her head as well, the crowd was astounded by this victor, by her heart, by the way she was so willing to feel and bear her soul.
She was human, just like them.
She didn't know anyone from Three other than the girl she killed, who killed her first love. She hadn't ever spoke to the boy from this District, nor knew his name. He as just a piece of the game, a name lost in a bowl of twenty four, a name that might have died the same time he did. Her speech was shorter than the others but with no less feeling for the fallen tributes, acknowledging what a person would do to survive, to conquer. She didn't blame Tech nor did she wish ill wishes on her family. Glimmer was not cruel, she was not here to boast or make this harder than it is.
She had experienced what it was like to watch the victor from another district celebrate while her brother was dead, she understood the agony and wished it upon no one, not even her worst enemy.
That's why she dreaded her upcoming stop, District Four.
Finnicks finest suit was laid out, black, to mourn. Conflicted as he was, he'd missed Glimmer more than he would care to acknowledge.
It's going to be a hard day but a magical one as well. He'll be able to introduce Glimmer to his family and friends, take her to dinner, and then share a sunset with her. He can hold her once more, his Glimmer.
His mother, however, is deduced to tears, his other two sisters the same, but my father is drowning his sorrows with his bottle of jack.
He's about to excuse himself to head to the train station to greet Glimmer and show her around before she must do her speech and attend lunch with Fours lovely mayor and the rest of our Districts victors, Annie, his own mentor Mags, his partner mentor Coral, and the only other living male victor Shad. Finnick doesn't see them often, except on tours, and Coral passed out drunk while mentoring.
"Don't you dare bring that girl in this house Finnick," threatening, always threatening as if Finnick is still the naïve fourteen year old boy his dad could push around.
His father is, unceremoniously, drunk. "She's my girlfriend and this is my house. If you don't like it then you can stay elsewhere while she's here, but she is welcome here, even if that means you are not."
"All this for the girl who made it out of those Games rather then your sister eh? Your little fuck toy over family. It always seems we come last, to the capitol, and now to this girl. No wonder ya poor muther is so depressed. Her little boy livin' it up in the capitol while she mourns the death of her daughter. " His words strike a nerve, Finns teeth click as I instinctually grind them with frustration.
"Get the hell out of my house, all of you, don't bother coming back till I leave."
Her train should be arriving in a matter of minutes, Finnick is not one to fidget or be anxious. Instead he tries to remain cool, not too eager, not too indifferent.
The sound of the train becomes audible; the crowd begins to buzz with excitement.
The sleek machine pulls up, you can see the group line up in front of the exit of the train. He can spot Gloss and Cashmere, hiding in between them the woman he dares to call his.
The door opens and the crowd screams, Cashmere and Gloss are in Four about as much as Finnick is making them celebrities here, and Glimmer is now as well. He can see her emerald eyes seeking his, scanning the crowd.
Cashmere smiles at her old friend, in many ways she's become a sister to him as much as he used to hate her. She taps Glimmers shoulder and points towards him. Their eyes lock and her face lights up.
She looks stunning, as always, in a sea foam dress and strappy heels. She'll still be shorter than him though. She runs the best as she can in those ridiculous shoes but he meets her halfway.
More of a reunion than had been expected. She's easy to pick up and spin around, her giggle is music to her partners ears. "I've missed you," He murmurs into her ear as he lowers her back down, she leans up for a kiss quickly. It's almost like the world stops, as if people aren't taking photos, he feels something he hasn't experienced in ages. Bliss.
"I've missed you more, I was scared you'd forgotten about little ole me."
He takes her hand softly, "I could never forget about you."
Cashmere and Gloss urge them on quickly, running a tight shift.
"I never expected to have to give this speech. I never in the Games stopped for a second and even dreamed of making it out. Sometimes I wish I hadn't. The tributes from District Four were too young and so brave. Kai Odair wasn't an enemy or ever a target, she was my friend. Without her advice or her friendship I would not be standing here today. Without the kindness of your District I would be dead, and you all have every right to wish I was." Finnick saw the regret, and pain looming in her eyes. Every word she used was sincere, was carefully chosen. "I didn't know Dylan, I only knew what Kai had told me. He didn't want to be in those games, his death was too soon, and he was too gentle to make it out. Thirteen is a death so tragic, my thoughts go out to you District Four, and to the tributes family's." Her speech reduced everyone of his family to tears, Dylan's the same. She was different, not just a monster produced by the capitol.
