Chapter 16

CANDICE

Last night when Tobias had left, I wasn't able to get him off my mind. After dinner we had all hung out in our dorm room playing card games before bed. I was pretty tired. I think they were still playing when I fell asleep. So now, laying on my bunk I thought about what happened yesterday when I bumped into Tobias. Everyone was still asleep around me and Zach was snoring.

I had been in my own little world and not paying attention to where I was going and smacked straight into him, hard. It was like hitting a wall of muscle, there wasn't much give in him. And so I started falling backwards. Then before I could blink, his hands were on my waist and I was laying on top of him. Surprisingly, neither of us were winded as we landed. He sure did have quick reflexes because I expected to hit the ground.

When he asked me if he was ok, I let too much out. I hadn't meant to tell him that I was ok now, not that he understood anyway. But it's like I was drowning in a sea of loneliness while I was living at Fort Bragg but since meeting him (all of a few days ago) I no longer felt that way. It's kind of like seeing the sun for the first time and being slowly warmed by it. It takes you by surprise and warms you from the inside, slowly thawing you.

But I am not who I think I am so why do I keep touching him? I am not a touchy-feely person like Marly. I like my personal space. And I did punch him afterall although that was pure instinct. I certainly wouldn't if he hugged me like at again. I had felt some kind of sheer need and a hint of desperation along with utter relief in his arms when he hugged me.

And yet, despite not being a touchy person, nor knowing him at all, I keep touching his arm or his shoulder when I talk to him. I can see it's hard for him. But I can't help myself. Other than being startled at some stranger hugging me, I actually enjoyed his hug. But who the hell was he? And why did he think I was someone else. Tris? Who was Tris?

I got up and got dressed and went in to breakfast. Tobias was sitting there talking to Tyrah and Marly. Marly was being her usual flirty self and for some reason, I didn't like it even though she was going out with Zach. And despite telling myself that I needed to keep my distance from Tobias, the first thing I did was squeeze in next to him.

"Morning," he said and started leaning into me to kiss me and then realised and pulled back, a look of pain flicking across his handsome face. Why was I making this harder for him but putting myself in his personal space? I seemed to want to be close to him which I didn't understand. I didn't like being close to people. Even the other Protectors. Although Zach had a way of getting up in your personal space in his charming manner. I was always the exception when it came to touching. The others hugged and kissed and touched all the time. I was a lot better and I had worked on my handshake so it was no longer like holding a limp fish.

"Morning Tobias," I replied and looked at him. He looked tired, almost as if he hadn't slept. I concentrated on my food and he didn't say any more. I was not even half way through my meal when he got up.

"Four," I heard someone call and we both looked up. Amar was waving him over.

"I'll see you later okay?" he said and left. I had blown it. Whatever 'it' was. Back off Candice. Back off. He obviously didn't feel about me the way I was inexplicably feeling about him. He'd barely said a sentence to me since catching me yesterday. He must think I was clumsy or a child or something. That was obviously why he wouldn't talk to me now.

The rest of the day passed by pretty quickly. We alternated between observing the current trainees and their technology, and training with them. I had another attempt at knife throwing, as did the others. And we all seemed to take to it well. I kept looking around to find Tobias but he wasn't there. Each meal when we went into the dining hall, I expected to see him sitting there, but he never was. I don't know why that disappointed me.

So did the next day.

And the next day.

And the next.

Training and more training. No Tobias.

I hoped he wasn't avoiding me. I lost all confidence in him coming back to see me. See us. He wouldn't be coming just to see me.

They also kept us reasonably secluded in the compound. It wasn't that we were like prisoners, but as they explained, we looked a lot like people they used to know and that would cause some extreme emotional behaviour. Plus we didn't know our way around the city and it had been hard enough getting here in the first place without getting lost.

But now, it was a couple of weeks later and very early in the morning. I couldn't sleep. I was ridiculously tired, but couldn't sleep. The others were out for the count. I changed into some pants and a v necked shirt and decided to workout with the punching bag. It had been a while since I had lost myself in it.

