I do not own the rights to Neon Genesis Evangelion, or any of the characters, equipment, or locations written in this fanfiction. The purpose of this fanfiction is merely for the non-profit enjoyment of other readers. If requested by Gainax, Hideki Anno, or other parties which represent aforementioned objects in this story, I will remove it promptly.

Chapter III:

"He ran away again?" Aoba grumbled from his station. Maya tried to hide her interest, but over the last few months, over the various battles, she could not help but find Shinji "interesting". At least, that was the least offensive way to put it. Up to the Twelfth Angel, she could agree with the boy's humanity, but now it had gone too far. The Child was becoming overtly aggressive and independent. To think, he had threatened to kill them all not three days before, and here he was again, running.

"Well, what would you do?" some ensign piped up, her shrill voice tearing into their state of groupthink. The woman was as mousy as a NERV employee could get, her hair chopped to shoulder length, the plastic frames of her glasses and hunched forward, jittery way she carried herself all adding to the image of a squeaking rodent. "He was ordered to kill an innocent person!"

"But it was an order!" Ibuki replied calmly. "There is a chain of command for a reason." Hyuuga and Aoba looked in surprise, watching the nervous lieutenant showing a calm resolve that was very rare for her. However, they knew after the years of working with her from her beginning days of training that she meant what she said. Maya rose to her feet, body at attention. "It was a bad situation, but there was only one option left. If you can't make a difficult call and stick with your guns, you don't deserve to be here. Do you have any more questions, Ensign?"

"I was just wondering, Sir," the mousy ensign continued, now starting to glare at her superior."There seem to have been a lot of cut corners while handling Unit-03." At this, Maya lurched forward and slapped the woman, sending the ensign stumbling back, dropping the clipboard of reports and official forms to be signed by the junior command staff. Ibuki was about to continue, but then remembered certain facts about the Matsushiro test.

"But... Major Katsuragi and Doctor Akagi were ordered there," the lieutenant started stuttering to herself, trying to counter her instincts. But her instincts were screaming at her now that something was seriously wrong. Even if two of the principal command staff were sent to Matsushiro, why had the minimum number of technicians been deployed? As Ibuki's mind raced, she knew something was off when she remembered who in particular was deployed. All of them were junior staff members who were rising in rank as back-up personnel in the event the main personnel were injured or killed. They weren't even ready to handle something as complex as a synchronization test unsupervised. That was about two weeks away in their training.

Ibuki retrieved the clipboard, glanced over the paperwork, making sure everything was in order before she signed each of the five forms. "Your duty is done here, Ensign. Please take these to Doctor Akagi."

"Yes, Sir!" the ensign pouted, giving a required but very sarcastic salute. Maya did not flinch in her duty, returning a proper salute. Makoto and Shigeru observed quietly from their seats, then returned frantically to their work when Maya turned on her heel, striding to her post. Regardless of how unpopular or weak she seemed off duty, when she was in that uniform, Ibuki was another person entirely. Her face had gone from it's perfection of young beauty with it's smooth features, to long, gaunt skin accenting the dark circles under her eyes. Finally, not a day before, this change took place. Her face was stern, as if chiseled from marble, eyebrows drawn almost horizontally across her eyes.

Makoto had given up questioning her resolve after the Thirteenth. Shigeru was still giving her snide comments and sarcasm, but even his humor was slowly fading after this latest development. Neither of the men would have thought about questioning her expertise or her loyalty to her duty at that point as Maya paused, not quite within arms reach of her terminal.

"Something wrong?" Hyuuga asked.

"Ensign," Ibuki shouted, causing the mousy woman who had just made her way to the elevator to jump in surprise. "What is your name?"

"Ensign Keiko Wanabe," the woman answered.

"Ensign Wanabe, do you have any other duties awaiting you after checking in with Doctor Akagi?"

"Yes, Sir," she answered. "This officer is assigned to training under Doctor Akagi as a back-up to the lead Evangelion support programmer-"

"That would be training under me, Ensign," Ibuki interrupted. "In that case, please take my station. Your training begins now." The ensign looked surprised, but slowly shuffled to the terminal, taking a seat. "Lieutenants Hyuuga and Aoba will assist you if you have any problems."

"But Sir!"

"You must learn at one point without the aid of someone looking over your shoulder. Isn't that right, Mr. Hyuuga?" Ibuki nearly let a grin slip from her masque of authority. However, she forced her granite features to remain solid. She was to be promoted officially in a few days to the rank of Lieutenant Commander, if all went well. For now, it was still just rumor or off the record remarks by Ritsuko, but she knew it was coming.

But when she thought about why it was coming, especially so soon after the attack by the Thirteenth, she had to wonder if she really wanted it. Then again, it was not like she could afford to turn it down. The higher rank would give her the few extra ten thousand yen a month she desperately needed. Living expenses were on the rise in the city, after the repairs to catastrophic damage, and the sudden decline in the city's population as everyone with enough sense got out of the battlefield.

"If you confirm a blue patttern," Maya continued, practicing her tone of authority, "follow procedures, and put headquarters on Alert Status Five." Ibuki tore the clipboard out of the ensign's hand. "In the event of an emergency, I will be on my way to take back my station, and only then will you allow yourself to stand relieved of your post. Understood?"

"Understood, Sir!"

"Wait, where are you going?" Aoba asked curtly.

