I do not own the rights to Neon Genesis Evangelion, or any of the characters, equipment, or locations written in this fanfiction. The purpose of this fanfiction is merely for the non-profit enjoyment of other readers. If requested by Gainax, Hideki Anno, or other parties which represent aforementioned objects in this story, I will remove it promptly.

Chapter V:

"It's too early," Hikari groaned, still wiping the sleep from her eyes as she walked down the hospital corridor towards the gym labeled "Physical Therapy." It was five o'clock in the morning, yet still she came. Normally she would visit later, usually after class. However, today was different, and that brought a smile to her face. Today, Toji would finally be released.

"Come on, goddamnnit!" Toji's muffled grunts and curses slipped past the steel double doors of the miniature gym. Horaki started to jog, then run towards the doors, throwing them open. She could only imagine the possibilities. Suzahara could have broken the stitches holding his right arm together, twisted his back, or worse. These images just spurred her on, turning the corner to the left, just beyond the universal machine.

Toji was hopping on his remaining foot. No, as Hikari came closer, she finally saw the whole picture. Suzahara was in the middle of jump rope, Kensuke sitting on a bench beside the boy with a stop watch. "Come on, Toji," Aida pleaded. "Just thirty more seconds, and you'll make it!" He turned suddenly, hearing footsteps behind him. "Hold on a minute, Hikari."

She couldn't wait, though. Toji was sweating bullets, panting like a winded horse. "Toji!" she yelped. "Stop it! You're going to hurt yourself!" Of course, Toji Suzahara did not stop. He would not allow himself to stop, to remain defeated. Then again, the stabbing pain throughout the sole of his foot and ankle, not to mention his pounding heart were all screaming for him to stop.

"Toji!" the brunette cried.

"Don't talk to him!" Kensuke snapped. Hikari lurched back, on the verge of tears. Aida saw this reaction, and sighed, turning his attention back to his friend. "Come on, man! Just ten more seconds! You can do it!" Time slowed for the Fourth Child, and the words hardly reached his brain. His ear canals and entire head were throbbing now, the cardio workout limiting the oxygen flow to his senses. With each bounce, his foot skipping just over the jump rope, his vision blurred, tiny dots turning his normally clear vision into a haze of pixels. "Five, four, three, two, one!"

Toji's sudden halt caused him to lose balance for a moment, and stumble back before Kensuke rose to his feet, catching him. Hikari ran up to the pair of boys, a tear slipping past her face. "Sorry about yelling, Class Rep," Aida sighed. "It's just... this is harder than it looks, and he can't exactly answer back. He's too winded to talk and exercise at the same time."

"Stop... making excuses," Toji grumbled, beginning to cough. "I've been resting too long. If I didn't get out of bed, I would have lost everything I worked so hard to achieve." Suzahara nodded his head to his friend, Kensuke immediately letting go, the Child now standing on his own foot. Toji hopped to the weight bench with Aida, and sat down, Hikari immediately at his side. "I've lost so much strength, just letting my muscles deteriorate like that."

Horaki shook her head. "But, the doctors said you were fine-"

"Fine for a sedentary patient," Toji answered. "Not fine compared to where I was." Suzahara shook his head. "It's not just about being healthy enough to leave, Hikari. I've got one less leg, one arm was mangled, and my back had to be pinned together!" He watched the girl cringe, thinking he was going to feel sorry for himself. "Don't get me wrong, Class Rep. I'm not making excuses for myself. That's a waste of time."

"I... I don't understand!" she replied. "Then, what are you-?"

"I can't just be healthy enough to leave, and I can't just be as strong as I used to be," he answered. "I have to be stronger!" Kensuke smiled, remembering how it all started, with that call at four o'clock in the morning to his cell phone three weeks before. "Kensuke's been helping me train," the Child continued. "You see, I figured it out."

"What do you mean?" Horaki yelped. "Toji, you're not making any sense!"

"It means," Kensuke added, a slightly exhausted smile on his face, "we've been at this every other day from four o'clock until six."

"But, your physical therapy!" the girl screeched. "You're already working out with the doctors in the afternoon."

