Disclaimer: See chapter 1
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When Reid opened the door to his father's room he found William regaling Allie and Evan with Spencer's exploits as a child. "So the clerk gives him back $3.10. He's so little his head doesn't even come anywhere near the counter and he says loudly to the clerk. "I gave you $5 and this candy bar is only 89 cents. You owe me $4.11 and you only gave me $3.10." You should have seen the look on her face when she knew she'd been caught by a three year old. Everyone in the store was looking at her and the manager came over and asked what the matter was. Spencer again launched into his spiel about being given the wrong change. The manager looked disgusted and took back the $3.10, gave Spencer the $5 back and told him to keep the chocolate bar."
"You didn't help him out Dad?" Evan asked.
"No, why would I," his father replied, laughing, "he was doing just fine on his own. He didn't need my help."
Is that what you thought Dad, Spencer said to himself as he stood there silently, that I would always do just fine on my own. Did you think that because I could do complicated math in my head and regurgitate anything I'd read at the drop of a hat, that I didn't need a father.
"Hi honey," Allie said when she noticed him in the doorway. Joanna was in her arms and she was drinking hungrily from her bottle. "Your Dad was just telling us about things that happened when you were a kid."
"Yeah, so I heard," he said as he walked into the room, closing the door behind him. "Did he tell you about the time four guys from the football team decided to run my bike off the road? Jerry Ross and Tony Auriti were in one car and Cory Willis and Chad Ames were in the other. Both cars came at me from different directions and ran me off the road. My bike hit a cement wall and was all mangled. They just laughed and drove away. I ended up with a broken arm." He paused for a moment. "Oh no, I guess you wouldn't have told them about that one. You were gone by then." He paused again. "You were right though, I did just fine on my own. I got myself to the ER, lied convincingly about why I didn't have a parent with me, got a cast on and made it home in time to cook dinner."
The silence in the room was deafening while father and son stared at one another. No one moved until Allie said, "I think Joanna needs changing. Evan will you help me?"
"I don't know anything about changing babies," he responded.
"Well, it's time you learned. You're bound to be baby sitting sometime." Allie grabbed the material of his burgundy tee shirt and pulled him, protesting, toward the door, leaving Spencer and William alone.
"What was that about?" Evan asked when they were out in the main portion of the ICU.
"Spencer and your dad need to be alone. They need to talk. This is a talk that's been 18 years in the making. Your dad's going for surgery tomorrow and although this type of surgery is done all the time with great success, there's no guarantee that something won't go wrong. They have to say what needs to be said now. Maybe they can find some common ground and maybe they can't. We have to let them try. And if they can't then at least it's all out in the open and there won't be any what ifs."
"Allie," Evan said and his sister-in-law looked up at him. "You're starting to sound like your dad."
Allie smiled, "Thank you Evan, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me. I'll take it as a serious compliment. Let's go change Joanna."
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"Your wife is a very astute woman," William said when Allie and Evan had left the room.
"She is that," Spencer agreed, "and so much more. She's got a warm heart and an optimistic outlook on life. She'll do anything for those she loves. She's got a fiery temper so cross her at your peril. She's impulsive, sometimes too impulsive, but always for the right reason. She's a fantastic wife, a wonderful mother, a terrific friend and a dynamite lover. I thank God for her every day."
There was silence in the room again for a long while when finally William said, "I'm sorry for all the terribly cruel things that happened to you." Spencer opened his mouth to speak but William raised his hand, "Let me get this out. I've talked a lot to my therapist about why I left. I went through so many reasons in my mind. You were so smart you didn't need me. Or, you and your mother weren't normal, how could I be expected to live in a house like that? Or, your mother was dragging me down but I couldn't take you with me because she needed you. I haven't been able to come up with a satisfactory answer other than that I'm a selfish asshole."
"I know that saying I'm sorry is far too little, far too late, but there's nothing I can do to change the past. If I could take back any of the hurt, I would. I know I failed both you and Evan as a father but worse than that, I blamed both of you for my shortcomings. I shot you, for God's sake. I don't know if it was the antidepressants. I pray that it was because it wouldn't make me feel like such a monster."
Spencer sat in the chair beside his father's bed, his forearms on his thighs, his fingers laced together. "I talked to Dad, I mean Lloyd, my father-in-law, about that one day. He said he could have gotten you acquitted because of the antidepressants. Maybe I did the wrong thing by telling you to plead guilty. Maybe I let my anger get in the way of the logical solution."
"No," his father leaned forward and touched his arm. Spencer startled at the touch and William drew back. "No," William repeated, "I don't ever want you to think that. I don't know that I ever would have looked at myself the way I have since being incarcerated at Leavenworth. None of what happened was your fault. Get that out of your head this minute."
"I've thought a lot about our relationship and fatherhood in general since Joanna was born. Allie and I have talked a lot about it," he said looking at his hands. Then he raised his head and looked in his father's eyes, "I've always hated you for leaving and for what happened to me and I just can't anymore. First off, I can't hate you because of Evan. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have him in my life. I love him. He's one of the best things that's ever happened to me. Secondly, a very good and wise friend at the bureau pointed out to me that you gave me ten years before you left and, for the most part, they were good years. I still play chess and do magic, you know. I'm pretty good too. Thirdly, for Allie, she's very family oriented and she wants to continue writing to you and including you in our life. I love that woman so much, that for her, I'll try. But most of all for Joanna, children are very perceptive and I don't want her to feel negative vibes between you and I. I want her to have the happy family life I never had. I want her to have two loving parents, brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles," his voice cracked, "and grandparents. Allie wants her to know you but I'm telling you right now, I'll never bring her to Leavenworth. That's no place for my daughter. Until you're out, all she'll know is that grandpa Reid loves her but lives far away."
"I know it's impossible to start over with you," William began. "Too much has happened. I've made too many mistakes. But Joanna is a new life, a fresh start, for you as a father and me as a grandfather. I haven't been a good father but I'll do my best to be a good grandfather. Maybe if we both try to do what's best for Joanna," William wiped the tears from his eyes, "we'll find some common ground."
Spencer looked at his father through his own tears, "Maybe."