when the moon shines bright (midnight in the garden)
summary: slowly, they discover parts of each other and figure out what's meant to be. multiple pairings. (KxRxN)
A/N: This is a series of one-shots for Shugo Chara, which I do not own, detailing pairings (yes, even those I dislike). Enjoy!
It's midnight already, and she stirs, feeling like something important is supposed to happen right now.
She tries to sit up, but she realizes that she's being pulled down by an arm wrapped tightly around her chest, binding her to him, and she doesn't blush, because by now this is a normal occurence.
Most of the time he does this because he wants to know that somebody is there for him, that he's not alone, and she obliges because she likes to see him happy.
And it's a little fuzzy, but she can remember what happened last night, and she wishes that she could find a different way to fix him.
She fumbles for her contacts on the table, finds them, and puts them in, blinking a little to clear the groginess from her eyes.
The room has been bathed in moonlight, and he looks angelic, his silky locks shining, and his milky pale face hosting the ghost of a broken smile, his eyes shut, his long eyelashes fluttering a little.
She strokes his hair, and feeling a bit foolish, whispers, "Go back to sleep, Nagi-kun."
He does so, and releases her.
She gets up, and pulls the covers back over him so he won't catch a cold, and lovingly places a kiss on his forehead, feeling the searing temperature, and wishing that they could be something less broken, that they could feel love.
But they can't, and she breaks out of the moment, and for a second, she just sits there, and her face is a bit wet, and she's wondering why she does all of this for him.
"Of course," she mumbles, "you know I love him."
Honestly, she's got no clue who's she talking to, and she really doesn't care, since she just wants to reaffirm it, for somebody to tell her that what she's doing isn't selfish, but it makes her feel so naive and innocent when it happens.
There is honestly nothing that she can do for him, and she's already confirmed that in secret with his psychiatrist.
The window is strangely still open, so she shuts up, and absentmindedly touches the glass, feeling the coolness against her fingers, and hoping that he'll wake up at the right time.
His persisting insomnia shows itself, and she hates seeing him sleepy in the mornings, so she comes over so he can rest.
It's more than anyone should handle, her problems, plus the mess that she's stuck in, and then on top of that the guilt.
More than anything, she's guilty, and she hates herself for being used so easily.
She jumps up from the bed, whispers a soft, "I'm sorry," and quick as a sparrow, flees from the bedroom, into the living room, then the kitchen, and out the door.
Since she didn't drive over here (she took the train) she walks home because the next train doesn't come in another hour, and he might notice her gone by then.
It makes her feel awful when he catches her leaving, so she leaves early so she won't have to see the brokenhearted expression on her face.
He deserves someone who can handle this stress, handle all the burdens that come with him and still love him.
She's not enough for him, and she knows it.
While he's a CEO, she's just a secretary, and even though she has rich parents, she's nothing without them.
Introducing him to her mother and father was disastrous as she had thought, especially when Junko pulled her aside and told her that he wasn't the right one for him.
She told her mother to shut up and left, because she couldn't bear to hear from somebody else her suspicions, that maybe it was true this was all wrong.
And so now she's in her large apartment doing nothing, just sitting out on the balcony and staring over the city, watching the stars.
They shine over everybody, bathing them in the cold, pale, moonlight, and she finds that she loves the night most, because it's even brighter than the day, and the sky is so beautiful that it's breathtaking.
It would be so easy, just to drown herself in the night and forget about the day, but she refuses to, since she also loves the day, just not as much.
"Why can't I..."
She's unable to finish her sentence, just breaks off into sobs, and at the moment she's feeling small and insignificant, and for some reason, in the back of her mind, it clicks.
She loves him.
So much that it burns her to think about it. But it's not a normal type of love, not fiery or passionate or anything. Just a subdued, sheltered, and soft love, which isn't what she's looking for.
But why does she feel so guilty, then?
She doesn't have all the answers, and she sits there languidly, lost in her own thought until the sun rises.
It's five in the morning, and the sun hasn't risen yet, but they have to start a new day, so she rouses herself from her depression, pushes in the chair neatly, makes herself breakfast, and gets dressed in a suitable outfit complete with heels, then shuts the door gently, and escapes.
She's got to go somewhere, since staying at home makes her feel like she's suffocating.
She winds up at Kairi's place, sipping tea and talking out her problems with him.
He reaches for her hand, and squeezes it. It's a gesture that makes her happy, but at the same time she's a little melancholy, because she's the only one he still talks to from middle school. He's nearly isolated, but he's pretty famous for his amazing skills and his rigorous teachings.
"What do I do?" she practically screams, dropping her cup of tea and shattering it on the ground. She stares in dismay at the porcelain shards and the splattered liquid.
He says nothing, just sips his tea engimatically. Then he tells her to back away so he can clean up the mess, and for a while they just drink tea and are happy in each other's company.
She ends up sitting on his lap, and they're both watching a cartoon that she remembers from childhood.
She's got work today, but she really doesn't want to go, and so she just sits there, basks in the moment, and doesn't say a thing.
"Thanks," she says softly, and even though he doesn't give away that she heard, she knows he's heard, and she smiles, because for the first time she feels like she's safe.