"Don't you see?" he said. "I have less muscles, less skeletal structure to work with now." Toji wasn't sulking as he made this comment. His face was aglow, not some crinkled, sympathetic look as though he were going to sob. No, instead, it was the same look he had on his face whenever the girl tutored him with his homework, and the idea finally sank into his head, the proverbial light almost visible as his face lit up. "It means I have to make what I have left even tougher!"

Hikari thought she had the idea, but couldn't quite grasp it. "What he's saying," Kensuke said, "is that he only has one leg to support his weight now, not both." Hikari blinked. "So, we've been working out every week, trying to make his leg stronger, so it can do what his two legs used to do together."

"Wait, what's this we business?" Toji smirked, jabbing Kensuke in the rib with his elbow. Aida squirmed, and pushed the jock's arm away. "You just sit there with a stop watch!"

"Hey, I tried running the track!"

"ONCE!" Toji retorted. "You couldn't even keep up with me!"

"You were running a six minute mile easy! Your're just too fast!"

"Fast?" he exclaimed. "That was the first day ever running on that prosthetic! I wasn't running! I was practically stumbling."

Hikari started to giggle. It was good to see his spirits so high. Then, as the form on the clipboard in Kensuke's hand was passed to Suzahara, the Child signing the forms, Aida adding his signature as a witness. "Class Rep," Toji asked, Kensuke handing the clipboard to her. "Can I get you to sign this? I need two witnesses to show I completed the physical exam."

"Exam?" she asked. Then she saw the form. It was from NERV, a listing of physical fitness tests, including a stamina test, involving five minutes of jump rope. She held the clipboard shakily as her hands trembled. "You... you BASTARD!" she screeched, leaping to her feet. "You're going back? You nearly died, and YOU'RE GOING BACK?"

"Didn't you hear?" Kensuke asked. "Shinji left, and he was the best pilot they had! Asuka's losing her touch, and Rei, well.." All three paused for a moment, remembering how many times Rei was hospitalized, especially after this last time. Somehow, though, she always came back with similar injuries. Perhaps she favored one side in combat, but that was not their concern. "They need pilots badly!" The nerd paused. "That reminds me..."

There was a second clipboard now, Toji's signature as the witness, Kensuke's personal information filed in the top margin. Kensuke looked over the form again, a sad, but determined expression on his face. "You... you're BOTH going?" the class representative cried. "Are you INSANE?"

"No, we aren't," Toji answered. "We know the risks just as well as anyone, but we'll take our chances."

"But you could die!"

"We could die as innocent bystanders!" Kensuke snapped, rising to his feet. "Did you hear how many people got killed in the shelters last time, because Asuka was hurt, and her Eva crashed through the defenses?" Aida shook his head. "It's not her fault, as it wasn't Shinji's fault about Mari. We both know that. But if we can give them just a little more of an edge, just a tiny bit more strength, maybe we can make enough of a difference to stop others from dying."

"We don't care if we win," Toji continued. "We don't care about bruising the Devil's ego, well... at least not while piloting.." Both grinned for a moment, then returned their attention to the brunette. "As long as we can offer some fire support, an extra pair of hands, something, there's a greater chance we will all come out of this alive."

"What about Mari?" Hikari asked. "What about your father? Are you just going to make him take care of her?"

"Actually," Toji said, "we have that all worked out."

"How, how do you have that worked out?"

"We made the arrangements with Misato," Kensuke answered. "They only need two people on stand-by each day. Misato will just have us rotate each day, so Toji and I can look after her. I've already talked to my dad about it, and he's fine with it." Then the girl started to cry. "Class Rep?"

She walked up to Toji, knelt to the ground, and started pounding his chest with her balled fists. "You stupid, selfish bastard!" she hissed. "What's wrong with you? I come down here, the day you're finally released, and you're running away from me again!"

Suzahara would have normally gripped the girl's wrists, and pushed her away. He was used to responding with aggression. It worked for him for so long. But after lying in that bed for weeks on end, plenty of time to think about NERV's offer, and their continued treatment of his sister, not to mention the safety of the girl in front of him, he had to change his strategy. He slowly wrapped his arms around her shoulders, and pulled her close. "It's not like that," he sighed. "It'll be just like Asuka, Rei, and how it was with Shinji."

