Chapter 8

TOBIAS

"Tobias." Tris' voice was on the edge of my consciousness as I began drifting out of sleep. "Tobias I need to talk to you," she said again and I struggled to concentrate on her voice. "Tobias, for Pete's sake, focus!" she commanded and I chuckled aloud at how bossy she could be and how stubborn she was.

Chuckling aloud woke me up and I sighed. I bet that frustrated her and I surprised myself by feeling a little justified in making her frustrated. She had put me through so much, it was about time she didn't get it easily. Then again, that was a pretty harsh view. It can't have been easy for her to realise that she wasn't actually dead and had to come and face us all again. And I don't imagine it was easy for her to see Will again. Would he have blamed her? Would he have been vindictive about her taking him away from his life? I had never gotten to know Will but I was always grateful that he and Christina had kept her safe when I couldn't always while she was an initiate.

Now that I was awake, I knew I wasn't going to be able to concentrate enough to speak to Tris so I got up and showered and thought about all we had learnt and speculated so far. As the water cascaded over my back and the steam fogged up around me I felt myself relax. I rested my forehead against the tiles and breathed deeply.

I thought back over all the time I had spent with Tris. From the moment she was the first jumper – a blur of grey hurtling down to the net without screaming. The stubborn look in her face.

All I could see was a blur of grey. A Stiff was the first jumper? I felt like my mouth had hit the floor. "Were you pushed?" I asked and she thrust her chin out, a stubborn look in her eyes. She looked so stern, so insistent.
Beautiful.
It was the first time I had really seen her, really looked at her. She was just there in her quiet beauty and self-confidence. So indignant.
Magnificent.

The time I had spent training her as an initiate, my gratification as she improved. The time I had to throw knives at her, my heart pounding. One millimetre off and I could have really hurt her, then the hurt I felt when she accused me of being sadistic like Eric after I had nipped her ear.

I had requested unsuccessfully that knife throwing be taken from the curriculum. I didn't think it served any purpose other than fueling the ever-growing Dauntless bravado. And I think at the time Eric chose to keep it, just to spite me. But in the end, it was a skill that Tris took to fantastically and that saved her life a number of times. But not enough.

Despite him being a future psychopath and her being a Candor smart-mouth, Peter and Christina had been good. Tris had also been good which I was surprised at, as were her friends from what I overheard. After her lack of talent with the rifles, it made sense this was a surprising talent. Then the incident with Eric noticing Al's lack of finesse and Tris volunteering to step in front of the target. I had been very tempted to throw a knife at Eric, just to make myself feel better.

I pushed her to be as strong as I could, playing on her Abnegation stubbornness, knowing she would rise to the occasion to be so spectacularly selfless. She always thought she wasn't selfless, and maybe she wasn't when it came to helping little old ladies carry their groceries, or giving to the Factionless. But when it came to saving the ones she loved she was always selfless.

A protector. That thought struck something in me, but I ignored it.

She frustrated me so much, while I waited for her to wake up to what I was doing, the only ways I could help her, and how I felt about her. And it did take a long time. She didn't understand that I had enjoyed holding her hand as much as she had holding mine the day before. And when we first kissed, I could feel her tense up and I remembered what it had been like when I first kissed a girl after being with the Abnegation. So I kissed her again to make sure that was all it was.

So when she wrapped her arm around me and her hand up my neck into my hair, I had never felt such bliss. I felt I lost myself in her.

I touched my lips as I reminisced about our first kiss.

"Tobias," Tris said again and startled me out of my reverie. Dammit. Well at least I now knew if I was relaxed enough and concentrated enough, something in me could contact something in her. I wondered if it was some kind of leftover transmitter from the Erudite or the Bureau. I supposed it had to be, I didn't believe in telepathy. This wasn't some fantasy world.

I tried again to lose myself in her, well thoughts of her, but wasn't able. Her voice had startled me and I couldn't get it out of my head enough to calm down. So I got dressed and went into work. Johanna was there in a meeting with someone with the door closed. It was a man I didn't recognise and there wasn't anything in her calendar. Plus she wasn't normally in this early.

I started doing some research on the People's Revolutionists and was surprised at the material I could find just in the stacks of junkmail that I didn't normally peruse. I started making a list on my notepad of things I wanted to chat to Zeke about so we could investigate them further. I had a feeling that should Tris and the other "chosen" ones came back, the Revolutionists would eat that up for breakfast, harping on in their sensationalistic manner.

Just then I heard Johanna's door open and pretended not to notice as the man left though I noticed a tattoo of a rose on the back of his neck.

"Is there something you want to tell me?" Johanna asked as she perched on the edge of my desk.

"What about, Johanna?" I asked.

"Your trip into the Fringe. Your initial report said there is a civil war brewing and I am not sure the treasury has enough in its coffers to support another war. The resurrection of Chicago after the Faction War nearly brought the city to its knees," she said dramatically. It wasn't like her to be quite so dramatic and it gave me the impression that whoever the man was, he had rattled her.