After her speech Cashmere brings her over to his house, waving as she leaves.
"This is, our home now as well, welcome." He takes her hand gently and spins her around as a welcome in. She sighed, there was something she found so calming here. She finds District 4 so beautiful, so level. It was easy to see why Finnick loves it. The two dance, there's no music but the sound of their hearts beating and breathe moving between them. She feels human again, careless, desperate to live in this moment forever. Time drifts and suddenly the two are kissing, with passion neither have felt before.
Her skins so soft, her perfume like flowers, Finnick can't find it in himself to let her go.
This is it, he thinks, I'm falling for a seventeen-year-old victor of District One.
Her manicured fingers tug at his shirt eagerly, and he can't deny her anything, he pulls it off leaving him in his pants and boxers. He pants, looking her up and down, too much clothing in his taste, her stupid dress in Finnicks way, and too elaborate to simply pull over her head. "Turn around," he whispers softly, "Please."
She happily compiles, he unlaces the back to unzip it and allow the flowy material to fall to her feet. "God you look good." Undergarments and heels is a spectacular look for her. Spinning her gently, he proceeds to dip and kiss her, causing a happy giggle to spill from her lips.
Waking up the next morning, twisted in the arms of Finnick Odair in his underwear was an ideal way to start any day.
The sound of waves outside his beachfront home, the smell of the ocean all around Glimmer, even the light leaking in the windows dancing around the room is welcoming.
Never has she been so relaxed, never have she felt so at home in her own skin, or in the space around her.
She twists around in Finnicks arms so that they're face to face. He's up, before her, as always. "I love it here."
A simple nod, "I do too. It's even better with you here though, I never knew there was anything missing here. It's so obvious to me now."
"I wish I didn't have to leave today."
He pulls her impossibly closer, "Then stay, forever."
The next few districts fly by, Glimmer apologizes, and speaks the truest words she can muster to the families of the fallen tributes. She misses her Finnick, her friends and she even misses her family. She misses the simplicity of her stupid life before the games, back when she took it all for granted. Looking back, she should have lived freely while she had, had the chance.
She wishes she could take it all back, in the games, and not befriend any of them, had instead just kept to herself and to staying alive. How much simpler would it have been, how much happier would she be? All things considered, she'd probably be dead.
She's unable to do anything but spend every night staring out the windows, too frightened to have nightmares to dare sleep. Cashmere checks on her but there's nothing to say, she begs her niece to sleep but Glimmer can't. She doesn't even have the power to will herself to leave her room other than to give speeches and eat dinner. Sick of crying until she has no tears left to give, screaming into her pillow until my vocal cords are gone every miserable night, she's even losing weight again, this is a train she never gets to get off of and it's taking her straight to hell.
Her last speech is one of her hardest though, the day clouded over and snow is beginning to fall. The mountains around the quaint district reminding her of her games.
She fidgets on the stage awkwardly, trying not to embarrass herself.
"Hello. I'm sorry I have to stand here today, and give you a speech none of you want to hear. To stand in front of you, alive, and well. I wish I could tell you I deserve it. I'm honored though, to be standing in front of such a strong District. I have no words of a happy manor to share with you all, only of sorrow and to beg for your forgiveness. When you go into the games you fight to survive, and that's what I did. I would never harm another human if it weren't to protect the ones I care about. So I stand here today, asking you to understand. My condolences go to the families of your fallen tributes and to you all as a District in mourning." The people of District Twelve had never heard a victor, from One speak with such raw emotion and regret. They raised three fingers hoping the girl with the golden heart would understand they forgive her.
"What do you think of her?"
The game is bad today, nothings moving, and the weathers to cold for game to brave it. "She's a victor, killed, what, seven people? She pretends to be different but I doubt she is."
The boy with dark brown hair nods, not agreeing or disagrees, just silently acknowledging her opinion. "She looks like she's sick, she seems so tired. She doesn't seem like the rest of them. What if she's the change Panem needs?"
The girl with grey eyes purses her lips, "You really think a girl from District One is going to be the one to make some huge revolutionary change? The girl who hangs all over Finnick Odair? She's nothing, she's just another victor. She killed Ashton you saw her! Killed him without shredding a tear."
They stay silent, "I think you're wrong Katnip. I think she's starting something that we've been waiting for."
"Then so be it."