Chapter 2

TOBIAS

Christina and I had lunch and then I walked over to my office and let Johanna know I would be heading over to the police training ground. I wanted to run through my own fear landscape again. I hadn't done it since before Tris had died. I was too worried about what would be in it. But now I just had to see her again and I was fairly certain she would appear somewhere.

I went the old way, the same way we used to take the faction initiates, for the police training centre was in the old Dauntless facility. It was the best setup for it, having already contained sleeping quarters, training rooms, fighting rings, targets etc.

I checked my watch again. There was a train coming in two minutes so I ran down to the track as the train approached. I ran alongside it and pulled myself up into the carriage. Despite fighting with "words" now, I still kept a fit lifestyle.

As the train ran through the city, I felt the rush of the wind on my face. As the train approached the rooftop of the building, I ran with no hesitation and jumped onto the roof, landing on my feet. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed this. I walked over to the edge of the roof and then had a moment's hesitation. Would they have moved the net? Would the net still be there? I looked over the edge but of course couldn't see the bottom.

Well, only one way to find out. I jumped off the roof and closed my eyes, remembering when Tris had been the first to jump. The Stiff. I chuckled at the memory as I hit the net and bounced before hitting it again. I rolled off the edge and entered the old Dauntless tunnels, heading for the rooms that contained the fear platform.

No one stopped me though a few looked at me curiously. I was a man on a mission. My whole body ached with the thought of seeing her again. I made it to the rooms and noticed one was free. I locked the door and walked over to the machine. I hooked myself up then injected the serum without hesitation. I sighed as I sank back onto the chair. Here we go…

I looked around. I was on top of the Hancock building. Zeke was standing there, goading me to get on the zipline again. I looked down and thought about the last time I did this. My heart was pounding. But this time I had an added reason for wanting to move on. I wanted to see her. I got him to quickly strap me in and I dived off the building, flying through the air.

Then I noticed the walls around me were closer to me and I started panicking, gulping in air. "Calm down Tobias," I heard her voice say in my mind. And though the walls continued to crowd me, I took deep calming breaths and forced myself to move on. I pushed against the wall and this time the walls stopped coming closer to me.

They moved much further out at a speed that made me dizzy and revealed Evelyn standing in my apartment. She was staring at the blue ornament. She turned and saw me and sneered. "I can't believe you believed I had changed. You fool. And this," she said as she picked up the ornament, "was just a way to know what you were doing. See this," she said and pointed to a section of the ornament and rubbed it. The blue came away to reveal a camera lense.

"How could anyone love someone like you Tobias? You're damaged. You're broken. You were never as brave as her, as selfless, as strong. You were never good enough for her! She never loved you!" she shouted at me and I had to remind myself this wasn't real. I put my hands over my ears in a childish fashion and closed my eyes and focused on my breathing. It wasn't real. It wasn't real. Come on Tobias.

When I looked up, Evelyn was gone and I was in my bedroom. There she was. Tris. Asleep in my bed. She had one arm stretched out over my side of the bed, seeking me. A lock of hair covered her face and moved slightly with each breath she took. I eased on to the bed and gently tucked her hair behind her ear. I tried not to wake her. I was too overwhelmed at seeing her again. Then she opened her eyes.

"Hello," she murmured and sat up slowly. I just stared at her. She turned and kneeled in front of me as I sat there staring at her. Then she brought her mouth to mine and wrapped her arms around my neck. To kiss her again, was totally worth facing my fears. I lost myself in it. She was so warm. My hand found her hip and I eased the edge of her shirt up, putting my hand on her skin as she ran her hand under my shirt, up my back, pulling me to her.

Finally she pulled back and rested her forehead on mine. "I was wondering when you would come looking for me," she said and I pulled back sharply to stare at her.

"What do you mean come looking for you?" I asked her.

"Did you really think I wouldn't have a backup plan?" she asked, tilting her head to one side. "I told you to trust me."

"I do trust you. But you died. I scattered your ashes. I actually zip lined for you!" I said, starting to shout as I stood up. Was it possible that she was alive?

"Oh Tobias! I'm so proud of you," she exclaimed and launched herself at me again, kissing me hard and we lost ourselves in it again for a while. "I have missed you so much. I was hoping you would come looking for me," she said and again I wondered what she meant about looking for her.

"You mean in the fear landscape?" I asked. Then she cursed under her breath.

"He's coming, I don't have much time. Tobias listen to me carefully. The towns are part of a much bigger "experiment". Much bigger than even the Bureau thought they knew. I don't have time to explain. Just trust me. Leave it a week, then come back again," she said cryptically and tucked a piece of paper into my palm then I was in the room again and George was staring at me.

So many questions. Did she mean George was coming when she said "he"? What did she mean the town was part of something bigger than we thought? Is she trapped in the fear landscape? Or just in mine? Is she real or was I just hoping to see her? Was she in my fear landscape because I was scared that she actually was alive? Could I really wait a week to see her again? A whole week? My brain boggled at the questions but I forced my face to be composed as I acknowledged George.

"Hey George," I said and extracted myself from the chair, my left palm clenched.

"Four," he said and nodded a greeting. I stood up and shook his hand.

"How's the training going?" I asked him and we walked out of the room. As we do I subtly open my left hand. There was a piece of paper there. I quickly tuck it into my pocket. I will have to check it later.