"Sure, but the Fringe has been slowly being de-escalated with the presence of myself, the police and a number of peacekeepers. We had the resolutions expert, Harold, dispatched in the first couple of days. He has been steadily regaining the influence and trust of the people in the Fringe and the Revolutionists are losing support. It is only a matter of time before it goes one way or the other and so far we are regaining control in the de-escalation of the Fringe," I said calmly, trying to reassure her.

She stared at me for a moment. "Good," she replied and got up abruptly. Yes, she was definitely rattled. Who was that guy?

"Johanna are you ok?" I asked and for a second I saw fear flash across her face.

"I'm fine," she said and went back into her office, shutting and locked the door behind her before drawing the blinds. That was a little concerning. Looks like Johanna may be the target after all. I decided to go and see Zeke now. We needed to get a better handle on the Revolutionists front to work out specifically where the danger was coming from.

I put all the information I had gathered into my bag and ran down to the tracks to jump the train again contemplating re-joining Dauntless, I mean, the police force. There really was nothing like the thrill of protecting the people, the adrenaline nor the smell of the training room. That was what had made me train initiates in the first place. I loved the smell of the training room and enjoyed working in intelligence because it always gave me an out.

And intelligence was what we needed now. I thought about FourTris as we rode the train. Who on earth could have been behind it? Not many from the city new about Tris and I as we were. For that had ended at the resetting of the Bureau and had begun at the start of the Faction war so the witnesses were few. They obviously knew enough about me to know that I would go looking at Cara's apartment myself to find the note.

After I entered the compound, I went straight in to see Zeke, hoping he would be in his office. But he wasn't. I tried calling him but he didn't answer. Where else would he be? I decided to drop in and see George while I was at it, and try and get some more information on the Protectors if he had any. He should have some kind of manifest about who was coming and their skillsets.

I knocked on his door and waited. "Yeah?" came the response a second later. I opened the door, and there was Hector sitting with George as George sketched.

"I didn't know you sketched?" I asked, but it made sense. Tori had always been good at drawing which was why she went into doing tattoos.

"Yes, runs in the family," George said absently as he adjusted something and showed it to Hector.

"Yes, that's it," Hector said. "Can I go now?" he asked and I got the feeling he was trying to hide something. He was normally quite bubbly but now he just seemed nervous or guilty, and was trying to escape before we asked him anything.

"Sure Hector," George replied. Hector started walking towards the door then paused as I stepped aside.

"You'll show that to Zeke right?" he asked and I wondered what Zeke knew.

"Certainly will Hec. Say hi to Shauna for me," George said and the kid nodded before making a swift exit.

"What's up with him?" I asked George.

"Don't know. Haven't seen him so fidgety before. Zeke apparently asked him to come in so I could do a sketch. Don't know anything more than that but I trust Zeke enough to do as he asks until I can extract the information from him," George answered. George covered over the sketch as I walked over to his desk to sit down. "Now what can I do for you?"

"Just wondering if you had any more information on our transfers? I heard they are called the Protectors," I said and George nodded.

"I don't have much more than that. Only have a date for them to come in. Two weeks tomorrow," he said.

"No personnel files?" I asked.

"Nothing. Not even their names," he replied and shrugged.

"Do you mind if I am here when they come in?" I asked and he shrugged again.

"Sure, if you want to be," George replied.

"Great, thanks. Do you know where Zeke is?" I asked and George shook his head.

"Haven't seen him yet this morning. I will let him know you dropped by," George said, effectively dismissing me. I took the hint and decided to go and see Matthew while I waited for Zeke to turn up. If I was right in guessing, Hector had visited Zeke last night which meant he was probably still asleep. But rather than running all over the city to find him, I'd get some other things done.

Matthew's building had been built and named the Millennium Institute since the new world order had come into being. It had been funded by the last of the Erudite treasury. The government had figured that Erudite had a debt to repay to the city in enhancing its knowledge and research across multiple areas to make up for the destruction and deaths of so many people. They hoped that this would encourage those of the intellectual sciences to return to work instead of fearing a backlash from the people after the Faction War.

I caught the bus over to the institute and waved at the receptionist as I headed up to Matthew's floor. There was another girl holding the fort at another reception desk as I made it to the eightieth floor. She was like a Dauntless warrior and wouldn't let me pass.

"I'm just here to see Matthew," I said again and she rolled her eyes at me.

"I will let him know you are here. Please take a seat," she said finally and I sat down and waited impatiently. I looked around. The building had been built with tinted windows and a lot of stainless steel, giving it a rather futuristic look. The reception area walls were black which contrasted with the glossy white furniture, bright fluorescent lights and the receptionists' purple hair and orange uniform. Odd choice of colours. Particularly hers.

I think I was waiting for a few minutes when Matthew emerged, rushing over to me.