"It's not the same!" she started to sob. "I don't feel the same way about them, not like you!" Horaki knew what she was saying, knew it was not something to be taken lightly, and knew there was a third party present, overhearing what would soon become classroom gossip.

"I think... I'll leave you two alone," Kensuke said. "I"ll just... take our forms and leave. Catch up with you at class?"

Toji nodded, then turned his attention to the girl. "I am stupid, " he answered. "Stupid I didn't see it before."

•••••••••••••

Shinji was still confused why the housing arrangements had changed, and more importantly, why Misato started to quote the Section Two policies about civilians and pilots mingling so freely. Ikari shook his head, standing at the train station, waiting for his transport to Tokyo-2. From there, he was unsure of his destination. He could return with his old teacher, but even he was hesitant to take the Child back, now that he wasn't being raised with his father's objectives in mind. His life truly had no value to others unless he was performing a designated task. Somehow, Shinji found that wrong. His train of thought left him unaware of his surroundings, including the footsteps approaching from the stairs below.

"Shinji?" Maya asked softly, walking up to the boy. "Are you... okay?"

Ikari just stared ahead. "Yeah," he answered. "I won't be coming back. Misato's locked out my security clearance, so even if they need me, it won't be so easy to bring me back." He grumbled. "She thinks it's for my own good."

"Do you... believe her?"

"No, I don't," he replied. "They'll expect me to come back when the need arises. They're short on pilots, after all."

Ibuki couldn't help but get angry. "Do you really think they are like that?" she snapped. "You think they'd use you?"

"Yes."

"What about me, Shinji?" Maya asked. She knelt beside him, glaring into the eyes of the Child. Shinji started to shudder, not because of her tone, but rather her proximity. His glazed eyes looked to the side, head turning away when Ibuki grasped his cheek, forcing him to look her in the eye. "I was the one who activated the dummy plug that day, after all!"

Shinji's blood went from ice cold to boiling instantly, as if exposed to a vacuum. "You..." he hissed. His hands were suddenly clenched. "You heartless bitch!" he churned out, voice low, eyebrows furrowed.

"It was orders, Shinji!" she protested.

"Yeah," he snarled. "That's what some people at Nuremberg said, too." He began to pound at his right leg, just above the knee again, the hollow smacking of skin against cloth-coated skin. Ibuki just stared, watching the Child perform his half-hearted form of self torture. At least it was better than cutting. To an extent, she understood. The dull, sore pain was just enough to distract him from the pain, she thought. It was the same thing she did. "You... I wanted to believe for so long there was something good and right about you... but you're just like the rest of them!"

Ibuki was nearing her limit, tempted to just leave the boy there. 'I can't avoid it anymore,' her mind shouted at herself. 'He deserves the right to live, just like you deserve the right to live! Any person, even if they are the worst person in the world, has the right to live!' Without hesitation, the former lieutenant's hands swung up, knocking the boy's arm off course. Maya's arms twisted his in a lock, and suddenly Ikari found himself looking into her eyes, arms pinned above his head.

"I could hold you like this indefinitely," Ibuki grunted, applying more pressure as the boy struggled. "However, your muscles won't hold together indefinitely! They'll cramp, and then.. there will be pain." Shinji tried to release her hold, but the woman applied more pressure to his wrists, straightening his arms, causing him to gasp. It was torture, holding his arms straight like that. "Are you going to talk with me like a civilized human being, or do you really prefer to struggle?"

It took ten minutes before Shinji nodded, sweat pouring down his face. Maya released her grip, and the boy fell into his slumped form. "How?" Shinji gasped, taking in ragged breaths as he was released. His body had been locked in a position which had tested his isometric fitness for over ten minutes, doing more for his muscles than what he experienced in gym class.

"Training," Ibuki answered coldly. "I don't like killing. That doesn't mean I don't know the tricks how to do it."

