AN: sorry about the lack of update last week! Was out of town, and will be next weekend too. But yes, I will be trying to update every Sunday from now on, in case you haven't figured it out yet. Thank you for reading! It means so much :)
Lexa awoke in the middle of the night with a start. She opened her eyes and gasped, her breathing heavy, her body drenched in sweat. The night was dark around her, the tent filled with the sounds of sleep. The sekons had all gone to bed shaken, scared, and exhausted. Most of them had been unable to cope with the fact that Milo, a true geda and the mentor of one of their own, had been killed, no less by a monster no one was ready to face. So naturally, they had given in to sleep, the easiest and most accessible way to deal with the pain. Other things came after - forgetting, madness, even suicide - but for now, sleep was the door through which they had crossed. Except now Lexa was no longer in that happy place. Or at least, happy for some. For her it hadn't been.
Her dreams had been haunted by more than one thing - Milo being torn apart by the mysterious people, the screams he had uttered in his last moment of death, the fear that Anya would be taken away, and oddly enough, she had been jerked awake with the image of an arrow through the isagedakru warrior's neck.
Lexa had killed other geda before, in the first battle. But for some reason this one haunted her. She blinked and stretched. There was probably no way she was going to fall back asleep after this. She turned and looked around.
The other sekons all slept in the same tent, a mess of blankets and mats and cloth and personal items hanging from the roof. On the north side of the tent slept the boys, and on the south side slept the girls. She heard Yunto softly snoring from the other side of the tent. The sekons hadn't reached an age yet where they crawled into each other's beds in anything but an innocent matter, and tonight wasn't unusual. Reed and Ophus were sharing the same mat, as were Alana and Sanse, curled up under one blanket. Even Lexa wasn't excluded; Costia was curled up next to her as she sat up. The sekons had turned to each other for comfort that night, some of them unable to sleep alone. She looked down at Costia. Her best friend's eyes were closed, and underneath her eyes moved quickly as though she was searching for something. Her lips were relaxed in an ever-so-slight frown, and her brow was ever-so-slightly pulled together. Lexa wasn't surprised. Had Anya been killed...well, needless to say she didn't want to ever entertain the thought but her dreams would probably be unpleasant, if she was able to sleep at all.
The tent suddenly became much colder and Lexa pulled her knees in and wrapped the wool blanket around her. She only wore a long, ratty shirt to bed. Luckily the heat of the other sekons and the thick blankets they were given were able to combat the chilly nights, but this coldness came from inside Lexa. It was not a good cold, like the winter sometimes brings, the kind of cold where you can see your breath and your nose is red and you have to wear many shirts and wrap a scarf around your neck and a hat over your hair, this was the kind of cold that started deep in her stomach and spread itself down slowly to her toes and out to her fingers, the kind of cold that made her shiver even if the night had been warm.
Lexa stared ahead, lost in thought, her head a jumbled mess of the memories of the afternoon. Tomorrow wouldn't be any better; the heda would have to conduct the funeral ceremony, which would of course make the pain worse. And the pain would last for a long time, even longer for Costia, and it probably wouldn't ever go completely away, just tucked in the back of her mind amidst the good memories and occasionally pulled out and dusted off and then deep in her stomach she would feel a shiver, even if she was remembering the time that Milo and Costia had surprised her in the trees on guard duty that one time, or the first time she had seen Milo ride into battle. But that was a long, long way off. Right now the pain was still fresh, like a wound that hasn't scabbed yet. She shivered again.
Lexa looked back at Costia. It helped to ease the pain, looking down at her friend and being grateful that at least Costia hadn't been taken. Her friend might be crippled, shocked, hurt, and never be the same again, but she was here. And maybe someday in the future, hopefully someday in the future, Costia would smile again, that secret smile the two of them shared, the smile you share with the person who knows everything about you and loves you more than you could ever know...
Lexa smiled. It was the first time she had smiled since before yesterday, and even though it wasn't a very long time it felt like it was, the muscles felt like a hundred years old, creaking and groaning like an old oak tree feeling the sun after a long rain, or a rock that had a coating of ice that was just now cracking and exposing its skin to the warmth. Costia could do that. She could make Lexa smile no matter what was happening.
