A/N: Thanks to everyone who's followed/favorited and/or is reading but not reviewing.:)
Thanks to CieloFede for beta-ing!:)
Dragonheart35-Lol, that cracked me up. XD Christmas themes...:P Yay, they were good points, Christian or no.:) Lol, "my" Arendelle's government gives the reigning monarch absolute power. I mean, he or she could probably be dethroned if all the people revolted or something, but...yeah. I don't think the church has any business meddling with the government, as well as the other way around. An absolute monarch like Elsa shouldn't meddle with her country's religious goings-on unless she is choosing to participate. (y'know, like going to church or something or whatever) Hence Elsa's comments about freedom of religion and freedom of speech.:) Basically Arendelle has my idea of a utopian government. A virtual "dictator" who really, truly has the best interests of the country in mind.:) [I mean, just think about it. A government with a single person in charge is the most efficient. The trouble is the people that have power like that in real life are inevitably horrible people like Hitler, not someone like Elsa...:P]
johnpatgillespie-I'm glad you enjoyed it!:)
WarriorQueen 14-Yes, I'm a Christian. And I'm super glad you liked it!:) Lol, I assumed Arendelle was an overall Christian nation since Elsa's coronation takes place in a chapel (cathedral?). I made it so that Arendelle citizens have freedom of religion, though.:P I don't think that's reasonable, either...that's a few centuries off, lol! Hence why the bishop said being suspicious Elsa was a 'child of Ska∂i' was nonsense.;) I assume the Norse mythology is, perhaps, simply stories Arendellians may know and that's it. Those are several more good verses! It's funny how well so many Bible verses fit in with the Frozen story...:P Thank you:)
Fatten Saad-There's a plotline starting to form in my mind. One with a new original villain(s) too. And, of course, Anikka. And Kiara from "Mind Games".:) I picture the bishop as a logical, down-to-earth character from the few seconds we see him in the movie.
Protoestrella1-Yes, Elsa has a way with children. She's still sort of a little girl herself, so I think it's easy for her to talk to children. I also think Elsa would probably rather socialize with children rather than anyone close to her own age. Except for Anna, of course.:) Oh, I think I've read that book! It was so cute.:) ... Anna kind of acted on impulse there.:P She shouldn't have slapped Elsa, but Elsa shouldn't have said what she said, either.:/ I don't think Elsa really can think otherwise...what is she supposed to think after everything her parents did to her when she was younger? [I can't remember if you told me whether you read 'Secret Passages' or not, but Elsa's parents-especially her father-weren't very nice to her in that.:/] I think Elsa's parents let their own feelings about Elsa's powers interfere with loving and taking care of her.
Emmazippy577-I'm glad you liked it!:)
Elsa Tomago-Yeah, Anna really should have told Elsa beforehand. Poor Elsa didn't know what else to think besides 'Those things are supposed to conceal the real me...why, Anna?' and so she got all upset.:/ ... Yep, Elsa can move an entire hurricane. It just made her tired.:) I thought Elsa should have a chance to fix everything herself for once.:) ... Good grief, Elsa herself could probably help Daisy. Especially since she stutters a bit herself. She knows what helps her own self and she could tell Daisy.:) ... I think a little girl like Anikka could easily tell that Elsa cares about her. I don't think Elsa really knew exactly what she was doing; she just saw a little girl hurting inside and so she did what she secretly wished someone would do for her when she was little.:)
On to the story!:)
Late that evening, Elsa sat in the window seat in her room with her knees pulled to her chest, just staring outside at the starry night sky. "Anna? I was just thinking…" Elsa's voice trailed off. I can't do that yet. I'm not ready…
Anna hopped up from the comfy chair in the corner where she had been reading a book and ran over to her sister. "What were you thinking about, Elsa?" she asked quietly.
"I can see Draco." This was true-Elsa was fairly good at finding constellations in the night sky-but it had absolutely nothing to do with what she had wanted to ask her sister. Elsa, just talk to Anna about it. It can't hurt.
Anna frowned and looked where Elsa was pointing. "All I see is the Big Dipper. And I don't think constellations are what you were really thinking about." She smiled when her sister patted the window seat next to her and scooted over so there was more than enough room for Anna to sit too.
"If you use the Big D-Dipper to find Polaris, you can see the Little Dipper and f-find Draco that way," Elsa explained. She rested her chin on her knees and said nothing for a moment. Then she added, "Since the children are s-supposed to come tomorrow, do you think I could go ahead and say my s-speech too? I mean, all the people will already be h-here. It's just…I still stutter a little bit…I don't want to look stupid…" I don't know.
