AN: A few short snippets of Satoshi after Rio's death.

Aftermath

Satoshi wakes in a hospital bed. He's been here before; not this room, but this hospital and it is the same scent of cleaner and the same off white walls and the same outdated equipment keeping track of heart rate and blood pressure. For once he isn't dazed from low blood pressure when he wakes up. He wishes he was.

Some part of him thinks I want to throw up, but it's lost to the numbness taking over. There is an absence of emotion, a vacuum that can't last forever but he will cling to with every last shred of sanity he has. There is a foreign presence in his mind, as impossible to miss as a cracked tooth. It is more terrifying that, like a tooth, it is a part of his mind that was always there but he never noticed until it started to hurt. Krad is sleeping, a deep sleep, forced deeper by the void inside of Satoshi's heart.

"Suppress," mother had said. "Don't feel and he will sleep longer."

But he's been in the hospital before, and Krad has come too soon and he knows what this means for him.

"It's my time already," he murmurs. He looks down at his hands and sees a flash of them wrapped around—no. The thought shuts down there. On the bed is a cross—a Hikari artwork, a lesser one with mild powers of protection, but nothing of note. It is not something he had had before…before. It occurs to him that he has no memory of how he got here. There are bandages around his torso and his back aches at his shoulder blades where the wings—his mind skitters away from the thought. Too soon to think about if he is going to remain in control. Who brought him here? How long a gap between what happened and waking? What had happened after?

He remembers screaming in his own mind and a body he cannot control. He doesn't feel any of the emotions he did then, none of the horror or pain or panic or hysteria. It's unsettlingly blank in a way that he has always tried to be but never actually managed.

There is a creak at the doorway and a man is there—Hiwatari Kei, a man Mother has mentioned in her letters and plans but whom he has never met.

"Ah," the man says with a politician's smile. "You're awake." He takes the seat across from Satoshi's hospital bed. "It's been a hectic few days," he says, answering the question of how long Satoshi has been unconscious. "There's a man hunt for someone about half a meter taller than you by the way. Tragic, and the police can't seem to figure out what the killer wanted."

"Why are you here?" Satoshi asks.

Kei laughs and it doesn't meet his eyes. "Ah, you see I'm your new father." He smiles, cool and impartial. "Rio made provisions in her will. From now on you will be Hiwatari Satoshi."

"Do I have no say in this?" Satoshi asks, feeling like he should be upset by this, or at least annoyed by the presumptions. He feels nothing at all.

"Oh, you could keep the name Hikari, but that might cause problems in keeping your cover once you're enrolled in Azumano middle school."

The plan is still in motion, then. It is strange for it to continue when it had always been Rio's brainchild. The methods to try and entrap Dark are Satoshi's own. His mother had not approved and had had a list of her own but there they had been divided. Satoshi's morals had never quite matched Rio's for all that she had raised him to think in the same narrow view that she did. She never knew how much university had changed his worldview. Or perhaps less changed than expanded and counteracted her conditioning.

Kei kept smiling. "You will be moving in with me of course, and bringing your things. I have room set aside for the Hikari library and galleries. A room for you to call your own as well, of course."

Satoshi cuts over him. "What happened to her body?"

Kei stops smiling. "It is inconvenient to cover the fact that a woman dead for fourteen years wasn't actually dead. She was given a Jane Doe status. I pulled strings and had her cremated so there is no way to confirm or deny that she was Hikari Rio." He cocks his head to the side. "Or were you planning something for her remains?"

"No." There is no family shrine. There is no mourning. There are no traditions to follow with Hikari dead. They were dead. Their art lived on. Except Rio had never finished any of her art, or if she did, she had killed it. When he was very little Satoshi had thought maybe she sealed it like the collection of Hikari artworks she showed him in the storeroom. The incident with the butterfly painting had shattered that impression and deepened his resolve not to give life to any of his own art because he didn't think he would be able to kill his work like she had.

"I suppose I'll have her ashes placed somewhere then. There is a Hikari family plot if I remember correctly."

