A/N: Thanks to everyone who's followed/favorited and/or is reading but not reviewing:)
Thanks to CieloFede for beta-ing:)
johnpatgillespie-Of course she did:) Thanks for understanding...I must owe people about 20 reviews now-_- :P I shall do a review marathon Thursday and Friday, lol:)
Fatten Saad-Yep, the mercenaries just want money.:P Granted, that makes them pretty mean to Elsa since they simply don't care what happens to her one way or the other, but I thought it made more sense than a bunch of people randomly hating her.:/ Elsa's surprise from Anna is in the next chapter:) And thanks!:)
BellaCullen931-Can I say 'Me too' even though I'm the one that wrote it?:P :)
On to the story!:)
Elsa jerked awake a few hours later. Her first thought was I slept for quite a while without my gloves and I didn't lose control! and then That storm is just about here. She didn't need her storm sense to know there was a bad storm nearly to Arendelle; she could hear the wind howling and it was already raining. Elsa slowly slid off her bed, making sure not to wake up Anna in the process. Unlike the last time she had predicted a hurricane, this time Elsa didn't feel a sickening sense of dread. She felt all shivery with excitement for some reason; as if her internal 'storm', which was now always perfectly calm unless she was upset, had come roaring to life, reacting with the extreme weather outside and wanting her to be a physical part of it. It was confusing to her, but not in a bad way.
Elsa smiled as she stood in front of her window watching the rain fall, somehow feeling the wind gusts outside. She wasn't scared; she just felt completely alive. Something akin to adrenaline, perhaps. I don't know why, but I kind of want to go outside! That's ridiculous, Elsa; you can't do that. It's dangerously stupid to go outside just before a hurricane. Elsa knew everyone in Arendelle had 'battened down their hatches', so to speak, because she'd sent a messenger throughout Arendelle to tell everyone. Hopefully no one would end up forming some weird opinion of her because of it, but then again, she had ice powers, and that wasn't exactly normal. "I am too normal. My normal," Elsa said to herself, repeating the words Anna and Marshmallow had told her before.
She turned away from the window when she heard someone come into her room behind her. "Hello, Gerda," Elsa said cheerfully.
"Queen Elsa. You shouldn't be up and about. You're supposed to be resting," Gerda scolded. "Although I came up to ask you whether you and the princess were ready to head down to the cellar or not yet. Even I can tell the hurricane itself is almost here, no precise storm sense needed."
Elsa glanced over at her still-sleeping sister. "Anna's so tired…I hate to wake her up, but…Gerda, I don't know what she d-did before I got to the forest, but she was already free. She'd escaped on her own, hurt ankle and all…she found me while I was looking f-for her." Elsa's voice dropped to a barely audible whisper as she added, "I wish I could do things like that on my own." I'm the one with the ice powers, and Anna is far more capable than I am in a crisis. I didn't completely freak out and lose control, but I wasn't perfectly held together like Anna either.
"Miss Elsa, I saw two girls helping each other in the forest. I did not see one platinum-haired girl in a sparkling blue dress having a panic attack and a redheaded girl saving both of them. I saw Princess Anna blocking her injured sister from harm with her own body and then Queen Elsa neutralizing a lethal weapon. You two were clearly helping each other," Gerda said firmly. "Both of you are full of courage in your own way, you included."
Anna yes, but not me… "How on earth am I…courageous?" Elsa asked softly. "I mean, look at me. I messed up, and this-" she gestured at her shoulder and face, "and this proves it…" If I'd just frozen the one man's feet in place before he grabbed me, I wouldn't have gotten hurt, most likely.
"Look, Miss Elsa, I don't know how exactly you were hurt, but you were in the middle of a dangerous situation for goodness sakes where people can get hurt no matter what they do. Your sister sprained her ankle. I don't see you saying she's faint-hearted because of that. And also, you don't have a natural fighting streak like your sister does, and you still defended the two of you. You did not freeze up, have a panic attack, or otherwise lose control, either." Gerda paused for a moment before adding, "One more thing. You need to give yourself a break and let yourself finish healing inside, Miss Elsa. You're far too hard on yourself. What I see standing in front of me today is a strong girl that was never allowed to reach her full potential. She's smart and pretty; she has unique abilities that belong only to her; she's-"
"Gerda, I…I…" Elsa couldn't put her feelings into words, but she hugged Gerda tightly as tears streamed down her cheeks. I don't care if I am the queen; Gerda has been like a mother to me.
