CHAPTER FIVE-
My wakeup call came what felt like ten minutes after I had fallen asleep. I was exhausted, but after a breakfast that included a strange dwarf spirit, I was wide awake; and ready to go.
"Our quest begins," Gandalf said, "may Durin bless our journey and grant us safe passage." With a nod to Thorin from the wizard, we were off. Most of the dwarves were quiet, but began to converse once we were outside of hobbiton.
Sunlight shone with a golden-green light through the trees as we rode on through the sunrise. "Ten gold pieces says the hobbit doesn't show," Bombur said with a belch. "I'll take that bet," Ori laughed. Slips of hastily scrawled wager agreements were passed back and forth between the dwarves and Gandalf as they took bets on whether or not Bilbo would show up.
Knowing from the book and the movie that Bilbo was going to show up I purposely bet against him. I made the bet with Gloin. "Ye have nothin' to wager laddie," he gunted. "I am afraid that is where you are wrong master dwarf," I replied. Pulling my back-up vape cig and extra juice out of my pocket, I held them in front of him (having heard that he would like to get his hands on it and give it a go). "Ye must be foolin' with me. That's your magic pipe," Gloin stuttered. "I have another and since I have no coin this will have to do," I smiled. "It's a bet," the dwarf shook my hand.
I took the bet in hopes that he would tell Gimli in case I was able to return to Middle Earth with my family. I wanted as many friends and allies of the races of M.E. that I could have in case I was ever in need.
A distant noise called my attention to the rear of our party. Gandalf called the party to a halt as the small figure of Bilbo Baggins crested the hill we had just ridden over. "Wait! Stop! Wait for me," he gasped, "I signed it! I signed the contract! I'll go with you on this adventure!"
Balin made sure that everything was in order and Thorin got an extra pony for Bilbo to ride. The poor hobbit protested riding and insisted that he could walk. It was kind of funny watching him struggle as Dwalin hoisted him onto a pony by his collar.
"Now," Thorin said sarcastically, "If we can avoid further interruptions, we are on the move once again." It didn't take long for Bilbo to begin sneezing and complaining about not having a handkerchief. The dwarves laughed and money exchanged hands as Gandalf explained the exchange to Bilbo.
Gloin appeared next to me smiling triumphantly, "Pay up lad. I won our little wager." "Gladly master dwarf," I laughed. I pulled the juice, vape cig, some cotton, and explained how to use it (and how to replace the wick). Gloin thanked me, took a massive draw, and exhaled a cloud that would impress champion cloud chasers back home.
We stopped next to a stream at midday for a quick meal of dried beef and cheese. Though the sun was shining, the temperature was beginning to drop and clouds appeared in the distance. "Looks like it may rain," I offered a conversation starter to Balin. The old warrior just smiled and said, "I highly doubt it lad. Those clouds are too small and too far away. Besides, we don't need the rain. It would only slow us down."
Thorin declared our break over and we were on the road again. We rode on in silence. Gandalf and Thorin seemed to be keeping an eye out for things that seemed out of the ordinary. Of course I had no clue as to what would be out of the ordinary for this area, but I kept an eye out for anything that seemed suspicious anyway.
With a brilliant flash of lightning and crack of thunder, the skies opened up on us. I laughed at the stunned look on Balin's face and Dori's complaints about the "deluge." It rained for three hours before stopping as quickly as it had started. Thankfully the sun came out, and dried things out before the sun began to set.
The remains of a farm came into view as we reached the base of a small mountain range. "We should stop here for the night," Dwalin advised Thorin, "The sun is setting and we need to rest." "Agreed," Thorin continued with a shouted command, "Everyone halt! We make camp here tonight and move on in the Morning."
Gandalf and Thorin had a whispered argument in the remains of the farm house about whether or not we should stay while I helped the dwarves gather wood for a fire. "Blast this fire starter," Bofur huffed at his lack of success in getting a fire started. Thankfully I had my mini torch and my zippo. Bofur left his fire starting kit lying next to the fire and I used my zippo to get the fire started (making it seem like I had used his starter kit).
Bofur drilled me for quite a while about how I was able to get the fire started on the first try. In order to keep my lighters a secret, I fed him a bullshit story that it was pure dumb luck. Thankfully he bought the story and left me alone.
After a small but incredibly filling meal of stew, cheese, bread, sausages, and a drink from the wine skins I fell asleep by the fire (knowing full well what would transpire later that night.
CHAPTER SIX-
"Christoph! Wake up lad! The hobbit has been taken captive by mountain trolls," Gloin shook me awake. "Wha...Shit! Don't scare me like that! Are Thorin and the others already moving in," I asked. Gloin nodded, "Aye. They have the camp surrounded. Let's go."
Halfway to the trolls' camp Gloin paused and handed me a familiar looking, curved bladed axe saying, "Take this. You're going to need it." I thanked him and three minutes later we met up with Thorin and the rest of the dwarves.
"Finally! I thought you would never get here," Thorin grunted, "We are going to need all of the fighters that we have if we are to succeed." "Thorin," I whispered harshly, "I am going to circle around the back of the camp to the boulders behind them. I might be able to jump on the shoulders of one of them and kill him from there." "That is a crazy plan, but if you think it will work, you have my approval to do so," he accepted my lie.
Skirting the edge of the camp, I made my way up an almost vertical rock wall that was twenty feet high. The view I had of the camp verified that this is where Gnadalf would appear soon. "FUCK! Where the hell is that crazy old fart," I mumbled to myself.
I turned in the direction that the slowly growing glow of the sun had appeared and started running. My head snapped left and right as I looked for any sign of the cantankerous Maia. I had made it about a mile from the camp when I saw the wizard pacing and cursing the stubbornness of dwarves. "Damn, damn, damn," the wizard grumbled. "G-gandalf," I panted, "There's trouble at the camp!" "Whatever trouble it is I am sure Thorin can hand..." "MITHRANDIR! MOUNTAIN TROLLS HAVE TAKEN EVERYONE HOSTAGE AND WE NEED YOUR HELP NOW," I bellowed!
My outburst was enough to illicit a response from Gandalf. "Trolls? Why have they come down from the...nevermind! Back to camp," he snapped as he took off at a pace that even Jesse Owens would be jealous of. The wizard made it to the camp several minutes before me and was already assessing the situation.
"What would you have us do? Release 'em," One of the trolls said as saliva dripped from his chin. "What? No! I am just saying that they, they h-have WORMS! I-IN THEIR TUBES," Bilbo was trying everything he could to buy time in the hopes that the sun would come up and the trolls be turned to stone. I climbed down the boulder and hid in the bushes behind Thorin.
"Pssst! Thorin," I whispered, "I am sorry for leaving, but I had to find Gandalf! He is just on the other side of that boulder. I am going to step out and distract the trolls long enough to..." "The dawn will take you all," Gandalf's voice echoed around the clearing. I looked up and saw him slam his staff into the boulder.
A resounding boom drowned out the shouts of the dwarves as the boulder split and the early-morning sun flooded the clearing. The trolls' shouts of pain and the stench of their flesh turning to stone was almost unbearable. After nearly six hours, the trolls were lifeless stone and Gandalf had returned. I pretended not to listen to his conversation with Thorin as I cut the ropes binding the rest of the dwarves together.
"At least he had the nous to play for time," Gandalf reminded Thorin of Bilbo's play for time. "That may be but...nevermind...forget it. Let's just get moving," Thorin told him. We recovered our equine friends, supplies, and on Gandalf's orders, began searching for a cave that could have been home to the three massive trolls.