But Lexa didn't know if she could make Costia smile. Not after what happened. And her smile disappeared like a hare that had been spotted, gone like a wisp of steam evaporating in the sun. And the coldness, which seconds ago had been dispersed by the slow warmth, was back. And so was Lexa's frown. She shivered again.
And then jumped as she felt a hand through the soft fabric of the tent. Outside the tent she heard a soft shhh. Lexa threw on her overshirt and stepped outside. It was her geda, Anya. "Come," Anya said, turning and walking into the night. Lexa followed.
Anya took her through the woods, below the trees. The nightlife in the forest was alive and well, despite the terror that had occurred in the village that day. The owls in the trees hooted, echoing through the forest. Below, Lexa's sensitive trained ears picked up the scurryings of the mice and squirrels. She followed the footsteps, silent on the leaf-covered ground. Eventually she found herself following Anya into the clearing where they trained, the extra bows and arrows safe, waterproofed inside the shelter, the remains of the fire pit in the center of the clearing, the trees riddled with holes and dents where they practiced shooting. Anya sat down on the ground, legs crossed, and touched her fingers to the ground in front of her. Lexa came over.
"Sit," Anya said. Lexa sat, the geda and sekon together in silence. Lexa felt Anya undo her messy braids, the braids she had to do herself in the mornings because she had no mother to do it for her, but she had been doing ever since she had come. It wasn't a chore. But the braids were always crooked or coming apart since she couldn't see the back of her head. Anya's long, dexterous fingers combed through Lexa's brown, curly mane, taming it. The feeling of the fingers in her hair lulled Lexa and cleared her mind from the nightmares that plagued her, awake and asleep. And it was only day one after the battle. These hauntings would continue to haunt her for as long as she could imagine, until the day she died.
Anya knew, without Lexa having to say anything. They shared the emotion together, silently mourning the loss of Milo. A ceremony would be held tomorrow, a vigil held. The village was in too much of an uproar to do it the day of. The strange warriors had come and the tregedakru were scared for the first time in years.
Lexa had almost fallen asleep again when Anya finally finished, her hair smooth and shiny, all of the kinks from her own braids worked out and replaced by fresh ones. Anya had left most of the hair down, to give it a break from being bent into the braids it normally was in.
"Come," Anya said. Lexa came after her, reaching out for Anya's hand in the darkness. The geda clasped her sekon's hand, leading her through the night and back to the sekon's tent. Anya led her to the flap leading inside. Lexa could hear the sounds of sleep inside, and smiled. This time she would probably be able to get to sleep much easier than the last time. Perhaps she might be jerked awake again by the arrow piercing the isagedakru's neck, or the image of Milo being pulled down into the warriors and torn apart. But Lexa knew Anya was there, and as long as she was there everything might be ok again. Anya and Costia. Who was in the tent now.
"Thank you," Lexa whispered in the night. Anya had already left, but Lexa knew that she had heard. Lexa lifted the flap and with her bare feet tip-toed through the sleeping sekons, some of them with frowns on their faces from nightmares, some of them lucky enough to be sleeping dreamless that night, the exhaustion and fear from the other night successfully knocking them out. It had been one thing when a fellow sekon had died - they were inexperienced warriors. Perhaps half of them would make it through to become full gedas. It was painful and sad and horrifying, but expected. But to watch a first, a geda, be torn apart, that instilled a fear that could never be countered. Even on the days of safety, to watch the pillar of a fortress fall shows the very foundation of the fortress' weakness. The sekons were terrified.
And Lexa was no exception. But she was safe, Anya was alive. And she would do all she could to protect Costia at all costs. Costia had lost everything. And Lexa wasn't about to let her lose anything else. She saw Costia curled up, the blanket thrown down to her waist. Lexa crawled into the mat, curled up behind Costia, wrapping Costia in her arms and tucking the blanket back into it's place. Lexa buried her face in Costia's beautiful, black, glossy hair. Deep, deep in her sleep Costia unconsciously moved closer to Lexa's warm body. Lexa closed her eyes and this time, sleep came to her, silent, steady and still. There were no dreams to haunt her. Not until she opened her eyes. But that wasn't until morning.