The Missing Half

Chapter 15 – What's Your Childhood Trauma?

(Buffy's POV)

Did I hear that right? She's…she's in love with me? How? What? When?

My heart lurches in my chest. She loves me. She. Loves. Me.

I look deeply into Faith's huge brown orbs…I squeeze her hands briefly and say as sincerely as I can.

"I don't think. I know. I know that I'm in love with you Faith."

Did I really just say that? I did. And I mean it. Faith's looking so far into my eyes now. And I can't seem to tear mine away from hers either.

(Faith's POV)

Laksovlgolgw. Klovseksjka. Blurghes. Right now. That's about the only thoughts my mind can process. B loves me? No way. She's gotta be playin' me. B's s'posed to hate me. She's supposed to try and kill me. Not love me.

I'm searching her eyes for any hint that she's fooling me. But I can't find it. Her pure green eyes tell me that she's not lying.

This is gunna take a while. B loves me. THE Buffy Summers. Loves. ME.

B musta noticed my wide-eye terror…my fear that she's insincere. She pulls me in close and we're hugging. But the hug is charged with so much more than just a simple understanding. The hug represents passion. A hug that in a few seconds turns into much more. B grabs my chin gently and turns her face to mine. And we lean in. We lean in for mine and B's first kiss.

(Buffy's POV)

Faith's giving me a disbelieving look. I can't take it. I want her to know I mean it. I pull her into a deep hug. And before I know it, I've turned her face to mine and our lips brush against each other. And we're kissing. A kiss that opens a whole new world for me.

But as quickly as it began, it ended. Something's obviously troubling Faith. We pull apart and meet each other's eyes again. Her eyes are full of despair. And all I want to do is make her better.

(Faith's POV)

Oh. My. God. I can't take it. I have never been this much in love with a single person. And that scares me. The last person that I thought I loved, of course not in the same way, cause, ummm eew, was my watcher. And she's dead. B can't die on me too.

Tears are threatening to spill from my eyes. This is too good to be true. The one person I figured I could never have just finished kissing me.

Her concern-filled eyes are trying to figure out what went wrong. I don't even know where to begin.

"Faith, are you ok? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have…with the lips, and the kissing…and oh crap, my breath! Probably a world of gross…" Oh mercy me…she's babbling now, she thinks it's her fault.

"B…uffy. Your breath doesn't smell, and the lips were fine! That was probably one of the happiest moments of my life. And I'm ruining it. I just…it's just…I mean…" I can't continue. If I tell B anything now I would have to tell her about my childhood. And I don't know that I can. I'm sobbing now. I can't figure out how to put into words what I am feeling.

And B just…she holds me. And in this moment, that's all I need.

(Buffy's POV)

She just broke down. I don't know what to do! She's sobbing into my shoulder. Are my lips cursed? Did one of those gypsies put a curse on them too? Bad lips! You're grounded! No chapstick for a week!

Anyways, it's like she's got something to tell me. I know she does. And I have a feeling it has to with her deep dark past. I don't wanna push her. She'll talk when the time is right.

(Faith's POV)

I gotta tell her. About me. It's part of this relationship thing ain't it? I pull myself from B's embrace.

"Can we go for a walk?" I ask.

"Of course. Whatever you want Faith. I'll go grab our jackets, a hypothermic slayer is not a happy slayer." I nod my head and she goes back into the club. It is pretty cold out here. I stand there waiting for a few minutes, wondering how I was gunna start the not-so-fairy tale of my life.

B comes back, our jackets in her hands. She hands me mine and we start walking. "I told Angel we were gunna go for a walk. He said he would get Dawn home. Feel sorry for him. That girl has had one too many caffeine filled drinks. I walked in there during her performance of Spice Girls' "Wannabe". Guess you were right about her still being into them. But she was all over the stage. I actually think she created a new work out routine called The Spaz. The crowd was lovin' it though. Jumpin' hootin' hollerin'. It was like American Idol meets Richard Simmons. Ooh and there was this one demon that said Buffy shut up you are talking enough to make your tongue fall out of your mouth."

B blushes and I laugh. "Hey B, it's ok, keep talking like that and I'll never have to talk about what I need to. Babble on please."

We walk for a few moments in silence. She knows I need to talk. So do I. Might as well.

"Alright B. So I know you're probably wondering why I went all blubbery on you back there. And let me tell you. You did nothing wrong. Everything about you is so right. What this all has to do with is my past. My past relationships with guys, my family, more importantly my mom. Oh god how do I start?"

B squeezes my hand. That's enough to keep me going. "So my life was never a happy story. My mom was a heavy alcoholic, but she was all I ever had. My dad, he and his buddies used to drink, shoot up, and play hide and seek with me. As in I go hide, they look for me and when they would find me, they'd kick me around a little bit. So daddy never gave me much love, and mom wanted to help me but was always passed out or drinking…"

I take a deep breath and continue. "So one day, my dad and his clown friends got me good. I passed out on my mom's bed. The strangest thing though, I woke up and my mom was holding me. Stroking my hair. When I opened my eyes, I saw her and she looked so…different. It was like her opposite was looking at me. She didn't smell like alcohol, and she was talking to me. Silently crying and telling me that she would make things right and that she was sorry."

I pause for a moment and think back on that change my mom went through " I guess that last beating I got from my supposed father pushed her over the edge and she tried to change. After that, we started talking a lot more. About how school was for me and how the other things were going on in my life. Things were starting to look up. Dad was out a lot more, spending the night at his friend's cos he was too screwed up to make it home. Me and mom got pretty close, she stated to save the money she used to spend on her liquor, and got me a real birthday present."

I smile at the memory. B catches my grin and gently prods. "What was it?"