"Pretty well thanks. Would you like to come and have a look at the new recruits?" he asked and I nodded but was querying his motives. He was making me feel like I had done something wrong. I felt better about it all when he said, "Sure I still can't tempt you to come on as a trainer?"

"The thought is tempting. I do miss it," I replied and he grinned. It was true, there was nothing like the rush of training someone or the smell of the training rooms. And it would mean I would have better access to the fear inducing serum of the Dauntless. But could I give up my aspirations of being a political leader in the hopes or the fear that Tris was somehow still alive? I left my answer at that so it wouldn't be thought of as strange if I did end up changing my mind. Maybe I could do both?

We made our way to the walkway that overlooks the pit and I looked down with pride. While the candidates no longer beat each other senseless for no reason, sparring was still a vital part of their training. They still needed to be able to defend themselves. I saw a blonde girl sparring against a partner of similar size and for a second my heart missed a beat. Then they both looked up and I could see it wasn't her.

"What do you think?" George asked me.

"A bit easily distracted," I joked, pointing out the fact they had noticed us watching and paused their training to look at us.

"Oh whatever," George replied and elbowed me in the side. "The guard we have at the moment are mostly ex-Dauntless and a few from the fringe but this mob are completely mixed. Now that they don't have to make one choice for life, and aren't scared of becoming Factionless, we seem to be getting some good results."

"Yeah it looks like it. I'm glad that it is becoming much more mixed though it does make sense for the first guard to be mostly ex-Dauntless. They were already trained," I replied, thinking aloud.

"That's what we thought," George replied laughing. "Was difficult with some of them to rope them in and make them less Dauntless and more aware of their actions instead of being so reckless like jumping off rooves," he said and I grinned though my face went red. I knew he was having a dig at how I had come into the facility this time.

"Yeah I know," I said.

"So Amar told me how often you used to go through your fear landscape. Why now?" George asked me. I decided to lie and focused on not biting the inside of my cheek as I had done all my life since copying Evelyn.

"I heard it was back and what to see if I was still Four," I replied and acted nonchalant.

"And?" George prompted.

"And I am," I said and grinned.

"Ha! Come check out the knife throwing," George said and though my heart skipped a beat remembering throwing the knives at Tris, I focused on maintaining a casual expression and followed him.

The scene was much different from when we were in here with Eric last when I through knives at Tris. It amazed me that she had been gone for so long and I still thought about her all the time despite trying to keep busy and distracted. So the initiates were lined up and each practised their throwing and aim. There were two that were in the completely wrong stance and missed their target every time. Without a moment's thought or hesitation, I began correcting them and was pleased with their steady improvement.

"Looks like I have myself a trainer," George said and slapped his hands together in delight.

"I don't know about that, but certainly looks like you need some good ones!"

"Well I've heard there are some new recruits and new trainers coming in from a town I hadn't yet heard of – Jericho? Maybe that will yield some promise," George said. I frowned. I hadn't heard of Jericho either.

"When is this happening?" I asked curiously.

"A few weeks I think. Christina knows more about it. Ask her," George said and shrugged. I would indeed. I wondered why she hadn't mentioned it. I also shrugged and after checking out the new sleeping quarters, headed home for dinner. As I was about to unlock my door, Alma stuck her head out and invited me to dinner. I politely accepted and followed her into her apartment.

Alma is my neighbour on the other side of Rosco (the history buff formerly from the Fringe). Alma's brown hair was in a tight bun, pulled back severely from her oval face. She was a few years older than me, and worked with Christina in assisting the movements and rehoming of members from the different "states". I sat down at the table as she served up.

"How was your day?" Alma asked me as she sat down. I think being ex-Amity, she lived for looking after people. Even if it was just feeding someone like me dinner. I saw her often looking after Rosco as well. And while Evelyn had lived here, they worked together often on Alma's garden.

"It was good," I replied absently as I picked at my plate. Perhaps it wasn't such a good idea to agree to dinner tonight when my mind was elsewhere. I actually just felt like sitting down and analysing everything that had happened today.

"And you had lunch with Christina?" she prompted. "How did that go? You two have been spending a lot of time together lately," she added and I looked up at her.

"It was fine. The food was delicious," I added and forced myself to keep my face composed. The café was a recent addition to Chicago and so far was very popular. They had a range of different cooked foods and of all the meals I had tasted so far, they were all very good.

"And Christina?" she prompted again. I began to wonder if it was Alma asking or Christina asking through Alma. This could become a very awkward situation.

"Christina is a great friend to me," I said, not really answering the question. Christina would never be anything more than a friend, particularly if there was any chance that Tris was coming back. But then, how could she? She was dead. I had zip lined to scatter her ashes on her behalf. I couldn't believe she would put me through that if she wasn't really dead. To save answering any more questions, even though I had no appetite, I forked some food into my mouth. Alma looked at me and I thought she was going to question me further, then left it. "How was your day Alma?"

"It was great thank you. I harvested some fruit today. Would you like to take some with you?" Alma replied.

"Only if you have enough, that would be lovely thank you," I replied and we finished dinner. She loaded me up with fruit and I quickly went back my apartment. I had almost forgotten the note in my pocket. How the hell did that come through the simulator?

I opened it, my heart thudding wildly in my chest.

"I love you Tobias. T x"

I sat down and cried for the second time that day.