As I walked in, there he was in all his glory. He was working out using a punching bag himself and I stood back and watched him. He was magnificent. Every punch, elbow, knee and kick sent the bag flying backwards. He was wearing pants and a singlet and his arms gleamed with sweat. He was concentrating on what he was doing and didn't notice me for a few minutes so I had an unguarded view of him. He seemed quite emotional based on the way he was hitting and the sounds he made so I didn't want to disturb him.

I was just about to leave when I heard him call out to me. "Tris, uh I mean Candice," he said, quickly correcting himself. And it made me remember that I wasn't the one he wanted. He wiped his palms over his face to either wipe off the sweat or tears. Or both.

"Hi Tobias," I said as I walked over to him. "I haven't seen you around much," I said though it was more like a question.

"Yeah I have been pretty busy," he replied lamely. "What are you doing up so early anyway?"

"Couldn't sleep. Thought I would come work out," I said and he nodded.

"I couldn't sleep either," he said, explaining his appearance. I had learnt that he lived away from the training compound and only came in to visit so I figured it was a pretty rough night for him if he couldn't sleep and had come all the way here to work out. "I was just finishing up," he said and started packing up his kit.

"No, please stay," I said and his hand paused. I had missed the sight of him from the few brief times I had met him so far. And that surprised me as well. I had never been attracted to someone before. Sure, Zach was handsome and attractive, and Bill had his charms. But I was not attracted to them. I was however attracted to the broody Tobias.

"Would you like to go for a walk?" he asked and I nodded eagerly. Partially eager to spend time with him, and partially because I wanted to get out of the compound and see more sun. "Let me just shower and change. I will meet you back here?" he asked and I nodded. I figured I should probably change from my workout gear so we both left.

I took off my training clothes and stared at myself in the mirror. I have three scars from bullet wounds, two close together in my shoulder and one near my hip. I only vaguely remember what they are from. A man in a wheelchair was shooting me. David, I think. I don't remember why or where, only that when I woke up, I was connected to different IV's and tubes and in Fort Bragg. They told me I was protecting the city of Jericho and amnesia was common after such a traumatic incident. That one day I may remember.

Then I was recruited into the Protectors and trained at Fort Bragg with the others. I knew all of them, had history with all of them and we trained hard to protect Jericho. It was only recently we had been requested to be dispatched to Chicago to receive further training and continue the Protection program here under the command and with the assistance of Tobias and the other trainers at the compound.

We had heard rumours along the way about a resistance group forming an uprising against the people's elected government claiming to be conducting a range of freaky mind controlling experiments.

And so here we were. I hadn't brought many clothes with me but Marly, being quite girly, had insisted I bring at least one dress. And so the one dress I brought is knee length and while it isn't a full skirt, it isn't stuck tight to my thighs either. It's comfortable though fitting. I took the tie from my hair and left my hair down in blonde waves. I adjusted the top of the dress so it sat properly with the v-neck showing off the tattoos on my collarbone. Three ravens, one for each of my family I had been shot protecting in Jericho.

I left a note for the others then I walked back down to the training room and Tobias was leaning against the wall waiting for me. "Wow," he murmured. I couldn't help but feel ridiculously pleased. I tried to hide my smile. His eyes narrowed then widened as he looked at the tattoo on my collarbone. "It is you," he whispered then shook his head to clear it. He cleared his throat nervously. "Shall we go?" he asked.

"Sure," I replied looking up into his handsome face. I remembered how blue his eyes were. He had very long lashes and his eyes were a dark blue. A dreaming colour. He held out his hand, and instinctively, I took it and we went for a stroll through the streets. They were deserted given how early it was. I wondered where we were going until we came to a pylon. Tobias began climbing. I looked up at him curiously, then shrugged and followed him up.

There were train tracks there. "Get ready," Tobias said and I tilted my head to the side. For what? Then I heard the low rumbling of the approaching train. I could see lights approaching in the distance. When I looked back, Tobias had started running and I ran to catch up as the train caught up with us. We were jumping the train? Fair enough.

