Nuneun eonjejjeume kamneunji koneun eotteokhaneunji
Daeche eolmana orae haneunji dodaeche al suga eobseo
(When should I close my eyes, what about my nose?
Exactly how long should it go on, i really don't know)
Listening to FT Island's "First Kiss" because the song is so cute, and Lee Hong Ki has such a nice voice. This is my inspiration for a Yayoi scene below.
~~~~.
Ginoza felt much better after crying on Akane's shoulder. He felt like giving advice to his Inspector about forgetting and moving on was hypocritical of him because he himself found moving on taxing. It was easier said than done. It is a cliche, but it holds tons of truth to it. He decided to give up his pretenses, like the way he gave up his pair of glasses.
He lay on bed naked from the waist up, an arm on his forehead, his eyes staring at the ceiling. His room was dimly lit by the night light which he had on every night. The night was still, and even Dime had gone to Dreamland hours ago. He could not even heard a whimper from his dog. He was envious of the dog because the old Siberian did not have to worry about what to eat or how to roam around. Dime was really carefree, and Gino wished he could be Dime even for a day.
The thought of it amused him, but it was also true. Being an Enforcer put on some weight on his shoulders, though lesser compared to being an Inspector, but the losses their team incurred were just as heavy. He was not so sure if crying in front of him had taken the load from Akane, but it felt good to be comforting each other. He hoped he had helped Akane in his own way and had comforted her.
"Damn, please let me sleep," he murmured to himself as closed his eyes.
The feelings will linger, but as they say, time will fade things, even the hurt.
"Will they, really? Time? I wonder how Akane will fare, though," he thought as he removed his arm from his head and lay on his side. "I wonder if she also thinks the same way.
The memory of Akane sobbing on his shoulder was painful enough. If he had not been an Enforcer, he still could guide her through as her senior Inspector, but then, he'd still be the same old critical and harsh Ginoza.
"Was it a blessing in disguise, then?" he pondered. "I still give her advice, but I'm gentle now…"
Just the thought of Akane telling him she won't leave him was comforting, though. He would do the same thing for her, in and out of work.
~~.
Tonight, Yayoi and Shion decided they won't meet. The Enforcer was tired from her second gig that afternoon as more fancams were being taken of her. When fangirls decided to ask for her autograph, she declined them gently without telling them that she's an Enforcer at MWPSB. She did not even give out her name. If she did, the people with clear hues might turn against her for having the Psycho-Pass of a latent criminal. Nothing can change that already. She also did not want people to go through the same thing as she did, getting her hue clouded just by being associated with Takizaki Rina, and being locked up for an indefinite period of time.
Tonight, she spent her hours in the living room of her apartment, listening to a foreign song. She's been branded anyway. Why would Sibyl even take away her right to listen to a foreign song? If she's just listening to a song with lyrics she isn't able to understand, it won't affect her Psycho-Pass, will it?
She just sat on the sofa, strumming her guitar, following to the chords of a Korean song in her phone. Stuck in her ears were a pair of white head buds too. As the singer's soulful voice floated, Yayoi's lips curved into a smile. She understood nothing of the lyrics, but the melody and the singer's voice were so nice to the ears, these make up for the language barrier.
After listening the song for the second time, she waited for it to replay, as she configured in her playlist to play the same song over and over again. Her ears got accustomed to the song, her fingers lazily strumming along, her mind drifting elsewhere.
She was so tired that music was her only diversion for now. So many things happened, it was enough to push everyone to the edge, enough to shatter everyone's expectations of a peaceful ordinary life.
Hinakawa, Shimotsuki, and Satoh had yet to feel the burden of missing team members, Yayoi thought. She had to work hard with her cases so the newbies, especially Satoh, won't have to go through the same thing that she, Ginoza, and Akane had been through. They all worked professionally, the old crew with Kagari, Kougami, and Masaoka, and though she did not spend chill times with these three, a bond had been established already. There was trust, there was love.
"How does one cope up and move on?" she asked herself.
~~.
Akane looked at the treadmill ahead of her. She contemplated on whether to run, or to be a sloth and light up a cigarette in the gym. Her thoughts were hounding her as she sat on the gym floor.
"I can light this at home," she thought.
Akane placed the stick back in the pack and placed the pack back inside her bag. She gingerly got up, as she decided to get on the treadmill to release her stress.
Getting on the treadmill, she pushed on some buttons to the settings of her preference. Not a leisure walk, but a run, she thought, would help her get some things clouding her head. Three evenings before, Ginoza came in the office late, she realized, because when she had to accompany Satoh to the nurse's office, the other Enforcer wasn't around yet. By the time she came back, the Enforcer was motionless on his chair, looking at his shoes. Something must have happened, which was why she took the time to talk to him.
Their convo did not revolve around work. It was… more on opening up and giving up pretending to be strong. It was not weakness to cry. It was just letting someone know that you had not given up, but that you are momentarily tired of being strong and putting up a strong front. A rest wouldn't hurt, and so does a good cry. She felt herself warming up to him, and she knew he did too. It felt good hearing a grown man sniffling, and it felt good to be sobbing in Ginoza-san's arms.
