Jasper was staring into nothingness when Lapis came home. She had been staring at the same spot for few hours now, everything else was forgotten.
''Is everything okay?''
Lapis was worried, Jasper had been spacing out more than usually.
Blonde woman just shook her head, nothing was okay, yet she wasn't bothered by it. Moments like these weren't unusual to Jasper, sometimes she could go days without feeling anything. Then there were days that were mix of feeling nothing and feeling everything.
Lapis sat next to her girlfriend and wrapped her arms around bigger woman, that was all she could currently do, she knew that it had to be Jasper who decided what to do next.
''It's just, everything is so complicated. I don't understand my own feelings!''
She was getting angry at herself for not being in control, how could she be so weak and stupid? Everyone else had well paying job and healthy relationships. Why didn't she? Why couldn't she be normal?
''Are you happy?''
Her voice was barely above whisper, she was afraid of Lapis' answer. What if she decided that she'd had enough of Jasper and left?
''No, I'm sad because you can't see how beautiful and strong you are. There's more to you than just anxiety, you're one of a kind, complicated human being who deserves to be loved''
At this point Jasper was crying, how could someone love her so much? Even she didn't love herself this much. She hugged Lapis, afraid that if she let go of her she would simply slip away.
''So you don't hate me?''
''I don't, I love you more than anything''
''Please don't ever leave me''
After this Jasper wasn't able to say anything else even if she wanted. Her throat was already sore from crying and she buried her face in Lapis' hair.
Smaller woman was rubbing her back while gently hushing her, telling her that everything would be alright.