A Potions Master's Perspective- 5

"The boy is to return then?"

"Yes, however loathe I am to send him."

"The boy is mentally unstable now. How can you even think of leaving him alone? All summer to top that!"

"If I didn't know better, I'd think you cared for the boy."

"Will you stop making this about me, Headmaster? It is about the precious golden boy, not the washed out Death Eater!"

Twinkling blue clashed with glittering onyx. It was the onyx eyes that turned away first.

"Albus," Severus pinched the bridge of his nose, staving off the headache that he felt forming.

"It's alright you know. No one will think any less of you."

An indelicate snort escaped the rigid man, swathed in black, wrapping his robes about him as if they were his protection.

"Any lesser you mean. Not that anyone thinks very much or a little about me, mind you."

"Severus," Albus looked sad and every one of his numerous years, "the staff like you, you know." He ignored the derisive word that met that statement, and ploughed on, "even if you are the prickliest pear on the tree, so to speak."

"Of course." The accompanying disbelief could be cut with a knife.

Albus Dumbledore sighed and shook his head. It was no use. They had been down that road. He just waited. Severus would speak when he was ready. Sometimes he wondered if that day would ever come, when Severus would speak his heart. Somehow he doubted it. Severus was about as open as… well, never mind.

"The boy is being abused, Albus." The words were so soft, the Headmaster almost missed them.

"What?" Albus asked sharply.

Severus sneered. "What? The omniscient Albus Dumbledore doesn't know this?"

"Severus," the word came as warning.

It was the Potions' Master's turn to sigh. "His memories," he said, as if it would explain everything.

Actually it did explain everything. The only place where one hid secrets, and hopes. It explained Harry's extreme reluctance to go back to Privet Drive. How he begged each summer to stay.

Albus felt so foolish. He had let the boy down. It was little wonder the boy was distancing himself. It was so obvious, and Albus had missed it.

Severus saw the expressions flitting across the older wizard's face, and how those wrinkles seemed to be more pronounced every minute. He wanted to comfort him, but Severus stood his ground. It was not the first time the Grand and Illustrious Dumbledore, had missed such glaringly obvious signs.

Severus quickly quashed the thought about how this seemed déjà vu. He would not watch quietly while another one was used up like a pawn. Cast aside when he was of no use.

"Making sure he does not end up like you?Bitter, lonely and bastardly?" He could hope that the totally uncontrollable voice inside his head would really, really shut up.

Of course it was too much to hope for. "Oh dear, this means trouble. You know what this is."

Stop it. Don't go there.

Thankfully the headmaster chose this moment to interrupt.

"Severus, I know the confidentiality between you and Harry in this matter is binding, but I need to know."

The man in question took a deep breath and turned towards the Headmaster. The tiredness etched in Severus' face surprised Albus.

"I cannot tell you, Headmaster, but hear you this. It is not conducive to a boy's physical, mental and magical stability or growth, to be raised in a home averse to the existence of Magic. Nor do I even remotely agree, that magic can be starved or beaten out of a boy so young and vulnerable, no matter how long these… practices are applied." He risked a look at Albus' face, which seemed to have lost all emotion.

"I also absolutely condemn the use of abusive language on anyone who has had no choice in what he/she has grown to be. It cannot be helpful to any youth who already has so much on his/her mind, causing the young person to discard any semblance of childhood, imagined or otherwise. They would grow up too soon to be healthy."

Severus took a deep breath. There was no discomfort, which meant that he had managed to explain what he needed to without over stepping the boundaries. No matter what the Potter brat thought, Severus was not that cruel to make the brat's privacy a matter of flippancy. Especially when he knew how that felt.

Severus was sorely tempted to say something about the episodes of "Harry Hunting" he had seen, or the cupboard. But if he were to judge by the chips of ice that the Headmaster's eyes had turned into, or by the palpable anger flowing from the man, he would say it was not a wise thing to do. The air was crackling already.

Besides, he had the sense of preserving other's privacy, even if the insolent brat didn't.

"Insolent…or ignorant?"

He mercilessly quashed that voice behind louder thoughts. He could try to drown it out.

Meanwhile, Albus had calmed down enough to notice the play of emotions on Severus' face. Seeming to sense the shift of attention, Severus looked up, his face now only a mask of alabaster.

Stone.

"He blames me of course," Disdain, spite and anger.

"Seve-"

"You can sense and see the barely contained anger, the intense hate, the knowing disgust. Mark my words, Albus, left alone, this will brew into a storm that may cost you more than you know. You cannot fathom it."

"I am aware, Severus. However, there is little I can do."

Another snort.

"Also, at this point, he probably hates me close to how much he does you, my boy." Severus hated that title.

"Easier to blame a sarcastic, sadistic, greasy bastard of a Death Eater, than the wondrous lemon-drop wielding grandfather-figure."

Albus actually had the gall to chuckle, causing Severus to growl in warning.

Suddenly, the mirth gave way to a heavy feeling.

"Isn't that what you set out to do Severus? To make him hate you as much as humanly possible?"

It was only working too well.

Severus chose to stay silent. He would not justify that with an answer. He only wrapped his robes tighter around himself and walked to the window overlooking the grounds. The night was beautiful. He unconsciously noted that the full moon was only roundabouts a week away.

He caught a sliver of his reflection in the glass, and saw only the ghost of a man. Where was the man he once was? Instead, there was only a broken thing left. Broken beyond fixing. His own doing of course. Fool once, Fool for a lifetime.

For a while, neither man spoke, each battling with his own demons. Somehow, night brought them renewed strength and vigour, to raise their ugly heads with less resistance than the light of day gave to them.

Severus sometimes dreamed of how easy it would be to get caught in one of those moments of weakness. It would be so simple. Just a swish and flick, two little words.

Rest, forever.

"And what of peace? What of honour and chivalry? What of courage?"

"What of hope?"

And each time, Severus answered those questions by living and being strong.

He was no coward.

Bravery might be a fool's choice, but he had long since established that he was a fool. It was honour that mattered to him more than this oftentimes meaningless life.

"What of the boy, Albus?"

"He will return."

Severus whipped his head around to meet the Headmaster's slightly perturbed blue gaze with narrowed eyes.

"I understand the gravity of my decision, Severus. However, the protection that the house offers him is more important."

"Lily…"

Albus smiled and nodded. Severus only huffed and shook his head.

"If only that mangy DogFather of the precious golden boy had kept his flea ridden hide out of the ministry that night..."

"What has been done is done, Severus."

"Quite."

"I will pay a visit to the muggles soon."

"Indeed."

So, Severus was in one of those moods again, Albus chuckled inwardly.

"Lemon Drop?"

The only answer he got was cursing in different languages, followed by the resounding slam of the office door, billowing robes making the exit dramatic in a way only Severus could achieve.

Sometimes, Albus thought to himself, he could be excruciatingly aggravating to Severus.

He enjoyed every minute of it.

The headmaster laughed out loud.