"You're all the same," he hissed again. "Just stay away from me!"

"You really hate people that much?" she asked. "Is that why you stay away from others?" Shinji rose to his feet, and began to walk off, hearing the rails of the station hiss. It was a sign the train was within a kilometer of the track. "Don't you dare walk away from me when I'm speaking to you!" He turned for a moment, his eyes no longer glazed over.

That side glance was enough for Ibuki, that same look of despair she saw in the mirror every day. No, he wasn't running from others. He wasn't trying to, anyway. He was just like her, doing his best to interact with others, but it was no good. Maya remembered how Asuka acted towards him, how his father treated him, how even Misato used him as a substitute for a pet to cuddle or worry over. He was not an equal to those people. But who would want to be considered an equal to them in the first place?

"You wouldn't get it," he grumbled. "You're the same, but you still don't get-" He was cut off in mid-sentence as the woman started to advance slowly, her footsteps echoing, the hollow sound amplified by the empty train station. The squealing of the tracks began to pick up, the train clearly on its final approach. "What... are you doing?"

Maya held up a ticket. "You're not getting rid of me so easily," she said with a sad grin. "I'm under the same security requirement as you are. No former members of NERV are allowed anywhere within Tokyo-3."

"You did mention you would quit... that day," Shinji started. "I didn't think you would go ahead with it, though." Maya stared at him, wondering how he could have known. Then it dawned on her, just as Shinji explained it. "Yes, I heard everything over that month. Every confession from every technician about cheating on their wives, the laundered money, tax evasion, the officers talking about pulling the plug on me, everything. Why did you quit, anyway?"

"You think I like the things I've had to do?" she asked. "You think I like sending kids out to die?"

"You were following orders," he explained, the train pulling up, sending a gust of wind through the station. The doors swung open on their actuators, the call for the only two passengers leaving the Fortress City sounding over the speakers. Shinji advanced up the stairs into the nearest passenger car, dragging his luggage as if they were a burden, the objects which reminded him of his suffering. "Just keep telling yourself that, and you'll feel much better."

"I quit! Isn't that enough?" Maya asked, following him into the car, carrying only the clothes on her back.

Shinji looked at her confused. "If you quit, where is your baggage?"

"I'm leaving it to NERV... all of it!" she muttered. "My laptop and my clothes are the only things I can still stand to keep in my hands. Those won't remind me of this place... this job." Shinji didn't believe her. "What I have left has been shipped to the apartment already." Again, Shinji didn't believe her. "I have a job arranged with a business software firm, and they're paying for my moving expenses."

"I see..." Shinji answered coldly.

"What are... your plans?" she asked.

"I have nothing," he answered. He would say something more, but that would just make him look pitiful. Even saying something along the lines of "don't worry about me, I will be fine" was even more of a cry for help. The best bet to retain what little dignity he had left was to keep his mouth shut. He considered calling his uncle, but they were unlikely to take him in. The surviving Ikaris and Rokubungis were still at each others' throats, and all signs the two black sheep of the clans joined in an unholy alliance were to be banished permanently.

"My apartment," Ibuki started. "It's small, just a one bedroom, but... if you need a place to stay-" She paused, Ikari cringing, taking a step away. "Shinji, please!" she whispered. "It's not a crime to ask to stay with me. You're just a kid! You still have school to worry about."

"I don't want to go back to school," Shinji answered curtly. "That just means more people..." he trailed off in a whisper, the hairs on his skin standing on end. Maya could not believe someone could be so shell-shocked into hating other people. She thought she knew better, that it was all a ploy. "Would you still take me in, if I want to throw my life away?"

He was shocked with the very quick, very positive answer. "Yes," she smiled, her eyes tearing up. "I don't want you to throw it all away, but if you need a place to stay, regardless..." She handed him a business card. Only someone like Ibuki would have a business card already prepared. "This is my new address and phone number," she explained. "It's... it's also a home office, so my employer wanted me to-"

Shinji just shook his head, taking the card as the doors hissed, closing The two stood in the passenger car, staring at each other. "You really are too strict," he sighed.

End of Chapter V

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