Gerda knew Elsa's hug was her way of saying everything she didn't know how to explain verbally. Elsa's expansive vocabulary did not help her explain her feelings. She had watched the former crown princess grow up since she was a baby. She'd seen a happy, carefree, and confident eight-year-old girl have the rest of her childhood cruelly taken away from her, however much it had been done with good intentions. She'd seen Elsa spend all those years isolated in her room, terrified of herself and what she could do, trying so hard not to feel, to erase her own emotions. Now she saw a not-quite-grown-up Elsa who was much, much happier, but she still needed support and someone that would actually take care of her, love her, and reassure her she was really fine just the way she was. Gerda guided Elsa over to the side of the bed and sat down with Elsa on her lap, being mindful of Elsa's sore shoulder. "Miss Elsa, could you try to explain just your feelings right now?" she asked. "Not why you feel that way; just how you feel."
Elsa frowned, wondering just how to answer that question. Gerda is holding me, just like Anna does. And I don't feel embarrassed. Well, maybe a little…how I feel? I don't know… "Safe…a bit…embarrassed," Elsa answered slowly. Then, as if a small door had opened for her in her mind, she continued, "Happy, contented, relieved, grateful…I suppose almost everything I never felt locked in my…room before…." Elsa's voice trailed off. And that's the truth. I feel lots of positive emotions right now. "Definitely embarrassed!" she added as Gerda gently dabbed at her tears. "Still hurts," Elsa said, cupping her hand over her shiner as she gave Gerda a lopsided smile.
"I won't touch it," Gerda assured her. "Miss Elsa, we should really get you and your sister downstairs. I can hear the wind growing stronger, and I don't even have storm sense like you do. Also, Miss Anna has a special surprise cooked up for you in the cellar anyway."
"Okay." Elsa's cheeks went pink when her tummy growled. She was starving; she hadn't eaten anything since the night before and now it was after lunchtime. "Excuse me, please."
"Elsa's got a hungry animal in her tummy," a sleepy voice teased. Anna jerked completely awake, remembering her surprise for Elsa. "Can we go downstairs to the cellar now?! I wanna give Elsa her surprise!" She started to hop off the bed; then remembered her ankle and made a face. "I hate having a sprained ankle," she complained.
Elsa bit her lip for a moment, wondering what she could do to help. There was no way she could carry Anna downstairs, not with her shoulder. I don't know if I could carry Anna anyway, even though she's pretty much the same size as me…she can carry me, but I know Anna's physically stronger than I am. Elsa smiled and quickly twirled a small sled made of ice into existence. "Your chariot awaits," she informed her sister.
Anna grinned and let Elsa help her onto the sled. "This is so awesome!" she exclaimed. "I get to ride downstairs!" Elsa's starting to play with her powers a lot more than she did before. Good job, Elsa. Anna threw her arms around her sister, but then promptly let go, thinking she might have made Elsa's shoulder hurt.
Elsa knelt on the floor next to the sled rubbing her shoulder, but she was still smiling. "I'm glad you like it," she said happily. I did something nice for Anna instead of hurting her! Elsa followed Gerda out into the hall, pulling Anna's ice-sled behind her.
"Elsaaa…you're going to hurt yourself pulling me around," Anna said a moment later. "Gerda, make Elsa put on her sling. She's overdoing it right this second!"
"If you'd just look at me for two s-seconds, you'd notice I'm not using that arm at all, you stinker," Elsa replied. This was true; although Elsa had to admit to herself that her shoulder was aching badly. She was fine sitting or lying down, but actually doing anything at all physical made it hurt all over again. Elsa made a face, but she didn't otherwise protest as Gerda helped her get her arm settled in the sling. "I suppose it does feel better l-like that," Elsa grudgingly admitted. It must take pressure off my stupid shoulder or something, I don't know. I guess it doesn't matter.
"Just take it off when you sit down once we get downstairs if you want to, Miss Elsa," Gerda suggested.