"You won't look stupid, sis. You could give the speech before you make all the snow for the snowball fight with the children," Anna suggested. "Really, Elsa, you talk way better now, and if you do stutter a bit, no one is going to mind. Well, nobody 'cept you," she teased as she gave Elsa a hug.
"My speech is memorized…" Elsa mused. I'll have to think about it more…Anna does have a point. I know I didn't talk perfectly to everyone I spoke to today, so people already know. Right? Maybe I could go ahead and give my speech. I can't put it off forever… Elsa hopped to her feet and smiled at her sister as she held her signature snowflake hovering over her palm out to Anna. "I think I should practice s-something else too, don't you think?"
"Absolutely! Let's have a snowball fight right this second!" Anna exclaimed, easily understanding Elsa's meaning. Elsa must be really happy right now. Bishop Amundsen must have made her feel better about herself.
Elsa bit her lip as she covered her room's floor with snow on purpose and in control for the first time in her life. She and Anna had had snowball fights together in their-now Anna's-room when they were small, but never in this room. Never. 'You'll like having your own room,' Elsa remembered her mother telling her eight-year-old self when they arrived back at the castle from the trolls. No, I won't. I like being by myself sometimes, but not being completely forbidden from being around Anna, little Elsa had thought, but she had kept her mouth shut. Now, in the present, Elsa had the sudden urge to get out of her room right this second. That room had been her luxurious prison for thirteen years. She wanted out. And yet…Anna was here with her. This room wasn't a prison any longer. It was her personal place of retreat when she needed it, and Anna came in and spent time with her in here. It had good memories in it now. And besides…Anna and I probably need our own private space sometimes. I do remember when I was seven and I broke my ankle, I hated staying in Anna's and my room all the time, partly because Anna was so hyper CONSTANTLY. Made me want to scream!
Elsa burst into giggles at that memory. We were silly! Ridiculous antics. I think Gerda thought Anna and I were crazy…
Anna had just been watching as her sister's expression changed from nervous to pensive to upset to happy to excited to…incessant giggling. "Elsa, what on earth are you thinking about?!"
Elsa's giggles abruptly ceased. "I've never covered the floor with s-snow in here on purpose and in control before," she said softly. "This room has always been a…prison; not somewhere I ever w-wanted to voluntarily be. But now…now it's my private place of r-retreat, and you spend time with me and help m-me feel better more often than not in here. It's not a bad place anymore. We both need our own rooms. And yet we need each other, t-too…well, I need you anyways," Elsa amended as she gave Anna a lopsided smile. "Keep me from becoming suicidal and having p-panic attacks…those flashbacks, losing control…stuttering…shall I go on?"
Anna scowled and just hugged Elsa close. "You're loads better now, Elsa. And the last panic attack freakout thing you had was really my fault, not yours. I should've told you exactly what was in that box before you opened it." She pulled away from her sister and just kept a tight hold on Elsa's hands instead. "Elsa…you don't feel…suicidal anymore, do you?" Anna asked, searching Elsa's face for any indications that might be true.
Elsa met her little sister's gaze straight on. "No, Anna. I do not feel like that anymore," she said firmly. That's the truth. Not since before the Great Thaw. I have Anna with me now, and she's helping me.
Anna still didn't budge and kept her gaze on Elsa. "Would you tell me if you did start feeling like that for some reason?"
Elsa hesitated. I don't know. If Anna outright asked me, I wouldn't lie about it, but I don't think I'd volunteer the information… "I…I don't know," she admitted finally, looking down at the snowy floor.
"You don't know?" Anna gently put one hand under her sister's chin and lifted her head, forcing Elsa to look at her. "Elsa…why?! Why would you not say anything?" she asked quietly. I know it isn't because Elsa doesn't trust me or something. 'Cause I know full well she does. I just know.
"Because…because I…I…" A single tear trickled down Elsa's cheek, and Elsa tried to jerk away from her sister, but Anna refused to let go. I don't like burdening you with my personal problems, Anna. You deserve a better sister than me. I'm not suicidal anymore, but I wouldn't want to bother you just because I can't control my own thoughts. "Anna, let go of me. Just leave me alone."
"Elsa, you might as well quit refusing to say anything, because I won't leave you alone until you do," Anna said quietly but firmly.
I don't want you to leave me alone. I just don't want to talk about this. "The pathetic little Snow Queen just doesn't like burdening y-you with her problems," Elsa said flatly. "I promise you I don't get those suicidal thoughts anymore, but if I did, I wouldn't want to bother you just because I c-can't control my own thoughts." Elsa abruptly pulled herself away from Anna and went to sit in the far corner of her room. Why am I over here? I'm hiding in the corner, just like I did when I was younger. Stupid Elsa. Go back over to your little sister and play in the snow with her like you two were intending to do. You know Anna doesn't mind you telling her when things are bothering you. You're acting like… "I feel like that upset l-little girl from before," she found herself saying in a small voice. Why did I say that?!