Is there? Nothing of the sort had ever been mentioned in any reading material or by his mother. What happens to her remains doesn't matter. They were not her.

"Are you feeling well enough to leave the hospital? The doctors want to give a mental health screening before they discharge you, but I can probably put pressure on them to take you home with me as your new legal guardian."

Satoshi turns his focus back on Kei and his irritatingly confident body language. "No."

Kei blinks. "Of course you can stay longer at the hospital if—"

"I meant, no, I have no interest in living with you." Satoshi centers himself and levels a cold stare at Kei. "I do not need an adult hovering over my every move, and I have no intention of letting you have open access to anything the Hikari own."

"I could hardly let a thirteen year old child live alone."

"I could hardly live with a man I have only just met," Satoshi replies blandly.

There were gears turning in Kei's head. His eyes gleam with schemes and Satoshi wishes for a moment he could turn over and go back to sleep. He knows better than to assume he could afford to ignore Kei though. Mother's letters had told him that much. "How about we cut a deal?" Kei says. "We both know I could force the issue of you living with me."

"And we both know I hold control over the Hikari assets."

"Exactly." Kei nods, politician smile back on his face. "You can see where I am going with this."

Satoshi sighs. He needs Kei so he couldn't cut him out as much as he wanted to. In the eyes of the law, Satoshi is a minor no matter his life accomplishments to this point or maturity. It is accept Kei as adoptive parental figure or a high likelihood of being shunted into a foster system. Kei is the one who would arrange things to get Satoshi in contact with the Niwa heir and onto a police position to defeat Dark. In short, there is little he could do besides work out a deal. "My own apartment," he says. "Space for me and my belongings and certain Hikari artworks. In return you can have limited access to the Hikari library and can store what Hikari artworks I am not keeping with me."

"Unlimited supervised access and the requirement that you are seen regularly with me in public. We can't have people thinking I'm neglecting you."

Satoshi scowls. "Supervision was a given. I will consent to you borrowing books that I've approved for indefinite amounts of time." He pauses. "I am going to need access to police files eventually."

"And you'll get them eventually if you work with me when a task force to catch Dark is created upon his return." Kei smirks. "Access to all Hikari history texts."

"Access to post reformation texts," Satoshi challenges.

Kei scoffs. "I don't have to ensure that you end up in the same class as the Niwa boy. Surely the same school is good enough for you to observe him?" He lifts an eyebrow.

Satoshi narrows his eyes. He feels irritated, but it is dull and muted under the hollowness inside him. "Histories only. Only restricted access to any texts on artwork."

"That is acceptable." Kei waves a hand. "We can work out the minute details later when you are recovered."

"Fine." Satoshi wishes Kei would leave. His hands clench in the hospital blankets, brushing up against the cross. Satoshi unfolds one hand to touch the gilt-edged wood. "Did you leave this here?"

"No." Kei frowns. "You were found holding it and wouldn't let it go."

"Oh." He has no memory of it, not of finding it if he had in fact found it, or of Krad doing something that would lead to him holding it. He's never seen it before today.

Kei straightens his suit jacket and nods. "I can discharge you and you can return to your home for the night," he offers.

The thought of going back into the home he'd lived in his entire life is the last thing he wants. (Rio, closing her eyes in acceptance.) But he has no interest in living with Kei or remaining in a hospital room either. "Find an apartment quickly," Satoshi says.

"I can find something by the end of the week."

Autonomy

"I'm not yours," Satoshi said to the voice in his head as much to the man in front of him. "I will never be yours."

"Of course, Satoshi," Kei said with his ever present amused expression. He ruffled Satoshi's hair, releasing it from where Satoshi had slicked it back in an effort to look older. Fine strands fell in his eyes as he shoved Kei's hand away.

In the back of Satoshi's head, Krad stirred, sending out lazy, violent promises. He'd woken earlier that evening when Satoshi had been unable to quite deaden his anger. Kei was proving to be infuriating and tried Satoshi's patience and control constantly. "Why did I have to even attend that…event?" It was technically a fundraiser for the police force, but was more of a meet and greet of the who's who in Azumano and its surrounding areas.

