„Watashitoisshoni taizai!"
Even in my dream his voice made me moan longingly. His begging words, the seducing, gentle sound of it, fuelled my desperate wish to answer him, to found my own voice again.
Ever since that first night here in Japan, I dreamt about this strange samurai almost every single night. I heard his raspy, deep murmur each single time I closed my eyes, not matter how tired or exhausted I was, he always came to me, took me with him, far away.
This night, I found myself in a traditional, Japanese house, I marveled on the wonderful paper-made walls, the very few but beautiful drawings on the thin walls. My feet started to walk on their own account; it seemed I had no saying in the directions they took me. I wandered down a small, dark hallway, but somehow it wasn´t threatening at all, actually it had has a very soothing effect on me. My breathing got steadier with every step and I was totally calm. To my right, a door slid open and I stepped inside the dimly light room. Candles were burning and spending a warm light, I raised my eyes from the floor under my bare feet and I stood still in awe. Before me, only a few steps away, his armor stood on a dress-form. I would have recognized it out of hundreds, simply because I had seen it in almost every dream so far. The light of the candles was reflected by the polished black and golden metal, even the fabric of the undershirts seemed to gleam. The highly impressive but also stunningly beautiful helmet sat on top. Carefully I closed the small distance and stood still right in front of the armor. It was huge, most likely one and a half heads taller than me, and good as twice as broad. My hand rose by itself and my fingertips caressed the delicate golden endearments, touched the tigers, engraved into the breast plate and the bracers. To my surprise it felt warm under my skin, almost alive. I leaned forward, taking in the scent that emanated from it. The scent reminded me of the warm, earthy smell of the forest floor, matching the dark brown, earthy color of his eyes.
These eyes. They were haunting me. Even in my wake hours. They had this warm glow, and one could easily imagine how they would darken to nearly black when enraged or in ecstasy. Gods, the mere thought of it made me shiver. I wanted to get lost in those eyes. I wanted to lose myself in this voice. It was hilarious, I told myself every morning. It was only a dream, after all.
The sudden voice of footsteps startled me and I stepped back from the armor. Turning around I could see the form of a tall man through the thin paper walls, walking down the hallway and stopping in front of the sliding door. Like in slow motion the door opened to the side, and for first time in all my dreams he stood there, without the armor, wearing a simple, but handsome dark blue kimono and a matching hakama. He was as tall as I had thought, even a bit taller. That was very rare among Japanese man, even more because his frame also seemed to be remarkable broad and athletic. Where the Kimono fell open at his elegant neck his skin shows, tanned but seemingly smooth. My heart took a leap when I got a glimpse of his elegant collarbone.
He stepped inside the room while his eyes never left mine. He wasn´t surprised at all to see me, more likely he seemed to be pleased yet relieved. His eyes shone in the soft candle light, their color looking almost black and a slight smile played around his firm lips. He took one step after another until he stood right in front of me. I had to crane my neck backwards to be able to see his face.
He looked stunningly impressive; his obviously black hair shaved short, a neatly trimmed beard shading the skin around his nicely shaped lips and angular chin. I saw the muscles at his jaw twitch a bit as he opened his lips as if he wanted to address me, but no word came out at first.
"Soko ni aru Watashi wa nagai jikan o matteita"
This time my dream did not end the very moment he spoke to me. This time I was able to make a small motion and my face showed my confusion of what his words mean.
"There you are. I waited so long." He left me breathless with these words, spoken in my own language. How could this be? His smile widened as he watched me. I was in pure shock and my legs quit their job right then. I sensed my weakness and the very moment I started to fall he closed the last bit of distance between us and catched me in mid air, holding me secure in his arms. I felt the warmth emanating from his body, felt the strength of this experienced warrior. The last thing I remembered was his masculine and stern but so very handsome face and the longing look in his eyes.
Then I slowly drifted back into reality and with a start I woke up.