Anna's heart twisted at her big sister's outright admittance of her feelings. She looks like an upset little girl, too. Elsa's wearing that light blue nightgown that looks exactly like that one she wore all the time when she was little and she's sitting curled in a ball in the corner making herself look as small as possible… Anna knelt next to Elsa in the snow and pulled her close. "You will never, ever be a burden to me, no matter what. You're just my sweet big sister," she whispered. "And I'm proud of you for voluntarily talking about your feelings, 'cause I know you're not completely used to doing that."
Elsa didn't try to pull away this time; she let Anna just hold her on her lap like a five-year-old. "Mom and Dad thought I was a…a burden," she said softly. "'She's becoming a burden. Those abnormal abilities of hers c-cause nothing but trouble, and this proves it.' I heard it outright, Anna. On the way home from the trolls. Mom and Dad thought I w-was asleep, but…I wasn't. I was an obligation. A liability. Nothing but a…a…worthless l-little freakish aberration. I'm-" Elsa's words were cut short when she couldn't suppress a pained sob, and she clasped both hands together close against her chest as she hid her face in Anna's shoulder. That's the past, not the present. The past, not the present. I'm okay. I have Anna. Anna doesn't think all those bad things about me. She loves and takes care of me. And I'm not a mistake.
"Those things aren't true, Elsa. And I know you know that, too," Anna told her. "It still…hurts you inside though, doesn't it?" That was a stupid thing to say. It's obvious it's still hurting her…
Elsa nodded, but her cries quickly quieted. "But it hurts less now. You…you make it better. Much better. You help so much…you fix me every d-"
"No, Elsa," Anna interrupted. "You never needed 'fixing' in the first place. Never, ever." She hugged Elsa tightly and didn't let go of her. Why would anyone think, let alone say, this girl was becoming a burden? She's just Elsa. My sweet big sister. Someone who deserves more love and care than I or anyone else could ever give her. Someone who's almost unbelievably powerful and doesn't even realize how awesome that is. She can move and alter entire hurricanes, for goodness sakes! And then she's so good with children. Elsa made those two little girls so happy earlier.
"Then let's just say you make all the things that s-still hurt me…fade away. They're still there, but it isn't overwhelming a-and it feels like…like those things and m-my fears can't really get to me at all anymore." Elsa sounded tired but content. I'm home. I'm happy, safe at home with Anna…
Anna was growing cold from sitting in the snow, but she didn't want to stop holding her big sister. And she most definitely was not going to tell Elsa she was cold. She struggled to her feet, still holding Elsa; and tucked her into bed when she realized Elsa was starting to fall asleep. "Hey, Elsa? Can I sing you something?" Anna asked suddenly.
Elsa smiled and just said, "I am quite sure you can and yes y-you may." Although I don't know why you would want to do that, really…
"Okay…it's pick-me-up time for the Snow Queen," Anna announced. "And don't say anything 'til I'm done." Then she started, "Verðug dróttning stór
Hjarta af gulli skína
Kronum þik med vánum, ást ok trú.
Fagra, grýttur land, heimr Árnadalr.
Fylgið dróttningu ljóssins.
Worthy Queen of greatness
The heart of Gold shines
We crown thee with hope, love and faith.
Beautiful, stoney land, home Arendelle
Follow the Queen of light."
"I don't know it in any more languages, and…" Anna frowned when she saw Elsa's expression. "Elsa, I…I'm sorry! Please don't cry…it was s'posed to make you happy, not upset!"
Elsa just lay flat on her back in bed, her eyes screwed tightly shut. Tears ran down her cheeks, wetting the pillow. Frost leaked from Elsa's fists clenched in the comforter. Why would Anna sing me that song? I'm not a worthy queen of greatness. Not by a long shot. I'm just a twenty-one-year-old girl that hasn't even healed completely from her past and happens to have ice powers. Queen of light?! Anna must be crazy…
Anna quickly took Elsa's hands in hers without hesitation. She tried to get her sister to relax, but Elsa refused to unclench her fists. "Stop this at once, you stinker," Anna commanded in a quiet voice. "It's all right, Elsa. Try to relax. Please?"
"Why would you…sing me…that song?" Elsa asked. She felt Anna rubbing her most likely freezing cold hands and welcomed her sister's warmth. Thank you, Anna. You made me get back under control. And I feel…warm right now.