"We have to establish you of course," Kei said, smooth and irritatingly sure of himself. "Now people know you exist and that you're my adopted son and protégé. When the time comes, no one will bat an eye when I introduce you to the police force."

"I highly doubt that." There had been far too much speculation going on just over Kei adopting him. It was like no one had anything better to do than gossip. But what had truly pressed Satoshi's buttons was how Kei kept touching, like he was claiming something with every time he did so much as set a hand on his shoulder. Satoshi took off the god awful tie he'd put on that afternoon and tossed it on the back of Kei's pristine leather couch. It gave him a reason to put more distance between them. "I mean it. I'm not yours."

"Aren't you?" Kei smirked. He didn't say a word about how Satoshi stripping off formal clothing in his living room was messing up the pristine order of the room or how he had disrespectfully left shoes on only to kick them off on the living room carpet. Kei loosened his own tie and disappeared into his bedroom. "At any rate, they believe you mean something to me." His voice carried well though he didn't raise it much over a normal speaking level. "A few more of these sorts of events and everyone will just think I'm being a doting father when I sign you on to the task force."

Satoshi glared balefully at the other room and dug out the change of clothing he'd left behind. We could kill him, Krad whispered with tempting bloodlust. He's arrogant to think he owns a Hikari. Just call on me and I can turn that smirk to screams. You are mine and no other's.

'I am no one's but my own,' Satoshi thought, letting go of anger until he was blank again, hollow. Krad laughed and settled back in the depths he'd crawled from, content to wait him out. Satoshi changed as quickly as he could and left his suit scattered across Kei's living room from spite.

"I'm leaving."

"Be careful on your way back," Kei said from his room. "It would be terrible if something were to happen."

Satoshi snorted. He was such an arrogant bastard.

"I want to borrow a book," Kei added as Satoshi opened the door. "Expect me sometime tomorrow."

Satoshi shut the door behind him without answering. Kei would do as he liked and Satoshi had very little ability to change that.

Expectations

The Niwa heir was painfully normal. He was perhaps even less remarkable than that. He was shy, he was friendly with most of his class but would be forgettable if he wasn't constantly doing something clumsy. He had one close friend, a Saehara Takeshi, a few less close friends, and a girl he pined over with painful obviousness. There was nothing special in his grades—average across the board—nothing special in his athletic abilities if his gym records were anything to go by, and if Satoshi hadn't looked up records and triple checked that this was the Niwa he was looking for, he'd have believed it was all some sort of cruel joke. There had to be something he was missing, so he settled in to wait for him to slip up, even if it meant that he had to endure public schooling all over again.

It was as tedious as he remembered.

It was less hostile than he remembered though.

"You should sit with us," some girl—Kanoda Mai if he remembered correctly from the class roster—said the second week of the new school year. "It's okay to make friends you know."

Satoshi never knew what to do with well-meaning people. Even less when they were well-meaning people that also gave him a once over in a way that said they found him attractive. (Hormones were to blame, but Satoshi couldn't say he understood why anyone found him interesting. He was purposely blunt and disinterested to discourage interest as much as possible.) Satoshi gave her a blank stare for a few moments because this was the third time she had asked and he had politely declined both previous times. "I have no interest in eating lunch with anyone," he said, being blunt since politeness hadn't worked. "Stop asking."

Kanoda looked like he'd slapped her. That was fine. He wasn't there to make friends. He didn't watch her go back to her friends. He was already watching Niwa again from the corner of his eye. Niwa's lunch went tumbling out of his hands as his friend Saehara threw an arm around his throat and Niwa did an impressive twist to keep it from being ruined. Perhaps not so normal? He added it to the notes at any rate. He should find a place to eat where no one would bother him. The roof could give him enough privacy and a decent angle to watch Niwa in the classroom if he invested in a pair of binoculars.

"Sorry!" Niwa said later when he almost tripped into Satoshi later that day running away from Saehara. For a brief second his hand brushed Satoshi's shoulder and that split second of contact had been the closest a Niwa and a Hikari had been in generations without trying to kill each other. Niwa smiled and bobbed his head in apology and ran off.

