A/N: I am not very happy with this chapter, but I thought I would put it up anyways; I just don't have the energy to fight with it. So I'll probably go back and fix it later. I hope you like it though and its not too confusing.

Sometimes Aidan wonders why he made himself stop drinking live; why its so important to deny himself that rush, that high that only comes from that first initial sinking of the teeth into skin and the feel of the victims fear causing their blood to pound in their veins, enticing and enthralling in it headiness. It only takes a few moments of clarity after he has come down from his high to remember why though, to recognize that like all recovering junkies who fall into a relapse, that there is always a major drawback, something which outweighs the high, which made you stop in the first place. Hearing voices had never been one of his, but really he's not surprised that after binging, in his lowest moment, Bishop is right there to share all his vampiric wisdom with his wayward son. Of course the fact that he really isn't there, can't be, doesn't have any bearing, nor does it stop him from having a conversation with him.

"You are so blood drunk right now, you probably don't even think I'm really here."

Your not, part of him wants to scream, you are not here! It both comforts him and makes him feel irrationally pissed off that Bishop is talking to him, that his ghost? memory? would show up just when he's messed up royally and is higher than a kite. As if things hadn't been going horribly already, what with not being able to get rid of the new born vampires properly, and not being able to find Henry, who he desperately needs to talk to, or not being able to help Sally with her reaper issue. Oh and of course there is the fact that Joss, his Joss, has a boyfriend. Not just a friend that is a guy, but an actual boyfriend who she does things with, like kiss and have sex (although he doesn't know for sure they are doing this, but come on who wouldn't?) and who makes her smile and laugh(and it just makes him want to throw something really hard or rip someone's head off). Who doesn't know her really, not like he does, and he is so tired of everything in his life being so fucked up. Of course Bishop would come now, he always knew to hit just when Aidan was the most confused and messed up. If now wasn't one of those moments, he didn't know what counted.

"Mr. Holier than thou turned out to be the most ruthless of us all didn't he?" his tone held triumph, satisfaction.

Aidan looked at Bishop from where he sat beside him, looking so smug ,and wished he could rip the man's head off again. "You have no idea what you're talking about."

"Really? I have a sever head that says differently." The Bishop vision shakes his head, "Aidan, you killed me. You're probably going to kill Henry. You'll cut yourself a path right to the castles front door. Whatever it takes to rule beside Suren."

It's his turn to shake his head, to deny. "That's not who I am, that's not what I want." He is crying now, a strange feeling for a vampire, as actual tears do not fall. He doesn't want Suren, not really. What he wants is to get back to his life before Mother commanded him to be Boston's second, he wants his job and his two crazy best friends and his house. He wants to find Henry and make amends and he wants to be able to be with the person he loves and have her know that it has been her since the moment they met in that alley.

"Maybe you'll kill her too." He is so out of it that he doesn't know if Bishop is talking about Surren or her and it's a struggle to try and get a grip on his emotions.

"First order of business." Bishop jumps up, all pep and purpose. "Kill Henry."

Eventually he makes it home, Bishop in tow, and of course as soon as he walks in Joss comes down the stairs, probably headed for work. She smiles slightly at him.

"Hey,"

He hesitated for a moment as Bishop walked past him and said, "You've done some work on the place."

Joss frowned, a slight furrowing of the brow and for a moment he is sure that she too can hear Bishop, so he haltingly speaks,

"Hey."

"You okay?"

"Never better." Yeah, like I can really fool her, he thinks as Bishop examines the ceramic cat wearing the catchers mask in the corner.

"So," she slings her bag over her shoulder still looking put-off, "Where were you last night?"

"Just waiting on a friend," he is being gruff, but this whole situation is tenuous at best and he just wants her to go before Bishop talking to him makes him snap.

"You don't have any friends. Like fantasy football or poker buddies. You don't know guys like that," she stepped closer to him, her expression becoming serious and dare he say a little pissed off? "So what friends? Princess Zero?"