"Because you are a worthy queen of greatness, that's why. And now that I'm thinking even more about it, you're an emblem image figure whatever-you-want-to-call-it of hope, love, and faith, too," Anna said firmly. "Just think about it!"
A trace of a smile flitted across Elsa's sleepy face. "You're the 'emblem-image-figure-whatever-you-want-to-call-it' of hope, love, and faith. Not me. You gave m-me the only hope I had for all that time before…you love and take c-care of…" Elsa trailed off as she fell completely asleep; her expression was completely content now.
Anna smiled for a moment, but then frowned as she brushed a stray wisp of hair out of Elsa's contented face. "I'm glad you're happy, but I wish you thought as well of yourself as you do of me," she whispered. Anna gently touched the fading but still plainly obvious bruise on her sister's face and scowled. "And that stupid idiot shouldn't have hit you, either. I'm glad you charged those mercenaries a big ol' fine."
Elsa didn't wake up, but she subconsciously registered her little sister's voice and held Anna's hand tightly. "…build a snowman…let it go…wrong things…Elsa happy…not perfect…storm calm…Elsa happy…"
Anna smiled at Elsa's somewhat confusing sleep-talking. Well, I don't know what Elsa is talking about exactly, but she's happy, and that's good enough for me.
Elsa awoke early the next morning and just stayed curled up under the covers for an extra moment. I slept all night in my own room by myself without the gloves and I didn't wake up losing control once. Well, Anna put me to bed, but she's not sleeping in here. She smiled when she spotted a note in her sister's scrawly handwriting on her nightstand. 'Dear Elsa, Please don't be upset when you wake up and I'm not in here. I thought you were ready to sleep by yourself now. But if you still want to have sleepovers sometimes in each other's rooms, I would love it. :) Love, Anna. P.S. Give your speech this morning! You can do it.' "Thank you, Anna," Elsa said softly. Elsa, maybe you should listen to Anna. Give your speech this morning. You can do it. Not perfectly, but no one is perfect…right?
With that thought, Elsa hopped out of bed and pulled her ice-dress out of her closet. Snow Queen Elsa of Arendelle, you'd better look the part as well as acting it. Don't be just one or the other. Be both. Elsa frowned at her reflection in the mirror. Her loose platinum hair hung down to just past her waist. Well, I certainly can't leave it down like this. My too-long bangs are all falling in my face.
Put your hair up, Elsa! Just for today. Fix it like you did when you were younger with the tiny braids on either side. Elsa kept her expression neutral as she began fixing her hair. I don't like my hair up! It reminds me of the past too much… Still, she pinned up her hair all the same. By the time Elsa was finished, her shoulder was throbbing from using her arm too much. Elsa closed her eyes and sighed as she made a crown identical in design to the one she had discarded at the ice palace. There was one difference. This crown was made of perfect crystal ice. It shimmered and sparkled as Elsa carefully set it atop her head.
A hesitant smile spread across Elsa's face as she stared at her reflection. That Elsa in the mirror wearing a crown of ice and a shimmering blue dress looked confident. She looked regal and dignified and yet she wasn't that terrified teenage girl from before, either. And then Elsa scowled as she noticed other things. The still obvious but fading bruise under and around one eye. Those faint, nearly invisible freckles sprinkled across her cheeks. Blue eyes that didn't evoke anything remotely regal, just a young girl. I just look like a little girl trying to be 'all grown up'. This looks less mature than my usual single braid! Elsa's big blue eyes blinked accusingly back at her. Why did you dress me up like this? "This is my favorite dress!" Elsa informed the "other" Elsa. She frowned as one hand abruptly flew to her hair to take it back down.
"Elsa! Stop it!" Anna's voice came out of nowhere and startled Elsa so much she accidentally frosted the floor beneath her feet. "Let me see."
Elsa slowly turned to face Anna, who was standing in the doorway. "I look like an idiot, Anna. Let me fix m-my hair," she said quietly.
Anna just frowned at her and crossed her arms. "Do you wanna know what I really think?" she asked. "Well, actually too bad if you don't 'cause I'm gonna tell you anyway. Elsa, you look so pretty! I've never seen you with your hair like that while you're wearing your ice-dress…and is that crown made of ice?"
"I just look like a little girl dressed up f-for a party," Elsa muttered.
Anna ignored this and just asked, "May I please see your crown? Pretty please?" Elsa may not look particularly 'grown up', but she does have a sense of authority about her. She doesn't quite look twenty-one, but her demeanor is rather…regal and dignified.