As her feet tried to keep up with the speed of the machine, Akane could not help but smile. It felt good being on friendly terms with Ginoza, the same thing she had done with Kougami. It felt good knowing she and the once-harsh Inspector-turned-Enforcer had something in common, and dealing it together. Yet, thoughts of Kougami continued to keep surfacing in her consciousness. She just couldn't get rid of it.
She knew that everyone does have a different way of moving on, different times of moving on. When can you say you had moved on? When can you say that the pain of a first love is a scent that no longer lingers, an ink that has been washed away, or that last few drops of rain that fall after a night of heavy rain?
Nobody can tell her how to get over him. Nobody can tell her how to move on, or when the pain will dissipate. She was one to accept things easily, and does not give in to stress that much, but she was afraid that stress and overthinking about Kougami could cloud her hue. But she's confident that her Psycho-Pass will remain healthy, like it always had.
A finger tapped the stop button. Her finger.
A pair of knees fell on the belt of the treadmill, and a tear or two dropped. Akane's hand cupped her mouth so as not to betray her sounds of pain. Two months? It wasn't easy to just give your feelings up, especially if you had invested on it. Though she looked at Kougami as a colleague at work, there was that pure something in him that her soul was gravitated to. She knew she was a fool for clinging to him, but she could not help it. Kougami was the alluring scent that her olfactory sense continues to inhale like it's the air that's keeping her alive. He was an ink blotched into her fabric that it was not easy to remove. He was the heavy drops of rain that touches her skin on a heavy storm. Kougami was still deeply embedded into her. Plucking him off sent excruciating and throbbing pain. It's still there, until now.
"Just let me deal with losing you in my own way, Kougami-san," she weeped. "If I can't get over you, then I can't get over you. If I never will, I might never will. I just hope we will meet. And I will wait for you to return…"
Muffled cries and unrestricted tears accompanied her that night, just like all the other nights alone in her apartment.
~~.
Somewhere outside of Japan, among the lush thick forests, huffs and puffs could be heard in the dead of the night. Sounds which seemed like an object hitting a tree trunk soon followed. The moon was crystal clear because of the clean air, and the trails of moonlight shone, but filtered among the foliage of the trees. Down below, a figure of a muscular man, who was naked from the waist up, was seen jabbing a tree trunk in five strokes, and hitting it with strong kicks after the fifth jab. The routine continued for a time. After some few good minutes, the figure leaned on the trunk and looked at the moonlight filtered through the leaves.
He was heavily panting after all that exercise. His dark and watchful eyes surveyed the night, but he wore a bored expression on his face. And he was in deep thought.
Kougami Shinya, the man who escaped the eyes of Sibyl. He was roaming in utmost clandestine, thankful for his freedom. Soon, he would be going into some nation where free will isn't suppressed. Who knows what tomorrow will greet him with? Will he be a worker? Will he be a detective? Will he be a rebel? Who knows?
Or, will someone who knows him kill him?
Memories of the past began to resurface. He began to think of his former Enforcer Sasayama and Saiga-sensei. He began to think of the people in Division 1. But the person he thought of the most was Tsunemori Akane. How is she doing? Is Ginoza still berating her for the little things? Is she doing fine and moving on without him?
Tsunemori is still young, he thought, eight years his junior. She still has a great life ahead. She can still meet a great guy. Who knows? Sibyl might even hook her up with an Inspector (Gino not included, he chuckled to himself. He didn't have a clue that his former BFF was demoted), though he preferred that Akane chooses a man to love rather than let a system do it for her. Or she could get learn lots, solve many cases, deduce like he does, and make a great detective. She could change the system from within and uphold law and justice, and protect society. If she were an answer to his prayers, he'd rather see that prayer answered from afar, or answered from out of his sight. No, he has no intentions of coming back to Japan if Sibyl is just going to stay. Even if the system itself is upgraded or improved, he'd still not going to cooperate. All be damned, he thought.
His heart ached a bit at the thought of Akane crying over him for his absence and over a promise he could not fulfill. It was for the best that they'll be apart, he reasoned out. Akane can change the system as an insider, and he was confident she can do that. As he was not willing to work within the system, he's just going to expense justice from outside. But he sincerely hope that Akane will do well.
As he wiped the sweat off his cheeks, he remembered the spot where Shion kissed him before he left. He was hoping Shion would keep her promise to look after Akane for him. He could rely on her to do that, he was sure. He was hoping everyone at Division 1 will look after one another.
"Goodbye Tsunemori. Sorry I cannot say it to you in person," he thought. "I hope we'll meet again someday."
His fingers drifted towards his luscious abs and tapped it. He remembered Akane staring at him one time after practice. And he remembered her being speechless.
"She's really cute, isn't she?" he asked himself.
A handsome smirk was on his face. He was sure they'd meet again. The feeling deep within him was telling him they will eventually cross paths again. Deep down, he knew that Akane misses him just as he misses her too, and he hoped that when the time comes that they meet, they will meet on good terms.
"I'll anticipate meeting you, Tsunemori," he thought with a smile.
-END-
(Still listening to "First Kiss" and looping it in my playlist. ^_^ )