Some sort of emotion bubbled under his skin, but Satoshi ignored it. It was easier to ignore them since Rio died. Instead of lingering over it, he packed his bag as usual, and headed to the hallway that let him watch Niwa and Saehara as they made their slow way out of the building.

They were laughing, or more Saehara was laughing and Niwa was waving his arms with his face almost as red as his hair. How did Niwa manage? Feeling that much and having people in his life? Satoshi knew Dark wasn't quite like Krad, but he didn't know what the fundamental differences were. What was the catalyst to awaken Dark? And would such an emotionally vibrant person have the ability to reign Dark in once he was awake?

It wasn't Satoshi's problem though. He had to plan for capturing Dark. The Niwa were not the biggest problems to deal with. He watched just long enough for Niwa to disappear through the gate, reluctantly smiling back at Saehara, before he gathered his things. He had another night of research to do.

Lies

It is college all over again, but worse, because no matter what Satoshi says, Niwa insists "But we're friends right?" and Satoshi wants to shake him and scream that they can't be friends. They're enemies and a rosy view of the world is only going to get them both killed. He can't say it though. He can't let it break his balance any more than Niwa already has—who is he kidding, he is compromised, horribly compromised but he still has some control so it isn't a wash yet—so he just shoves everything down, good and bad alike and hopes Krad chokes on the conflicting emotions in the cesspit of his soul.

A few conversations and non-hostile encounters do not make a friendship. Restraining Krad so he does not kill someone is not technically an act of friendship either, but it is a lot of effort to go through to protect the damn cause of Krad breaking free in the first place.

His track record is set back at zero. Dark is out and Krad is out and of course Satoshi can't keep it under control anymore because once Dark is present Krad will come no matter how much effort Satoshi puts in to keeping him out. (There are methods, self-sabotage among them, to keep Krad from being at full strength but it is a vicious cycle and rigorous emotional control only helps part of it.)

Why do people claim him as a friend?

You want to be his friend, Krad purrs, scathing. You are pathetic, caring for the enemy.

Caring? Satoshi thinks Krad has an odd idea about caring, but it is true that Satoshi has a track record of unnecessary actions that better Niwa's health or safety, occasionally at the detriment of his own.

Niwa isn't afraid of Dark. In fact, he embraces his existence, and Satoshi wonders how. How can he embrace something that is effectively a parasite? How can he care for an artwork that takes control of his body and life and risks his freedom? What is that difference between Dark and Krad that lets him do this?

You know what it is, Krad says. He does not resist. They work as one.

But, that is not true either. They do not always agree or Niwa would hate him like Dark did or Dark wouldn't grab hold whenever he could and disrupt Niwa's life. Working with Krad would only lead to death faster and the deaths of innocents around him.

Who is to say that all this suppression hasn't made us what we are? Krad says, insidious as ever. 'It isn't fair.' You've thought it before. Face it, you want to make everyone who has such simple, happy lives suffer.

Not true.

Inside you are rage at your core. You hate. You fear. You wish to lash out.

Krad lies.

You make me what I am because we are the same. Satoshi.

Satoshi digs his fingernails into his forearm and focuses on the pain. He breathes even breaths and focuses on the physical ache even as his nails draw blood, and he does not hear whatever Krad says next. Krad is a part of him, but he is not Krad. Niwa is not Dark either. And that is a problem he is unsure how to address. Because Niwa is so ignorant of how their world works that he could almost be called innocent. Almost.

It is only complicated because you make it so.

If only it was as simple as Krad made it out to be.

Jealousy

It was only a matter of time before Satoshi's self-sabotage led to illness. He was prone to periodic illness anyway. He hadn't expected to end up at the Niwa household. The only good thing he could say about it was that because he was feeling sick, Krad was keeping as far from his consciousness and physical discomfort and wasn't paying attention.

