Disclaimer: See chapter 1

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As the headlights of Reid's SUV swung into the driveway, illuminating their home, he noticed the house was in complete darkness. He entered through the front door, switching on the lights so he could see to turn the alarm off which he quickly reset. He climbed the stairs to the living room and was surprised to see Allie sitting on the couch. "Hi," he said, "when the house was dark, I thought you'd gone to bed." She was clad in one of his old university tee shirts. Her hair was tousled like she'd run her hands through it many times. The beautiful brown eyes he loved were red and very puffy. She'd quite obviously been crying.

"No, I didn't really think I could sleep," she replied.

He looked toward the nursery, "Is Joanna okay?"

"Uh hmm, I just fed and changed her a little while ago." She paused, then continued, "I had made some lasagna for dinner. When you left I…I didn't know, I mean, I baked it anyway in case you came back and wanted…" The tears started again. "I didn't know if you were coming back, but I mean if you wanted it, if you're hungry, I can heat it up."

"No, I don't feel like anything right now," he told her. "We've got to talk."

"Okay," she nodded, looking down at her hands that seemed to be wringing themselves uncontrollably on her lap.

"I'm sorry," he began. "I shouldn't have said what I did when I left. I was just hurt and I guess I lashed out at you."

"It's okay. I know I did a terrible thing. It didn't seem so horrible at the time. I didn't want to deceive you but I knew if I asked if you minded if I corresponded with your Dad, you would have said yes. I liked exchanging letters with your Dad, but I never meant to hurt you. That's the last thing I wanted to happen. She was quiet for a few moments, then she pointed to the coffee table. "You should probably look at the one he just sent."

"No, I'd really rather not," he replied.

"Okay, I'll just tell you. He sent ten pictures of you as a child. I told him in one of my letters that your Mom had destroyed all the pictures of you. He had these ten in storage in Philly and he got his lawyer to make copies and he sent them to us." She waited a few moments. "You were a cute kid."

"We've got to talk about something else," Spencer told her. "I've called Andy Cummings at the bureau."

"Andy Cummings," she repeated, "isn't he the security expert?"

"Yeah, he did the security on Janice and Evan's house and I want him to do something more elaborate than what we have now."

"Okay, but why?" Allie looked nonplussed.

Reid didn't know how to gently explain so he just dove right in. "Because Dad has your letters and anyone could easily get their hands on them. There are guys incarcerated at Leavenworth that I helped put away. If they ever get those letters, they'll know how to get to me but more importantly, that I have a wife and daughter."

"But they're locked up," Allie replied.

"That's true but all serial killers from Bundy to Gacy to Dahmer had nutty fans and groupies that were willing to do just about anything for their heroes. These guys are no different" Reid explained. "That might include harming me or my family."

"You mean that I may have put us in danger because I wrote to your Dad! That's why you wanted to know if I'd told him about Joanna, isn't it?"

"Look," he sat down beside her and took her fidgeting hands in his, "it's highly unlikely that anything will ever happen. I'm just erring on the side of extreme caution to make sure that my family is safe."

"I'm sorry for everything. I just thought that your Dad is really trying and if there was anything I could do to make things better between you two, I would. I guess my good intentions backfired big time."

Reid nodded, "Yeah, I know what that's like. I remember when my attempt to intercede with Strauss on your behalf backfired. I could have lost you and then they said we might have trouble having children. Thank God that didn't happen. Now that we have Joanna, I don't know what I'd do without her."

Allie reached her hand up to caress his face. "Can I still hope that someday you'll reconcile with your father?"

"I can't stop you from hoping, which you'll do anyway with your Pollyanna outlook on the world. And," he paused, "I also can't stop you from writing to him if you want to. I know that Evan does. When I married you one of my vows was to respect the independent woman you are and I spoke to your Dad who reminded me you are well within your rights to correspond with my father if you choose. I don't really know what you're hoping to gain from it. The bridges between my father and I were burned a long time ago. I've thought a lot about fatherhood since Joanna was born. My child means more to me than anything. Tonight, when you were upset, you called your Dad, and he called me because he didn't want his child to suffer. That's how I feel about Joanna. I could never leave her. I wondered for a long time," he stopped to clear his throat, "what was wrong with me, that my Dad could just up and leave me? Why didn't he love me like other fathers love their kids?"

"Oh honey, there's nothing wrong with you. Don't ever think that." She leaned over and kissed him softly.

"Then why, you tell me? My father leaves and I get a letter, 'can't cope with your mother, carry on, someday you'll understand'." He got up and paced the room. "Then Gideon, who I looked on as a father, leaves as well. I go to the cabin and there waiting for me is another envelope with my name in black ink. It was déjà vu, my father all over again, 'can't cope, carry on, someday you'll understand.' I keep waiting for the someday when I understand why people are always leaving me with letters scrawled in black ink." He stopped pacing and looked at her. "Logically, I understand why they left. My mother's illness was hard to cope with, believe me I know and I understand how Gideon would be put off kilter after what happened to Sarah. I saw her body. I know what that maniac did to her. Gideon always seemed to be everything my father wasn't for me but in the end he left and like my father, he only left me paper and black ink."

Allie went to her husband and took both of his hands in hers. "You've got me and Joanna. We're not going anywhere. My Dad will always be there for you until that someday comes and you finally get the peace of mind you're looking for."

Spencer pulled his wife into his arms. "You're all I need. Everything else can wait until the morning. Come on, let's go to bed. Joanna will have us up soon enough," he groaned.

"What's with the groan buster, you know you love it."

He squeezed her hand as they entered their bedroom, "Yeah, I do."