Chapter 9

TOBIAS

"Everyone will do just fine without me," she says and a shiver runs through my body. She couldn't leave me.

"Who cares about everyone?" I ask, "What about me?" My hands are trembling. Maybe I can make her stay. Stop her from giving herself over to the Erudite. I cross the room in two long strides and press my lips to hers. I can feel her lose herself in my kiss. Then she remembers what's going on and puts a hand on my chest to stop me. I can see guilt flick across her face. Guilt I now know is about Will mostly.

"You would be fine," she said, not looking at me. "Not at first. But you would move on, and do what you have to," she said even though I know neither of us believe it. How could I be fine if she was gone?

"That's a lie," I say and kiss her again. She hesitates for a second before wrapping her arms around me, curling one around my neck. I walk backward, pulling her with me to the bed until I'm sitting and she's standing between my legs so we are eye to eye. I run my hands over her body from her cheeks to her hips. She kisses me and runs her hand under my shirt and over my skin, increasing my desire and I kiss her harder.

Suddenly we are both trying to get closer to each other, more skin on skin. I am about to lose control and I think she is to but I have to make her promise not to leave me. She is good for her word. She has to promise me. "Promise me," I whisper, "that you won't go. For me. Do this one thing for me." Again she hesitates. Do I not mean as much to her as she does to me?

"Okay," she says finally and I frown. I know she doesn't mean it. Yet.

"Promise," I say again.

"I promise," she says.

We lay down in the bed and I wrap my arms around her tightly, holding her to me. I hope that now she has promised me she won't go, that she will stay. But something in me knows that she is going to leave despite her promises. But as I fall asleep, my grip loosens.

I wake up and her side is empty. And cold. For a second I think she must be in the bathroom. And then it sinks in that her side is cold. She didn't just get out of bed. She's gone. To Erudite. "Nooooo," I yell, my voice hoarse. "Tris!" I scream even though it will do no head. I rip out of bed and throw my clothes on. I run down the hall to the weapons room and load up with guns, knives and ammunition. I will shoot everyone at Erudite headquarters if I have to.

"Four, stop!" I hear someone yell but I am concentrating too much. Too angry. To devastated. "Four!" the voice says again as someone places a hand on my arm. Instinctively I grab the hand and force the wrist backwards and down to prevent them from moving because of the pain. If I push too hard I will break the wrist. "TOBIAS!" the voice yells and I finally look. It's Christina. I release her.

"Christina, Tris is gone," I say and she narrows her eyes at me.

"Stop shouting at me Four," she says.

"I'm not," I say and pause. Ok I was shouting at her. "But she's gone," I say this time in a voice of normal volume. Christina just looks at me. "To give herself in to the Erudite," I add to clarify and a look of horror and guilt covers her face. "You knew!" I shout again.

"Four, calm down. Think about how best to get her out. If you go in there guns blazing, you will both be killed. We need to think about this logically!" another voice says and I turn around. Uriah is there.

"But what if I never see her again?" I ask, crumbling. It's like being in the fear landscape. I am too scared to think clearly. My heart is hammering in my chest and I am hyperventilating, everything is going fuzzy and I feel dizzy. I force myself to slow my breathing down and concentrate on that as the others talk around me.

"I have an idea," Uriah says and now calmer, we begin to forge a plan to get her out. I am going to have to go in.

"Tobias," I hear a voice slip through my consciousness. "Tobias, concentrate on the memories you are looking for," the voice said. And I think. What memories am I looking for? What does he mean memories I'm looking for.

A lone figure lies on the pavement. For a moment I think it is still moving, but then I realize that's because someone is rifling through its pockets. It's not a figure – it's a body.

"Dead?" I say and the word is just an exhale.

"Yep. If you can't defend yourself here, you won't last a night," Rafi replies. I can't fathom the idea that people move here by choice if the atmosphere is like this. I ask that of Rafi and he is quiet for so long that I think he hasn't heard me. Finally it isn't Rafi that replies, it's his guard.

"Here, there's a chance that if you die, someone will care. In the cities if you get killed, no one will give a damn."

"Come on Tobias, concentrate," the voice comes again and I think about what it said before. The memories I am looking my mind clears slightly. I am with Matthew, perusing my hippocampus. Ok Tobias, you wanted to know if the memories you have created of Tris in the landscape, that she's alive, you want to know if they are real or fantasy.

I think back to my fear landscape, the first time I saw her again. She told me she was wondering when I would go looking for her. I replay the discussion in my mind, and the feelings of her in my arms and her lips on mine.

I open my eyes and Matthew's concerned face is above me. "That was a pretty powerful memory you first had," he said. I nod, my heart still beating rapidly.

"So what's the verdict?" I asked.

"The second part, whatever you were remembering, as far as I can tell appears to be reality not fantasy. But like I said, this is not something we have ever tried before. This is all raw data so I couldn't really tell you either way. I could be wrong," he said and I nod. Matthew assisted me to sit up and I wiped the sweat off my brow.