Ibuki stopped short of the elevator, and turned to face her soon to be juniors. "An officer in the command position must sometimes take the necessary steps after their duty has been carried out to go the extra distance. It is that extra preparation that could mean the difference between life and death." She paused, watching the men stare back in confusion. "I thought you would have learned that by now, after our first days of training."

As the doors closed to the elevator, the muttered curses of the men she had just left behind muffled by the whir of the electric motor, Maya crumpled to the floor, pulling her legs to her chest, and let the slow, quiet tears drip from behind her eyes. This was as close to crying as she could afford while on duty anymore, but not in front of the men. "Shinji..." she breathed harshly, rocking herself slightly back and forth. "I finally understand."

•••••••••••••

The boy in question just stood there, numbly waiting at the train station. He was exhausted. It had been three nights of shouting and crying with Misato, pleading his case to truly give up. His stomach churned, making him wonder why he dared to have breakfast this morning. Doubts still plagued him, but he knew the only control he had over the situation, as sad as it was, involved who would pilot Unit-01. If he could not prevent tragedy from happening, he could at least remove himself from experiencing it.

"This is really what you want?" Misato sighed, making her disappointment in the boy as clear as possible. She was trying her best not to hate him, but nothing else mattered except his duty to NERV. She felt some regret, but not enough to counter her resolve of defeating her father's killer. If she could take the pilot's seat, she would have. Unfortunately, all she could do was force these "volunteers" onward, hoping they knew as little as she did.

Shinji was going to answer "No, but this is what I have to do," but he had learned that was a fatal mistake. Saying that it was not what he wanted would lead to Misato arguing and debating with him for days on end, eventually forcing him to give in. Then he would wind up right back where he was before, dealing with them in that apartment, with his "friends", and everyone coaxing him to keep fighting on their behalf. He would not make that mistake again.

"Yes, this is what I want," Shinji lied. As much as Ikari disliked the situation, there were moments between the battles, sitting down for dinner with Asuka and Misato, when he told himself "this is what normal people do, and I want it!" However, he would not trade combat for a normal life. Most kids his age didn't have to pilot a giant monster and risk their lives just to have two moronic friends and a couple girls who served primarily as eye candy. Though he would have piloted if there was something more, something he could not quite express at this time. He knew he desired something, but couldn't quite decide what that something was.

"Shinji," Misato sighed, "you really want to leave all of this behind you?" Ikari cringed for a moment. Again with the attacks, each one getting closer and closer to breaking his resolve. Shinji glanced down the track which disappeared off in the horizon. He could not wait for that train to arrive. There was only so many more of Katsuragi's tactics he could endure.

"For the last time, YES!" the boy shouted. "What do I have to say to make you understand? I don't want to pilot Eva!" As soon as he said it, the Child regretted his harshness. Now it was Katsuragi's turn to cringe, a slight tear tracing down her face. Shinji was about to let down his defenses and console the woman, the thought of "maybe if I stay..." playing through his mind. He was about to reach out when Katsuragi bolted for her car, leaving him behind.

Shinji sank to his knees on the concrete terminal floor, letting his single duffle bag drop beside him. He rocked back and forth, not really crying, but choking on each breath he took. The Third Child had experienced two types of loneliness before in his life. The first was loneliness by choice. This he could deal with, because even when he didn't want others to get close to him, he could still feel their presence. Sometimes, just sitting in the classroom during the lunch period was enough to avoid the pain of loneliness. The second was true loneliness, or loneliness by default, where there was no one else. In that case, he sometimes couldn't stand it, and found himself wondering why death was so feared. It couldn't have been as bad as the former.

It was the second grade of loneliness that whittled away at his mind now. He still had lots of time before the train arrived, and of course, he was the only passenger. How NERV managed to keep his presence discreet by these tactics, he could not comprehend. Ikari started to pound his right leg just above the knee with his fist, a mindless, repetitive task which seemed soothing to him somehow. He had avoided the habit as much as possible around Misato and Asuka, as they would have thought he was nuts.

The air crackled slightly around the high tension power lines which trailed along the steel tracks towards the horizon. It tasted stale, almost stifling, like being shut in a coffin. The insects buzzed, chirped, and flew randomly about, seeming to be mocking calls, or whimpers at his wake. The sun shone brightly with the occasional cloud obstructing the photons' path, merely emphasizing the peaceful, serenity of his passing. Other than those constants of life which had been present since mankind first acknowledged it's own existence, there was nothing. Ikari could slowly feel himself being pushed closer to madness.

•••••••••••••

It had taken Lieutenant Ibuki only two hours of research amongst the blueprints for Matsushiro, the technical reports of the minimal staff, and the timeline of Unit-03's development to spot the error. Thankfully no one above a lieutenant junior grade was manning the archives division, making any questionable behavior on her part disappear at the revelation of her rank. "Bastards..." she hissed. "It was a set-up."

Maya thought back to her promotion for a moment, and wondered what her two comrades had meant when they said that she changed. She had made more of an effort to carry herself with a proper posture, and show a greater confidence, but she didn't think that was any change in her behavior at all. She had been trying that for years, each day another miniscule progression towards her goal of self-respect.

"All those lives," Ibuki grunted, clenching her fists. "All those lives just thrown away?" Then she thought about Shinji again, having to sit there, possibly killing his best friend. It was one thing if it were unavoidable, but this was murder. Retrieving the hidden flash memory chip from inside her uniform's left sleeve cuff, she took some selected documents, and made her way to the nearest terminal. Lieutenant-commander or not, she knew she needed to have a back up plan.

End of Chapter III

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