Tobias reached out and grabbed the handle, pulling himself up smoothly into the carriage. He looked amazing doing that. I reached out to grab the handle but Tobias was already there, grabbing my arm and pulling me in. "I can do it myself," I said indignantly. Last thing I wanted him to think was that I was some simpering little girl.

"I know," he said grinning at me, not put off by my outburst and I couldn't help but smile back. Something about this felt familiar. We both sat down next to each other, leaning against the back wall of the carriage. We were there for a while and the gentle rock and roll of the carriage relaxed me and I closed my eyes.

"Do you want to know what we are doing?" he asked me and I opened my eyes again.

"Not really," I replied. I just wanted to spend time with him. Stupid though that was. He ignored my response and told me anyway.

"I thought we might go chill at my place. Maybe watch a movie and have lunch somewhere?"

"Sounds good," I answered. Though I was a little nervous at going to his place. Suddenly the carriage rocked hard and I fell into him. He wrapped an arm around me.

"Steady," he said, his mouth close to my ear and I shivered, leaning into him.

"I've missed you coming around," I said and he hugged me tighter to his chest.

"I'm sorry," he murmured and kissed the top of my head. "I'm sorry but we have to get up now," he said and disentangled himself and stood. He put his hand out to help me up. I took it and looked at the muscles bulging in his arm as he pulled me up.

I looked out the carriage door. The train didn't seem to be making a move to slow down much. I looked up at Tobias. "We're jumping?" I asked and he nodded, grinning at me.

"Ready?" he asked and I nodded, excited. He took my hand and pulled me a few steps back toward the back of the carriage. "On three, one… two… three!" he said and pulled me with him and we jumped onto a grassed embankment. I was surprised when we both remained standing. I was quite impressed with myself. I had half expected myself to stack it in front of him and remind him how clumsy I was.

He took my hand again and we walked slowly to his apartment. I was enjoying the feel of the sun and tilted my head up towards it as we walked. We walked in silence, but it wasn't awkward as it had been. It was more a comfortable, companionable silence.

"Are you ok with this or would you prefer we didn't go to my apartment?" Tobias suddenly asked me. How could he know what I was scared of? I stopped and looked at him.

"No it's fine," I said and smiled at him. He smiled down at me then lifting his free hand, brought it to my face to tuck a piece of hair behind my ear. I struggled to concentrate on my breathing. His touch was so light.

"Are you sure?" he asked and I nodded. "Good, because we're here," he said and chuckled and we went up the stairs to his apartment.

"Nice place," I said as he let us in. I walked over to the couch.

"Did you want anything to drink?" he asked me and I shook my head and sat down, slightly nervously. "Movie?" he asked me as he approached the cupboard next to the TV.

"Sounds good," I replied and he put a disc into the player and then disappeared for a second and reappeared with a blanket and sat down next to me. I was very aware of him sitting there, though he didn't make a move towards me other than to cover both out laps with the blanket. The material was really soft and it strangely eased some of my tension. I could feel the heat emanating from him and felt drawn to it.

As the credits rolled up, I leaned against the arm of the couch, laying on the cushion and rested my legs up on the couch and he placed them over his lap and rested his hand on my knee. His hand was so warm.

I pulled the blanket up to my chin and snuggled down, enjoying the warmth and comfort, but something was missing. The opening scenes rolled by but I barely noticed them, I was concentrating on the feeling of his thumb rubbing my knee. It felt nice. I looked up at Tobias and noticed he was gazing at me fondly.

I rolled onto my side and he slipped down behind me on the couch until we were lying flush against each other with his chest to my back and his body cradling mine. That's what was missing, I thought as he placed a hand around my waist. His other arm slipped under my head under the cushion, seeking my hand and he grasped it.

"Is this ok?" he whispered, his breath tickling my ear.

"Yes," I whispered back and he snuggled into my neck, pulling me tightly against him. I felt my whole body relax. I put my other arm over his across my waist and held his other hand. It was so comfortable. I knew I was getting too close to him, but I couldn't help it. I closed my eyes, thinking this was what bliss felt like. I felt myself starting to drift. I thought I felt his lips graze my neck, but I was too relaxed to react.

"I love you," I thought I heard him whisper as I fell asleep.