Chapter Three: I'd do anything

"You don't mean that." The German accent pierced the silence that surrounded them now. Gilbert had never been one to cry. Not when his grandfather died, not when his baby brother kicked him out and told him to never speak to him again, not when his boss had forced him into intercourse. But now… Now when he held the one thing he felt anything for in his arms was hurt, was screaming and crying and didn't want to be touched.

"You don't mean that." He repeated, this time he was more sure of himself as tears rolled down his pale face, red eyes staring straight into violet. "You don't mean that because that would mean all I have ever done in my life to get to you would be for nothing. That sleeping with Arthur so we could keep the house and I wouldn't go back to jail would mean nothing. That, me loving you…. That would mean nothing. You don't mean it, because if you did then I would be worthless. And if I was worthless then why did you spend all those nights up with me to tell me I wasn't a monster?" He looked sternly down at him. "You don't mean it."

Matthew gulped.

Nights long ago when the air was full of sweat and lust, Matthew would lay awake with a sobbing Gilbert in his arms, "Shhh…" He would whisper to the pale German, "There is no need to cry." Softly Matthew's small hands would brush back the white locks that lay in front of the red orbs that Matthew loved so dearly. "You won't hurt me." He said gently and kissed his temple. "Mattie-" Gilbert would begin to choke on his words and Matthew would press his lips against Gilbert's, "Then we won't tonight. I promise, just sleep." Matthew nodded and snuggled him.

For so long Gilbert couldn't bring himself to take Matthew's virginity. Gilbert was a monster and he couldn't take that sweet innocence from the one he loved. He had been sleeping with Arthur for months and he couldn't stand the thought of a slut touching his Birdie… He couldn't bring himself to even touching Matthew when Matthew would beg and try so hard… Gilbert would just start crying and shaking uncontrollably when the intimacy got to be too much.

Matthew, on the other hand, would try so hard for Gilbert to find him appealing enough to sleep with him. He'd dress up and waltz around like an idiot… he just wanted that spark… Lovino would tell him that with Gilbert he would be gentle but make it amazing, Lovino convinced him that Gilbert was probably just too shy… But Matthew could feel something else. He knew something was wrong… He figured it was him.

"I mean it."

The words meant nothing but at the same time they meant everything.

To one, they meant the end to everything and to the other… they meant the beginning.

Gilbert suddenly dropped Matthew, letting the blond fall into the grass, clutching his chest he ran.

Wear am I going anyway?

I dunno I guess…

It hurts.

What is this?

I think I see a-

The thoughts of the German came to an abrupt stop as a large truck slammed into his muscular body. The last words the German heard?

"Gill? OH MY GOD GILBERT?!"

The world went black, sending Gilbert into an odd sort of sleep, one you felt like you would never want to wake from. Or one that you knew you'd never wake from.