"A lite-brite. A few of the kids at school had them, and I thought they were so cool. All that color, and pictures. You know, a typical kid's toy. So she brought it home one day, and we sat there. Making pictures, writing little messages to each other. I would come home from school each day and see the little lite-brite…I know it's kinda dumb, but for me, back then, it gave me something."

I stopped talking and looked around. In all that talking, I hadn't realized where we were headed to. The beach. B and I walked through the sand. We stopped walking and sat down in the soft grains and watched the water.

After a few minutes, I continued my story again. "So for a while, things were great. My mom was sober for eight months, we had never been closer, I was doing good in school, and dad was almost never home. Then it happened. That night. The one that changed my life. Hardened me for the world."

B put her arm around my waist reassuringly. "I came home one night, after going to the grocery store to pick up a few items. Me and mom were going to make tortillas that night. I walked in the house and set the food on the counter. Then I went to check our little lite-brite message board. I swear B, nothing coulda prepared me for what was written. I re-read the message over and over, trying to comprehend what it said; hoping the words would disappear from in front of me. But it said the same thing each time. Mommy doesn't live here anymore. Dad musta been there. I raced to her room and my heart stopped when I saw her."

B's arm tightened around me. The tears started to spill from my eyes. "She was lying on the bed, a gunshot wound in her chest. It was fresh, didn't happen too long ago. So fresh that she was still alive. I ran to her, crying. And she looked at me, blood dribbling from her lips. I held her hand and reached for the phone, I picked it up and dialed 911. Nothing. The line was dead. My dad had cut the wires."

" I remember screaming and just holding my mom. She was slipping away from me, and she knew it. We both knew that nothing could be done. So I sat there with her, in each other's arms as her life poured out of her. Then she spoke to me. 'My beautiful little Faith. My everything. I'm so sorry that we couldn't have always been happy together. I'm so sorry it took me so long.' I quickly tell her that it was ok, that I loved her. But she needed to keep talking to me. 'Faith, you need to get out of here. Away from your father, get out of here, and make something of yourself. I know you can. I'll always be with you honey, always.' Her eyes started to flutter and I knew it was almost time. 'Faith, I love you. So very much. I always have and always will. I love…' and she died. In my arms. That night turned my life around."

B's wrapping me in a complete hug now. She's crying softly and I'm sobbing into her shoulder. I had never told anybody this. Except my watcher. I suppose I should get this all out. B pulls away from me and asks me if I am able to continue. I nod my head and go on.

"After that night, I left my house. I wandered the streets of Boston for a month or two. Never really knowing where to go. One night, I was walking downtown, and a car pulled up behind me. A woman walked out and called my name. She was my watcher. Gabrielle. She told me to get in the car, and having no where else to go, I did. She drove me to her apartment where she told me. She told me that I was a slayer. What it was. And what I had to do to protect the world. I embraced it, and let my powers help me make things right. Making something of myself like my mom wanted me to do."

"Gabrielle was kind, intelligent, and a surrogate mother to me. I guess she was like my Giles. We grew close and were around each other 24/7. When I wasn't slaying, we hung out, going on drives, the movies…you know fun stuff. And I felt like a normal girl. Ya, a normal girl with slayer powers…but still. I belonged somewhere. Then Kakistos came. Tore her throat out in front of me. Second person I loved, second person to be killed. Then I went to Sunnydale, you know the story after that."

I sighed softly in relief that I had told B the story of my life. B just held me tighter and hugged me. Her lips hovered by my ear.

"Faith, I love you. And nothing is going to keep us apart. I want you to know that Faith." I rest my forehead on hers

"I love you too B. Thanks for listening." I murmur softly.

"It's part of being yours. Your girlfriend. What I'm here for."

"So we are then? A umm… couple?" I wasn't sure if B thought we were. I don't know why it means so much to me to here her say she's my girlfriend, but it does.

"Of course. Now, if you don't mind, I've got a question for you."

"Ok…ask away." She reaches down her shirt and pulls the necklace from it.

"This necklace. By the way, is beautiful. Thank you for it. But why does it say 'Chosen'? I mean ya, we are the slayers, but I can't help but to think it's something more."

"You're right B, it's what I have always thought of you. You were chosen for me. Chosen to be the one person I could love with my entire heart. You were the one chosen to get me through the hard times in life. My companion, even if at the time, I was positive you didn't want to be mine. I still loved you."

"I do. Want to be yours. With you. Don't ever doubt it."

We wrap our arms on one another and watch the waves roll in. It's so beautiful. This whole night.

"So how do you think Xander and Red are gunna take this?" I ask.

"I'm hoping that they might loosen up a bit. I'm happy. They better not give me or you crap about this, I might have to go evil Buffy on them. With words of course."

"Alright. That's my girl. All cower in fear at the Buffinator! She will defeat you with her cunning words! Try that one on the vamps…they'll probably stake themselves, anything so they don't have to listen to you." I tease.

"Oooh Faith. You've done it now. I'm gunna have to---"

I cut her off with a kiss. Passion rolls off us like the waves around us.

(Buffy's POV)

I'm just about to threaten her when she covers her mouth with mine. What a feeling that is.

After a few minutes, the kiss ends and we're catching our breath. I lie down on my back and stare up at the sky, thinking about he whole night. It couldn't have been any better.

I hear a soft thump and turn my head to see Faith lying on the sand next to me, her thick brown hair fanning around her head. I scoot over closer to her and rest my head on her chest, listening to her steady breathing. She's softly stroking my hair.

Soon, the stroking stops and Faith's breathing becomes deeper. She's sleeping now, the day's events musta worn her out.

Come to think of it, I'm pretty wiped myself. I curl my body around Faith's and soon doze off.

A/N: Thanks to all that have been reviewing! I like it when that happens. So may I suggest that it keeps happening? Please?