"I don't think I like that," I said and Matthew laughed.

"I'm not really surprised. That was almost like watching the physical data of a fear landscape. What the hell were you remembering?" he asked.

"Tris giving herself over to the Erudite to be studied then executed," I replied. Matthew looked aghast. I don't think he had heard. And then given what actually happened with the Bureau, Tris agreeing to be studied and then essentially was executed, it hit a little close to home for both of us. "I had just woken up to find Tris gone, and realised what she had done."

"Well I can see why your mind and body reacted thus," Matthew replied and shook his head.

"Do you mind if I head off?" I asked him and he nodded.

"Can I keep the data?" Matthew asked.

"Definitely. Let me know if you come to any further conclusions," I said and shook his hand before leaving. I was still shaking as I walked back to the compound. Hopefully Zeke was back. I went back up to his office and he was there with the door closed. I knocked and he came and opened the door with the sketch I had seen George draw in hand. I still hadn't got a look at the sketch.

"Hey Four, are you ok?" Zeke asked me.

"Yeah why?" I asked, playing innocent.

"You look really pale and wiped out," he replied and I sighed.

"I was just visiting Matthew. Relived a memory I'd rather forget," I said and he nodded in understanding. "So what's with Hec and the sketch?" I asked.

"So, long story short. Hec was approached by this guy," Zeke said and thrust the sketch at me, "to investigate the work that Cara was doing on the serum. They thought he would have access to information because of Shauna. They convinced him they were from some publication who wanted to ensure the people understood what was going on, to help raise awareness for the good research that was being done. Then Cara disappeared and Hector felt responsible," Zeke said and I looked down at the sketch. I couldn't believe it.

"This guy was in Johanna's office this morning. When she came out, she looked really rattled and upset and more than just a little scared," I replied.

"Are you sure it's the same guy?" Zeke asked.

"Yes, definitely. Same eyes, hair, cheeks and chin. And he has a rose tattoo on the back of his neck," I said.

"I haven't heard anything about the tattoo but I will add that to his file. What was he doing with Johanna?"

"I think we were right in trying to work out targets for the Revolutionists. I think Johanna is their target in some way. He didn't seem to threaten her from what I could tell, but I didn't hear anything and she didn't say who he was. We will have to be careful in how we move forward with this," I replied and he nodded thoughtfully.

"Hmmm ok. I don't think Hector will mention it to anyone and sounds like it was done on the quiet. I am a little concerned about making sure you don't look too involved considering he saw you with Johanna. Do you recognise him?" he asked.

I looked again at the sketch. I didn't recognise him this morning. Had I seen him before? I tried to run my mind back over every face I'd seen. Wait! "It was Rafi's guard!" I say astounded.

"Who's guard? Wait, you know who it is?" Zeke asked.

"With the whole GD war on the Bureau, Rafi was the mastermind behind it that Nita was working with. This man was Rafi's guard," I explained and for a second I thought Zeke and I were going to fight about it again. We had made peace a while ago though occasionally there was still some awkwardness between us.

"Could Rafi be involved in it? Could he be behind this?" Zeke asked, all business.

"I could call the Bureau, see if Rafi is still locked up. Or you could," I replied. I remembered when they sentenced me to parole before they were reset that they had said Nita and Rafi would be sentenced to spending a good chunk of their life in prison. I doubted Rafi could be out already. Had someone else picked up the cause?

"It might be better if I do," Zeke answered and I nodded. Given I had been involved in the incident, I didn't know how much they would want to release that information to me. Plus as a police officer, if there had been an incident, Zeke had the reason to ask.

"Ok that's fine. Let me know what you find out," I said. I didn't really want to know about Nita. I still had never regretted anything so much in my life. Even in allowing Tris to be the one to stay here.

"Certainly will. Thoughts on how to proceed in the meantime?" Zeke asked.

"I suppose we need to clue in George and Amar, on this at least. It's not exactly a state secret. But I don't think we should be making public announcements that we have him as a suspect. Keep a low profile. Maybe we can tail him and see where he leads us?" I said, thinking aloud.

"That's not a bad idea. I will let you know after I have spoken to the others. Amar got back with his squad last night. Apparently it is all calm down there now," Zeke said. This was news to me. I wondered what that meant. It certainly was calmer by the time we left, but not quiet. Were they going underground to plan an attack? Is that why this guy was in the city?

"I'm sorry, what?" I asked. I had turned Zeke out.

"I asked if we are still on for tonight?"

"Yeah sounds fine to me. My place still?"

"Yep. Ok," Zeke said and looked at his watch, "I'm going to go and talk to these guys now then I better get ready for my date with Ness." I looked at my watch as well. It was late afternoon. Apparently I had been with Matthew for a lot longer than I had anticipated.

"Sounds good. See you tonight," I said and we both left, Zeke to find Amar and George, and me to head home and prepare to see Tris again. I had just walked in the door at home and put my stuff down when there was a knock at the door. It couldn't be Zeke… I wondered who it was.