Elsa handed her sister the ice crown without a word and just clasped her hands behind her back while she waited for Anna's reply. Well, I can't help what I look like anyways. It's just…me. "I suppose it's what's on the inside that's important, r-right?" she asked, half to herself and half to Anna.
Anna reached up and gently put Elsa's crown back in her hair; then just hugged her big sister close. "Well, you're plenty perfect inside and outside. But yes, I'd agree that what's inside is more important," she said firmly. "And Elsa…you look…you remind…you're just…just…never mind…" Anna squeezed Elsa tighter as she scrunched her own eyes shut, remembering how Elsa had looked three years ago at age eighteen. She had her hair fixed exactly like that then, right down to those little tiny braids. That's why Elsa wanted to take it out.
Elsa grew alarmed when she felt something wet on her exposed shoulder-thankfully the non-sore one. Why is Anna crying?! "Anna…Anna, are you okay?" Elsa asked concernedly. "This random bawling is my job, not y-yours!"
"You look like…like a much happier version of eighteen-year-old you," Anna whispered. "Your hair…even the little tiny braids…I just remembered when I found you in the dungeon, and…and…" Elsa's blue eyes had so much pain and hurt swimming in them then…she looked so sad and tired… How awful must Elsa have felt that she tried to commit suicide after we got the news that Mom and Dad had died?! On a sudden impulse, Anna grabbed her sister's left hand and pressed Elsa's wrist to her cheek, as if that would make the faint scar on Elsa's wrist disappear. "You deserved so much better, Elsa. So much better…"
Elsa frowned, not having any idea what to say. I know exactly what Anna is thinking about. You can't even hardly see that mark on my wrist. It doesn't matter… "Please…please don't cry, Anna," Elsa begged. "I'm okay…you…you help. Really. I can take my hair down if it m-makes you upset. I like my usual braid better anyway."
Anna scowled at her sister and abruptly released her hand. "I didn't say you weren't okay. I said you deserved so much better. And you did, and you do. You shouldn't have had to deal with everything you did. It wasn't fair! You were hurting and in pain so much for so long you tried to kill yourself! You were just a teenage girl. Just like me." And you were blamed for everything simply because you were the one who 'didn't fit in', the one who was 'different', Anna thought, but didn't say aloud.
"Just an out of control teenage girl who had n-nasty labels slapped all over her because of her 'special abilities'," Elsa said softly. "Anna, what about everything you had t-to deal with? No explanations for what was going on…you literally chose to freeze to d-death just to save me! It must have hurt terribly…I don't know what freezing feels like, but…" And Anna has never said a word to me about it… Elsa went over to her window and just stared off into the distance.
Anna was very grateful Elsa had turned her back and didn't see her insuppressible shiver. Elsa's unknowing suspicion that it had hurt Anna terribly was only too spot on. She'd gone completely, entirely numb in the seconds just before saving her big sister, but before that, it had felt burning cold; it stung; it felt like an extreme reverse of the pain from burning a finger on a hot stove. All from the inside out. Anna shuddered at the memory. And I was so scared I'd freeze before reaching Elsa. She was just a crumpled sparkling blue heap on the ice. Anna shook her head, dumping her own nasty memories; and went straight to her big sister and hugged her tightly. "Elsa, freezing to death did hurt, but it wasn't your fault. And the worst part was feeling terrified that I wouldn't reach you on time. But it was all worth it. 'Cause I got my sweet big sister back."
"You saved the person that froze you," Elsa said flatly. "Nobody would have blamed y-you if you let me be killed. Why did you save me? You didn't know y-you'd save yourself in the process…" Anna sacrificed herself for me because she loves and cares about me. That's why.
"Because you needed help. Because I care what happens to you and you deserved a chance to really, truly live. And…and you needed to know there was at least one person that loved you. I didn't understand why you weren't defending yourself at the time, but…oh, Elsa, come on, why am I trying to explain this? I know full well you would have done the same thing if our places had been switched." Anna smiled at Elsa and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. "Let's go and make today the perfect-est day ever…so far."
Elsa smiled a bit and nodded. "Okay." I'm so glad Anna is my little sister.
"Are you gonna give your speech? I think you should!"
Elsa bit a fingernail nervously. "I was thinking about it…should I…?" Elsa, you know Anna is going to say yes! It was her idea to give my speech today in the first place.
Anna gently pushed Elsa's hand down. "Don't chew your nails. And yes, you should. I'll stand right next to you if you want me to, too," she assured her sister.
Elsa's expression suddenly turned determined and more confident. I can do it. I can do it as long as I have Anna with me. "I'm going to do it."
A/N: Last chapter coming soon!:)