"Tobias, how good to see you again. Please come in," he said in a rush of words, pumping my hand vigorously up and down before practically dragging me in to follow him. He seemed rather excited. "Now what can I do for you?" he asked and before I had time to answer he added, "You should see the work we are doing with memory. It's very exciting. I can't wait to show you. If only Tris was here. I know she would love it. We are making a number of breakthroughs as we come to understand how they are formed, stored and recalled. It's all rather fascinating." I bristled at the mention of Tris. I never liked how close he thought they were or how well he thought he knew her. But then I knew this was just the jealous part of me.

"Thanks for taking the time to see me Matthew," I said when he finally paused for breath. I had never quite seen him like this.

"Not at all, not at all. I was wondering when you would be curious enough to come and see the project we are working on," he said, seemingly starting to calm down.

"So how exactly does it work?" I asked as we finally made it to his office.

"We followed the concept of using a serum. So far we have been able to assist amnesia cases who presented after the blast you were involved in at the Bureau. There had been head traumas which resulted in the complete loss of memory," he said then paused and looked at me. I looked down guiltily. I still couldn't believe I didn't see the blast coming when Nita recruited me. He continued, "This serum has been vital in assisting the patients to reach past the trauma and access their memory bank in the hippocampus," Matthew explained. I had a feeling this was about to get technical.

"The serum works to stimulate the prefrontal cortex which is responsible for short and long term memories which are not task based, then connect it with the temporal lobe which assists in the processing of the stimuli produced by the prefrontal cortex. It enables the mind to process the complex stimuli of faces and scenes. Then we had to ensure the medial temporal lobe was activated effectively to ensure each of the specific organs like the hippocampus, amygdala, thalamus and so on were functioning together to create a real memory and not an imagined or warped image," he said and I nodded.

So far it made sense from the books I had read since the Faction War. I had told Tris that the tattoo on my back was about how I didn't want to be confined to one Faction or one value. I wanted to be brave, selfless, smart, kind and honest. So because I had been somewhat neglecting some of those values before the Faction war so I get stuck into some reading. The parts about memory I had mostly read because after Christina caught me trying to swallow the memory loss serum, I contemplated ways of forgetting. But she was right, I was a better person for having known and loved her. And been loved by her.

"We did encounter a problem where they weren't sure which were really memories," he said and I nodded.

"So how did you work out which were real?" I asked to show I was following so far. "Can you see the memories to judge if they are memories or fantasy?"

"No we can't see them. We didn't want to interfere with the memory integrity. We focused on ensuring the hippocampus was accurately recalling the memories and the balances were correct. Injecting the serum under MRI we could follow the memory's path to ensure it was all lighting up as it should and activating the correct centres of the brain in what we deduced to be the correct order and levels. As a result we believe we have it reasonably narrowed down. There is still room for error but is so far being helpful," Matthew concluded.

"Can it also determine what is real and what is fantasy once it becomes memory?" I asked.

"Interesting concept," Matthew replied and stroked his chin. "We hadn't considered that before but without getting too much into the science, it is possible. Given we have never tested it, we can't really ascertain what is truth. And given parameters that have no actual positive or negative," he paused and looked at me, "True or false if you will, then realistically it is impossible to determine the answer. The probabilities are infinite," he added.

Well there went that idea. I had asked to see if this whole thing with Tris in the fear landscape and my dreams, my subconscious, was real or if I was really just dreaming it. I was concerned that I was just dreaming it as a way of bringing her back. And if that was the case, I really was never going to let go. I had lost a part of me when I lost her.

"We can try it out," he said when he saw the crestfallen look on my face. "No harm can come to you, but I have been told it is all very vivid. Are you sure you want to?" he asked and I looked up at him. Did I?

"How likely will I be to be able to pinpoint what exactly I am looking for once I am under?" I asked. If it was vivid, there were definitely things from my past I didn't want to relive.

"No guarantees," Matthew said truthfully. "If your will is strong enough then it should help you. But given that majority of our subjects are searching for memories they are not sure are there, memories they don't know, they are essentially going in blind. The concept of knowing what you are looking for is different and changes the parameters of the serum," he explained.

"Well let's give it a go," I said and he nodded, leading me into another room adjoining his office. In it was a room that looked similar to the fear rooms at the compound.

"Lie back Tobias," he said and I acquiesced. He attached small electrode pads to each temple and two to my forehead. He then attached three leads to my chest and hips to monitor my heart rate and rhythm. Then he wrapped soft leather padded cuffs around my wrists and ankles.

"Is that necessary?" I asked and he nodded.

"Just a precaution," he said and checked I was securely strapped in. Then he asked, "Ready?" I nodded and he injected the green serum into my neck. "In sixty seconds you will be sorting through your hippocampus. Concentrate. We can debrief when you wake up," he said and I closed my eyes. Here we go, I thought.