"It was an old friend." Exasperation entered his voice now.

"My god!" Bishop circled round them, rolling his eyes. "Is your wife always this much of nag?"

"I'm old, Joss" he ignored the wife remark and moved towards the chair by the couch.

She stared at him for a moment, "Okay." And then dropped her bag and moved quickly towards him. "Now that you're here, I need to talk to you about something. I mean I need to talk to someone."

He sighed and sat in the chair, "What?"

"I keep having these dreams, like these really vivid dreams about tearing Nate apart."

He raised an eyebrow and she rolled her eyes. "Not like that. I mean, its not me who's doing it, it's the wolf; I keep seeing myself change and attack him. And the closer it gets to the moon, the more vivid they become. I've been having them for like three months now and its like any day I'm going to just attack him. And I don't know what to do, how to make this go away."

"Oh I can think of an easy way to make this go away," Bishop mimicked shooting Joss and he couldn't help laughing a bit. Joss frowned.

"Yeah, we could make this all go away," he found himself saying. "You could just break up with him, which would be the easy way out, or you can you know, talk to him, say hey Nate just need to let you know that I want to kill you. Well not me, but the murderous creature I turn into every month. There's that. You know tell him how you'd like to maul him, how you've killed before."

Joss jumped up from where she had been sitting on the couch. "You know that wasn't my fault Aidan! If it hadn't been for you and your crazy obsessive relationship with Bishop I never would have been in that situation!"

He was slightly taken aback, Joss had never yelled at him nor had he ever seen her so angry, but he had to admit it was also somewhat of a turn on.

"That's right, because none of it was you at all, no part of you wanted to kill that guy even a little bit."

She crossed her arms and stared at him coolly. "This is cute, what your doing."

"That's because I'm cute!" he yelled somewhat hysterically.

The look on her face, the hurt and confusion at his behaviour, caused his erratic mood to shift yet again and he stood up shakily, blocking her path to the door. "Look, all I'm saying Joss is that this isn't you. You're trying to work out something that is complicated, trying to change your self for him. That is not you, you don't change who you are."

"And who I am is a monster right? I'm the girl who can't be in a normal relationship because I want to kill my boyfriend. You know, thanks for the advice Aidan, I thought since you had some experience dealing with situations like this, you might you know, help me out a bit. Clearly I was wrong. So when the cops come after me with their evidence and accusations and ask me where I was the night my boyfriend was murdered, I can say well I was turning into a werewolf and hey here's the video tapes of me changing in my storage locker and oh here's my journal to prove it! Cause I'll know, don't bother asking Aidan for an alibi, he's too busy being a jack ass to care!"

"You really need to kill her," Bishop advised from the chair.

Aidan just looked at Joss sadly and bit his bottom lip slightly, trying to figure out how he could fix this or if he even could. Joss shook her head, steely resolve and disappointment evident.

'Great. So I'll just see you at work, barring my imminent killing spree and arrest." She grabbed her bag and moved around him intent on leaving, but not before she threw back one last barb.

"Oh yeah and Sally's mother died. But Sally's great. She's great." And then she was gone, slamming the door behind her.

Joss' words stay with him throughout the day, through her cold silence towards him as they attempt to have dinner with Sally's mom and her boyfriend and as Henry finally finds him. So no one could blame him for being pissed off and almost killing his son, because he is so done with it all and if he is resorting to hurting the only actual live person who cares about him, than he has reached the point of no return.

"I can't do this anymore," he tearfully dropped the stake that he was holding to Henry's heart and sank back on the ground.

"What then, do you suggest? If its the shadows again, kill me now."

"I'm going to find a way to make this right for you," he promises. For both of us.

As Henry leaves and Bishop speaks, admonishing and consoling in the same breath, Aidan knows that this is it. If there was ever a time in his life that he needed to take a stance, be firm in his resolve, this is it. He will save Henry and he will get his life back. If Bishop did one thing right after all, it was teach him how to survive, how to thrive and that was just what he was going to do.