The more he saw of the Niwa, how they interacted and confronted him, the more Satoshi felt…unsettled. Everything about the Niwa was vibrant. The home felt lived in and cherished. The elder Niwa had strong personalities, and the nosiness he expected, but none of the outright hostility he had expected. They weren't fools—there were enough cameras and traps in the home that it dissuaded him from snooping. It was still ridiculous that he was in their home. Satoshi couldn't imagine Rio ever allowing a Niwa to pass through her doors even if Satoshi had insisted it. It was an antithesis to the home Satoshi had grown up in. Loud, warm meals, blatant affection, and rampant emotions.

It should have been comical.

Instead it was a mix of heartwarming and depressing.

Satoshi watched Daisuke sleeping on a futon on the floor. How could he sleep so peacefully in the same room as someone who had tried to kill him? "You have no self-preservation instinct," Satoshi murmured. It took him a minute to realize he was smiling when he said it and it made him feel a bit sick. He was truly compromised. The whole Niwa family were people now, not shadow cut outs and stories to build anger and hate against. He hadn't been lying when he told Niwa that the things that were important got destroyed.

He even remembered Rio having him destroy his early paintings when they started growing sparks of life, and once, when he was very little, taking a favorite toy because he could not show any attachment for anything. Ironic since in the end he'd been attached to her, and inevitably it got her killed. It was only a matter of time before it happened to Niwa too.

Called by his emotions, Krad curled against his consciousness. He was subdued, surprising considering their location.

Satoshi replayed how Niwa touched his family casually, how his mother had voiced her concern for his safety loudly, how Niwa's father—an outsider as he had said—still showed insight and care for his son, how Dark's previous vessel hadn't shown any of the prejudice that undoubtedly was in his thoughts for the sake of his grandson's feelings. How no one viewed Dark as a curse, but something to be proud of. Not an unwilling duty to anyone but Niwa, and even he had begun to embrace it. He was a Niwa through and through even if he didn't understand it yet.

Niwa's life was everything Satoshi had wanted as a small child before it settled into him that his duty was inescapable.

He should hate Niwa.

He couldn't.

Krad reached out and Satoshi felt his stomach drop. His hand went for the ring that Niwa's father had given him, but Krad's mind wasn't angry or destructive. You are too close, Krad said, for once only a statement rather than an accusation.

It figured that the first time Satoshi and Krad had an emotional understanding it would be because of Niwa Daisuke. He'd been angry. He'd been frustrated. He'd been scared. In this moment he could only feel acceptance and fondness.

His body shifted, but Krad didn't grab for control. It was almost painless, like giving in to the inevitable. It should feel like a loss, but it feelt too right to be a bad thing. They were in limbo and he wasn't sure which of them was speaking when they said "I never wanted to be deeply connected to you."

"Daisuke…" Dark.

Their emotions were in harmony. It would probably never happen again, but the melancholy mix of warmth and jealousy swirled and redoubled between them. "I.." I've always… "I've always envied you."

He lifted Daisuke into the bed, Krad's body moving with an ease that Satoshi's lacked. Daisuke slept through it, curling innocently into his pillow.

If their places had been swapped… if their roles… Krad backed away from their body, and Satoshi couldn't help but pluck a feather to leave behind.

Sentimental and foolish, Krad said without his usual bite. You know what needs to be done.

"I would have thought you would want me to use his delusions of a possible friendship against him."

You have changed, Krad said like it explained everything.

"I haven't given up on catching Dark."

But never killing. Krad sighed. Far too sentimental. How you survived childhood will forever confuse me.

Satoshi shook his head and stepped away from Niwa's…Daisuke's bed. The window was a convenient exit.

"Why didn't you try to fight?" Satoshi asked as their wings carried them toward home.

Despite your high expectations of me, Krad said caustically, I am capable of holding a temporary cease fire.

"…I don't think I will ever understand you."

Your frail human self couldn't manage it.

"I won't let you kill them," Satoshi said.

Krad snorted. You've stopped rejecting me though.

"…in the end, we are the same."

Tomorrow the boxes would return, and emotions would be set away in them and only let out in careful amounts. He thought about what he said to Niwa Kosuke. "I am just me."