Elsa nodded and continued pulling her sister down the hall. The second they reached the top of the stairs, she covered the entire staircase with snow and then climbed onto Anna's sled behind her sister. A moment later, she pushed off and the two of them went careening down the staircase on her snowy slide. Elsa realized she was being absolutely, positively childish by doing this, but she couldn't help a few giggles from escaping. "Confidentially, that was awesome," she whispered in Anna's ear when they reached the bottom. Elsa turned back to the stairs and dissolved the snow so Gerda could come down too.
Anna laughed and laughed. Elsa is so funny. She likes to be all grown-up and elegant, and then she sleds down the staircase with me like we're little kids. "I love you, Elsa," Anna told her.
"Stupid stuttering me that has panic attacks sometimes or my powers?" Elsa teased, not particularly thinking anything of the way she talked about herself.
Anna twisted around on the sled to face Elsa and scowled at her. "Care to repeat how you referred to yourself, Elsa?" If Elsa didn't have that awful shiner on her face, I'd slap her for saying that. What on earth is she thinking?! She didn't even sound remotely upset; she was TEASING me, I think!
Elsa looked puzzled. "Stupid stuttering me that has panic attacks s-sometimes," she repeated. "Anna, I'm not upset. I was just…teasing you. Promise. I just said facts anyway."
Anna's eyes filled with tears at Elsa's nonchalant manner. "Elsa, how can you think of yourself like that and joke that I might just like your powers and not the rest of you? It's offensive! What would you think if I were you and some random person said that about me?"
"I'd think that person…was rude," Elsa said quietly. "But Anna, I do stutter. Less than before, but I still d-do. And I do have…panic attacks sometimes…" Elsa's voice trailed off.
"Elsa, you didn't just say that you stutter and have panic attacks sometimes. You called yourself stupid and implied that you're worthless and not worth caring about because of those things!" Anna exclaimed. "I don't care if you were just teasing me-you were picking on yourself really badly in the process. So stop it," she said firmly. Elsa didn't mean anything by saying that, but…that means she genuinely thinks of herself like that. Oh, Elsa…
Elsa looked away from Anna, not quite sure what to say to that. Isn't that true, though? Why does anyone want to bother with me? I love Anna so much, and I'm so, so thankful that she doesn't dislike me or hate me; but I don't deserve that. I shut her out for thirteen years, and I can't take that back. And now that Anna finally has her big sister back, Elsa isn't broken, but she's full of cracks and she has…problems. She can't talk right anymore; she isn't confident in herself or her abilities anymore. She's messed up. She can't heal inside overnight. "She's not defective because of her powers; she's d-defective emotionally," Elsa finally said aloud, forgetting that Anna could hear her.
"No, Elsa!" Anna shouted. "No, no, no! You are NOT defective, powers, emotionally, or otherwise! You are not defective, period!" She gingerly moved her ankle and turned around so she could just hold her sister. "Elsa, I love you. Yeah, that does include your powers, but I love the rest of you too. You're my sister. I'm just happy I have you back. The past was not your fault. That means your stuttering and panic attacks aren't your fault either, not one bit. Plus…" Anna paused as an idea popped into her head, one that Miss Logical Elsa wouldn't be able to refute. "So, Elsa, that makes you defective, right?" she asked, pointing at her sister's black eye.
Elsa's cheeks turned pink, and she put her hand over her shiner. What is Anna up to…? "Well, it's kind of embarrassing-looking…but no, of course n-not. It'll fade after a while and d-disappear."
"Then how can you say you're defective emotionally?" Anna asked triumphantly. "You said yourself you stutter less now. It's temporary, just like those black and blue marks on your face. Elsa, you have to heal more inside, that's all. And besides, even if those things were permanent-which they're not-it still wouldn't make you 'defective' one bit. It'd just mean you need help. No big deal." I knew that would work! Anna hugged Elsa close; then pulled away a moment later. "I just remembered I'm super excited to give you your surprise! C'mon, let's go down to the cellar."
Elsa was still mulling over what Anna had told her, but she smiled and nodded. Anna has a very good point. She's probably right. I'm fine. I am not defective in any way; I'm just…me. Snow Queen Elsa of Arendelle who just needs her little sister nearby sometimes. And that's okay. "Thank you, Anna."
"For what?"
"For being you."
A/N: Next chapter coming soon!:)